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The R.A.N.T. (Really Awesome New Thread)


VforVendetta

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I've basically just been attempting to work on open-eye visualization throughout the day; imagining that she is just out of my line of sight, or that I can barely see bits and pieces of her in real life... I'm not entirely certain that I'm doing it right, or what the time aspect of doing this should be- how long should I focus on a given part of her? Guides aren't entirely too specific about these things, but I'd appreciate it if someone could specify... Thank you for that.

Not much more for now- I'll probably post about Amy later tonight if I get the chance- school is beginning to get into the way of interacting with her... Anyway, that's all for now.

-V

Ermahgerd Ver fer Vernderterr

 

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Okay, so basically the update with regards to Amy is as follows:

 

Last night I had the chance to go on #tulpagame on the IRC, and found it quite interesting. For those of you who have not tried it, I highly recommend it- Amy seemed to enjoy it, and I had fun with her. Anyway we went into the wonderland with Goopi and Nari, (And sh1ji?) and swam around for a while in the pond. I, of course, didn't go in because it was called and I don't like water too much. So they had a race, and right before it was over I had to leave because I had to go eat dinner. It was fun while it lasted, though.

 

That's all I feel like writing at the moment, but if someone could please help with my questions from the previous post, it would be great!

 

That's all for now.

-V

Ermahgerd Ver fer Vernderterr

 

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Updates: Nothing much; the usual forcing, except that I missed a day (yesterday) so I'm going to double the forcing time for today. It should work out for the better, being as I haven't been multi-tasking while forcing as often. Amy's getting more sentient, but I think that I'm choosing not to focus on her as often, or simply forgetting about her. So I decided to see if she could remind me to remember her throughout the day at various times. I'm not sure how this is going to work out, but I'm hoping for the best.

 

That's all for now.

-V

Ermahgerd Ver fer Vernderterr

 

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Big update for today, folks, but I'll try to summarize it as best as I can:

Basically, I was forcing in the car today and decided to try out a forcing technique based on this thread: http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Forcing-Generally-helpful-forcing-technique-but-mostly-for-Visualisation-and-Imposition?highlight=generally+helpful

 

So while I was doing this, I began to see a sort of "shadow" of my tulpa, Amy. It was very brief, and may have been caused by the shadows cast by the passing cars, but I believe that it was Amy. Let me describe it for you:

 

It was simply a general outline, like the whisps of smoke that come from a fire, but it was a deep, dark black, like a living shadow. To be sure, it was only an outline, nothing in the middle of it; similar to a silhouette that is clear in the shadow. This is, as you may or not know, the very first time that I have actual seen a visual hallucination of my tulpa.

SO BASICALLY I'M EXTREMELY EXCITED, OKAY?!!!

 

Second, while I was forcing, I saw a flash-through of Amy's hair. That is, I could see the light behind the hair cast from a passing car. It would be like looking at a light that was coming from behind a person's hair, that is, the reflection from it. It was only a brief moment; even more brief than previously stated, but I was impressed to say the least.

 

Third and finally, I have never felt "head pressure" before. I now have a splitting headache that is somewhere between my ears and above my throat, slightly above where the back of the jawbone connects to the skull. (where the green and pink touch at the bottom in this picture: 800px-Lobes_of_the_brain_NL.svg.png

Not entirely certain if this is similar to any other "head pressures" any of you have experienced, or whether it was induced by motion sickness because of my mother's driving, but it is still aching right now. (I got home 10 minutes ago and thought this was important enough to update)

When I asked Amy to help get rid of it, she got rid of some of it, but it came back twice as bad. Oh well, I guess. Anyway, as always

That's all for now

-V

Ermahgerd Ver fer Vernderterr

 

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Okay, so I've been working on getting Amy more imposed on reality. That is, instead of imagining her being in a wonderland and working on her form, I've been looking at an actually piece of reality, such as sitting in the car as before, and imagining that she is actually there. This has helped tremendously, as instead of just trying to see her out of the corner of my eye I've been able to actually "feel" her presence. I'm not sure how to explain this entirely, but I am able to tell where, exactly, she is, and what amount of space she should be taking up, etc... Basically, I have all of the physics in place so that I am able to tell where she SHOULD be as opposed to where I imagine she is. All that's left now is being able to actually see her. I've been getting closer and closer recently, and I think that a breakthrough is eminent, but I have not been able to see her whole figure in one image, even if only for a brief moment. I'll keep you posted on what's happening.

That is all.

-V

Ermahgerd Ver fer Vernderterr

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hehe I finally figured out how to change the name of mah thread, so life is good. Also, RANT has a double meaning, as my next post will be my rant on certain things that have come to my attention and need to be adressed because i damn well feel like it and nobody seems to read it so it won't be ridiculed

Ermahgerd Ver fer Vernderterr

 

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We've all seen the forum posts, the entries in the Shoutbox, the IRC discussions... But today I am going to explain, at least from my perspective, why I decided to make a tulpa.

 

At first it was just a passing fancy- I was scrolling through some websites discussing various aspects and different concepts about tulpae; what they were, how they worked, how you could get one. After meandering my way around the various sites, I was pointed here, to tulpa.info, where I learned not only WHAT a tulpa was, but HOW I could make one.

 

My first imaginings for my tulpa were of a certain video game character (This was, of course, before I found tulpa.info), but having read through a couple of guides I found that this was not such a good idea, due to the countless judgings of character and whatnot that could occur. Therefore, I finally settled on letting HER chose what she wanted to look like. This was not so simple, though, as she was not yet sentient; merely an idea.

 

So there I was- an idea in my head and an extreme, albeit insane, curiosity as to what it was that I should make. So instead of sitting down and conjuring up a list of what normal characteristics were and then selecting the ones that I liked as a good many guides suggested, I did what I felt was right (Which usually ends up leading to a lot of trouble, but in this case, I deemed it appropriate.):

 

I started telling this idea, this... as of then nonexistent being that existed inside of my mind what it was going to be. It would be happy; cheerful; the antipode of my own existence in nearly every way. Where I was depressed and depleted, she was going to be joyful and full of energy. Where I had a stone-cold heart towards the rest of the world, she would love everyone and everything almost unconditionally. She enjoys classical music, I enjoy classic rock. She has an all-spanning acceptance towards nearly everyone; I am critical and narrow-minded towards all but my closest friends. In short, she would be everything that I could not be. She was, in a sense, my own fulfilment of perfection- shy, caring, and undeniably beautiful.

 

Not beauty as in that vague, neo-classical fashion type, but an all-encompasing sort of beauty. She was as virtuous as she was wholesome, and her features were unblemished by the defilement of the world of today. She would look innocent, but she would hold many a deep, dark secret. Yes, she may appear pure, but the more pure a thing is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it.

 

So corrupt her I did; she would have some inexplicably horrible hidden memories and emotions, but she would never let them surface outside of our relationship. (I will not go into detail for the sake of privacy, but there are some very horrible memories which she tries so hard to suppress. This is part of the reason why she is so shy.) You know the rest of the story of our relationship if you have read our progress report, but I have not really gotten down to the bare-bones essentials as to WHY I made her the way I did.

 

You see, there are not enough people in this world who CARE any more. I know I don't , except for a select few (And even THAT is more than most.) There are too many "thinkers" and "workers" and "lovers" in this world. But there are no people who actually QUESTION their teachings; no more people who actually ACCOMPLISH anything, and no more people who actually LOVE someone else. Everyone and everything today is the same as it was a decade ago. NOTHING has changed.

 

Sure, there have been new leaders, and new rebels, and new "terrorists," but they are all the same in practice. We will wage war on people who have done nothing to us, we will hate a person who we've never even met, but we will never once stop and think what on Earth we are doing.

 

Yes, too many people today are caught up in themselves to care at all about the person beside them. Do you even know your neighbor? Do you even speak to others, outside of the common pleasantries and politenesses needed to uphold a social standard. Do you even know YOURSELF?

 

Yes, you may understand your behavior and your system of ethics and morals, but do you ever stop and question WHY you are the person you have become? Can you admit to another person that this is who you truly are; not the pack of lies that you have been selling to everyone else? The answer to many of these questions for most people is, sadly, no.

 

And yet I myself have found that it is these very questions that have driven mme to create my tulpa, and my wonderland. I need someone who loves me unconditionally; regardless of what I have done, am doing, or will do. And I need someone whom I can love unconditionally, regardless of what THEY have done, are doing, or will do.

 

I have found that the reason why I created Amy, our wonderland, and just about everything else up to this point was because I needed a REAL PERSON. A person completely devoid of social standards who is able to look at the world through untainted eyes and see for me just what it is to be simply that- a person. Not an American, or a Christian; not a plebeian or a government official. Not poor, nor rich, or common, or criminal, or normal, or average, or superb, or Democrat, or Republican, or any other type of affilation. I needed a raw, unaltered, down-to-Earth, real, live, PERSON.

 

Today it is difficult to find such people; people who are totally open to you, who care about you, and who truly love you, just because you are a person. I have yet to find such a truly perfect person, but I have found others who share in my search; people looking for someone to be totally open with them, people to care about them, people who truly love them. Together we are totally open to one another, we legitimately care about eachother, and we truly love on another. Thus far there are only two who have these qualities, but they are not aware of the other's existence.

 

One person is in Asia, a complete and total stranger, who I met in a class assignment for "penpals" via email. We barely even know eachother, but we would die for one another if we had to. The other person is my best friend of a good five years. We would die for one another if given the choice. Why? Because we are REAL, and we LOVE eachother for that. The reason I made my tulpa was because I wanted someone like that, but always around, always open, always caring, and always loving. She is the manifestation of all of these qualities; the thing my heart longs for the most. She is not perfect, but I never expected her to be. I adore imperfection. But she is REAL, and she is MINE. She is Amy, and I couldn't have asked for more.

 

-V

I am but a man...

But I am REAL.

Ermahgerd Ver fer Vernderterr

 

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