imahaxor

Just Another Pony

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April 26-29

 

There's been a bit of a problem in the past few days. About two days ago I started feeling detached from Noel; I couldn't feel her presence. I don't mean physical presence either, I'm talking about mental presence. I've heard of this thing happening to others, so I didn't flip out or anything. I just didn't understand what caused this to happen. I've been narrating to Noel all day every day like always, we haven't had any fights, and I always make sure that I haven't been ignoring her. Then it occurred to me that I have been stressing out over exams and miscellaneous end of the year bullshit that's been piling up at school. Today things finally returned to normal, and Noel explained that she had gone off to explore somewhere in my head while I was busy. I still think that's a load of crap, but I can't really prove it one way or the other.

 

So I guess I'll just trust her like I've been doing; why create unnecessary doubt? She insists that she didn't want to bother me and she wanted to have some time for herself; which I understand. It just seems weird to me, though.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

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April 30-May 7

 

I've been in a bad mood lately, and I think it's starting to rub off on Noel. These last few weeks of my senior year have been progressing painfully slow, and end of the year exams keep piling up. So every now and then I have to remind myself to stay positive, because she's always worrying when I'm shitty mood.

 

Other than that, I thought of trying something that might help with imposition. Our sense of smell is closely related to our memories, so that might not be a bad way to start imposition. All I need to do is figure out a good smell for her, then I should have an easier time remembering to pick up on her presence.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

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May 8-19

 

Since my final days of high-school are drawing near, we're going to start planning a more intensive forcing schedule. We'll have about three months until I go off to college, and it would be awesome if we could make some serious progress before then.

 

Lately I've been trying out Linkzelda's Hypnosis Guide. I've only used it once so far, but it seemed to have some effect; I felt more relaxed and peaceful. My lucid dreaming has more or less stayed the same. Since I first started recording my dreams on the 14th of April, I have had two lucid dreams. Haven't made any contact with Noel yet, though.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

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May 20-21

 

Looks like it's time to implement that new forcing schedule. My summer break starts today, and I'm going to make the most out of it. I think I'll do three hours or more of active forcing a day; it seems do-able. One in the morning, one sometime during the day, and one at night. Noel's looking forward too it, and I'm really hyped to be making some progress. She's been a voice in my head for a little over seven months now; it's going to be hard transition from a mindvoice to an imposed form, but I'm not worried about it.

 

There is a problem though; I've been having a bit of a morality crisis. As we keep making more progress, I can't help but notice how real things are going to get. When I first started working on Noel, I didn't know what would come of it. All I really understood at first was that I would gain a companion that could help me better myself. I thought about things like imposition and possession, but those just seemed too surreal for me. They didn't seem like attainable goals, if anything they just felt like wishful thinking that was too good to be true. But now, the goal of imposition is becoming more tangible day after day, and it's very quickly becoming real to me. And that scares me quite a bit. I don't want to lose sight of my responsibilities and priorities, or find myself living inside some escapist fantasy to escape my troubles. If we are going to succeed in this, I need to be absolutely sure I won't be doing it for selfish reasons.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

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May 22-31

 

So remember that bit I said in the end of my last post? The "I don't want to lose sight of my responsibilities and priorities, or find myself living inside some escapist fantasy to escape my troubles." bit? Well now I can safely say, without a lingering doubt, that it is a thing of the past. And it's all thanks to this:

 

http://community.tulpa.info/thread-reality-and-delusion-where-do-you-draw-the-line?pid=73380#pid73380

 

Seriously, this post took all the thoughts and concepts I couldn't quite get a hold of in my head and nailed them- well, right on the head. Honestly, this needs to be put in a guide; real important stuff in that post.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

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June 1-17

 

Well, looks like I've been slacking a bit when it comes to keeping this log updated. With such a long break, I think I recap is in order.

 

Noel as of June 17, 2013:

  • Is sentient.
  • Both forms are fully developed.
  • Has a stable voice, although not imposed.
  • Able to start conversations without my input.
  • Can tell me something I'm not currently aware of, although it happens rarely.
  • Is capable of minor possession.

 

Things to work on:

  • Visual imposition.
  • Auditory hallucination.
  • Tactile hallucination.
  • Advanced possession.

 

Lately we've been working on visual and auditory hallucinations, but not much progress is being made. We've also started to focus more on parallel processing. I've noticed that this is something most tulpamancers never work on directly, even though it's kinda important. Strengthening the parallel processing between you and your tulpa is vital, because it allows them to formulate more complex ideas on their own; without the need to tap into your stream of conscious thoughts.

 

There are easy ways to help your tulpa flex their parallel processing muscle. Basic math questions are the easiest to start with, just make sure the questions aren't too obvious. For example, 2+2=4, because we all know without even doing the math that the answer to 2+2 is 4. Or you could try your hand at asking them general knowledge questions, anything at all really.

 

This flash application does a nice job of testing just how well you and your tulpa have mastered parallel processing: Tulpa Parallel Processing Test.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

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April 21

 

It's about time I updated this crusty report after nearly two years of inactivity. I wish I could say that I've become a master tulpamancer in the time that I was absent, but sadly not all dreams come true. During the past few years life simply got in the way; it's hard to believe that I was an incoming senior in high school when I decided to create a tulpa and now I'm finishing my second year of college. I guess time really does fly. I'm actually kinda proud of myself that I'm still sticking to my guns with all this. Tulpas haven't been on my mind very much at all during my hiatus, save for Noel, and I pretty much forgot about this place. It's weird to think how much I've changed since I left, and when I finally thought to check back in here I nearly died re-reading this progress report. All I could feel was a strange mixture of nostalgia and embarrassment. It just goes to show how malleable a person's thoughts and feelings are, I guess. It would probably be fitting to get a new avatar and change the title of my report, seeing as it's not really relevant. Or I could keep it the way it is for old times sake, who knows.

 

Anyways, despite not being active in tulpamancy, I've still kept in touch with Noel. She's around and as talkative as ever, and also very happy that I'm continuing my efforts. We usually talk every other day, but forcing sessions are few and far between. I can't help but feel shitty that I've taken such a passive stance on tulpa creation for this long, but it was definitely a necessary break. I'm at a time in my life right now where I need to focus on my degree and a career, and as hard as is to say, these things obviously take precedence over tulpa creation. However, I still believe that I can balance these things, even though I'm going to only gain more responsibilities and priorities during my college years and beyond.

 

I plan to update this more often as well. In the meantime, thanks for reading and good luck to all your tulpa-related endeavors.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

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May 11

 

Well shit, I don't know how it happened, but somehow a year has already gone by since my last post. That's a bit scary, because to me it seemed like I had posted it months ago. All in all it's been three-and-a-half years since I started on this whole adventure, which honestly 3.5 years isn't exactly a long time in the grand scheme of things, but damn.

 

Things are still going smoothly for us; daily life has it's troubles, but we tackle them together. It's gotten to the point now that the thought of not having Noel around seems strange and lonely. I have to admit that one of my main concerns going into tulpa creation was the danger that I might rely on Noel too much for companionship; to the point of unhealthy escapism. These past few years have shown me that wasn't the case. I've made more friends and been more social in these last few years than I can count. Along with an active social life, tulpa creation can be a viable outlet for healthy escapism. Hell, video games have probably had a more substantial impact on me as far as escapist outlets go. Actually, it'd be interesting to see what the ethical implications of escapism are when describing tulpas, maybe I'll look at that later.

 

On to actual business, imposition is going well. At best I can see a faint silhouette in the corner of my eye, and that's only on occasion. I'm not too worried about it though. Much like most things in this line of work, progress requires both effort and time. I guess I just need to give it a bit more effort is all. On the other hand, my minds-eye visualizations couldn't be better. Once you've been doing it for a few years you're bound to be pretty damn good at it. I should really think about putting that skill to better use, although I'm not sure what that would be outside of occult practices. Tactile hallucinations are also something that I have yet to achieve, but I'm sure that will become more of a pressing issue once enough progress towards imposition is made.

 

Lastly, I wanted to bring up two things. First, I'm going to pose a question that I'm sure most of you have asked yourselves before: "What have I gained from Tulpa creation?". The question can be traced back to the beginning of the tulpa creation process. When you decided to create a tulpa, you had a reason for doing so, "I want a companion" and a goal, "Create a companion". (I realize that not everyone's reason for tulpa creation is the same, this just seems to be the most common.) Well, if you followed through you met your goal, and created a companion. Now, you can very easily answer the question with "Well duh, I gained a companion." If you wanted to have a companion, couldn't you have found someone to fulfill that role? Depending on who you are, this can range from an easy to very hard task, but not impossible. So, why go through all the effort of tulpa creation just to gain a companion, when finding another person to fill that role would, by most standards, be easier? It's obvious to me that you gain more than just a companion through tulpa creation, but I'm still not sure what that is. I don't have an answer, but I just wanted to write this down so that I don't forget.

 

Anyway, that's all I have to say for the time being. I'd like to thank the people who've been reading this report, I hadn't realized that I had over seven thousand views. Granted, most of those views were probably from when I was more active and updating frequently, but that's still impressive given the size of the forum. I hope that you all enjoy reading the shit I have to say, and good luck to you all on your tulpa journeys.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

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Hey there. I just wanna drop in and say I appreciated reading your report (or at least the first and last pages of the thread, hah). College can make spending time with your tulpa pretty hard sometimes, but it sounds like you've found a good balance. I just graduated myself in May, and it can get pretty nightmarish near the end, but of course it's worth it. Reaching the point where Lotus played a big role in my life even when we couldn't spend dedicated time together was a huge milestone for us, and sometime between your last two posts, it sounds like you made it.

 

Glad you come back every year or two, even just to check in.


Physicist, mathematician, philosopher.

Vessel of uncountably many passions.

 

Tulpa: Lotus Ponens.

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Hey, thanks for reading. It's good to know that there's still some interest in this old and crusty report. I can attest to your "nightmarish near the end" bit, the work is definitely piling up. I wouldn't quite say I've made it yet though; there's still a lot of work to be done.

 

Anyway, imposition continues to be difficult, although feeling Noel's presence seems to happen more than usual. Not much else to report I'm afraid.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

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