NariusV

NariusV's Progress Report

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April 17, 2014 - Day 370

 

Burmese Siddha Asana, Mukul Mudra.

 

Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 27/108

100

 

Session went well with some varying thoughts, yet I was able to maintain the visualizations of Seph and the numbers throughout. At one point I mentioned to Seph how I was having trouble maintaining a clear image of her (I was getting some distortion and fuzziness in the visualization) even though I was able to maintain a stable form. Some of the details were vague. She talked me though a guided visualization of seeing another person and then changing the features bit by bit until I could see her clearly again.

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April 18, 2014 - Day 371

 

Burmese Siddha Asana, mukul mudra.

Did these exercises very late at night before going to sleep

 

Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 28/108

12, 1, 4, 15, 42

 

1) Distracted by thoughts of communicating with someone.

 

2) Lost sight of Seph and the numbers.

 

3) Distracted by thoughts of an imaginary conversation with someone.

 

4) Distracted by a memory of explaining a meditation technique to someone.

 

5) Lost sight of the numbers.

 

Highest score today was characterized by feeling Seph as if she was really there as an autonomous being that I was collaborating with. I was holding a non-attached perspective while still maintaining a sense of positive regard.

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April 19, 2014 - Day 372

 

Burmese Siddha Asana, mukul mudra.

Felt very tired since I stayed up late and got up early. Drank some stimulants and did exercise before forcing, so I back to normal with good focus.

 

Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 29/108

100

 

Sporadic peripheral thoughts, and was able to maintain focus on Seph and the numbers.

 

Decided to stop talking about Seph to anyone unless they ask me directly, for some time due to some comments recently. I'll still be logging my progress.

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April 20, 2014 - Day 373

 

Burmese Siddha Asana, mukul mudra.

 

Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 30/108

5, 100

 

1) Lost focus on Seph and the numbers.

 

2) Many variations and peripheral thought, some fluctuations in visual clarity. Did not lose focus.

 

Focus on gratitude and camaraderie was distinct in highest scoring session today.

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Was busy with some other things. Here are a few posts from my journal.

 

April 21, 2014 - Day 374

 

Burmese siddha asana, mukul mudra.

 

Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 31/108

100

 

Various peripheral thoughts, maintained focus. Strong connection and clarity in pars of the visualization.

 

--

 

April 22, 2014 - Day 375

 

Burmese siddha asana, mukul mudra.

 

Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 32/108

23, 100

 

1) Distracted by thoughts of a game I played.

 

2) Visuals not a s clear as some other times but they were much more stable with few other minor thoughts. Also mental animation rendering of Seph's arm drawing the numbers was perfect occlusion where her arms movement blocked my view of parts of the numbers. Definite increase in complexity while maintaining visual forms.

 

What was different about the highest score today was I was very inwardly focused on maintaining a relaxed body nd stable posture without effort, like I was relaxing down into the position.

 

--

 

April 23, 2014 - Day 376

 

Burmese siddha asana, mukul mudra.

 

Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 33/108

100

 

Greater number of misc. thoughts occuring alongside the focused visualization today.

 

--

 

April 24, 2014 - Day

 

Sitting in a chair, mukul mudra.

 

Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 34/108

 

100

 

Various thoughts alongside the forcing of Seph and the numbers today.

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July 25, 2014

 

It's been a while since I posted so I thought I'd give an update.

 

We have not been forcing lately. We had a conversation the other day that was short and kind of fuzzy since I was just drifting off to sleep. I was thinking about how she must feel since I have been busy with things that are important to me, and she said she understands completely, and supports me in pursuing the goals that are important to me. That feels good to know.

 

Funny thing is I happened to be browsing though my dream journal and on a whim I opened to an entry and started reading. In it I described a woman that I was creating, that I was not done with yet, and how I decided that I would have to continue later since what I was doing was important.

 

It seems important and also helps me feel more confident that my dream mind and waking mind are aligned with my current place in life. Also what is cool is that I want to try using the dream memory as a jumping off point for visualization and imposition practice when I can get to it.

 

As I reflect back on my meditation and concentration exercises I realize that I feel I complete with my goal of the numbers concentration exercises even though I did not finish the 108 days straight. I recalled that my original goal was to get a score of one hundred for five days, and I did accomplish that.

 

My further sessions with Seph will likely be direct forcing in wonderland alternating with imposition depending on how we decide to proceed.

 

Happy forcing everyone.

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August 19, 2014

 

My Tulpa Seph has said that she thinks it best if I re-merge the aspects of my mind and consciousness that I used to form her. From her opinion, the goals that I am working on now are of greater importance than seeking communication with an aspect of my own consciousness.

 

At first I felt very sad from this, but I have thought about it and it seems to make sense. She said she may remain as an occasional voice that could give some form of personified and ordered access to and with some aspects of my subconscious mind.

 

With my consent she dissipated and merged back within my mind. I feel a sense of silent peace and confidence. I feel a sense of wholeness as If I trust myself on a deeper level, like Seph is now a part of me, and the way I trusted her is the way I can trust myself.

 

This will likely be the last post I make on Tulpa.info. I have a great respect for this practice and I can only imagine the joys it will bring to so many now and in the future.

 

I would like to thank the community and all the people who have made this possible for everyone by sharing information. It's great to have been a part of this place and I feel like a better stronger person because of it.

 

I wish you well. [become the bright star of your dreams.]

 

Narius and [seph]

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