Jump to content

Wrath Attempts Thing


Wrath

Recommended Posts

Well I've decided to start seriously working on my Tulpa, who is currently unnamed. I think it'd be best if I let him choose, but in the meanwhile I've taken to rather uncreatively calling him Wrath. Needlessly confusing I know but it was the only temporary name I liked/ could think off. Not gonna call him Jeff.

 

Wrath, at the moment is a small black dragon with large eyes. This is the form I switched him to after the previous one got to difficult to visualize due to the complete lack of symmetry.

 

Why I need a Tulpa:

I'm lazy and lack motivation, and of course lonely. I really should be getting a job/looking for one ect but again I just end up putting it off til the day after. I need a good kick up the backside, and someone to remind me to do things.

 

I'm therefore hoping my Tulpa will be adventurous and well organized, with a lot of get up and go. Hopefully simply having this in mind while forcing him will help push Wrath in that direction. If not, oh well.

 

Ironically the same thing which stops me from forcing is the exact same thing which makes me procrastinate with getting a job, I just seem highly adverse to any kind of hard work or even slight effort. For example I can enter a wonderland, but it's difficult and jerky to the point I have trouble staying in one place.

 

In the past 3 months I've only spent maybe 2-3 hours in wonderland, and in that time I've made great progress relative to time spent. It's the same with narration really. Which is why I'm making this blog thing, this kind of cements what I'm doing in my mind and will hopefully motivate me to actually fucking do something.

 


 

Schedule:

It takes 1 and a half hours to walk to college, I'll narrate during that entire time, or at least attempt to. I've been doing this last week, so far I estimate I've done 5 hours forcing. Wrath doesn't talk nor respond but I have noticed very occasional self-movements (or maybe that's just me being hopeful). I hate the long walk to college anyway, which is another reason I'd like someone to talk to.

 

I'll try to narrate whenever, but since I need to visualize him in order to talk to him (it gives better head pressure and helps me direct my thoughts) I'll need to be alone/ not doing anything that requires excessive amounts of brainpower.

 

I'm also going to attempt making a wonderland. So far I've only recreated places I've been in fairly high detail such as a beach and my house/local area. But I've yet to actually create something original. I'm maybe going to attempt an hour of this with my Tulpa per day, but it's very unlikely to get done. Hopefully having to write about it will motivate me (in future I'm gonna try to talk less about myself and more about my tulpa, it's just I haven't got a lot to say about him at this point).

 


 

It's strange, but simply writing out this blog post has generated head pressure. I wonder if it has anything to do with Joal's guide which says Tulpa can talk before being vocal but you can't hear them. I of course don't believe in sentience in the beginning, maybe very slightly after the first few hours.

I think my tulpa would qualify at over 5 hours old (counting a rough estimate of hours spent forcing and narrating).

 

Btw name suggestions are always welcome.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Huh, your reasons seem very similar to mine. Are you making a secretary tulpa?

 

You shouldn't total hours. Noting how long individual instances are is fine, but totaling them up is entirely detrimental.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks, in a way yes, I am making a secretary tulpa. Although I prefer to think of it as get up and go because secretary sounds awful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You shouldn't total hours. Noting how long individual instances are is fine, but totaling them up is entirely detrimental.

 

I disagree. Hour counts are fine; it's expectations based on hour counts that can be counter-productive.

I come out of hibernation once in a blue moon.

 

They/them pronouns, please. (I've been using this display name since 2012 and people won't recognize me if I change it.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I disagree. Hour counts are fine; it's expectations based on hour counts that can be counter-productive.

 

Was about to say this very thing, before I saw that you already did.

"If this can be avoided, it should. If it can't, then it would be better if it could be. If it happened and you're thinking back to it, try and think back further. Try not to avoid it with your mind. If any of this is possible, it may be helpful. If not, it won't be."

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, but the simple act of counting the hours makes those expectations happen. Seeing the raw numbers in front of you can create an idea of "this is taking too long" or something.

 

As for the secretary thing, it was a joke. I've thought about how similar to a secretary the my tulpa's traits represent, so it was kind of self-deprecating.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'ma continue counting them regardless, for documentation purposes ect.


Last night I did some forcing and created a very basic wonderland, although I wouldn't exactly call it a land, more like a small room.

 

For some reason I found it unreasonably hard to visualize my tulpa last night, but when I eventually did his form had shifted slightly. He's taller now (neck height), his front legs are now much longer then the back ones making his chest puff out. On top of that his face/snout has lengthened, his eye's not smaller and he grew a pair of horns on his head (going backwards). Strange.

 

Anyway I created a plain room with red paint. To the left is a wood burning fireplace protruding from the wall , in the middle of the room is a replica of my bed, complete with broken supports, which clashes horribly with the rest of the room might I add (it's plain white without any covers on it). The floor is made of wooden tiles and there are two electric lights opposite the fireplace. As time goes on maybe I'll add a door leading to a second room and so on.

 

During the creation of this room, I sat and had a long one sided conversation with wrath (should have came up with an original temporary name to avoid confusion, I'll refer to him as my tulpa from now on) about games and a movie I just watched over the internet. We were sitting on the bed.

Anyway I found it pretty hard to concentrate on forcing him sitting there blankly and forcing the room (it was hard, it was like attempting to stop a bowling ball from dropping for a prolonged period of time, or something), I think I may have been inadvertently puppeting him into just sitting there with a blank expression, because when I let go and put effort into the actual wonderland he started moving around sporadically, once jumping off a wall. I realized my mistake and apologized to him.

 

Anyway I kept talking to him as he explored the room, there came a point wherein I couldn't think of anything to say so I poked him in the forehead. He pushed me back, which was a pretty exciting displace of sentience. I yelled at him to punch me in the face for testing purposes, so he picked me up over his head and slammed me head first into the flooring. My head splattered into a gory mess upon impact, but I quickly re-spawned and dispelled the mess. This was pretty exciting progress, but he didn't do anything violent afterwards. I talked to him some more about this game I told everyone I wasn't getting because it was too expensive, yet got anyway because I'm a hypocritical fuck. 10 minuets passed and regrettably by this point I was too tired to carry on and had to go to sleep.

 


 

I think I've found my problem, in the past creating a wonderland has been to much effort because I had to concentrate on sight, sound, feeling, my imaginary body's movement and the terrain of the wonderland all at once. My brain couldn't handle it all at once, thankfully however this small room isn't very processor intensive. So hopefully I'll eventually be able to work up to procedurally generated terrain and mobs. Yay.

 

I'm extremely happy with the progress so far. Jesus I feel like I'm writing a job application/report for some reason, sorry if it felt unemotional.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I've done two additional sessions of forcing and a little bit of narration since the previous post, which is probably not nearly enough. I'ma try to force more often.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

3 months of procrastination have all but slaughtered my proto-tulpa, or so I think. I feel kinda bad.

 

Anyway these past couple days I've been getting back into the swing of things, before actually reviving my tulpa I played around with wonderland for a little while in an attempt to improve my visualization, and also so we'd have somewhere to actually explore. I created a door in my room as mentioned beforehand, this door leads to a short corridor full of doors each leading to it's own procedurally generated wonderland (I've been messing around with the concept, and it seems to be functioning on a very basic level). The majority of these are non-euclidian.

 

There's an endless desert.

 

One leading to Endless farmers fields filled with wild grass and moist dirt.

 

A bathroom with shower, because hey why not.

 

A door leading to my own room, the window (on the second floor) opens to the outside of my house as per usual (Earlier I experimented with recreating familiar places due to being unable to come up with original ideas)

 

A door leading to my old house from when I was a toddler, it leads to my mother's bedroom, the windows open to my old garden. Curiously everything is much bigger, just like I remember it. The heavy industry and cranes along the river are a nice touch.

 

Finally and most interesting of all is a medieval castle, which is square. I actually surprised myself with the amount of detail that was generated seemingly at random. First off you spawn in this darkened room with plexiglass holes in the ceiling, looking kind of ugly. There is a red carpet which is embroidered with various patterns running to the brightly lit end of the hallway.

 

The end of the hallway ends in something of a large spiral staircase, but with no central strut. This entire structure is one corner of the castle and completely round, it's a tower. The stairs come out of the walls and spiral down, separated by 5 meters of open space, lit periodically by candles. The top of the round tower is essentially a greenhouse, with a domed glass ceiling.

 

There is an arch leading down another large hallway, halfway between this hallway and the other tower is what seems to be an 18th century high class dinner party without any guests, complete with appropriate casual orchestral music.

 

The tables are lined with gold and set with a feast, I'm a little vague on what's actually there, it just looks like food that's under the effects of a perception filter, but upon closer inspection the food uncloaks itself. I spotted a delicious looking turkey breast with a small slice carved off and set onto a plate. I didn't eat any of the food due to me having no sense of smell or taste.

 

I turned out to the center of the castle, outside this large room filled with picture frames is an outside extension with a sloped glass roof, the center has a glass hallway leading to the very center of the castle, but either side leads to the open blank grass area filling the castle spaces.

Opening the doors you enter the very center of the castle, which has a medium sized room with large windows roughly twice the height of an average sitting room, the floor is made from reflective marble slabs. In the center of this room is what appears to be a skull shaped tombstone around 3 by 2 meters in diameter. bulling a nearby chain results in the jaw retracting into itself revealing a dark stairway into the castles catacombs, which act as a randomly generated dungeon which I plan to explore with my tulpa at a later date.

Stepping down the obsidian staircase results periodically placed torches on the walls flaring to life. After traveling down 2 stories you have to jump down a short drop to make it into the catacombs, which are dusty and full of cobwebs. On either side of this hall are arches which lead to a small space which runs the length of the level (this was only level one mind you), behind the arches were cofins built into the walls. The arches, ceilings and walls were all made of dull dark grey rock that was both weathered and heavily engraved, again I just know it was engraved, I couldn't exactly picture it properly unless I concentrated on one spot. The floor was made from pure black reflective marble.

 

Taking a few steps triggered some kind of event reminiscent to the crypts in skyrim where the druguars burst out of their coffins, because thats exactly what happened. A brief sword fight later (and an ancient sword that I extracted from my ruined chest cavity) I made my way to the end of the hallway to level two, which excited to much the same kind of place as level 2. I was creeped out by the place and retreated by to the bedroom, then promptly gave up for the night, as I was mentally exhausted and had developed minor migraines.

Funnily enough all this was generated randomly (or with very little input, I had no idea what would happen when I pulled that chain level) from one trip through a new door. There are 5 more I haven't explored yet. So I'm looking forward to that.

I felt like I was dying inside afterwards, couldn't concentrate on anything, couldn't be bothered to play video games. ended up just sitting in the shower and letting my mind go blank for 45 minutes despite the outlandish electricity bill.

 

I should include basic map drawings.


Onto tulpa related news:

Any previous entries of im responding were probably me being overly optimistic and a little bit desperate, feel free to discard them. Anywho I've officially restarted work on this entire tulpaforcing with what will hopefully be a renewed commitment, and I hope writing stuff down will help motivate me via reward or something.

First of all I've taken to calling him drake now for the sake of convenience, and because he's a small black dragon (not the anthropomorphic kind).

Visualizing him in wonderland I called his name a few times in an attempt to wake him up, and started telling im random things about whatever was crossing my mind at the time. I stopped when I felt the familiar head pressure invade and saturate the back of my skull.

Then I went and watched a couple youtube playthroughs and even a movie whilst narrating to him through the entire ordeal, I managed to get around 30 minutes of the movie narrated before I got really into it and focused more on the movie then my tulpa (it was the mist, first time watching, it was brilliant). The technique I used was to create a window in front of me whilst I sat on my bed in wonderland, my tulpa sat next to my virtual body I as it ragdolled and I went back to real life, still aware of the wonderland room's dimensions around me yet seemingly out of phase with normal space time (to me anyway). I repeatedly turn my view inwards to comment on whatever I'm narrating face to face with him. Also the beds strangely comfortable for something tat doesn't exist.

 

After around an hour of this in total I got a dull sort of ache which went away after a while, but I felt mentally fatigued and couldn't concentrate well on anything, nothing like the fatigue of creating that castle out of nowhere, but rather just mild.

I've also noticed that I no longer get the same calibre of headache that I used to, if at all. When I first started I used to get a throbbing ache just 15 minutes in that felt utterly bizarre, now it's only very mild after an hour of intensive forcing.

Good news is along with this new lack of headache, I definitely can feel an alien presence behind me or wherever I imagine him sitting, with head pressure seemingly coming from that direction.

 

I'm not expecting anything for a long while yet, co-processing tests have proved negative, and he's shown no direct signs of sentience nor movement yet.

I may try puppeting him into saying a word, then trying to get him to repeat it on is own. just a thought.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Took a few days off then did an hours session followed by a couple hours passive narration.

 

Attempting imposition despite not having a tulpa yet, I imagine him walking along side me, wall-jumping off trees and getting run over by cars whilst I narrate to him on walks. I can't see anything at all but I know here he is and what it should look like. Kind of like the lowest form of introspective imagination but with intentional visual hallucination (because I've already used the term imposition more than once and I'm a lavender unicorn).

 

I'm hoping it will go something like this:

Current predicament-> outlines -> Outlines and shadow -> vague color image -> A more vivid imposition.

It's hard to visualize talking too him face to face when I'm going about my daily life (it ends up cutting off), yet I feel that I get much better results from doing so (greater head-pressure as opposed to barely noticeable startup pressure). Therefore I think it'd be easier and faster to directly force him via imposition and possibly forego a wonderland, because despite it being an interesting concept, the difficulty involved with keeping everything stable, consistent and putting a stop to glitches (such as randomly freezing physics) just sapps all the fun out of the experience.

 


PS: In case you were wondering, when he gets run over his limbs twist unnaturally as he's pulled along and mangled under vehicles, his stomach ruptures and his guts spill out onto the road, this is followed by an onset of rapid regeneration. This is all puppeting, he doesn't move yet.

But I doubt this has any negative effects on him because I'm not A) squeamish and B) he doesn't feel pain (or has given no indication of such).


[video=youtube]

Obligatory Skrillex and pony concept art by a guy named martian:

OYnx6gH.jpg

So I know where to find it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...