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Recently, I've been feeling really discouraged about my ability to create a tulpa. While I don't doubt that it's possible to do (there are far too many people who seem to have done it for it to just be some kind of massive hoax) I feel like I've been doing something seriously wrong, or maybe that my mind just isn't cut out for having a tulpa (although I really hope the latter isn't true).

So I've been at this for a bit over two months starting in early May, and I've honestly seen very little progress. I have trouble with narrating because a lot of the time when I'm thinking about something I'll tend to frame it conversationally with a hypothetical "target" who I would be talking to. You would think this would make it easier, but it actually makes it more difficult because whenever I try to narrate my mind ends up defaulting to somebody other than my tulpa after a few minutes.

In terms of active forcing, I have difficulty doing it for more than maybe 10 minutes at a time. I feel like I'm not even entirely sure what I should be doing while I'm forcing. I've been imagining myself and my tulpa in our wonderland, but I don't even know what we should be doing there. Should I just talk to him? If so, I have no idea what I should be talking about or what I should say. I can't tell him about whatever interesting thing I recently learned (this is how I often start conversations) because ostensibly he would already know it! So should we be doing something else in the wonderland? Should we just be doing something else entirely?

My biggest problem, however, is with vocality. Up until not too long ago (at least a couple of weeks ago) he hadn't really done any kind of talking at all. At some point I decided to try LinkZelda's self-hypnosis scripts, and that did seem to help. I was able to get some kind of conversation going. This was encouraging, especially given that it wasn't something that I was able to do all the time. I had issues in terms of the sound of his voice - it was inconsistent, and would have to cycle through several before I found one that worked (I rejected some voices e.g. because they were to slow to actually be able to have a conversation). As a side note I just realized that I haven't been thinking of it as him changing his voice, but me changing his voice. This is probably not a good sign :(

Unfortunately, I had to stop forcing for a little while due to exams. I believe this is the main source of my problems, because since then I've had a lot of trouble in terms of talking to my tulpa. When I initially restarted forcing and trying to talk to him, his speech was very obviously fake and forced - I could clearly tell it was just me. It feels less so now, but I don't know if that's due to legitimate improvement or just my getting used to it. Even if you assume that it is legitimately him, his thought process is still tied too closely to mine - all of our conversations feel short and shallow, and he has basically no way of forming thoughts or opinions on his own. If asked for his opinion on something he seems to randomly choose between agreeing and disagreeing with me, and when I tried to play 20 questions with him (as described in the self-hypnosis script I mentioned a couple paragraphs back) it ended with him instantly knowing what I picked and him not actually picking anything.

It's gotten to the point where any attempt at forcing inevitably ends up devolving into me just talking about (obviously not out loud) and obsessing over these issues, until I'm just feeling too much anxiety to continue trying to force.

 

TL;DR I have trouble narrating (due to my mind not focusing on my tulpa) and forcing (due to not knowing what to do), and I'm so doubtful about talking to my tulpa that I end up being unable to force due to anxiety.

 

Sorry for such a long (and no doubt poorly-written) post, but this is really something I need help with. Any advice?

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Your doubts are clearly a hindrance that much is clear. The tulpa process is what you make of it, what you believe influences your motivations. If you are always worried about doing the wrong thing or trying to find a way to do things right then you aren't going to get very far.

Sit down and go over what you think of the process. There is no magic or trickery involved, it is simply what you believe it to be.

 

Sure your tulpa knows everything you do, that's part of what a tulpa is. It is inside your head after all. That doesn't mean there aren't things to talk about. Ask for your tulpa's opinions on things. Do activities with your tulpa and see how they react to what is going on. Play a game, watch tv and narrate silently while you do. Discuss your friends, the things you read, your own actions and why you did what you did.

I treat my tulpa like I treat another person, I talk to him all the time and it's always interesting to see what he thinks. I don't need to go to a wonderland or sit down to specifically force because he's always here.

 

Have fun, don't worry, get motivated and stay motivated. The more you put into the process the more you will get out of it.

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