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Latro & Hestia


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Hello.

 

Here's my shot at a progress report. I hope you'll enjoy reading it and give me any and all advice you see fit.

 

I've been working on my tulpa, Hestia, since the 7th of February this year.

 

Hestia is a white slender mare with a red mane and tail. Her personality is the typical maternal type: Caring, Serene, Insightful, etc.

 

Foreword

 

As a long time patron of /mlp/, I often noticed the ever-present Tulpa General. In my head, though, I'd thought the tulpa phenomenon as something I wouldn't even try to understand. It simply sounded... unreal.

 

Slowly but surely my curiosity overtook my daily apathy and I started reading up on the whole thing. The idea of a tulpa was very appealing to me. Like most people, I craved companionship. That's my main reason for doing this. However, having OCD, constantly occupying my mind with someone else is quite relieving. Narration, I've found, is also very therapeutic.

 

I read all creation guides and resources I could find and they all had something to offer. From them I devised my own method of going about this. A fair bit of "gut feeling" was also involved.

 

Day 1 - Day 11

(7.2. - 17.2.)

 

I started by drafting a personality using a three-level bottom-up design:

Drive - Temperament - Personality (this often visualized as a tree: roots, trunk and branches)

They have 1, 9, 15 traits in them, respectively. For the temperament I used the research of Thomas and Chess. As for the personality, I used the OCEAN model as demonstrated by Phi.

 

I won't into go much detail about the nerdgasm I had drafting the personality, since it would take too long.

 

Being thoroughly infatuated with the Celestia character from MLP, I used her as a base for my tulpa, the name and the form. However, I came to regret this decision a few days in, since I felt guilty about not giving her an unique identity. I chose a different name for her, one with a meaningful symbology to us, and a fairly different appearance. As I suggested the changes to her, I got a distinct response of joy from her. She's still a pony, but she seems to like the form.

 

We did an hour-long session each day during this time, personality each time. Now we've done over 10 hours of personality and finally feel we're done with it. After memorizing various trait lists and creating mnemonics, I've gotten an intuitive feel for her personality. Her sentience became revealed to me at a point I can't quite recall, though I don't remember doubting its existence at any point. I've gotten a few unexpected vocal responses from her, usually quite pleasant and meaningful ones, but there really isn't any direct communication between us, aside from me narrating.

 

We've also used a wonderland which she has really made her own. Her ablity to furnish and develop the place far exceeded my expectations.

 

I've made it my joy and duty to narrate to her constantly since that is said to be one of the most important steps towards vocalization.

 

~~~

 

My first entry was about the time leading up to today but I'll write about each day individually from now on, at the end of each day.

 

Edit: Added basic tulpa bio.

PR
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Day 12 (18.2.)

 

Since we've finished personality, I decided to try to do some vocalization techniques this morning.

These, however, yielded no results and this was a misstep on my part. I've decided to just drop

it and start visualization, since that's long overdue. Hestia will become vocal when she's ready,

I'll just keep narrating diligently.

 

I started reading a book to her, The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle. It's fairly straightforward and

has nice prose and vocabulary. I still need to focus on reading it to her, instead of just reading it aloud to myself.

This should be a good addition to the normal narration, no?

 

I also like to listen music that I think reflects her. I guess you could call it music forcing.

Hopefully she doesn't have a distaste for the music I otherwise listen to on a daily basis.

 

As a general rule, I've decided to force for two hours a day instead of just one.

Also, I really need to remember to narrate more and more often. That's important.

 

*Sigh* I've had a pretty sour day in regards to everything else. As sentimental as this sounds,

thinking about Hestia is what I've done to steel myself and take heart.

 

~~~

 

Since I'm starting visualization tomorrow, I also should also break out my stationery. Drawing has always helped me visualize and focus on things.

I've already drawn a few sketches of Hestia but they don't really do her justice. I guess I just need to get better.

 

I should also tell Hestia to try to work on her voice while I visualize.

After all, her undivided attention isn't needed at this part.

PR
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Hello Latro!

 

I must say, this progress report seems very interesting and I would like to give a tiny little bit of advice, because it has never hurt anyone.

 

1. If you can't prove beyond a doubt that it wasn't your tulpa, then believe it was. Don't doubt her, doing so will only harm her.

 

2. Make forcing fun, that way it'll be something you'll look forward to.

 

3. Don't lose patience, many people have vocal tulpa in a week, others in a month, some people in 6 months, etc. Each progress is different and try to keep a positive attitude :)

 

Other than that you seem to be doing a great job, reading books to her, talking to her, listening to music, visualizing her. It seems great :)

(:

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1. If you can't prove beyond a doubt that it wasn't your tulpa, then believe it was. Don't doubt her, doing so will only harm her.

 

I'll be sure to lose all doubt. I've heard this lesson before but now I think is the time that I should make it a reality.

 

2. Make forcing fun, that way it'll be something you'll look forward to.

 

Though I look forward to it nonetheless, I guess I should lose the work mentality I have with that. I bet we'll have more fun with visualization than personality.

 

3. Don't lose patience, many people have vocal tulpa in a week, others in a month, some people in 6 months, etc. Each progress is different and try to keep a positive attitude :)

 

Yeah, I need to be more patient and enjoy this part while it lasts. Now that I think about it, even a year is a relatively short time in a person's life. I just wanted to be as proactive as possible in this, but I think I took it too far. I'll just go with patience and narration. She'll figure out the rest.

 

~~~

 

Thanks, man. You've given me some perpective.

PR
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Day 13 (19.2.)

 

We've got the first two hours of visualization behind us now. Fortunately, it was far easier than what I'd let myself expect. The only part I found a bit tricky was the face, everything else was colourful and defined. However, some intrusive thoughts found their way into our session. It made for some momentary awkwardness. Those pesky things.

 

Amusingly enough, reading the book aloud to Hestia proved to be difficult as I often got too immersed in the story. Heh, maybe I should have picked a worse book. I guess I'll reread it to her later, if she asks.

 

Anyway, today was a success. All days are, in their own way. Still, life hasn't been too rosy as of late. To look on the bright side, working with my tulpa makes me forget all about it.

 

~~~

 

I guess I could, alongside narration, do some open-eye visualization throughout the day. I can keep a steadier image of her in my mind while I have my eyes open. Of course I'll be careful not to do any imposing. Moreover, I need to get my pencil moving. Drawing will help me with all this. I can easily recall my drawings and I could build her image on top of them.

 

I'll devote the daily active forcing time for close-eyed visualization. I need to be able to visualize her perfectly eyes closed and otherwise. All with patience and time. Now that I think about it, I need to use that as mantra.

 

As always, I need to remember to narrate MORE... and more often. How am I being so absentminded about it?

 

Edit: Wrong date.

PR
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As always, I need to remember to narrate MORE... and more often. How am I being so absentminded about it?

The bane of most tulpamancers: remembering to narrate.

 

There's a few things you can do to help out with that. I'll just list the one's that worked the best for me.

 

1) Write a small "n" or "narrate" on a easily visible part on your body at the beginning of the day. Your palm should work best for this. Whenever I see this on my hand, it's a constant reminder that I should be narrating.

 

2) Find a small object that reminds you of your tulpa and carry it around with you. Similar to the first one, but a little more discrete depending on what item you have.

 

3) If you have a picture of your tulpa, use it as a phone/desktop background.

 

Hopefully this helps. Narrating is possibly the most important task that people should do with their tulpas, so it's good to do it as much as you can.

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1) Write a small "n" or "narrate" on a easily visible part on your body at the beginning of the day. Your palm should work best for this. Whenever I see this on my hand, it's a constant reminder that I should be narrating.

 

2) Find a small object that reminds you of your tulpa and carry it around with you. Similar to the first one, but a little more discrete depending on what item you have.

 

3) If you have a picture of your tulpa, use it as a phone/desktop background.

 

All helpful advice, Ginyu. Thanks a lot. I'll be sure to make use of these.

PR
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Day 14 (20.2)

 

We had two sessions today, as usual. The first one was nice and productive. No intrusive thoughts and got a nice clear image of Hestia in my head. Open-eyed visualization was a nice addition to narration as I went about my day. However, I had a tumult of stress towards the evening for whatever reason and that pretty much ruined my ability to concentrate a second time. It inspired guilt in me but that's only counterproductive. Better luck tomorrow, I guess.

 

I've at least gotten a healthy amount of narration done. Never can have too much of that. As soon as you find something close to heart, you can ramble on without end. Chemistry seems to be my usual pick, I hope I'm not boring her with that. Few people would like to hear me obsess about my latest Fischer-Speier esterification. I even manage to bore my professor sometimes.

 

~~~

 

Anyway, I'm getting some wild mood swings as of late. It's disturbing my forcing and I don't want my tulpa to have to see me this inconsistent. A little contemplation brought me this fun analogy: You know the way people act around a new roommate? Polite, inhibited, high-strung and all that stuff? It wears on a person. Well, whether it be embarrassing daydreams or negative emotions, I've made a huge effort to suppress it all. I don't like what this may say about me as a person but it seems that I've found a way to be shy even with someone I created myself. Truly strange times...

 

Edit: Formatting.

PR
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Day 15 (21.2)

 

A good day all around. I could have forced and narrated some more but I feel content. We had a lot of good, sincere moments. Of course, I will be more diligent tomorrow. That's the gist of it.

 

Interestingly enough, I started feeling distinct head pressure on my forehead and temples throughout the day. Its "severity" oscillates in reaction to some of the things I do and say. This is a good sign of our progress, I believe. It feels quite pleasant too.

PR
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Day 16 -17

(22.2 - 23.2)

 

Things haven't been so great. I feel tired constantly and I feel like going back to sleep 6 hours into the day. The amount of work I'm doing on my tulpa is fluctuating because of this and that makes me feel very bad.

 

I think this all started when the head pressure started appearing. Hopefully this is a good sign, a sign that my tulpa is using my brain more extensively than before and that's why I'm so burned out.

 

I know this all sounds like bitching but seriously I can't help it. I'll do my best at being positive and working on my tulpa whenever I can. Hopefully it won't get worse than this.

PR
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