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Maverickthecats tulpea backstory and prog report


Maverickthecat

Which would make a better wonderland pet? (post what your other is).  

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  1. 1. Which would make a better wonderland pet? (post what your other is).



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>Put on the darket pair of sun glasses you can find

>Take everything else off

>Burst into whatever room she happens to be in and impale her on your rock hard Love-Love Stick before she can react

>Knock her one across the back of her head if she speaks and/or moves

Romance. I hear OGs do it like this in France, bro.

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okay so what you do is find a vacant house or apartment with a lawn and hide somewhere near the front door. order a pizza from domino's pizza and have them deliver it to the address you're hiding at. it doesn't matter what pizza you order; you're going clothes shopping. when the pizza guy comes to deliver a pizza, knock him out with knockout gas or psychic powers and take his clothes. if his (or her, i forgot that there are lady delivery dudes) clothes don't fit, take them off and leave them crumpled in a ball near the delivery person's feet and repeat with a different address until you get some clothes that fit. DON'T FORGET TO TIP THE DELIVERY PERSON!!!! seriously, they rely on your tips to make a living and not tipping is a pretty dick move. take the pizza box and either eat the pizza or throw it out, then cut a hole in the bottom of the box about four to eight inches in diameter (if it's too small, make it bigger).

next, go to the grocery store and buy a large digiorno pizza. believe it or not, the brand is very important, essential, even, so do not settle for shoddy imitation! the PUNCH(geddit?)line relies on this!

bake your digiorno pizza according to the instructions on its packaging and then put it into your domino's box. if you aren't wearing it already, put on your pizza deliveryperson's uniform.

go to alice's house and ring the doorbell.

when she answers the door, yell, "IT'S NOT DELIVERY, IT'S DIGIORNO!" and punch her in the face through the pizza box. this will knock her out cold. if it doesn't, keep punching her through the pizza box until either she is, or she escapes (if she escapes, this will necessitate a chase scene, which in turn will eat through your budget like a goat eats chainlink fence -- painfully and bloodily -- so don't let her escape if you can help it!!). since you delivered your pizza, go ahead and check her pockets for a tip and pocket any money you find. seriously. you rely on that to make a living, and not getting tipped is a dick move on the customer's part.

finally, switch clothes with her. SHE has assumed the mantle of digiorno-pizza-in-a-domino's-pizza-box-facepuncher-deliveryperson. when she wakes up, inform her that you didn't order a pizza and tell her she probably meant to deliver it next door. no, you don't know why there's a hole in her pizza box, nor do you know why your fist and her face are covered in pizza sauce and toppings. it's just one of life's mysteries. what do you mean, this is your house? leave now before i call the cops, vile trespasser.

 

i GUARantee she'll fall in love with you after all of this is said and done. SOURCE: many pornographies i've watched (purely for educational purposed, i assure you!)

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