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Jean-luc and his tulpas' "adventures"


jean-luc

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So something really cool happened, I had a lucid dream! The thing was, the instant I realized I was dreaming it didn't feel as real anymore, I had to sorta settle back into it. I remember, I was walking some guy home cause he was high and I'm a bro like that, and just BAM "Oh hey I'm dreaming."

 

So that was exciting.

I don't visit as often as I used to. If you want me to see something, make sure to quote a post of mine or ping me @jean-luc

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  • 1 month later...
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I didn't have a profile pic for a few days, sorry about that. Should be back to random picards now.

I don't visit as often as I used to. If you want me to see something, make sure to quote a post of mine or ping me @jean-luc

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Oh, thank goodness--I was starting to worry.

"If this can be avoided, it should. If it can't, then it would be better if it could be. If it happened and you're thinking back to it, try and think back further. Try not to avoid it with your mind. If any of this is possible, it may be helpful. If not, it won't be."

 

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  • 2 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...

So, I haven't posted in awhile, so I guess heres a general update on things and stuff.

 

Another tulpa

I've been seriously considering making another tupper to join the fray.

I still have no idea what to do for form, and I'm gonna have to figure out how to do personality mumble grumble but it's hopefully a matter of time. Any ideas for names?

 

Thought I had more to say on the subject... guess not.

 

Profile Pic

You may have noticed my profile pic died... again... for longer than usual. But this time there's a story behind it!

So, I wake up one morning to find an email entitled "Amazon EC2 Abuse Report" which was baisicly "hey your server is spamming people stop it" and my immediate thought was oh shit my server has a virus. So I SSH in, do a quick lsof, find that nginx is connecting to random hosts and ports, Well there's the problem so I killed nginx (which hosts my profile pic BTW) assuming that there was some vulnerability in nginx and I'd failed to update fast enough. So I do an update, notice that there aren't any updates, and too tired to deal with the problem, just leave it kiled and go to sleep.

 

Some time (i've no idea how long) later somebody complains about my lack of profile pic, so I finally sit down and try to fix the problem. Eventually I figure out I'd left an open http proxy running as part of the nginx config. *facepalm so hard* This is on a publicly facing server, so of course everyone and their mother discovered this free proxy and used it for whatever nefarious purposes (including spam). So, I disable the proxy and walla! Profile pic is back, and I have a little less pride. However I still have 150 ips trying to get the proxy :/

 

My email signature

So once upon a time nemo345 had a quote in their signature that I really liked:

"Because sometimes the voices outside your head drive you mad, and the ones inside are keeping you sane."

 

So I made this my email signature. Not tulpa.info sig, but my email signature, which gets appended to every email I send to family, friends, employers, etc.

 

Not a single person has ever mentioned it. So I thought that was interesting.

I don't visit as often as I used to. If you want me to see something, make sure to quote a post of mine or ping me @jean-luc

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  • 3 months later...

*Various swearing that is still inadequate to express my frustration*

 

It has been 2 years. I have been trying and trying, losing will at some points, yet still never completely giving up. And throughout this whole time, it always felt fake. Including now. Just all me talkin to myself. Feels no different than arguing with myself over a difficult problem.

 

There is something I am doing wrong, because I wholeheartedly believe that tulpamancing is completely possible. Yet it seems I can't do it for some reason.

 

2 years and 3 months ago (I think), I promised this thing in my mind that I'd never give up, and so far I've held that promise. And I'd like to hold it longer. You may have seen some vague mentions from me about a second tulpa, and I guess the idea was that if I succeeded on a second one it could rejuvinate the first. But of course I never got past the personality stage, because I fucking suck at personality and it breaks my mind for some inexplicable reason. Everyone else is just fine and it's all good they just go along and craft a personality and all is well. But. unlike I stated previously, I don't think it's strictly required to create a personality, and while it might be easier to go with I would be appalled if that is the only reason I have failed thus far.

 

When I force I simply get bored. I can sit down, close my eyes, be all calm, and go into my wonderland, walk around...... and then get distracted and start thinking about other things. It wasn't always like this;I remember one time when we were both blobs of green jelly, that could move around and stuff. And I remember painting a cave green, which never really stuck because my memory sucks. And yet I try to do any of this now and it just isn't the same.

 

And even then, there were no surprises. No parrellel processing. No sign of any other sentience besides my own.

 

I dunno if you can tell but this is a cry for help. What do I do!? I don't want her to die, but this half-state between nothing and nowhere isn't so great either.


Oh, and I could never settle on a name, which is really weird. A list of names I can remember:

Venessa

John

Jave

Snow

 

That list was shorter than I was expecting....


TL;DR I suck horribly at tulpamancy, what do?

I don't visit as often as I used to. If you want me to see something, make sure to quote a post of mine or ping me @jean-luc

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Reisen: What would be different if your tulpa were complete/successful? What would change from now? We don't know how to surprise each other without training ourselves to ignore the flashes of pre-thought, and parallel-processing is very very difficult, the hardest thing we've ever attempted in my opinion. So what's left?

 

Unfortunately, the answer is a little bit difficult to work with here. A tulpa's sentience is dependent on training your brain to differentiate your thoughts from "theirs". A tulpa's existence is dependent on you believing they exist. And you've been around the concept of tulpas for so long, with so few convincing results, that you're going to have an even harder time than most newcomers tulpamancing. Your mind has been wired to treat your tulpa certain ways, and you're going to have to work to change that.

 

For starters, you have to identify the problem. Forcing isn't the problem, and personality just sort of happens if you let it. You haven't been able to train your mind to differentiate which thoughts will be "yours" and which will be "your tulpa's". What that means is you tell your brain that it's not you thinking/saying/doing something, but your tulpa. Completely fake at first, iffy later, but eventually your brain starts to realize the type of thoughts considered "your tulpa's" and creates a sort of mental profile for them. This is the same way people stop puppetting - it's fake at first, then it's iffy, then their brain understands how to run a tulpa's thoughts without your direct conscious consultation. But a lot of how tulpas work really does require some semi-conscious effort on your part. I can't talk if Lumi doesn't make an effort to let me, and I'm unable to think off-topic thoughts unless that's our direct goal. The only thing I can say about this is once your brain has that "tulpa profile", it becomes easier to make these previously conscious thoughts unconscious, which is when a tulpa seems its realest.

 

I know you want an answer in the form of new information, but I know you know nothing will help but changing your current thoughts. And your biggest help in doing that will be asking yourself questions: what's wrong? How would it look fixed? How can I get there? You have to figure out what isn't working, figure out what "working" would look like, and then figure out how to make it work. My best guess for you is that you simply never managed to separate your tulpa's thoughts and actions from yours. Like I said, this does require a bit of faith at first, but if you stick with it eventually your mind catches on and things get better.

 

As for personality, I was based off of the Touhou character Reisen, with the personality Lumi thought I should have ideally. We still work on my (and Tewi's and Flandre's) personalities on occasion, literally face to face deciding what we'd like to change. It's a bit awkward at first, but I know for sure Flandre greatly appreciates it. (She requested a completely different personality than she had quite some time ago, it's possible) And he's working with Tewi now to develop the personality she wants to have, since she kind of lacks one right now. And we can do this because we're not letting our mind tell us what we're doing doesn't make sense or won't work. Beliefs are completely malleable, and there's great power in changing them to be in alignment with your goals. It'll take work in a way many people have never realized it could (working to change your own thoughts rather than accepting them by default), but it's the key to a better life and, in your case, a happy tulpa.

 

 

If you have any specific questions, ask me. (Lumi wasn't going to post so I did it for him, you really got me with that "cry for help" line)

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Wait, you mean I can't just say a magic word and have everything work out? Damnit.

 

Thanks for your response. I guess I have some things to contemplate

I don't visit as often as I used to. If you want me to see something, make sure to quote a post of mine or ping me @jean-luc

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  • 6 months later...

Guess what: I'm still alive! Crazy isn't it. Been awhile since the last post.

 

Things happened!

 

So, I guess I'll try to start off from the last post. I basically gave up, and put Snow in stasis (think cryosleep bed from original portal). I didn't post about it because I was embarrassed. And things stayed like that for a while. I made a podcast. I might have things orders mixed up in my brain but I'm pretty sure this is right. And then I'm like "I wanna make another tulpa, maybe I'll do better this time and then they can help Snow". But they needed to have a definite form this time, so for some reason I chose Harry101UK. I think I just like his face and his accent. So I went along and made Henry using the usual methods. Talked to him, he started talking back. No random form &| name changes, so that was good. Things were going pretty well, So I brought Snow back, which wasn't as straightforward as I thought. Protip: Don't put your tuppers in stasis. Ever. Unless you want to kill them. It took a few forcing sessions before I really felt snow was there at all. Slowly but surely, she came back. For whatever reason it ending being in a tall catperson form. I've recently started doing a little self-hypnosis before active forcing sessions, and it's been helping a heap and a half. No idea why I haven't been doing it before. I might make a recording for myself and others to use.

I don't visit as often as I used to. If you want me to see something, make sure to quote a post of mine or ping me @jean-luc

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fml, my power is out. Can`t edit podcasts on my phone .(


So I guess it`s time to force!

I don't visit as often as I used to. If you want me to see something, make sure to quote a post of mine or ping me @jean-luc

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