Noich

Continueing a tulpa, after trying to dissolve it for months

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(inb4 *continuing)

 

So I'd like to hear other people's thoughts on this, please.

 

To keep it short, I had been creating a tulpa for some months. Then I came at a point where I read something which frightened me, and suddenly I decided I didn't want to continue anymore. Yes, I know impulses of fear are never a good foundation to making descisions on... But for some reason I still did it. It must have been 4-5 months ago.

 

I never meant to hurt her, I just wanted her to stop existing. For months I tried not to think about her, and most of the time I managed to. But there where also times on which I kept thinking about how lonely/hurt she must feel after I had given her so much affection and promises of friendship... I felt guilty. And so I felt her calling out to me many times, imploring me to 'let her in' again. But I was still afraid. Afraid that she might be angry with me. That she was trying to trick me, and really wanted to hurt me in revenge.

 

What nonsense. Yesterday I realized it. I knew my fear was injustified, and I acknowledged her again. I didn't feel any hate from her, just love and relief.

 

So I suppose my guilt, as well as my fear, as well as my love for her is what kept her into existence. Because while I was trying trying to dissolve her, these three feelings never really ceased to be. By anxiously trying to 'force her out', I was just denying a part of myself. A part that is pretty much incapable of hating me, or wanting to hurt me. Much like I myself am incapable of hating someone to the point I'm unable forgive them...

 

So now, after 4-5 months, I want to continue with Spick. I can still feel and imagine her as well as I could before quitting, if not better.

What are your thoughts on this?

 

On a second note: During the time I tried to dissolve her (and I still get this), when I thought of her I used to get strange spasms in my limbs, and a sense that there was another force trying to controll my body. Needless to say this only increased my fear/paranoia. What could this mean?


Name: Spick

Type: Pony thing, female.

Progress: Here!

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Well, I think that the spasms were just your body being weird, possibly acting on your unconscious fears. You can keep working on Spick normally now, imagining her and talking to her and stuff. I'm sure that even though you tried to dissolve her, she wont hate you because she knows why you were afraid.

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Thanks. I suppose I'm just looking for a little confirmation of what I subconsciously already know; that it's alright.


Name: Spick

Type: Pony thing, female.

Progress: Here!

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Out of curiosity, what was exactly what made you fear having a tulpa to the point of wanting to dissipate the one you were working on?

Let me guess, something about possession, switching


I'm brazilian and my english is not really good, I'll do every mistake you imagine, but I'll try to avoid them.

 

Tulpa: Kuruminha

Age: Began on the middle of october.

Form: My avatar.

Sentience: Confirmed.

Mindvoice: Not yet.

Working on: Visualization and Mindspeaking.

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Yeah, I believe my initial fear had something to do with reading about tulpaforcing leading to DID. I'm a bit embaressed about it actually. I knew very well that the process wasn't entirely without risk, but suddenly it was just too much I guess.

 

So far I've only been able to 'feel' certain emotions coming from her, as well as body language. She isn't vocal yet, so I don't really know of a reliable way to ask for her imput. I usually just talk to her, try to feel her presence and watch her moveabout the wonderland.


Name: Spick

Type: Pony thing, female.

Progress: Here!

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On a second note: During the time I tried to dissolve her (and I still get this), when I thought of her I used to get strange spasms in my limbs, and a sense that there was another force trying to controll my body. Needless to say this only increased my fear/paranoia. What could this mean?

 

Yes, these spasms are directly related to the dissipation. It's true a Tulpa entity is more than a 'normal' imaginary friend, and also more dangerous when it comes to that. I'm not sure where they come from, but it might either be related to stress of dissipation or creating something that can control the host's body. I will send you a PM as soon as I have time.


What is a Tulpa? Blog

Rainbow 'Alyx' Dash

Pronto

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Yes, these spasms are directly related to the dissipation. It's true a Tulpa entity is more than a 'normal' imaginary friend, and also more dangerous when it comes to that. I'm not sure where they come from, but it might either be related to stress of dissipation or creating something that can control the host's body. I will send you a PM as soon as I have time.

 

Thanks for this insight. If this is true I will no longer have anything to do with it, and continue to dissipate. Because that's where I, personally, draw the line.


Name: Spick

Type: Pony thing, female.

Progress: Here!

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Thanks for this insight. If this is true I will no longer have anything to do with it, and continue to dissipate. Because that's where I, personally, draw the line.

 

Whoa, I think you should give this decision some more time. I think it's best that you ask your own tulpa Spick. I know she can at least give you an yes/no response by you visualizing her and seeing her give a bodily response for yes/no, try to ask her the question directly whether or not she was causing the spasms.

 

And if she did caused the spasms just know that she's just a couple months old and she may literally not know any better. just tell her what she shouldn't do, lay down rules to prevent any further conflict, she'll listen.

 

so you two can live in peace, and you can start experiencing the true benefits of having a tulpa.


pix: Link

Diary: http://ponystasha.tumblr.com

Koomer.

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