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longbow

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Today when we were chatting in the IRC Van said something that stoked a >feel or two:

 

Vanessa: It just feels weird. You know?

Vanessa: To love someone so much, but then have them pretend you aren't a part of their life.

Vanessa: But I understand...

 

In all honesty, I'd love to tell everyone in my life about her. To gush about her to my friends and family, to shout it from the mountaintops, etc etc. But it isn't the right time for that, and I'm not sure when such a time will come to pass. I'm just happy she's so understanding about it.

 

In more positive news, we've been doing some visualization forcing and Van's form has taken on more realistic lighting, shadows and highlights instead of just flat colors like in the show.

 

We both like it a lot, as it makes her seem more... tangible, I guess. We still need to work out some of the kinks with how it renders, but she already feels like becoming more at home in the physical world.

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Today Vanessa is 3 months old, whooo!

 

Unfortunately since it's the holidays I've been extremely busy visitng with family and haven't gotten much time to force. I've been making sure to do as much passive forcing as I can though, so hopefully we won't lose too much progress.

 

Van finds my family interesting, and enjoys experiencing all of the new people and places firsthand.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Still busy with vacationing. Meh. But we figured out something that was holding us back from making progress with imposition:

 

It seems I have a bad habit of visualizing from different perspectives instead of saying "in my head" so to speak. So one minute I'll be visualizing in a first-person perspective and then jump to a slightly different angle to get a better view. While this is useful sometimes for figuring out how Van's form fits in the real world, it breaks the feeling of realism and makes it impossible for the visualization to properly integrate with my own visual perceptions.

 

So from now on we made the rule that all open-eyed visualization must take place from my perspective, and follow realistic rules. So for example when my eyes are closed I don't see Van at all, and that if part of her body is obscured I can not visualize it, etc.

 

Hopefully this will make a difference. We're going to commit to it for a few weeks and see what happens.

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