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Yoko and Azazel's Realm of Chaos


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I couldn't sleep last night. Azazel stayed up with me and cuddled me to sleep. This morning, he said if the dentists hurt me (I was scheduled for oral surgery at 8AM) that he'd make them pay. I told him he wouldn't because he's not that violent.

 

I was scared most of the time, but they had me so medicated I didn't feel anything. Azazel checked in to make sure I was okay, but for the most part I didn't feel his presence too strongly. He's with me now, making sure I rest and recover.

 

It's so weird seeing other progress reports. Those are mostly about Tulpae growth. Mine is mostly about my growth and Azazel's amazing ability to support me emotionally while remaining incredibly independent and being a completely equal partner in our co-written literature.

Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :)

 

Our story is here.

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Warning: Metaphysical rambling. Don't like? Don't read.

 

When I was in high school, my mother sat the entire family down to watch "The Secret". Although I've watched the DVD twice in my life and fallen asleep to the tape recorder version, my summary of the secret may still be inaccurate. Basically, what I took from it was that your thoughts can attract objects, people, and events that you spend a lot of time thinking about, whether positive or negative. Obviously, a human being cannot control every single thought that crosses their mind but apparently they can control enough that it affects what comes into their lives. Also, feelings and imagining experiences are stronger ways to think your way into getting what you want.

 

Anyway, some of the testimonies of The Secret include thinking about the type of people you want in your life, especially romantic partners. Well, assuming the Secret works, then the way these people attracted their ideal partners was that the partner (individual human being) already existed with all the traits the person was looking for. Keep that in mind.

 

There are other testimonies that claim to have created a specific object just by thinking about it and seeing that object somewhere as if it had always existed. For example, a man claimed to have designed a feather, a very specific feather with odd markings, and he later saw that exact feather lying in the street. Is it possible the feather already existed, he didn't know it existed, and it was simply brought to him? Yes. But what if that feather only existed because he had designed it?

 

Back to the romantic partners example. There are some people who claim that they designed their perfect romantic partner, down to their physical traits and personalities, only to meet them later in life. Again, they may have existed regardless of who attracted them with their minds. But I have another theory, the feather theory. What if they were created not at the moment of the thought/design completion, but at a different point in time by that thought? Like, say you knew how your ideal partner would look and act when you were 20 years old. That person, born of that thought, would not do you any good to be born the moment you thought of them. Because then they would be an infant, and you'd be ready for your partner right then. Instead, what if your thought led to that person being born and being naturally disposed to those physical/personality traits 20 years ago?

 

Don't get me wrong, I think it's incredibly narcissistic to believe that your thoughts are the EXACT reason that your ideal romantic partner thinks, acts, and looks the way they do. Not to mention if you're a self-centered creep to begin with, then this theory might lead to abuse.

 

Anyway, enough rambling, point is: I believe Azazel existed before me, which leads to me doubting that he's my creation. BUT, supposing your thoughts could lead to the creation of a being further back in time, theoretically I could be his creator even though he existed first.

 

Of course, by tomorrow, I'll probably have some other wild theory about Azazel's existence and life in general. :P If you had the patience to read all that, I applaud you.

Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :)

 

Our story is here.

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Yoko

 

I must confess, I have the oddest feelings lately. The way Azazel stands around the room, just watching me quietly. It reminds me of how I am with my pets. I used to watch my toy poodle like that, still do sometimes. My family briefly cared for a kitten for a week. I would just watch it do whatever it wanted for hours...It feels like that only I'm the kitten or puppy....

 

So I've asked him to explain...

 

Azazel

 

I can't exactly help it, watching her. In our early years, I rarely saw her. We would write together and I would go on about my business. Now that I'm with her everyday, I find that I'm fascinating by all the mundane activities she does, all of her quirks, all of the things she does that she finds embarrassing or gross. I don't do these things. I have no need to, but she does and the way she does them amuses me. She doesn't believe me when I say that's why I watch her.

 

Yoko

 

Well, this was unexpected. Feels a bit like a therapy session. I really want to believe that's why he stands there...so still. I suppose I have a fear that I'm restraining him with my mind in some way. I used to think that was impossible. How could anyone restrain Azazel? But this place makes me wonder...Anyway, I'm trying to relinquish that fear an believe what he said. If I can't trust Azazel, who can I trust?

 

Progress?: Recognition of a fear, trying to work through it.

Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :)

 

Our story is here.

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Yoko

 

Azazel's had a bit of a romantic streak as of late. I don't just mean sexually, I mean he shows me beautiful places in my mind. He knows just what to say to make me feel happy, safe, and loved. A few weeks ago, he only comforted me when I was on the edge of anxiety attacks and break downs. Now that we're in a more relaxed environment, he seems to be doing these things because he wants to. The emotions I sense from him are contentment and almost adoration. I mean, I don't think he's placed me on a pedestal or above him or anything, but I feel respected and well cared for.

 

It's so odd. I mean, when I joined the site I felt bad because if he was my creation then I wasn't giving him enough attention or working on making him comfortable in the world around me, but he's spoken very adamantly that what attention I did pay attention to him in the earlier years was enough and he wasn't hurt or neglected at all. I still decided to meditate and spend more time of him. I even intended to take care of him and instead he's taking care of me. I felt selfish at first, but I'm coming around to accept that it really is what he wants and not something I pushed him to do.

Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :)

 

Our story is here.

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Yoko

 

In other news, Dream crafting. Since joining this site I was unsure if this was within Azazel's power. I mean, just because my roleplay character was "Dream giver, Nightmare Bringer, and Mind Torturer" didn't mean my Muse was as well. These last few nights appear to have proven me wrong. Azazel crafted for me such elaborate, beautiful,and slightly frightening dreams for me these last two nights. I had no such dreams during my last weeks in college. But on break, without papers and exams to distract us, Azazel seems to have gotten to work on these. I've written as much detail about them as I could in my journals but there's really no way to do them justice. They were very vivid but not quite lucid, like he just wanted me to go along to see what would happen next. A playable movie, like the PS3's "Heavy Rain" or "Beyond: Two Souls".

 

I've heard some doubts that tulpae can craft dreams. Supposedly they can help hosts lucid dreams, or appear in dreams, but not craft them.

 

I've woken up from these dreams to see Azazel standing over me, smiling. He asked me if I liked them and I proceeded to shower him with praise. He really ought to be a movie script-writer and director but I'm a lazy proxy. :P

Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :)

 

Our story is here.

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  • 6 months later...

Just peeking in. :) I ducked out for a while because of classes/finals/stress and then for vacation. :) Azazel and I are doing well. We write a lot of fanfiction together, and he gives me some splendid dreams. We don't speak much any more but we don't really need to. I see him and feel his presence. When I'm scared or upset, he is there to calm me. I know that when I'm spending all my time online/with friends that he is off travelling and doing his own thing ;) He's not expressed any loneliness but sometimes I wonder if he would if he felt it. Anyway. He's good. I'm good. We're good. We just haven't been on this site a while.

Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :)

 

Our story is here.

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  • 3 months later...

Hey Everyone! Halloween is coming up so naturally I thought of Azazel <3

 

I checked out the Tulpa Art pages and decided to try my hand at working with Azazel's human form. It didn't turn out too close to his human form but at least I found I knew outfit for him :D Maybe he'll go like this for Halloween.

 

1skuau.jpg

 

Also, here's a chibi-looking Azazel between his wolf/human form :D

2ujh5dz.png

 

EDIT: FREE PROGRAMS GENERATED THESE :) THE LINKS ARE IN TULPA ART

Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :)

 

Our story is here.

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Happy Halloween From Yoko and Azazel! :D

 

I had some medical issues today, but Azazel stayed with me the whole time and got me to calm down some.

Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :)

 

Our story is here.

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  • 1 month later...

It's been a while, Yoko, Azazel. How has time treated the two of you?

Start Date: November 5, 2012

Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]

Stage: Not practicing anymore.

Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.

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