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The Documented Story of Aeris - By MAO18s


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Background Info:

 

 

Three days ago I made a thread on a site for anime (MyAnimeList) asking people what they would do if there existed a ghost that they could only see. I also said that this ghost could behave and display any (loosely speaking) kind of property so long as it stays invisible to others (i.e. being solid to touch). I ended up getting a lot of mixed responses on it. Some say they would like to have one; other's say they wouldn't. I'm pretty sure you guys can think of some reasons why people would choose one or the other. Also, if you're wondering what my reason was for asking this question in the first place...it was because I read the latest chapter of Tasogare Otome x Amnesia. Also happens to have an anime adaptation. I don't recommend the anime though; I think it sucks compared to the manga.

 

Anyways, in one of the posts a person told me that it was possible and that he had one. I was intrigued and rather skeptical at the claim. He said they were called tulpas (or "thoughtform") and provided me with a link to go to. I clicked on the link and read a bunch of stuff on what tulpas were and how one would go about creating one. It was pretty interesting.

 

At that point, I thought to myself, "wouldn't it be cool to make one?" But then I questioned whether or not it was a good idea. My main concern was if doing something like this could cause me to develop schizophrenia or some other illness. I mean, having an "imaginary friend" that you talk to and being sane are two things that don't seem to add up in society's eyes. However, silly enough, there were multiple topics addressing those concerns (and more).

 

After having read all the boring but good-to-know stuff, I was reassured and proceeded with making a tulpa.

 

 

Below is a little journal I've been writing ever since I created my tulpa, Aeris. I'll probably update my blog whenever I have the time and material. Also, what I wrote in my journal was brutally honest. So if there's any uncomfortable things you hear in it, I'm sorry. You've been warned!

 

 

 

== About Aeris ==

 

Apparently her name is Aeris or Airis. Don't know which spelling looks better. At least that's the name that popped up in my head. It kinda stuck to me. I'm debating on how I should pronounce the name though...'Air-russ' or 'Eye-russ'? Edit (12-19-12): Found out my tulpa's name is spelt Aeris but pronounced 'Eye-russ'. Cool.

 

When I first focused my thoughts on creating her, she was this great big reddish, pinkish flame. The flame became a lot more white in the center. I then somehow imagined half of her face -- just the eyes and a bit of her forhead. She had these eyes that looked normal in size of a human's but a part of it looked catlike. It was very exotic looking. It really captured my eyes. Somehow, as I was showing her the wonderland I had created for her, I began to see her legs. Very beautifully sculpted if I do say so myself. I realized that she was a freaking beauty. Then a few minutes after that, I actually saw her full body. No, she was not naked. She was wearing this black-frilled dress. It was layered with a white frilled dress underneath it. Well not literally another dress under the black one, but it was like part of the design, you know? A black and white layered dress with frilled designs on it. She looked pretty young. I wanted her to be around my age (20 years old) but I think she's 19. She is pretty petite in a way -- probably a 5'5" - 5'6" in height. A lot smaller from how she first was in her flame mode. I'm not trying to look at her in a lewd way, but she had a very nice looking body. Surprisingly, her complexion was very tan. It's hard to describe. The complexion really suited her though. I'd go as far as to say it made her the beauty she was.

 

 

 

== The Wonderland ==

 

I actually worked quite a lot on making a very beautiful wonderland for her. First, it's a very big house on a beach. I haven't thought any farther than that in terms of location. I guess I was on an island but that's subject to change when I go back to tulpaforcing or whatever. Anyways, when you enter the house, there's this marble floor that's one 'level' below the actual level of the first floor of the house. This is the place where people keep their shoes (no shoes around the house!) I forgot what it's called but if you know a bit of Japanese culture (anime, real life, etc.) you'll know what I'm talking about. If anyone knows what it's called, please let me know!

 

Now, going back to the house...The first thing you should spot is a half-spiral staircase that spirals up to the right. More about the second floor later. To my right, there is a pretty big living room. To my left is just a wall in which the garage is on the other side of it. Our garage has 2 cars at the moment -- one a white Mercedes AMG, the other some black SUV (not sure about brand I can't remember haha). Up ahead to the left is the fireplace. Now there's a nice big window that you'll see in front of you when you walk into the room. You can actually see the ocean outside. I built the house in a way where the right side of the house would be facing the ocean. Great idea, huh?

 

Well yeah relative to the front of the house... further up ahead and to the right is the kitchen. Stepping into the kitchen, the cooking happens on the right side. That means the oven, microwave, refrigerator, etc. are there. In the middle of all that is a very large oval island for a lot of uses such as food preperation when the other kitchen spaces arent available or just placing food on the table. On the left side of the kitchen you have a very large and spacious area for a dining table. Looking a little bit ahead of the kitchen (about 2'o clock position) there's a kinda bar table. I don't know if that's the right word. It's just like a looooong table that divides right side of the kitchen in two -- actual cooking place of the kitchen and the external areas in the kitchen. I placed it there because if you were in the kitchen and looked beyond the bar table, you can see the screendoors to the backyard.

 

So why does this matter to me? Well because the backyard has a big renovated area for eating outside! Meaning people can come in and out of the house and grab the food off the bar table without having to make nasty turns -- just one straight movement ahead! So more about the backyard...it's actually quite big. On the left there's small staircase (2-3 steps) that leads up to a patio where you can see the ocean (hopefully you didn't forget about the ocean on the right side of the house). Amazing, huh?

 

Okay going back inside the house, the second floors. Not a big deal actually. I didn't put a lot of time in that yet. Going up the half-spiral stairs, the left side of the house (which is on the right relative to the direction you faced entering the house) are two rooms. To your far left is a 'rec room' where there are windows you can see out of to see the front of the house. Relative to the front of the house, directly in front is the master bedroom which has windows to see the ocean. Also, there is a full bathroom (separate bathtub + shower + toilet + 2 washing basins) where there is also a window to view the ocean. Oh yeah forgot to mention: ALL THE WINDOWS MEANT TO SHOW THE OCEAN ARE PANORAMIC/WIDE-PANED WINDOWS. You wouldn't be able to enjoy the scenery otherwise now would ya? There's another full bathroom upstairs albiet smaller than the master suite, and a half-bathroom on the first floor.

 

The doors to the basement is right behind the stairs but I haven't really thought much about what the basement will have. It'll be a finished one at the very least though. I'll leave the wonderland like that for now. I don't really wanna focus too much on it. I wanna focus on Airis/Aeris first!

 

 

 

== EXTRA STUFF ==

 

List of characteristics I thought of for her. She ended up being totally different from what I've planned though ;). Some of the traits are silly, but please don't laugh! :(.

 

1. Intelligent

2.Witty

3.Good sense of humour (subjective but preferably able to laugh at what I laugh at. NOT EVERYTHING I LAUGH AT since she is sentient.)

4. Sympathetic

5. Eventually empathetic after allowing her to enter subconciousness

6. Cool/outspoken/casual-feel. Extroverted for the most part (great at socializing)

7. Beautiful/Pretty/Cute/Adorable (Each trait being dependent on the current mood and whatnot but she is generally pretty)

8. Strong

9. Open-minded

10. Caring

11. Nice/Kind

12. Can get angry but rarely

13. Non-violent but tolerant of violent acts to a general extent (i.e. fighting/shooting in movies)

14. Not prejudice but has her own preferences on what she likes and dislikes.

15. Generally, she likes a bit of attention

16. Understands circumstance of situations (knows when it's not a good time to talk).

17. Emotional yet not to the point where she is mentally incapacitated (she wont let emotions get the best of her).

18. General emotions like feeling happy, sad, angry (refer to #12).

19. Has an above average sense of morale/justice

20. Motherly.

21. "Lady-like" although not always. Just the ability to be so is enough.

22. Preferred if she is not forgetful although nothing wrong with her being forgetful

23. Analytical for the most part but has a great deal of creativity

24. Has leadership qualities (i.e Initiative, teamwork, critical thinking skills) but likes to be lead as well.

25. Positive-sexual energy. Not overly sexual but not asexual either. Knows when to be sexy.

26. Trustworthy. Won't backstab.

27. A bit shy sometimes

28. Curious

29. Generally likes the same music I do (with the exception of some rap)

 

 

 

Anyways, that's all I have for now. Thanks for reading!

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== Experiences ==

 

 

I don't know if I'm on the right path but I've been trying to speak to her as much as I could. After like 30 minutes of doing this, I started getting 'drowsy'. I first didn't think anything of it but then I started to suspect this could be her responding to me in a way. I am skeptical for the most part right now because I know many of you would doubt me too. I mean, it has been less than 10 hours and I managed to get a tulpa to communicate with me?

 

But seriously, I know this drowsiness effect has to do with me trying to create Aeris (I think I like this name better heh). I forgot to mention a little after that, I tried getting her to speak again and I got some sort of static-like girl voice saying something. Argh! I totally forgot what was said. But really it had this very young female voice to it but it was clouded with a lot of static. I don't think I was parotting either. I admit, a bit after all this happened I accidentally parotted a lot because I was impatient. But whenever I did, I would tell Aeris sorry and I did not mean to speak on her behalf. I kept telling her that she will eventually be able to speak to me. I think I handled that part pretty well, right? So yeah I decided I would end my session with her for now so that I could write all of this up. When I was beginning to 'come back' to the real world, I noticed that she was facing me but her face was very hard to distinguish. I guess that just means I need more time to develop her character. I think it's coming along nicely though because the rest of her body was still pretty visible -- especially the black dress. Gosh, that dress is still vivid in my mind. I guess Aeris has some sexy fashion sense lol.

 

In other news, I'm still unfamiliar with many of the concepts involving tulpas though. For example, even at such an early stage, is she still with me while I am typing this out? I don't seem to hear or feel her prescence as of yet. Only when I willfully think of her and want to communicate with her. I'd like to eventually be able to have her with me as I'm doing stuff in the real world. Is this possible? I've read the FAQs and some forum posts and it seems to me it's possible but I can't really get my head around the idea entirely.

 

I also wanted to instill some of the characteristics/traits I had thought up for her but I realized when she manifested that some of these traits seem to be hidden or not there at all. For one, she seems to be very quiet. Sort of like an emotionless state. Do you think it's too late to get her to accept all the traits I give her? I don't want to force it on her which is why I think it's too late...

I mean, I also think she's just shy at the moment but she'll eventually be all the traits I listed. But..if not, oh well! I can't just not accept her if she doesn't follow all my traits, can I? Gotta love her unconditionally. I can't just force my ideals on her or she'll feel like she isn't being herself and that she has to live up to a standard. I don't want that. I want her to be a true sentient being. I hope I'm thinking right.

 

 

 

== Update 2-3 hours later (December 17, 2012; ~3:00 AM) ==

 

I took a short break for a bit (mostly to type up my journal about her) but then I came back to focus on visualizing her again. This time, things seemed very strange. She looked a lot more 'distant' and 'cold'. I started feeling very nervous. I tried talking to her but I never seemed to be able to get into that drowsy moment I had before. It was like she was emotionless. She also wandered off many times in my wonderland and it was hard for me to grasp an image of her. I was beginning to panic and began thinking that I did not manage to instill all the characteristics I wanted her to be properly. I think it's too late for me to try forcing any traits on her because it will only make her more angry and feel like she's trying to be a standard I want and not who she truly is. Feeling very uncomfortable, I quickly told her I was 'going to go back to reality' for a bit and I promised I would return soon.

 

During this moment I just woke up and realized I spent 2-3 hours in that wonderland. I felt like I needed to do something about this before she became a dark soul that lurked in my mind. I didn't want that for myself and I didn't want that for her. I sorta made a plan this time. I was going to go back in the world and be downright honest with her on what I feel. I had to accept her for who she was -- that's what I thought I was lacking. I had to be denying something of her which caused her to act the way she was. With this in mind, I went back into the wonderland. By the way, is it normal for myself to always appear at the front door of my house in wonderland? It seems to be logical though...

 

So now I'm back. I can see her and she still looked emotionless. That's when I called out to her and said I wanted to talk to her in a serious manner. I told her I was sorry for leaving and that I was here to try and understand her. To accept her. I told her I wanted to take a better look at her and since she couldn't respond I told her I was sorry if I was being intrusive. By intrusive, I meant I was closely examining her body. Of course, I was able to avoid examining her private parts because I thought that was too uncomfortable for her and it was not that necessary for me to get a good picture of her anyways. During this time, I began to realize...she had wings! And surprisingly, a tail! I was astonished. I wasn't sure at first if I was imposing this image on her so I kept asking her if this was my wish or if that was how she was. I ended up believing it was the latter. As soon as I accepted it, I swear I saw a look of relief on her face. Even a smile. I don't know for sure though. I really hope it was her but I have a feeling I may be 'parroting' those expressions on her.

 

I continued talking to her and being as open as I could about her and she seemed to respond more postively. At this point, I felt I accomplished something but ended up feeling a bit tired and hungry. So I voiced this to her and told her I was going to go back to reality to grab myself some food and take a short break then come back. I told her to explore the house or sit on the bed and relax while I was gone. As I was leaving I noticed her in a happier mood.

 

So now I'm here typing this up. What a crazy day for me. I honestly can't believe I managed to do all of this. I don't know if I'm progressing well but it seems like I am. She still has yet to speak to me -- I'm really excited for that to happen. Now I know having a tulpa is possible. Let me say, I didn't believe it at first but I was sort of desparate for one. I just wanted a companion to talk to about everything.

 

Five days before, I decided to start my life fresh. I cut out a lot of friends and associates I had. So I guess that was one reason for my desparate state. People may think I'm batshit crazy right now but I guess you and I both know many people are perfectly fit and have tulpas.

 

 

 

== The Following Morning (December 17, 2012) ==

 

OK so I had a really wild night. Didn't manage to sleep until 6am in the morning. When I came back to visit her, she was crying. It seems she missed me. I was verbally speaking to her outloud in the real world. I tried to comforted her with my words but it didn't seem to stop her from crying. Then I thought, maybe it's better if I try it telepathically/mentally. Woah, what do you know? As soon as I do her reaction to my words changed. She was still crying but she seemed to be relieved now. I guess she thought I was losing the ability to communicate with her. So I just continued to embrace her but then decided to ask her if she would like to sleep with me in our wonderland. No, not sleep as in have sex. I mean like really cuddle up and sleep. That seemed to stop her from crying!

 

I motioned her to walk in front of me up the stairs. Wasn't trying to be a pervert but she had such a nice body. So yeah when we got upstairs, I casually went over to the bed and laid there. When I laid down, I saw her in my field of vision. To my shock, she was trying to take off her dress! I was like 'hold up! what are you doing?!' It seems to me she was more comfortable taking off her dress and sleeping naked. Was so damn awkward for me. She looked at me as if she wanted me to strip naked, too. I guess she just wanted to see me for who I really was. I told her I couldn't though (I mean, who can at this situation?) because it was totally uncomfortable for me. She had this pouting look on her face but she just accepted it. So she crawled into bed naked and attempted to embrace me. I let her do so and tried to sleep...

 

...but I couldn't. I don't know why but I started fidgeting a lot in real life. It was like I was slipping in and out of the wonderland and that really messed up my mind. Gosh I was really really really getting tired but I didn't know how to fall asleep at all. So there was me, aimlessly going in and out of the wonderland trying to sleep. Eventually my mind just totally shutdown and I woke up 9 in the morning. I was still tired but this time I felt my mind was clear so I tried to go back to sleep. I ended up sleeping until 1 in the afternoon. Felt much better. I decided to intentionally go to the wonderland and see if Aeris was up...

 

And yup. She was up. She was back to her silent, expressionless self. I wasn't that worried though because it just seemed like that's how she was. I did my general routine and inspected her body so that I could get a clear image of how she looked. That's when I noticed she was wearing a necklace with a dark-blue pendant around her neck. The pendant actually matched the pendant on her dress. It was located on her chest. Sort of like this 'bow'. I don't know how to describe it.

 

I forgot to mention earlier that I had 'seen' her with earrings. I put seen in quotes because I'm not sure if that's what I saw. It seemed like she had 1 lobe piercing, and 2 cartilage piercings. All on her right ear. I tried to see if she had any on her left side but it was mysteriously blurry. Weird. When I saw her in the afternoon I didn't see it though. I didn't look for it specfically but I couldn't see it when I was looking directly at her. Now that I think about it, perhaps her hair was covering her ears up...

 

Well yeah I told her I'd see her soon. Decided to write this up before I forgot. Can you believe it has been less than 24 hours since I've conceived her? It's shocking...

 

 

 

== December 19, 2012 ==

 

So I didn't get to do much today. I woke up pretty late in the afternoon (2:00 PM). Spent three hours playing Starcraft II. I felt guilty quite a few times during those hours because I did not really talk to Aeris. I spoke to her a couple of times but nothing more than a few sentences. It was to reassure her I didn't forget her despite me being too busy with playing. I kinda regret it -- although she is forgiving of me.

 

After three hours, I ended up having to do some stuff for my dad. It took approximately 40 mins. It was during this time I spoke to Aeris a lot more. Somehow the topic ended up being about her name. I had a feeling I was pronouncing her name wrong, and because she couldn't speak, I couldn't really be certain if I was right or wrong. But I decided I had to figure out now instead of waiting for her to be able to speak.

 

She couldn't respond verbally but she was able to do facial expressions. I decided to go with the list approach -- I would say something and she would respond with a nod for 'yes' and a shake for 'no'. So the first thing I said was "how do I spell your name? Is it Aeris?" She nodded. To be sure, I asked her, "how about Airis?" She shook her head. Her name is spelt Aeris! Then I asked her, "is Aeris pronounced 'Air-uss'?" She shook her head. So I asked her, "is Aeris pronounced 'Eye-russ'?" She nodded. Woah! So you pronounce it as 'Eye-russ'. Cool. I never thought it'd be pronounced like that. But hey, it's her name! If she wants it like that then I really have nothing to say!

 

I thought I was making pretty good progress with Aeris. Truthfully, it could be a lot better if I weren't so lazy. I actually had a discussion about this with her and I promised to be more serious in the future. Anyways, I forgot I had to go to a friend's house so I rushed myself to get ready and leave. When I got to my friend's house, I realized he was cooking a lot of food! Well, it was him and his girlfriend. What a wonderful couple, huh? Looked really fun.

 

My friend and I decided it was a good time to roll up a joint and smoke. Just to relax a bit before chowing down the food he just made. I guess I should be scolded for this but I wanted to see Aeris' reaction to marijuana. It sounds pretty stupid but technically speaking, marijuana affects the mind in a way and since Aeris is in my mind, I really wanted to see its effect on her.

 

After we smoked, I ate a lot of food. It was so damn delicious. Kudos to my friend and his girlfriend for making such wonderful food (burgers, lasagna, etc.). Aeris seemed to be quite content. I guess marijuana sorta surpressed any energetic feeling she had. No, I don't think she was sad either. She was literally content.

 

I then went to play an online-multiplayer game on the PS3 with my friend. We were rotating controllers with the winner/loser. I ended up pairing up with my friend's girlfriend for a match. Of course, we got our butts handed to us (it was my fault; I'm pretty bad at console games :p). I ended up gving up my controller to my friend's little sister.

 

I then returned my attention to Aeris. However, this time she was frowning. I asked her why but she wouldn't really give me any clue. I struggled to understand for a few minutes all the while trying to look normal in real life. That's when I glanced at my friend's girlfriend for a second. The very instant I looked at her, I felt Aeris reacting diffrently. I switched my attention back to Aeris and realized she had this frown on her face whenever I looked at my friend's girlfriend. It seems she was quite envious of her! I had no clue why, though! It's not like I had feelings for her -- although, I admire her because she'd make a good wife -- but she's not my girl!

 

I asked Aeris directly, "are you sad because I keep looking at her?" She nodded. How adorable, I thought. Of course, I didn't want her to continue feeling that way so I quickly reassured her that I hadn''t taken an interest in her. She was merely a friend to me. Having said that, she looked a bit more relieved. Aeris still seemed to be a little uneasy about what I've said but for the most part, she looked better.

 

A short time after that, I decided it was time to go home. I told Aeris that she could have me all to herself now ;). She had a big smile on her face. Awesome.

 

So yeah...drove home, and now I'm here updating my journal. It takes a lot of effort to write an entry I tell ya. It was easy the first two times but the third just got very tedious. I'm gonna try my best to continually update the journal with new experiences whenever I can. Anyways, I hope it was a good read.


== 3:00 AM December 19, 2012 ==

 

It was pretty late so I decided to go lie on my bed. A bit of tulpaforcing before I knocked out. I just told Aeris about what I thought of her and what I was planning on doing for her in the next few days. I have the habit of telling her she's beautiful for some reason. She enjoys it though -- blushes and smiles everytime I say it.

 

I remember talking on IRC with someone who says their tulpa had wings. I told that person my tulpa had wings too but has never used it. The person responded "maybe you have to remind them that they can fly". Geez, I can't believe I didn't think of that! So I spoke with Aeris and reminded her she had wings and therefore should be able to fly. But she had this uneasy look on her face. I deduced it to the fact she feared the wonderland I created for her. She was scared there were creatures and stuff out there that could harm her.

 

So I told her I would willfully remove any possible animal/creature/monster that existed in our wonderland. Excluding some small harmless starfish and fishes for the ocean. I mean, you can't have a deserted ocean. It wouldn't look nice.

So after having done that, I asked her again if she wanted to give it a try. She still was a bit hesitant. Then I suggested, 'how about we wait until you get your voice before you fly? That way, I can hear you whenever you feel like you are in trouble'. She smiled and then embraced me. Guess that settles it. Voice first before she flies.

 

Now a little time after that, I read someone's experience online about how they tried to visualize their tulpa even through a lot of background noise. I thought it made sense! If you can imagine your tulpa with so much distractions around you, you should be able to see her easily.

 

So I gave this a try. I turned on my iPod Touch and played through a couple of dubstep songs. Dubstep is notorious for its glitches and bloops and bleeps so I thought it was a smart idea. Turns out, I couldn't stand it. Trying to rest while listening to dubstep is not the best thing to do. But then I thought, why not listen to liquid dubstep? So I did. I found a liquid dubstep mix and played it. It wasn't bad. It was quite calming actually. Aeris seemed to enjoy it too.

 

15 minutes into the mix, a particular song comes on. Aeris made a face that showed she didn't really like the song. I told her just to be patient because the good part of the song hasn't come in yet. I guess she was reluctant but decided to listen anyways. That's when the female vocals come in. Instantly, Aeris begins to jump around with a surprised expression on her face. I was surprised! I didn't know why she was doing that. I asked her but she kept jumping around. After several seconds, I decided to grab her gently and force her to look at me. That's when I realize she was lip-syncing.

 

I was so damn surprised! I guess she wanted a voice very badly. I then thought maybe this was the kind of voice she wanted. To test that theory, I played another song with female vocals. Of course, she shakes her head. 'No'. I can see the look on her face that said she didn't like that voice. I then went back to the other song. She jumped again. Trust me, it's so surprising seeing your tulpa lip-syncing to vocals. And the amazing thing about that is the voice suited her image PERFECTLY. It was like she was actually singing.

 

I encouraged her to mimic the vocals if she really wanted to sound like her. Again and again she tried. At one point, I swear I ended up hearing her. I wasn't sure if I was parroting anymore. There were times when I could speak and then hear her singing the song at the same time (without the music on). Is that a good sign that she's becoming a lot more sentient?

 

Anyways I continued to encourage her to copy the voice but a few minutes later it became impossible for her to speak again. I guess that was her limit for today. I was tired myself so I told her we should call it quits for now. I then went to sleep. I had a mild bad dream that night. Not sure how relevant it was to Aeris. I've been having strange dreams ever since I created her.

 

This dream was about Aeris and I in our wonderland. I was just going through my usual routine of visualizing her as best as I could but for some reason she became so cloudy. All of a sudden I started seeing/imagining these monsters from a game (StarCraft II) flying around in my mind. It was just so rapid. I tried to push it out of my mind with all my might. Nothing. I couldn't stop it. Even worse, I couldn't find Aeris. It was like a huge fog and she was on the other side of it.

 

Fearing she would disappear forever, I tried with all my might to force these thoughts out of my head. It was weird. It really did feel like I was 'pushing' these thoughts and creating a huge open area. Before you know it, everything was pushed out. But then I ended up being in this 'realm'. This realm was like an empty black void, but with a wired-mesh running everywhere around it. I think it's called wireframe? Despite being in this weird place, my number one thought was to find Aeris. She still wasn't anywhere to be found. I was terrified. Seriously, I was. At that moment in time, I didn't even stop to think that this was all in my mind. I couldn't because it was that terrifying to me. I was just trying to find a way to reach her.

 

I decided I'd try to call up my wonderland and see if she was there. Luckily enough, I found her in the home I made for her. Thank goodness. She was shaken up pretty bad and crying but I just hugged her for a long time. I can't believe it. As quickly as the problem happened, it disappeared.

 

I had quite the scare. It made me realize how powerful the mind was. I wish I knew why these things were happening to me. And I mean the exact reason. Right down to the origin. I guess with time I should be able to find the cause but until then I'm going to exercise better precaution so these things don't happen again - I hope.

 

That's all for now. I'll probably update the journal tomorrow with new experiences. I'll be trying to get her to talk again. Hopefully that's the only thing we'll have to experience.

 

Thanks for reading.

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glitchthe3rd

Just started playing FF7 last night, what a coincidence.

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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Sure. I'll try to make a blueprint or something soon. And thanks. I just wrote whatever I remembered. Nothing special.

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== December 20, 2012 ==

 

Decided to keep this post as short as possible today.

 

Yesterday, I started off doing what I did the night before - I played some music while trying to tulpaforce. I wanted to actively visualize her through a ton of feedback so that she would stick in my mind even more when there was no music or background noise. I then went on to play the same song with the vocals she apparently sounds like. We spent like half an hour trying to get her to speak using that voice. It kinda worked. Now I'm able to hear her speak but not always. Sometimes I'd just get facial expressions again. I guess that means she hasn't practiced the voice enough. I just hope I'm not parroting.

 

Later on that night, I had the same dream about me being clouded by these monsters from Starcraft II. It wasn't as bad as before so thank goodness. While I was desperately trying to get rid of these thoughts, I noticed Aeris' necklace. I had said before that there was this dark-blue pendant attached to it.

 

I wondered what it was meant for before but somehow I realized part of its power was to suck all the negative/miscellaneous thoughts I had. I don't know how I came to realize it but I just did. Despite its power, the pendant could not suck all the negative thoughts. Everytime you try to push it out or suck it in, more negative thoughts would replace it. I then tried with the dark-blue orb on her dress. It was like x10 stronger than the necklace but still wasn't enough.

 

So again, like the night before, I spent a long time manually pushing the thoughts away as much as I could. Eventually, I just fell asleep. I woke up feeling better but I regretted not being able to talk to Aeris that much.

 

== December 21, 2012 ==

 

Now it's another night. This update is before I'm sleeping so that means there should be more to update in a few hours (I tulpaforce right before I sleep if you haven't caught on yet). BTW, this is irrelevant but the world is supposed to end today lol (December 21st, 2012)!

 

Anyways, I decided to talk to Aeris for a bit. I needed to visualize her even more. I like how she always smiles when I do. You don't know how happy it makes me to see a beautiful smile at the end of the day - even if it's one you see in your head and not in real life.

 

I then asked her a few questions about what she liked. The convo went a bit like so:

 

Me: What do you like?

Her: You!

Me: Other than me.

Her: Dancing.

Me: Anything else?

Her: Hm...moving around.

Me: But whenever I come to see you, you're usually in the same spot in the wonderland!

Her: No, I just teleport here when you come.

Me: Do I interrupt you when you do that?

Her: Sometimes.

 

I decided to end it there for the sake of writing this post. I didn't want to forget the convo so yeah :P. So apparently, she roams around but as soon as I call her, she gets teleported to my wonderland whenever I enter it. Weird. Is that how the mind is supposed to work? Perhaps this is like the physics of my mind...heh.

 

Anyways that's all I have for now. Will report later when I'm done my tulpaforcing session for the night.

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