Guest Anonymous

Tulpaforcing with mental health issues [and other questions].

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Guest Anonymous

If I had to guess it might be something to do with your shadow. Doesn't seem like your disorder is getting in the way of things.

 

Ugh. It's getting quite out of hand with the theories, don't you think?

 

That is very strange: usually, those that dissociate various egos (which is what a tulpa and DID is) black out during their undertaking, and the ego cannot be superimposed like tulpas. Tulpas are intentional dissociation, which allows more effects (for reasons I do not understand). I believe that presence near your tulpa was involuntarily made, which means that your case an anomaly. Both of you have malevolent extra tulpas. I have dream characters that know that they are a dream character. Some are friendly, some try to kill me, but I have received threats from some of them to my tulpa and I am in the process of imposing one of them (a good one).

 

I don't know why you bring DID into this. Yes, I do dissociate, but I don't have DID. Well, I have several personalities, in a way, but I don't change my personality like people with DID. It's like different mindvoices that disagree on nearly everything. Or comment on stuff I do. Sounds weird, I know, but it's like something in between hearing voices and having different personalities. It's quite normal, to be honest. Nearly everyone has this, but not as extreme as I have.

 

I thought of that "malevolent extra tulpa" theory myself and I think it's possible and quite likely. I just want to know what to do about it...

 

My IRL friend also has a tulpa, but his first one went psycho and tried to possess him and kill somebody (obviously, it wasn't even close to working). He has a new tulpa, but these strange people appeared in the wonderland and harass him and his tulpa. I am currently helping him get rid of them. It is very similar to what you guys have. When my tulpa tried to kill herself, she said she went into 'the dark.' I was asking this female character who appeared where my dream guide that I wanted to impose went and she said 'the dark.' I was so confused. Me and my friend both seem to have extra-tulpa problems, and every time I try talking about it on the forums, people say that I am making it up, or that I'm a RPer and stuff.

 

Wow, I am glad to hear that this is quite common. Maybe it's some "demons from my past" thing, maybe we are just unlucky... but, hey, at least I know there is someone who knows what I am talking about.

 

Talking about a presence in my wonderland... my therapist used this wonderland technique once, that was before I even knew about tulpaforcing. Well, she called it my safe place and it was the place in my mind where I could go when things got bad. So I tried to imagine this place and it was beautiful and my child personalities [i have three] stay there most of the time. The only thing is, that there was this forest. My safe place/wonderland was a huge meadow with flowers and a few trees, but in the distance you would see a dark forest. And forests scare me.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wish it away. So, there was my safe place and it still had that evil presence. It was far away, but still visible. And you could feel it...

 

The wonderland I use now is two-dimensional like a level from Super Mario. It's the only way to keep that forest away from me... I don't even know what that means.

 

So, long story short. There is something bad in me that I can't get away... T_T

 

I had a moment late at night where I had the uncanny feeling of being watched, similar to what several of you guys described here. It was so strong that I got the whole "chills, skin crawling, hair stands up" feeling. However, that's only happened once since I started tulpaforcing.

 

So I can sympathize with the threatened feelings of being watched. That's about as far as my weird experiences go, though.

 

Well, nevermind. I am just happy that not that many people had to experience something like I did. (:

But, thinking about it, maybe in your case it was because you started to feel your tulpa and it was weird to feel a presence in your room but not seeing it?

Maybe it was the same for me and I just panicked? I don't know.

 

Anonymous.. I'd like to say to you that I do have a similar past as you with child sexual abuse with repressed memories. I only knew about the abuse due to just a "knowing" there I was abused (but I couldnt remember thou what had even been done to me nor did I feel the feelings to do with it and I have no idea who the perpertrator was). This was then more confirmed to me about 7? years ago when I suddenly had an intense flash back (the only one Ive had) of myself when about 3? years old and suddenly relived an oral sexual abuse experience where someone had me down on a bed (relived due to a trigger event, someone layed me down on a bad in the same manner and suddenly flashback with all the emotions I'd never remembered), as if it was happening again. Not painful but very yucky feeling as even at my young age I knew something wasnt right about it at the time. The flashback was quite distressing. Hopefully that is all there was to my young age sexual abuse.

 

I dont think thou that has anything at all to do with what I experienced with the Tulpa and I dont feel at all traumatised by the sex abuse which Im sure was done by a male and not a female (Ive never felt a need to have any therapy over it-How would one even have therapy over something they cant remember and cant emotionally feel?- but would have to do so if I started getting regular flashbacks).

 

I had a similar experience. I never really remembered it, I just was afraid of men in their 40s during my childhood. I was never able to talk to the fathers of my friends because they creeped me out like hell. I think my mother thought I was just a cheeky brat, but, well, now I know better.

The flashbacks came about 3 years ago and it was horrible. And I couldn't tell anybody, because it felt like I was making it all up...

 

I am happy that it wasn't that bad for you. Stuff like this can do so much to a child and I hope you stay happy and strong for the rest of your life.

 

I don't know if any of this has something to do with my tulpa, but all I know or feel is that something bad "lives" inside me and I can't fight it... Sometimes I think a tulpa could help, because it could be my strong companion... or something... I don't know...

 

But now I should ask a few more questions, while I am at it:

 

1. What would you recommend for me to do? Give it another try? Drop the idea for good?

 

2. Can my tulpa help me fight my past or whatever is threatening me in my own mind? I tried and I can't...

 

I think I have lots and lots of stupid questions I am not going to ask right now... this is quite confusing... but, well, thanks anyway.

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This forest you speak of is the forest of your memories, each tree represents an event in your life. Normally this mist that you see in the forest of memory is a white mist so that you don't overwhelm yourself in all the memories of your life, but your darkened mist means that something really bad had occurred in your past, so bad your mind has made this easy to walk through mist a place where you cant find anything if you travel too far in. I've used hypnosis techniques that allow me to enter my own wonderland with crystal clarity and have a guide of sorts that tell me what locations are there and what they represent.

 

This thing in your mind resides in most minds, its called your shadow because of what it represents. It's made of the things in your 'original' personality that you have attempted to remove from yourself and replaced with a better, but unnatural trait. It is also made from things you fear and despise, causing it to make you feel extreme anxiety and dread. It is that thing that you feel staring at you in the middle of the night, filling you with fright. It is there as a byproduct of the mind and is there trying to 'protect' you from other sentient things and past memories that might try to invade the mind, but instead it attacks you and your tulpa because believes it to be of foreign entity. Its sort of like a auto-immune response, but with the psyche attacking itself instead. The shadow can attack on its own accord if it feels its presence is in jeopardy or is being 'replace' by a tulpa. There are ways to diminish the power of the shadow (though still unable to 'kill' it) and have it never cause what it does to you ever happen again.

 

You need to conquer your fears, accept some of the parts of your 'original' personality you were born with, and if it does try to show its face again, do not fear it for you are the one who made it (albeit unintentionally). You must confront it with or without a tulpa present to help you. The stronger it is, the better chance it can overcome your desire to create a tulpa and even if a tulpa is created, destroy the tulpa. So in response to question two, yes, your tulpa can help you fight this threat, just make sure that you do not let him/her/it touch the shadow, for its power will 'sicken' and corrupt your tulpa in the most vilest of ways. Your tulpa can recuperate if you try to save it, but it will either forget what had happened between the time of contact and the end of the recovery period (it need to be unconscious for this recovery to work, and I say its for the best for your tulpa to be in this scenario) or it will change in unpredictable ways. Your bad memory is what is corroding and darkening your forest of memories and has also is feeding the shadow most of its power. I would suggest entering this forest (though you need to change it back to the 3d format like you had before) and prepare to face this dark mist along with the shadow, but I am unsure because of how bad the memories are and how strong the shadow. It would be easy to back out now, but if you defeat this darkness, most if not all your problems will be gone for good.

 

P.S.

I am writing this with a state of mind that is kind of spacy, so if some of these things seem confusing, just ask something about it and I'll get too it.

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But, thinking about it, maybe in your case it was because you started to feel your tulpa and it was weird to feel a presence in your room but not seeing it?

Nah, I'd say that at the time it was definitely a malevolent feeling. I recall I had read some ghost stories or theories or something earlier that day and I might have latched onto the first sense and associated it with a "ghost" or some creepy unpleasant thing, and that led to the feeling of malevolence. I think the feeling was first brought on by my reflecting on some of what read in the first place, so yeah.

 

Anyway,as for your second question in your post, I read from some interview or session of "ask-me-anythings" on Reddit between a tulpa and other people.

("my Name is Jay and I'm a Tulpa")

 

The tulpa described in detail how they first formed during a rough time in the host's life and what they did to help them recover. Jay described how he helped her deal with depression, mental illness, and abuse, and mentioned stuff like organizing her mind or reorganizing memories. Dunno what people's opinions on that are, but the interview is an interesting read if you believe it.

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Talking about a presence in my wonderland... my therapist used this wonderland technique once, that was before I even knew about tulpaforcing. Well, she called it my safe place and it was the place in my mind where I could go when things got bad. So I tried to imagine this place and it was beautiful and my child personalities [i have three] stay there most of the time. The only thing is, that there was this forest. My safe place/wonderland was a huge meadow with flowers and a few trees, but in the distance you would see a dark forest. And forests scare me.

 

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wish it away. So, there was my safe place and it still had that evil presence. It was far away, but still visible. And you could feel it...

 

The wonderland I use now is two-dimensional like a level from Super Mario. It's the only way to keep that forest away from me... I don't even know what that means.

 

I don't know if any of this has something to do with my tulpa, but all I know or feel is that something bad "lives" inside me and I can't fight it... Sometimes I think a tulpa could help, because it could be my strong companion... or something... I don't know...

 

But now I should ask a few more questions, while I am at it:

 

1. What would you recommend for me to do? Give it another try? Drop the idea for good?

 

2. Can my tulpa help me fight my past or whatever is threatening me in my own mind? I tried and I can't...

 

I think I have lots and lots of stupid questions I am not going to ask right now... this is quite confusing... but, well, thanks anyway.

 

I have done a bit of work on myself over the years in confronting the parts of myself or dealing with the parts which needed dealing with. I strongly suggest you to do the same. That forest.. it needs to be confronted otherwise it will NEVER go away.

 

Try to bring yourself to face the forest.. imagine taking an axe and a bright light with you if you need to.. chop all the trees down if you have to.. but confront that forest and get rid of it and confront whatever its hiding. If you can do that it should also help you to face things more in your life.

 

Do you work with your children subpersonalities in your safe place? If afraid etc they can be helped to heal and can be helped to grow up. Ive worked with many of mine (they also grow in beauty) and having them grow and shift as one works with them is amazing. (If you want to know more about how to work with these.. send me a pm asking).

 

I personally dont think you should at all do another tulpa as you currently have too much bottled subconsciousness stuff there which you seem to not be ready to face, if you cant face that forest.. how on earth would you face a Tulpa if he's developing traits which are worrying you or seeming evil? Fears could make things much worst.

 

Tulpas are made from the conscious thoughts and the SUBCONSCIOUS thoughts (there is nothing you can do about possibly subconscious thoughts affecting your tupla) and right now your subconsciousness which you cant face, could contaminate things and make things worst for you. Till you deal with your fears of things I dont think it would be wise to be making another Tulpa. Also there is the fact of your first going wrong and you sound like you wont be able to deal with it well if things go wrong in the same way again. Till you know you could, probably best to stay away from this stuff as it could further mess up your life.


Jesse (human male) DOB 16th April 2013 

Working on imposition

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Sorry for not responding sooner Tania, but I am helping my friend by telling him to make the NPCs into tulpas and then suppress them again. It's a long shot, but I think it will help in isolating the negative thoughts surrounding his wonderland.

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Jabre.. thing is the more one thinks about it, the more one builds it rather then just bringing it forth from the subconsciousness to get rid of (there are ways of bringing things actually buried forth from the subconsciousness rather then building things up more to do so). Building on it may just make things stronger and hence worst.

 

Best luck


Jesse (human male) DOB 16th April 2013 

Working on imposition

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Guest Anonymous

I'm sorry I didn't answer until now, but I had a lot to think about.

 

First, thanks for all the information and advice. It was a lot and I am still confused, but it was great help. Thank you.

 

 

So, some of you recommended to stay away from tulpaforcing but since I am a dumb fuck, I did it anyway and it actually helps this time. I think someone telling me that this thing can't harm me... well, I am not afraid anymore. Thank you.

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