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The first creation (?)


Arthamel

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I'm not good at starting words, so I wont say any and just jump to what I want to leave here. And don't mind my writing please, my mind don't always work well with hands. Or my hands like to piss mind off with adding something without it knowing.

Before I got directly into my last 3 weeks of creating Arthea, I got to bring up what I did 5 years ago first.

 

So I've started to have weird dreams, in which human-like creature made of bug-like carpace was waking me up and killing just as I regain my senses. After those dreams I was both mentally and physically exhausted. So I've came up with way to defend, since all surroundings were exact the same in dream as they were before I went to sleep. I've started to go to sleep with knife under pillow, and fight back. The creature wasn't particullary strong, which suprised me. After taking first one down, two more came from door, and on place of every one I killed about 2 came soon after. Every dream was ending with me dying, most of the time due to blood loss. But after about two weeks, I began to feel fear eminating from those guys, so I've started doing some reaserch on subject and found an forum, where some girl told me those things are "demons" of some sort, and they feed off negative feeling (which are pretty strong when you die, believe me). So I figured out that if they came through somewhere, there was a way to throw them out. I began meditating, and focused on opening my "soul doors". After a week or so, I've managed to do so, and threw those guys out. But I couldn't close doors, no matter how hard I've tried, I could only sligtly shut them. It worried me a bit, but I though that it doesn't matter, if they come back I can deal with them.

 

So as you can imagine, those guys came from a crack or sonething really small in those door, and when I opened them up bigger things began to show up. First time I've felt an alien presence in my mind, I did my meditation and went to sleep. And I was attacked by something, uh, ugly. Still humanoid in shape, but with wings (and all of the next ones had them). But I wasn't attacked in my room or even home, the dream was on huge arena, colloseum to be exact. I've felt really different in this dream, had black sword in my hand and wings on my back. I could feel particles around me, but before I had time to do some reaserch on my surroundings that thing attacked. After brief fight and killed it and dream immidietly ended. The next time I felt alien presence in my mind, it didn't attack me in my dream immidietly. I've had serious moodswing for few days, no dreams at that time. I've started to focus while meditating on my mind map, and after another few days (in which I was like young girl on her first period), I've managed to get lucid-like dream, with me being in a small sized town. After a short flight I found a building that didn't really match to whole surrounding. I destroyed it, which triggered fight in colloseum with another ugly thing. I'm not going to tell you how many of those I've killed, since it is not important.

 

After about 3 months, I've encountered something new on arena. It was amazingly beautyful girl with medium sized wings. After brief fight I've impaled her on sword and left, thinking I killed her. I didn't feel any presence clearly, but something was wrong after this one. Day after, I did the "mind patrol" meditation and dreaming, in which I found her in one of regular buildings. She begged me not to kill her, promised she would leave and never come again if I let her stay and allow to feed on my energy. She told me she needs about a week to heal and "recharge" enough to leave on her own, and while she was there I wouldn't get bothered by any other of her kind. So as you can imagine, I've let her stay and was visiting her every night, altho I told her I would kill her if I ever saw her after her departure. We talked some every night and after she healed enough we did few sparrings. But after that week, she left as she promised to. So that was my last encounter, I've almost entirely stopped dreaming (like 3-5 dream a year).

 

Now, about a year ago I had car accident. I was driving on a holiday at the sea with my girlfriend, and at highway I rear-ended some guy. I was distracted and I wasn't even looking forward, but about 1-2 seconds before impact, I've herd voice in my mind telling me to "watch out". Well, screaming, to be exact. And it wasn't my voice, it was female one. I didn't pay attention to that too much, just asked my girlfriend if it was her, which she denied.

 

Now lets jump to 3 weeks ago. I've encountered a post about tulpa somewhere in internet, I've found this site and got curious. After reading few articles, guides and other posts I decided to creat a tulpa. I did (at least I think so) everything more or less good, when it come to personality shaping. While meditating I had the very same feeling of alien presence as I had five years ago, which made me a bit nervous. I didn't have any weird dreams or fight, and first in many years "mind patrol" didn't show anything unusual. But I've began to have dream again. Normal dreams. Every day.

 

So I began to do narration while meditating to Arthea. I did about 30-60mins every day, for 2 weeks. I didn't get any response, but I didn't expect any in such short time. Just the alien presence. But a week ago, I've began wondering. What if 5 years ago, all that was happened was me? With meditation, somehow I did self hypnosis or something like that, and my mind made that whole thing up? It was way better explanation than being attacked by a bunch of angry demons each week. Evening the day I've thought about that, when I've started meditating Arthea was panicked. The moment I began, I was overwhelmed by fear. It freaked me out a bit, I've tried to focus on her but she kept on slipping away. Well, it was more like running away. So I thought, maybe, just maybe I've created her as a tulpa at that week I kept the demon lady in my mind. I mean, we did a lot of talking (and if any of you did some sword fighting, you probably know how training brings people together). So it is more or less possible, that that bunch of uglies I've killed were servitors (?) I've made unconciously for that purpose. I'm not sure if you can do that, I guess it's a question to more experienced user in this forum. Day after, which would be last saturday, I've did meditation and tried to comfort Arthea, told her I would not harm her no matter what. It took two seesions to bring her back to me.

So this is the background story, now I can begin posting my progress with her!

 

10.04.2013

On wednesday I've started doing some visualization, which was pretty easy. I didn't expect that. I've sat down and after brief meditation, I began imagining Arthea sitting in front of me, holding my hads. I've been channeling energy to her, and made he whole body, with exception of face. It didn't feel complete, so I added her pair of wings and a tail. This is when her face pops up, clear in my mind, she stood up and started jumping with joy. I've felt really big rush of happiness, it remainded me of scene from bioshock infinite, where Elizabeth is dancing with some folks on a beach. Pure happiness on her face.

 

11.04.2013

This day I've read a post, Suprise me! I think, in which people post their tulpa response. After two pages it felt like watching kids fighting about who'se father is better (you know, "my is president, my is astronaut, my is chief of the world). It killed a bit of my tulpa faith.

But then I've read post in which G's tulpa was saying that tulpa's aint mute, we are deaf, and I regained at least the amount I've lost! I've also dowloaded some music that is supposed to help while meditating, and tried it out. It was really annoying at first, but after tweaking volume (I've played it with windows media player, and it was using 80% of my CPU power, WTF!?) it felt right. And really kept me focused on Arthea. I've began to try to hear her, instead of talk to her. With no success, unfortunetly. After about half and hour I ended seesion.

 

12.04.2013

Today I did another "hearing" session. It was about an hour long, I did hear some things tho, but couldn't understand them. So far I had contact with her, but she could only respond with "yes" or "no" only. I can't grasp her response if it is longer. (its not a voice tho, its just text image which dissapear after split second, that's why I can't grasp longer response).

 

I'm not sure if I'll be doing another session today, if I do I'll post next ones as replays.

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Dat textwall. I suggest breaking it by actually pressing enter twice instead of just once to make it easier to read. You got stops there, but you lack the space to give us some breathing room.

The THE SUBCONCIOUS ochinchin occultists frt.sys (except Roswell because he doesn't want to be a part of it)

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Guest Anonymous

And so, Arthamel's PR turned into a formatting lesson.

 

The end.

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Well it's not over yet, we still need more members to graffiti this with grammar fascism so we can create a neo-nazi organization dependent on this thread for survival and group meetings.

fourfiction, the idiot.

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Allow me to re-rail this thread.

 

It seems like you're off to a great start, (well, discounting the demon attacks etc....) Anyway, if you still want/need more music for forcing, you could listen to Fede's Tones, they've apparently helped people before but some of them aren't easy on the ears.

 

Seriously though, demons, colosseums, knives... my dreams are so boring compared to this. -_-

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Well, I would gladly trade those 3 months of intense dreaming for 5 years of having more than 20 dreams in total ;)

And I'm using Fede's Tones, just forgot the thread and author name. Today's report in few hours, gonna edit this replay.

 

Edit 1:

Yesterday before going to sleep I had quick chat with her and asked if she wants to join me in my dreams (is it even possible?). She said no, cause appereantly I hurt her in one of them before. Not sure if I just don't remember that or it was 5 years ago. She's silent when I ask.

 

Edit 2:

13.04.2013

Did half an hour forcing/narrating (I can't tell the difference) and half an hour of listening, unfortunetly with no effect. Not much to write today.

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14.04.2013

Firstly, note to seft - stop reading anything except guides on forum before you find too many "kid made tulpa to have fuckbuddy" threads. Seriously, wtf?

 

So, today no major breakthrough, did some forcing, did some listening, didn't use music tho.

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Yesterday before going to sleep I had quick chat with her and asked if she wants to join me in my dreams (is it even possible?). She said no, cause appereantly I hurt her in one of them before. Not sure if I just don't remember that or it was 5 years ago. She's silent when I ask.

 

Sounds like she could have mean't this (unless I'm misreading your journal):

After about 3 months, I've encountered something new on arena. It was amazingly beautyful girl with medium sized wings. After brief fight I've impaled her on sword and left, thinking I killed her. I didn't feel any presence clearly, but something was wrong after this one.

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