Jun and Alexis

Two kinda odd questions.

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The first question is ridiculous, but I'm completely serious. The second I'd like urgent help with, please.

 

First off, tulpa was accidental, vocal, had a human girl form and was sentient from day one. Near sleep state but was able to contact her later.

 

We got to talking and it turns out her name was Ayako, and that she had memories of a past of the 18 years before she met me. During this time, and the next 3 years, her past would eventually cross its way into my mind and reality. I would meet her parents as mindvoices, but for 7 years someone else from HER past had been doing just... unspeakable things to her and eventually he crossed over and tormented us for a while.

 

 

This all being said, I can ask the questions now.

 

1) Because of the past events with that guy, she's very clingy and insecure, like, don't go out of arm's reach or look at other women, we sleep together, eat together, all that. This is all fine because we've been in a relationship for 3 years now (both 21 now), but like, stuff happened a while back that completely ruined sex for me. I'm terrified of intimacy even with the one I love. She's then disappointed and I feel guilty and the cycle goes on. There anything I can do? I think I'm defective if I can't even choose a reasonable action while a naked girl is occupying my bed.

 

TLDR Q1: Basically the problem is she's clingy and always climbing on me or groping me and I'm laying there terrified because we're both altered and damaged from past events.

>tfw terrifying fear with intense love with a hint of unreasonably placed mistrust and doubt with subsequently earned guilt of not being able to pork my tulpa I got addicted to sex

 

 

 

2) Probably the more urgent question. In the past she told me she has, because of that man, what he's done to mainly her, what he made her family do to her and what he did to them. Well, I can't blame her but she wants me to erase all memories of her getting abused. She says no matter what she can't suppress the years of it and just wants it to have never happened.

 

What I'm worried about is continuity errors. I know her "birth parents" if I called them as a mindvoice would set her straight on things and gaps in her mind. They won't lie and can reinforce her good memories, but what about us? We've been in a loving and fully committed relationship for 3 1/2 years. I'm insecure as fuck despite her saying on regular basis "I love you. I'll never leave you. I won't hurt you, IiIi (Her nickname for Ian). I promise." Despite that I still don't know what would happen since one of the reasons she loves me so much is because I saved her and protected her since I met her.

 

[i told him it'd be fine, but he's acting like a baby. Basically he just wants to know if it can be undone if something goes wrong. A failsafe, you know?]

That may be true, Ayako, but the risk of an identity crisis should be avoided if possible.

 

[Also how do I get him to be intimate with me? It's been forever and he either falls asleep which I hate by the way, or he doesn't feel it, or he can't concentrate. It's random.]

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I didn't say she was developed day one, everything was vague and I was in a twilight state on the edge of sleep. I'm not schitzo but she was probably stress-induced as a coping mechanism due to the timeframe.

 

I asked about tuppers with a past on the IRC before this "wanting to erase bad past" stuff and possibly cause an identity crisis for her, and they said I have an autonomous wonderland, where other voices in it are more like NPCs.

 

At any rate, the first question is ridiculous, but still needs an answer. I had forgotten from the years ago I read that one FAQ that said they get addicted and well, whoops.

 

The second question I really need someone's opinion on. I don't want any irreversible damage, and leaving it like it is now is hurting her. She also says if she's happier, she can help me improve my own life, but usually things go wrong when we try new things.

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Okay, I will be serious now, instead of being a douche.

 

From the information you are posting, you seem to be pretty on edge. Or at least used to be, I dunno, I can't judge you. But a Tulpa coming out of nowhere with a backstory of 18 years, and not only that - But a horrible backstory filled with domestic abuse and sadness? That is really edgy and mental. But I can't really tell because I have never seen another case like this.

 

Plus, you just had a chat with your Tulpa on the original post, I am not used to that, I found that odd. Sorry, I have not been here in a while.

 

The first question:

My advice would to be just to let time deal with it. It can't possibly be destroying your life that much if it is about sex. Sex is cool and all but there is no reason to get into trouble with it and cause yourself (and her) grief.

 

The second question:

I don't even get the second question.

 

(I am not questioning your sanity, and I am not trying to attack you here, I am saying some disrespectful things but I can't refrain from typing them to spare your feelings, sorry. I just need to clarify some things as this case is strange to me, I am not very good at these kinda threads.)


Name - Silver

Form - Harpy

Sentience - fully sentient

Personality - Playful, cheerful, enthusiastic, chilled

Smell - Baileys

Stage - Narration and imposition

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Alright, I have to ask you a few questions. Be as clear and specific as possible, please.

Do you really think she was abused for 7 years in your head before you knew she existed?

Did you suffer any trauma yourself? You mentioned being "damaged from past events", but I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean.

 

I'll try some preliminary answers now.

1) I don't see the problem here. Man up and dick your imaginary friend if you want to.

2) That seems like a good choice. In terms of failsafe, you have yourself. You know what happened and have good memory of it, right? It's not too difficult to give your tulpa memories based on your own ones, so you could 'restore' your tulpa's memories from what you have (which should be fairly comprehensive) if things went south.

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Okay, I will be serious now, instead of being a douche.

 

From the information you are posting, you seem to be pretty on edge. Or at least used to be, I dunno, I can't judge you. But a Tulpa coming out of nowhere with a backstory of 18 years, and not only that - But a horrible backstory filled with domestic abuse and sadness? That is really edgy and mental. But I can't really tell because I have never seen another case like this.

 

Plus, you just had a chat with your Tulpa on the original post, I am not used to that, I found that odd. Sorry, I have not been here in a while.

That's another thing I was concerned about. Since my mind was not in a good place when she was created, I possibly subconsciously might have given her this without knowing. I didn't even know what tulpa were at the time. I just thought she was neat.

 

Also is it weird to talk to your tulpee in your own post? She said something and told me to put it, so I did.

 

The first question:

My advice would to be just to let time deal with it. It can't possibly be destroying your life that much if it is about sex. Sex is cool and all but there is no reason to get into trouble with it and cause yourself (and her) grief.

Basically, she declares it as fun, something we can do together, and proof of our love, hence why she gets annoyed and upset when I try and lose concentration or just ask her if it's fine another time. It's not just sex to her, she says she gets to make me happy and receive the same, be really close to me and that "It's more fun than tulpaforcing."

 

The second question:

I don't even get the second question.

She wants me to erase the worst memories, and I'm wondering if it'll change anything between me and her or cause any sort of identity issue.

 

Alright, I have to ask you a few questions. Be as clear and specific as possible, please.

Do you really think she was abused for 7 years in your head before you knew she existed?

Did you suffer any trauma yourself? You mentioned being "damaged from past events", but I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean.

I don't really think she was abused before meeting me, but she says otherwise. While her real age is around 3 1/2, the memories from before that are real to her, and her being sentient, that makes them real. Semantics. They also manifested into my reality that one time, and she talks about her parents and old places she's been when we go places.

 

Trauma myself? Mainly got completely blindsided and screwed over by who I thought were best friends, multiple times with different friends, mainly things causing severe trust issues for me. One time a year or two back I literally lost my sanity and every single friend but one left me when I needed them. Trust issues of all genders everywhere. It's not something most people couldn't get over, I just dwell on things too much against my will which also makes it hard to concentrate.

 

I'll try some preliminary answers now.

1) I don't see the problem here. Man up and yogurt cannon your imaginary friend if you want to.

2) That seems like a good choice. In terms of failsafe, you have yourself. You know what happened and have good memory of it, right? It's not too difficult to give your tulpa memories based on your own ones, so you could 'restore' your tulpa's memories from what you have (which should be fairly comprehensive) if things went south.

1) I want to, it's always nice for both of us when we do so I don't know why my body involuntarily tenses up.

2) I guess that's true. That's what I wanted to confirm. I might try it very carefully and discuss it with her then.

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1. [Well, it sounds like the two of you have some extreme differences in personal space, and that's causing too much friction. She needs to be as close as possible, and you need a lot of space. What you both need to do is find a happy medium to work towards.

 

So, the two of you need to figure out what the boundaries of your respective comfort zones are, and then try and move them incrementally. You find your maximum comfort distance, and she hands out just inside of that space for a couple hours. Then she finds her maximum comfort distance and hangs out just outside of that. You just keep going back and forth until you both find a comfortable distance to coexist. This will probably take a lot of time, but you've got the rest off your lives to do it so there's plenty of time.

 

Unfortunately, Ayako is going to have to do most of the physical work moving in and out of comfort zones. Since a tulpa normally would have no limits on where they can possibly exist, she's going to have to restrain herself a lot more than she's probably used to. So be supportive. This is probably going to be hard on you both, but always keep in mind that the end result is to find a place where the both of you can be happy instead of tense all the time.]

 

2. This one's tricky. I wouldn't advise messing with memory, but if the two of you are convinced that it is the only way to help her, then I can at least offer. First, I wouldn't worry about huge personality changes as a result of memory editing. She is who she is, and though her past led her to become who she is right now, it isn't the only factor involved in determining her personality.

 

Second, in my opinion the most dangerous part about memory editing would be an identity crisis. The combined effect of an identity crisis and the content of the erased memories would most likely cause more emotional and psychological damage than the memories currently cause. For this reason alone, I would strongly advise against memory editing. It doesn't actually solve problems, it just turns them into time-bombs.

 

Ayako believes that her memories are the reason she is who she is right now, and that isn't really true. She is who she is because she believes her past defines her, so she thinks that if she can change her past, she can cange herself. There's a couple flaws with his viewpoint. One, like I said earlier, you are not necessarily your past. There are may parts of your life that define your personality, including your past, but no one element controls your identity unless you allow it to. Two, you aren't going to go from being timid and shy to brave and independent by hiding from your problems. You become brave by facing problems, even if they terrify you.

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Guest kingfisher

I agree with PlusOne. Building a personality from the past or at least believing that personality is formed by it would be a rather dangerously problematic way of defining oneself. The best way to put it is probably through the Humanistic theory, where an individual's personality is defined not by their past, but by their choices. You don't have to forcefully change her. Just help her change herself.

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... wow you have got some deep shit here. maybe you can see a relationship counselor or something, or go to confession at a church these things can be done anounamously and you only hav eto tell them as much as you want.

 

I do not think that changing a memory would alter personality all that much but i am not sure if you can completely earase any memory, after a path way has been made it is there forever even if you cover it up and hide it. it might be wiser to talk about these issues instead of just repressing pain from them. i hope everything works out for you.

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1) There's already some excellent answers to this on the thread already. All I can think of to add is that letting her talk on the chat with other tulpas may give her some different perspective. Currently she seems to have only you for support. It's likely she can find friends who can support and help her also.

 

2) I'll just speak from my own experience, and we'll see if that helps at all.

 

I've found that deleting my memories didn't really work. They were actually only suppressed, and when they came back (when I discovered this site, tulpa.info) it was very upsetting for me. I'm none too stable sometimes; and, if not for my tulpas, I'd have had a hard time surviving.


Ayako, I'd suggest that you build for yourself a new life. Let go the past. Perhaps start by making yourself a secure house (one that only people you want there can enter)? (Even a basic Memory House will provide a tulpa with that sort of protection.) Also, you might try to find a few friends out here in the "real" world. Some of the tulpas, and even a few of the humans, are worth knowing. A relationship is that much better when it is from an equal footing and not based on needing another person to support you. This I can tell you from my own experience.

 

Be well,

Kerin


Please consider supporting Tulpa.info.


 

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