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Stumbling towards bliss. Skye and Ande


Andesconin

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I'd say about two and a half to three weeks ago i made the decision to start creating a tulpa. I felt confident that I was doing it for the right reasons an all, I really just wanted a life long friend who would understand me, and tot hose who know me, I am a confusing person!

 

The first day, i decided to try creating a personality. So i looked up some guides bu none of them really seemed to build a personality. So i came up with my own method, i call it the web method. I chose 5 core personality traits, and ended up with 7...? but i spent a good bit of time on each one of them, adding on 3 to 4 sub traits, for example, i defined stubbornness as one of her core traits, which gives way to her valuing her individuality and so on. I finished the list on the third day. So i decided to start narrating!

 

When i narrated, i didn't just say the words out loud, i envisioned them in my minds eye, the meaning of these words and the emotions i tied to them. i pictured the things she would say because of these traits and moments we might have, all full of positive feelings. I was finding it difficult to focus on all these things at once, so i decided to try meditating. which ended up just being wonderland!

 

the fourth or fifth day, i have a terrible memory, I decided that this would go a lot better if i named her first. So, i opened up a list of female names and started skimming. my eyes fell on the name Skye. and i dont know why, but i couldn't get it out of my head. so i figured it was my subconscious trying to tell me something and i shouldn't over think it. So i named her Skye.

 

Fast forward 2 or 3 more days... I had started slacking in my narrating and forcing goals, in fact early on, i had made a promise to Skye that i would do so much per day. and 2 days went by where i didn't narrate or force for more than 15 minutes total, where i had promised at least an hour a day. So i decide i should give it a shot today, and i sat down in my truck, parked of course, and relaxed my body, and went back into 'my' wonderland. At this point i had decided she was going to be a cat girl of sorts, with ears and a tail and whatnot. I decided, heck, lets go on a little adventure for fun. so i pulled a treasure map out of nowhere and started following directions... long story short, ninjas, skeletons, and commonwealth. She didn't move on her own or reply to me or anything, and i mean hey, its only been a week in, with only like, 5 hours of narration and forcing total. But i got a feeling that she wasn't happy with me.

 

I shook that off and decided to start defining her form a little more. But i ran into a problem. I couldn't seem to focus on her, no matter how hard i would try to see her, she would shrink away from my 'sight' and become tiny. I eventually asked her why she wont let work on her. i wasn't expecting a reply, it was moreso out of habit at this point. But something did happen. She didn't say anything, or move, but i felt a strange alien emotion, a strong feeling of hurt and disappointing. It took me a moment to realize it, shame on me, but i had given her, in her core traits, a deep importance of truth and honesty, and i had broken my very first promise to her...

 

I was overjoyed at this first significant sign of sentience, but it lasted for not even a second, when i had realized what i had done. She wasn't an idea at this point, she was there, i was sure of it, and i had bargained with the time i should have given her. I know that a tulpa will fade if it doesn't get attention. i felt like i had almost killed her before she had a chance to live. Anyway, enough of the sappy stuff and on to the real progress report!

 

i think its almost been 4 or 3 weeks? i'm not sure, i dont count hours. But I've noticed a great improvement in my visualization ability. I am seeing her more clearly everyday! Infact, a few days ago, she showed another sign of sentience. She decided to "help" me with her form! I was picturing a girl a little shorter than me, about my own age. She had other plans. She wanted to go further with the cat idea and included paws. AND she decided she wanted to be really young. like 7? at least in appearance. I mean she is adorable! I already made the decision to let her have her way, after all, i want her to be herself.

 

at this point, i had attempted possession, just for fun, no clue on how to do it just thought, hey, might as well get a jump start! I got nowhere besides a few twitches... that was until last night

 

it is half interesting, and half unsettling... There was no full control or anything, its just now that i think back. i dont think i should continue with possession until i can speak with Skye openly... let me tell the story

 

It was 3am. i had caffeine and amphetamines coursing through my veins. I dont like to take adhd meds, but when it gets bad and i have an important paper, anyway. i was awake, and my body felt those familiar jitters. So, with my heightened focusing prowess, i decided to try and force. it was well, harder to visualize, but easier to concentrate. when i visualized it was jittery. I decided to attempt imposition instead, and i started with narration like i always do, i put all the traits and emotions into that familiar bundle and focus on her. I was still having trouble visualizing her in any kind of detail, so i decided, hey lets play with possession again. eventually i was laying down, and balanced my arm on its elbow, pointing my hand at the ceiling, i went through the familiar practice of relaxing my muscles and letting go of them, like i do for meditation, and i asked sky to try and move my arm. it was subtle at first, but it started to move in small circles, eventually larger and faster... I was so proud of her, developing so quickly! i had her try both arms, and then my shoulders, then i had an epiphany! I now have a way to communicate with her! I told her to nod my hand for yes, and twist it for no. I learned that she hears me clearer when i speak to her in my mind. i tried asking her what her favorite color was, she couldn't tell me it seemed. this went on for about half an hour, and my head was getting worse, and she seemed to start having trouble. so i called it a night and tried to get some shut eye. i woke up the next day unsure of what happened that night. i talked to Skye about it and i think she understands.

 

Also, for those who have achieved possession, did it start out as small weak contractions. To me they feel more like suggestions than movements, like i have to take away nearly all the weight of my arm before she could move it. I would love a reply! and if anyone wants, i can make a separate post about all the adventures Skye and I have gone on!

(Insert deep emotional/philisophical phrase here)

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Update, I found a picture that is similar to what she wants to look like. a little too yong but the color is spot on! http://s374.beta.photobucket.com/user/MiyuyaJB/media/cutedaughterofgaara.jpg.html

i'm not sure how to set up a link though... i kinda suck at forums.

 

Anyway, i've been reading up on possesionn and found someone with a story very similar to mine. and early possesion was a great thing for them, so i'm gonna try and roll with it. Its bound to be unconfortable at first, but i'll get used to it, i know Skye wouldn't hurt me or forcibly take control, she is a sweetheart!

 

edit- nvm the link made itself lol

(Insert deep emotional/philisophical phrase here)

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Week 3: March 1st.

 

I've decided to call it at 3 weeks an'd I'll start a new week every Monday.

 

I've been working on imposition today, when i'm driving i like to imagine she's in the passenger seat, its difficult because i cant put too much attention on her cause, you know, driving and everything, but i feel like it helps a little bit. I was able to visualize her smiling today though. its not the first time, but it still makes me happy. I just can't get the eyes right when they are opened, provably because i haven't settled on a color yet... i keep changing my mind... give me ideas Tulpa.info! a sweet gentle color with a subtle ferocity... Skye has determination, but she is still a sweetheart.

 

I am going to force in wonderland in a few minutes, for about an hour. I'll post the results in this post when i get back. my sister has an appointment and i'm gonna force in my truck waiting on her. wish me luck! Also, if you're curious about my Wonderland, just ask. I think its really nice! Just like getting replies! *puts on his best desperate smile*

 

-also, i've only tried once since then, but i haven't had any successful possession since my adhd medication wore off, if anyone else finds this interesting i'll gladly do a small scale experiment on the effects of amphetamines on tulpae and tulpa creation in the future, as for right now, i dont want to risk messing anything up this early on.

 

-update

 

Well that was unsuccessful. No i shouldn't say that, you learn from failure too, after all.

 

I couldn't seem to force like i usually do, i kept getting distracted. I feel like this is because of my meds. they are supposed to make it easier to focus, so i was in some small way learning to lean on them that day. Anyway, i'm gonna listen to some tones and see if that helps. Wish me luck! No, wish US luck.

(Insert deep emotional/philisophical phrase here)

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  • 1 month later...

I'm interested in your wonderland, actually!

 

I've been thinking about wonderland's lately. I have my own, from daydreams from before I knew anything about tulpae, but it's never seemed worth the trouble to me to tulpaforce there - just another thing to hold in my head at once.

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  • 8 months later...

Oh, Skye is such a lovely name. And she has chosen such an adorable form to take.

 

I look forward to seeing more of your progress, Andesconin.

 

Hope you're doing great!

My Tulpa

Name - Julian

Form - Moon Elf

Sentience - Beginner stage

Personality - Calm, Enlightened, Intellectual, Observant, etc

 

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I don't mean to be rude, but this thread has been inactive for months and the user behind it hasn't even logged on since September. There's really no point in bumping a thread this old.

 

Oh, my apologies, Cold. When I saw, "03-01-2013 08:53 PM by Andesconin" my mind must've swapped 03-01 to mean January 03, for some odd reason... Then again, it's 3:48AM here since I'm pulling an all nighter. Must... remember... it's ...2014! Forgive the derp <3

My Tulpa

Name - Julian

Form - Moon Elf

Sentience - Beginner stage

Personality - Calm, Enlightened, Intellectual, Observant, etc

 

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  • 4 months later...

It's been ages, but i'm at a point in my life where i have alot of free time again. I admit my doubts have kept me from progressing and i have barely held onto Skye for months, it seems like forever. I'm lazy, and i can't keep myself on track for anything :/. But i'm not cruel, so i'm going to try again. I can feel how lonely Skye is from time to time and i know i'm a terrible person for waiting so long, but its high time i tried doing something about it again. I went into this knowing that there was no turning back. That once i started, i would owe it to this tulpa to keep at it. Oh , btdubs this is more of a self affirmation right now, it feels stronger if i write this here where i can be scrutinized for my shortcomings then just keeping it to myself.

 

I did have some questions and doubts, but i see that i'm not the first to have these. I've been inavctive but i still read the forums, i just never logged on lol. Anyway, wish me luck if you will. I'm probubly a lost cause, but you never know.

 

Now for some questions i'm going to ask into the open air.

 

1. Adderol xr. I have a subscription for it, but i don't take it. I have a strong moral standing on independence from substances like that. However, i used it once during my early months of forcing and i acomplished so much that night, however, i found it very difficult to focus mental images for long periods of time after that one day. My question is, can substances help with you're first tulpa? or do they only make the trials harder?

 

2. 3rd person visualization. I'm worried that my habit of being in third person in my wonderland is going to, or already has, created an 'optimised' copy of myself. When i'm in my minds eye, i see myself as the person i want to be, not the one i am. I mean i know that its me, but could it be bad in the long run?

 

3. alright this one is kinda a long story. i'll post it in an alternate topic and probably post it here? if not then scold me -.-


here is the link http://community.tulpa.info/thread-something-strange-happened i hope that hyperlinked. if not here is another trysomething strange happened

(Insert deep emotional/philisophical phrase here)

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rambling recordings of a suprise forcing session, GO!

 

'can you hear me. skye?'

{can you, i think i can, well i dont know}

'do you know who you are'

{syes}

(random memories about movies)

skye

{hmm}

does it bother you when my, well, our mind does that?

{hey wait a minute, i know!}

 

(tiny tim music)

 

typing is becoming a distraction

 

i have a question. when i practice mind voices is it a better practice to word out the responses or to take them as a 'compressed' thought packet?

 

{meow} <3

 

that time i think it was just her :)

 

I was typing a response to another topic when this happened, and i diddn't want to stop it to continue so i decided to try and record what i could here. it was a little with mind voice training, a little visualization and some possesion practice.

(Insert deep emotional/philisophical phrase here)

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  • 3 months later...

Hey Andesconin and Skye! I'm sorry I missed your brief return to tulpa.info, but I hope you're still working and progressing on this. And I know its months too late but I can comment on your question number 2 at least.

I try to keep in first person visualization in the wonderland, but that's only to keep it more realistic. I sometimes revert to 3rd person, as it feels very natural to me when I'm using my mind's eye. (For the first 12 years or so of my life I dreamed exclusively in 3rd person.) More importantly, I can't imagine it's unhealthy. If anything, wouldn't focusing on the 'optimized' version of yourself, or who you want to be, help motivate you to become more like that?

 

Hope you come back soon. :D

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