Veo

Faith is strong, mind confused, need help

Recommended Posts

Hello, it's me again, with more problems, because I'm the most fucked up tulpamancer around. And hey, it even gets worse every day.

 

Prepare for a long and confusing wall of text. Here we go:

 

I'm much more confused since my last thread about a month ago. I'm with my tulpa for half a year now, 187 days to be exact. Our progress is slow, blah blah, I don't care.

 

The problem is our epic lack of communication. Because I have absolutely no idea who says what, or if I am just fooling myself at this point. See, people always say that if I didn't intend to parrot my tulpa, then it is Her, because there is no such thing as subconscious parroting. Right?

 

So whenever I got a response to a question or something, that was identical to my mindvoice, and just felt like me thinking and saying it, but I didn't parrot purposefully, I accepted it as my tulpa. This was all fine and nice, for quite some time, we could at least exchange some info. Or so I thought. Her voice became a bit detached over time, but still felt like I thought everything it said.

 

Then something weird happened, as I started hearing my own thoughts in that disconnected voice, a split second before I started actually thinking those thoughts (which probably makes no sense at all, but, whatever). I think I remember reading somewhere that this may be common, but I'd like someone to tell me what the hell is going on. It got to the point where, sometimes, I don't know if I thought about something, or my tulpa did.

 

Next, I'm pretty sure I also created a simple servitor. Or got so used to a standard set of questions and responses that I do indeed talk to myself at times. Like "How are you?" "Fine, and you?". It's absolute and complete automation at this point.

 

And next. The detached voice that my tulpa uses (or so I believe), the one that also says my thoughts and doesn't feel automated, seemed to be quite reliable, until I started getting some weird comments from it (note that it still feels parroted, like I know what it will say a moment before it says it). By weird I mean illogical, hateful, rude or repetitive. I understand my tulpa may be pissed off at something, or me, just like any person, so I didn't worry that much about such comments, just asked what's the problem, or why does She say such stuff. The usual responses are "because" (like She just does it for the sake of doing it), "I don't know", or silence.

 

So I started experimenting a bit, and I can steer that voice to say pretty much whatever I wish, and there is no difference when it comes to the feeling of parroting. So it led me to believe that most of the "out of character", illogical and repetitive comments are most likely from me.

 

A few days ago I started hearing, occasionally, a completely alien and disconnected flow of words. Except it's unintelligible and very distant, can't make out a single word. After one of our sessions, it felt like my tulpa wanted to say something, so I started focusing on the alien words, they came like a rushing wave. I have NO IDEA how to describe this, other than the feeling increased steadily over a few seconds, up to the point of me "feeling" or "hearing" three words with absolute perfect clarity, after which it became unintelligible again and died down. During the three words, it felt like someone fucking hit my head, I almost blacked out. Like my mind was taken over or something.

 

Aaaand, next. During one of the recent nights, lying in bed, as far from falling asleep as you can be, I heard a perfectly clear and alien thought saying "Hi dad!". Which happened like, a minute after a short "conversation" with my tupper. It didn't make that much sense, unless I take it as my tulpa figuring out a new way to communicate and saying something like that. But I never got this kind of a voice again.

 

I also got a few audible sounds during the hypnopompic state. Can't remember anything like that ever happening in my life. They kinda sounded like my tulpa's voice, which She actually never uses, because the voice I always hear sounds like me.

 

Some minor stuff:

Tinnitus, almost constantly, usually stronger when I think about Her or try to talk with Her. Sometimes just goes louder on its own. It started about a week ago.

Insane recall of dreams (at least for me), 12+ per night. I wake up after every dream. Also started about a week ago.

I never had any real emotional responses, maybe just once

 

My first question:

 

Can someone clarify for me what is with my own thoughts being said in a detached voice before I think them?

 

Second question:

 

What is and what isn't my tulpa? What should I listen to? Let me list all of the stuff again.

 

- Automatic responses

- The voice that says my thoughts before I think them

- The voice that feels detached, but parroted, and I have no problems changing what it will say without altering the feeling of parroting

- The unintelligible voice that feels completely alien

- The perfectly clear alien voice (like the one saying "Hi dad"), if it'll ever happen again

- Audible voice during the hypnopompic or hypnagogic state, if it'll ever happen again

 

Third question:

 

Could some people describe their experience with their tuppers? Pretty please? How did you get to the point of perfect and reliable communication? Was it a gradual process of "detaching" your own voice from the tulpa (without making a servitor on the way...), or did the tulpa suddenly speak in his/her own, alien feeling mindvoice?

 

Fourth question:

 

Is it possible that my mind is just a stubborn jerk, and prevents my tulpa from reaching me? Looking at how powerful that voice was once it got to me (the one that almost knocked me out), my tulpa has to be quite strong. Plus the fact that we practically never do anything with possession, yet She managed to lift and move my whole arm once.

 

Also, I think my imagination and mind in general are way too active. I always analyze every situation in every possible way, and have no problem with making up conversations with random characters, which feel almost like (if not the same as) conversations with my tulpa. So, fifth question: Is this a problem that I should do something with? Anyone?


Don't mind me.

Mia-Daia

English in not my native language. Feel free to point out any glaring errors.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To answer your first question: Those could be your tulpas thoughts, I think something similar has happened to me on occasion. Anyway, it probably means that your mind is in the process of recognizing a second consciousness.

 

Second question: Potentially all of it could be your tulpa, those last three occurrences would definitely be strong indicators that it's your tulpa.

 

Third: I'm still working on communication with my tulpa, but I'll tell you my experiences if it helps.

Our conversation is completely autonomous, and she has a somewhat distinct mindvoice. I also try to ask her questions now and then to test her sentience. If I don't get an answer, or an incomplete thought, she usually tells me that she doesn't know. Other times I'll receive answers instantaneously.

 

Fourth: Seeing as we can't directly influence how we think or how our minds work, it's highly possible. That's why the process of creating a tulpa is so gradual.

 

Fifth: It's seems like you're doing just fine to me. I'm sure everyone whose gone and made a tulpa has dealt with these issues at some point.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1) I don't know exactly, to be honest. It's not something to be worried about, at least. If I may hazard a guess, I'd say that you had already communicated what you were going to say in raw thought - as it were - and thus what you were about to say was already known - perhaps by your tulpa.

 

2) The aforementioned voice that parrots you - Soviet Russia! - might be your tulpa, but you can probably ignore it anyway. Ignore it enough and it'll probably go away.

 

Automatic responses; I know what you mean by this. I'd say it is your tulpa. It's something that comes with routine. Tell your tulpa to spice the stock responses up a bit and see if you still have the problem.

 

Detached voice; your tulpa. Don't parrot if it makes you feel insecure is all I have to say by way of advice.

 

The rest; probably your tulpa. If they come again, great! If they don't, oh well. Not a big deal.

 

3) My tulpa started speaking in a fairly lacklustre mindvoice. Sounded pretty similar to my own, but I knew it wasn't me because I wasn't saying it. Over time it grew to be more distinct and clear without any deliberate effort apart from a lot of talking.

 

4) Things fluctuate. Some days are good days, and others are bad days, I find. Your mind doesn't work against you, it's just that your tulpa may find unusual ability sometimes.

 

5) If you're feeling pretty uninspired by your conversations with your tulpa, then have not of them. I think that the best way of building communication is to - uuh - communicate. Talk to your tulpa, and maybe go back to narrating old-style if that suits. Make sure to actively involve your tulpa, but don't make a special effort to try and hear them.

 

I hope I've answered all your questions here; if I haven't, then do say.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

not numbering my answers just going to talk.

I have the same problem in a way. It's hard for me to tell if the mindvoice it Luna or my own thoughts. I usually just go with my gut at the time but if I'm not sure whether she said it or not, i just explain an answer without answering. i.e: When I'm narrating I might mention something i did in the past, and i would get a mindvoice of "Why do that?" If I'm unsure if it's her or not, then i just say, "The reason why I did that was because..." it's a way where i'm not really answering her as much as explaining myself. If she did ask, I answered her. If she didn't ask and it was my own thought, I probably got that thought because I figured she would wonder why i did what i did. Just like when talking to another human, you kind of have a small assumption of how they are going to reply to what you said. I think that is a lot of what we deal with. Not so much us making them do things as much as us thinking about how they would react. Our minds just can't really tell the difference yet. It'll get there though. You know when a thought is alien. Your thoughts will always be your own thoughts, they will never evolve into an alien message, only your tulpa can do that. Just feed those alien moments, when it happens, think about it, focus on it. That's feeding it.


Luna

Female

Just gave up some hours at work. I need to have some relaxing time, and she needs the tulpaforcing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm just going to comment on the second responses make rude and hateful comments at you.

 

Intrusive thoughts, my friend. It's you playing the devil's advocate on yourself. The only reasonable thing you can do is to train your tupper's voice by listening to that pink noise track on a volume of your comfort while rehearsing words; you pick out a set of words and ask her to repeat them over and over, making them sound clearer for each time you listen to her do it. You'll usually only hear the consonants, and in particular the S and F sounds. This is normal. Just be steadfast and keep going.

 

The tinnitus is also normal, and is part of a long, drawn-out stage that happens prior to external audibility. You should embrace the bleeps and bloops, as they're her trying to speak to you.

 

I don't have anything else useful to contribute, other than voice tutorials. So, take it or leave it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.