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Daniel's Tulpa Progress Log


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Just presence

Over the last few weeks I've been pretty busy working. New thing have come up and of course they require my focus and attention. But, as I begin to get used to these new things I find I have more mind to give to Noah.

 

When I'm busy I find that rather than striking conversation with him like I do during my free time or right before I go to bed I instead just notice his presence. He's around but at most he'll share a single thought.

It's nice to have someone around so often. He doesn't have to speak or be invasive to matter to me, just having him around is comforting for lack of a better expression.

 

It's difficult to try and express how I feel about it. Some people worry about their tulpa being silent or not very talkative. I don't mind at all. I actually enjoy having him around when we aren't engaged in conversation or activity together, I think it could be best described as passive forcing. Given the current definition of passive forcing around here I guess the best term for it would actually be "Passive passive forcing." If that makes any sense.

Maybe this "change" in my noticing his presence more often could be explained by me getting even more used to him than I have been before.

 

The tulpa process is a long one that has no end. We're one year in and going just as strong as ever.

So, a bit of advice to those newer members. Enjoy your tulpa's presence. They don't have to be remarkable or noisy to be important to you. Notice the little things and enjoy them.

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People without tulpa

That's probably everyone I've met. It's kinda unfortunate but there isn't really anything I can do about that. The tulpa process is a strange one, it seems to breed an air of superiority. I feel as if I am superior to those around me and I don't like that. I feel they go about their lives without giving anything a serious thought beyond the moment. They make decisions based on instincts and act on emotions. I understand it because years ago, when I was a dumb teenager, that used to be me. Just going about life without much in the way of higher thought. But am I really better than before? It's a difficult subject to approach and it doesn't really relate all that much to tulpa.

 

But, of course I suppose to those around me I probably still appear like that. Just another guy doing what he has to do in order to survive. Having a tulpa is a very personal process. It doesn't fit in at all with the current structure of my life and people around m. It is also is an incredibly difficult idea to share with others in a meaningful way. Any mention would bring about sudden judgement and I really don't need that. But then is Noah doomed to just me forever? I could ramble for hours on end about him but the joy he brings to my life would cause anyone I mentioned him to to paint me as crazy. But then I look at others and wonder, maybe they could have a tulpa of their own. Sure it seems unlikely but there is absolutely no way of knowing without extensive and invasive prying into their lives.

The other day I was talking with a workmate. He's a brute, a tough muscly guy who spars in his free time and goes drinking for fun. I would never relate to him on any level beyond our employment but he surprised me, it's what got me thinking about this. In an off comment he mentioned starsigns. Now I hold no stock in astrology but I found it rather bizarre that this tough muscles over mind guy would even know what a starsign was. If one of the seemingly dumbest people I know can surprise me with opinions and ideas like this then is it really hard to believe that someone else might have something more going on in their mind than they let on? Maybe it is possible that someone I've met, maybe even know well, could have a tulpa or something along the lines of one?

 

Just a ramble about Noah

I think I understand how parents feel when they want to boast about their children. I know the whole parent/child thing sounds bit strange when you try to relate it to tulpa but the longer I know Noah the more I feel this way. Maybe I'm just trying to justify him by wanting to boast about how awesome he is. Perhaps that is a normal way to feel? To help justify what we are doing by sharing with others?

Well, here goes anyway.

Noah doesn't do anything particularly remarkable. He's just the kid who follows me around and talks from time to time. But for me he doesn't have to do anything groundbreaking. Just having him around, being able to talk to him, that's enough for me. His personality is just like that of another person. His physical presence is akin to a playful ghost, one who can't touch anything but likes to have fun just the same.

I bounce ideas off him and on the right subject I'll talk with him for ages. Right now I'm sick, I don't get sick much, but it's made absolutely no difference to him. He's still playful and full of the energy I don't really have. Nothing seems to get him down and he never has any complaints. It'd be absolutely amazing to meet someone like him but the problem lies in the fact I have created him from ideals. There are no perfect people out there, surely none who'd waste their time on me. Still, it's nice to have him around. With him I can see what that is like, to see someone genuine and pure. Maybe I should try to be more like him? That's a rather odd thing to say. The relationship between a tulpa and the host is open and transparent. Other people keep things from each other because they don't know everything about the other. Others are quick to judge and I'm glad I have Noah around, the only boy I'll never have to judge.

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Happy late birthday, Noah!

Better late than never, right?

I guess it might be too personal, but I'll ask anyway: Since Noah is around, have you noticed any strong changes in your own personality and way of thinking?

 

I feel as if I am superior to those around me and I don't like that. I feel they go about their lives without giving anything a serious thought beyond the moment. They make decisions based on instincts and act on emotions.

Either everyone thinks like that at some point or there really are only relatively few people who think that way. I personally have heard such things so many times by now on the internet that I start to believe that everyone deems himself superior.

And get well soon!

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Hi Leijona, it's been a while. Maybe I should be on the IRC more often... but the IRC is often a scary place....

 

Anyway, I do think I've changed my way of thinking and by extension my personality to at least some extent. Maybe that is why I feel I am superior to others because most of all I feel superior to who I used to be. The tulpa process has taught me a lot, that's a large part of why I enjoy it so much. It promotes awareness along increased perception and observational skills. I think the biggest changes are in how much information I take in on a day to day basis and how I analyze it. I now also have a tulpa who comes up with his own opinions on things which of course is further brain function.

 

I don't like saying I feel superior to others, I don't know everything about them and I never will. It makes me sound like a pompous pompous and I don't want to be that guy. There are plenty of things I don't understand and plenty of things that other people are better than me at. I do enjoy listening to others, witnessing their views and hearing their interpretation both in relation to tulpas and just for life in general.

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I do fairly enjoy reading about your experiences and sharing what you have discovered. Its amazing how much of the same thoughts I had, especially the one about having this feeling of superiority, I don't claim to be better than anyone but a tulpa is definitely an advantage. I'm sorry I missed Noah/Nova's birthday. I hope sometime you hang around the shoutbox and we'd like to get to know your tulpa a bit more.

 

Take care Daniel.

Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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Hey thanks Aarix. Birthdays aren't really that important at all, Noah doesn't care at all... he didn't even get cake. Just mentioning it made him play hurt but if he really wants cake he can just make his own.

 

The IRC isn't really something I get into very often. Too much pony nonsense every time I join, though I can't speak for the shoutbox one, I've never actually been on there.

 

I suppose since I'm here I might as well ramble about Noah some more (and come up with a topic header)

 

Humans that could be Noah

Today I saw a boy that was so very almost the same as Noah. He was probably the same age, he had the same hair color, height and build as well as a similar hairstyle and clothing I could easily see Noah in.

It's not like I had a double take when I saw him or anything that dramatic, it was just an observation. Visualizing Noah next to this boy and wearing the same clothes I'd be easy to call them brothers. I think this kind of scenario is one of the benefits of having a human form tulpa. It is easy to build and maintain a good mental image of the tulpa because you see humans everyday. You see how they walk, how they stand, you notice the facial expressions and in general just the way they conduct themselves.

Noah is very much a product of my experiences. Just the other day I came across more images of Marcus. (Look back a few posts if you don't know who he is.) Marcus is a great source of inspiration for visualizations. Now that winter is coming up again we've gone full circle and once again winter fashions are in. I'm no fashion expert to be sure but because of Marcus Noah has an entire wardrobe of outfits to wear. Who would have thought that dark purple jeans could look good.

In one of the images he also had a pair of blue headphones, they are incredibly easy to visualize and they are much more interesting than imagining a pair of earbuds or just some boring black ones like mine. It's little things like this that keep visualizations fresh and every new thing gives us something new to think about.

A little bit of change is good and the best part of the process is that every all cosmetic changes can be undone in an instant.

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Sometimes life sucks

No no, nothing happened to me, don't just to conclusions.

Yesterday I heard a sad and gloomy story from someone I've always known as being cheerful and funloving. Not everything in life is wonderful. People fall away from each other all the time. They hurt each other physically or mental or possibly the worst, someone dies.

I look at my own life and it has none of the sadness in it that so many people have to deal with. I've never been to a funeral that I can remember and while not all of my family gets along perfectly there certainly isn't any hardship. I have it easy compared to some.

 

The tulpa process can be a powerful escape from reality. It can also be the opposite, a powerful grounding force in understanding and awareness.

 

I imagine that some of us have created a tulpa to help deal with loneliness, depression or as a companion who can offer support because no one else will. Even if none of that was your reason for making a tulpa can you say your tulpa doesn't help keep those things at bay even a little?

There was no real reason I created Noah. For science? Because I could? There doesn't really need to be a reason and I know he doesn't mind. He mocks the idea by striking dramatic poses while wearing a white lab coat.

 

Do you consider having a tulpa to be a form of escapism? The use of expansive wonderlands could fuel this idea further.

Unlike other forms of escapism this process however also has aspects which force the opposite. Imposition for example requires a powerful understanding of self, the senses and the environment to be successful.

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Gritty Realism

Life is dirty, everywhere you go there are countless faults in everything you see. The sidewalk is covered in tiny cracks, moss grows in the places that get no sunlight and in autumn a layer of leaves covers the whole thing. That's just the sidewalk....

During my visualizations I've noticed that Noah is too perfect, because of this he feels abstract and therefore separate from the scene I'm trying to impose him over (not that I have any skill in imposition).

He wears bright or bold colours which are free from blemishes or those tiny bits of character that make them real, there are no creases or crinkles and the colours are solid with no deviation. I have a decent idea of his appearance but it often lacks the tiny details that make it real. The tiny details we process but don't acknowledge when we take in our surroundings.

The only solution I see is more practice, more time spent working on it. By paying attention to details you notice more of them, noticing and paying attention to all of the details all the time is a tricky thing that isn't going to happen overnight.

 

Out of place

Continuing somewhat from the idea above is the next point. Noah, who I perceive as a thirteen year old kid, doesn't really fit in with my surroundings. He has no goals in a room full of busy working people. He is full of energy in a place full of weary people. He is a silent observer in loud places and he is a child in an adults world.

I imagine other people notice this a lot more, especially if they don't have a human form tulpa.

I find Noah helps put things into perspective. Having him with me while I'm working stops me from going too far into that mindless trance that gets me through the day. He is simply good company.

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Slowly but surely

It's never much and it's never profound but I think I've been noticing Noah's presence more than I used to. It's something you slowly have to train yourself to do and because it isn't something you are used to you have to force it or you're going to get lazy and your tulpa will slip your mind.

Noah spent most of yesterday at work with me. He had a bit of fun but for a lot of the time he was pretty serious. I made a point of trying to keep him focused during conversation and problem solving (not that my job is really all that complicated) but I noticed a trend. That was, Noah slips my mind as soon as someone starts talking to me. As soon as they finished I noticed he had gone and he'd be back but no matter what I did he always slipped my mind.

So the next step in our day to day is to try and bring Noah into mind through distractions. Often when I type these posts it's just me but right now I'm trying to keep him here even if he isn't really involved. I figure the more time I have him around the more I'll get used to his presence. Eventually I hope he'll be around even without me actively trying to keep him there and when that happens I hope my visualizations and perhaps even imposition of him will become stronger.

 

Relating to this, the more time I spend with Noah the more "real" I feel he is. It's difficult to describe because there is nothing else even remotely similar in my life that I can compare it to. Basically, Noah's presence feels more real than it used to. Maybe not a lot because it's not really something you can measure. He just seems a little less like "an invisible presence" and more like just a real life ordinary kid. Maybe it has something to do with the renewed focus I've put into noticing his physical form, which has to do with the most recent reference pictures I have. I think the clothes really suit him, they say you shouldn't judge someone on their clothes but every single time I look at him I see them. Just as my clothes are a part of my image his are a part of him. Not to say I don't see his face, my visualizations of his entire appearance are pretty good, it's been a long time since I've had any trouble with that.

 

Concerning the doubt going around

It's happening again or maybe it never really went away. So many people seem to be worried about doubt. Either that or they are worried about being perceived as crazy.

Yes, the tulpa process is a step away from the norm but that doesn't mean it has to be crazy or even step away from being completely logical.

The way I see it doubt is a non issue. You don't need to constantly remind yourself not to doubt because all it really shows is that you don't understand what you are doing.

The tulpa process is completely logical. There is no magic, it is just what you make of it. The entire process is occurring in your mind, inside your head. Your consciousness is inside your head and the tulpa's is as well. Your tulpa is what you perceive it to be. Imagination gives it character, form and personality but no matter what imagination does it doesn't change the fact that the tulpa is just a bunch of thoughts and ideas that are running around inside your head. Just as what you consider to be your mind is as well.

So just make of it what you will. You can have any tulpa you want, you can have any wonderland you want and if you treat it as something separate to you, and spend time with it, it's likely you'll eventually learn to perceive it as separate from you too.

A tulpa might seem complicated but the theory doesn't have to be. Instead of dwelling on doubts just spend some time with your tulpa. They'll appreciate it and who knows how much progress you'll make.

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Assuming sentience from the start

Seems to be a popular topic recently. It's a tricky one but fortunately there is a lot of good discussion on it such as here. Give it a read if you haven't already because there is some really good stuff in there.

 

I'm not a particularly eloquent person so I really don't have much to add to the wonderful discussion but I can add how it relates to my own experience.

 

The tulpa process is largely dependent on expectations. My journey with Noah had been somewhat unconventional because we began with different goals and a complete unawareness of the tulpa phenomenon. When I began Noah wasn't someone I looked at and saw as a completely separate being. In fact the state of his thoughts wasn't of much concern at all. It was all about his presence. He wasn't supposed to be sentient in any way, he was just supposed to appear that way. He was just supposed to be an imaginary character who appeared everywhere, who kept me grounded and who I was supposed to associate with dreaming.

But, by being immersed in the process by spending a lot of time with him I became used to him. His actions and by extension his thoughts became more streamlined, more automatic. Noah was and still is a part of me but because I am of the mindset where I try to perceive his actions and thoughts as his own he appears that way to me a little more everyday.

 

In the end it really comes down to understanding what you are doing. You can control your own thoughts and if you truly believe in the process, and that a tulpa can in fact exist then as far as everything matters it does exist.

Noah exists within my mind. He might not be around all the time but I know he's there. Doubting him at this point would be like doubting the existence of my own ego. He isn't like my ego in every possible way and I can accept that. Sure, I'd love for him to be more independent and sure I'd love for him to be at my attention more often but those are things we are working on.

 

But, bringing it back to the topic. I guess Noah has been sentient from day 1 because whether or not I was looking for it that is how I perceived him. Sure he wasn't all that complicated or wrapped up in labels like "tulpa" but because that's how I perceived him that is all that really matters. After the time we've spent he now has a list of experiences and memories that belong to both of us and that list only continues to grow as we continue the journey.

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