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Spoons tulpaforces; confusion ensues.


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Huh, that's a shame. Sorry my tones couldn't satisfy your needs. Then again, they're meant to stimulate your imagination, so I guess they were just "over-stimulating" yours.

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I forced for about an hour and fifteen minutes, but I'm only going to count an hour because I drifted off for part of it and

the exact hour count doesn't matter anyways

. I used Brian Edo's tune "Thursday Afternoon" which was very calming and really good, LucidAcid posted it in a thread earlier and I found it very helpful. I started out working a little on Liz's hands, thought I'd try a different approach than I had been doing before. I can get an okay picture of the hands, but changing up the angle confuses me pretty hardcore. I also used ShyGuy's advice and dove into the water and down to the hole in the sand bar, and into my meditative-subconscious area. I've worked it so I can only breathe in the water in there, but not in the ocean water. I spent maybe five minutes on suggesting to myself that a tulpa can become vocal in less than 40 hours, and repeated that to myself a couple times and felt like I had at least some effect.

 

I spent the rest of the time back on the beach, the body is pretty easy for me to get a general image of right now, but I can't really visualize clearly yet (which is something I really need to work on more). I worked on some personality as well, this time placing my hand on her shoulder and imagining the feeling of each of the traits going into the body. I got that pulsing at the back of my head when I did this, but it was rather faint today. My sense of touch is very easy to manipulate, which is something I realized years ago. I can imagine the touch of something more than I can visualize or imagine audio. Without even really meaning to, I could feel Liz's shoulder very clearly (can you feel things clearly?) while I was doing this. I ended the session like I always do by telling her that if she ever wants to talk I'll listen and even if she can't make words I won't laugh at her, and encouraging her to respond by pressure at the back of my head if she can.

 

Hours so far: 20 (landmark? landmark.)

Progress: Most important thing that happened today was discovering "Thursday Afternoon". Should help me in the future. Other than that, just general visualization work.

Homework: Practice some visualization using photos, look at pictures of eyes, and of course narration.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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Yesterday I tried to force but was interrupted after about 15 minutes, and was busy for the rest of the day. I've been narrating much better I feel like, and because I've been watching a lot of movies recently a lot of times I will go back over the plot of the movie to Liz when I'm driving or something. The most recent movie I told her about was Attack the Block (really great by the way) which when I got to the end of and was explaining how awesome the ending was I had some tingling at the back of my head, but I think this was just me remembering how enjoyable it was.

 

Today I forced for about 40 minutes, but I was really way too tired to concentrate. Absolutely no progress, drifting thoughts, and my visualization was awful at best. I realized I am using Emma Stone's eyes as a base, for better or for worse. I went through all of the personality traits just listing them, not even feeling them or anything because I was just too tired to do so. I need to get some serious sleep so I can get back on track. I was so tired that when I managed to get into my wonderland I kept popping into third person, or my limbs would move in weird ways (I knew it was really bad when my leg started flailing around and I was just like OKAY SERIOUSLY WHAT).

 

Hours so far: 20.5

Progress: None today. Developed a good way to narrate.

Homework: Get sleep above all else. For me, tired forcing just doesn't work.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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Today I forced for about an hour, and actually had what I think was my first breakthrough. I was tired again today, even though I tried to get more sleep. I picked up Liz and carried her to the big hill (inside which my memories are stored) and I carried her to the top of the hill and set her down, leaning her up against the one tree that's at the top of it. I talked to her all the while and looked right at her face, and I can kind of get it in focus now. She looks a lot like Emma Stone in Zombieland, which I'm totally cool with. Anyways, I dove off the cliff and into the water which was an interesting practice in wonderland visualization. I swam back to the shore and picked up Liz to carry her back to the towels/umbrella area. This is where things were different.

 

About halfway back I got this really intense, distinct pressure in the back/top of my head. The throbbing was still going on, but this was different. It was like someone was squeezing the back of my brain, not too hard but hard enough so I could feel it. I didn't know what to do so in my head voice I said "Hey Liz, if that's you, could you stop?" because I wanted to see if she could control it. Within a couple of seconds the feeling regressed and I was back to normal with the throbbing in the back of my head. I tried to ask her to do it again, but I think the results I got from that were just placebo. I told her that I was really happy that she could do that and that I would be really happy if she ever did it again. I don't think I got anything like an "Emotional Response" though, just pressure, and it definitely was something that I can't produce when I try.

 

Shortly after this she started walking back to the towel/umbrella area on her own but I think that was mostly just my tired mind parroting. After about 45 minutes of Brian Eno I decided to switch to silent forcing, which went terribly. I was so tired that I would hear music, random voices in my head. I'm not even sleep deprived really, I got like at 7 hours of sleep last night. In the wonderland my limbs also flailed around again, throwing sand everywhere (including on Liz) and it frustrated me greatly that I couldn't control it. I need more sleep.

 

Hours so far: 21.5

Progress: First sign of sentience(?), some visualization face work

Homework: Narrate, talk to Liz, hopefully get a reliable response through pressure.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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Note: I know I post blocks of text literally every day, and I'm not conceited enough to think that people will read these just because I am writing them. I use this to organize my thoughts and so I can check on my progress, knowing which days what happened and so on. If anyone can get some kind of knowledge from this, then I'm happy I'm able to help, but just know that I don't think I am interesting just because I write a lot.

 

I was going on the assumption that as I used it more, my "third-eye" vision would get stronger and I would be able to see my wonderland or Liz more clearly. It's been probably around 10 hours or more since I started visualization and using my wonderland, and I'm nowhere close to being done. Every day I have trouble focusing on the wonderland, like getting "into" it. I feel like it's gotten harder since I started, actually. This is probably due to lack of sleep though (even though I'm getting 8+ hours of sleep a night). I guess more sleep or maybe even Melatonin is needed. I have tried several visualization exercises and haven't improved my skill very much, although I did figure out how to use that kind of vision and not try to see things on the back of my eyelids. Personality work, while a little more boring and seemingly less rewarding, is much easier and after a visualization session I tend to always go back to personality for at least 5-10 minutes just to review.

 

Today I worked on visualization, but was pretty tired and couldn't keep Liz in my wonderland (I know this sounds weird, don't post WTFNO yet I'm about to explain). Since my wonderland wasn't coming very clearly to me, I tried to use FAQman's mental photograph of the room in front of you thing. This image was also pretty weak/blurry, so I kept changing the place. Eventually I think I was dreaming, because I was so tired, but I was still forcing. It was semi-clear (I knew what things were but I couldn't really focus on them) and Liz and I were together doing something. Liz was walking on her own (Again, I didn't see this clearly, I just knew it was happening) and we were doing something or something was happening, I don't remember because I tend to forget my dreams. During this dream I got a very short, weak pressure at the back of my head, like what had happened before. Eventually I realized what was happening and guided us back to the wonderland, where I worked on visualization again.

 

I honestly feel a little lost at this point. Visualization is very challenging for me, and I keep going back to personality and going over what I've already done. Liz right now looks pretty much exactly like Emma Stone in Zombieland, but every time I visualize her it's more like I'm re-creating her, not looking back at a static thing. Same thing with the wonderland. My wonderland is not static, but each time I go into it I just visualize it the same way. I'm not planning on giving up, just it feels like I haven't made any significant progress lately. I've been narrating more and more in the hopes that I can get a voice response even if I can't get a visualization or emotional response.

 

Hours so far: 22.5

Progress: Not really anything. Focus time, if that counts for anything. Reviewing traits. Form seems pretty decided on Emma Stone right now.

Homework: Be rested. Take Melatonin if that's what it takes.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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I honestly feel a little lost at this point. Visualization is very challenging for me, and I keep going back to personality and going over what I've already done. Liz right now looks pretty much exactly like Emma Stone in Zombieland, but every time I visualize her it's more like I'm re-creating her, not looking back at a static thing. Same thing with the wonderland. My wonderland is not static, but each time I go into it I just visualize it the same way. I'm not planning on giving up, just it feels like I haven't made any significant progress lately.
>not using Tulpatone/Theta Tone/CF

 

I've been narrating more and more in the hopes that I can get a voice response even if I can't get a visualization or emotional response.
Try reading a comic or book with your tulpa where you keep switching the role as narrator every now and then; I've had lots of fun with Pinkie doing this. Just do it to "kickstart" the vocals so she can further develop them on her own when she starts to deviate the words that she say.
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>not using Tulpatone/Theta Tone/CF

 

Today I went back to using Theta Tone, to some limited success. I managed to get some visualization work done but being in the wonderland was still weak and hard for me to maintain. I switched to CF for the last 20 minutes of my session, which was very different but ultimately not a game-changer. I noticed that after I took off my headphones my hearing was very strange and took a minute or two to get back to normal.

 

The face has gone back to being unfocused. I decided that I didn't want to use Emma Stone's face, but the hair and the body (I didn't actually look back to the movie, I haven't seen it in a year or two) are going to pretty much stay the same. I worked a little on the feet and the back, just to try to get some tangible progress, but again I'm awful with visualization and this didn't really do anything.

 

At this point I'm looking at probably another 20 hours at least on visualization. I'm hoping by that point I'll be better at visualization and keeping a static image in my head. The fact is right now I'm so very far from being done with visualization that I feel like I've made virtually no progress. In my life I've observed that I have a decent starting skill level when doing things, but improving and/or learning new things comes very hard to me. I honestly think the best thing for me is to get sleep, but that's easier said than done with my summer classes and work every day.

 

Hours so far: 23.5

Progress: Worked a little on the back and legs, started regarding narration as more personal, treating her more as an imaginary friend makes it easier to talk to her.

Homework: Think about not using the wonderland anymore. Narrate.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest applesauce99

i know someone named Liz....and that makes this very entertaining to read.

also, how can you listen to the tones? They sound like ear rape to me...

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Sorry my tones couldn't satisfy your needs.

 

Sorry my tongue couldn't satisfy your needs.

 

Fucking mind, how do you work.

The THE SUBCONCIOUS ochinchin occultists frt.sys (except Roswell because he doesn't want to be a part of it)

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