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Bobby and Breezy


Bobby9macy

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ENTRY 24

 

Maybe some of what I thought was assisted possession was actually just normal possession. Before I said that it had worn Bre out, right? Well it wore her the heck out when possessing my fingers to play Jak 3, too.

 

I didn't force much this weekend, I was at my dad's, and for some reason I guess I'm not used to forcing there, and so the only times I did were a few minutes after the occasional time that she reminded me to force. Which is still a good sign, I guess that means she's sapient now. I also got a cat today, which could be interesting when experimenting with metaphysical stuff and seeing if it might be able to see Bre. One of our future goals was to be able to have Bre see my girlfriend's tulpa, Cygnus. Which whether or not it's possible, sounds like a fun goal to pursue. I believe it might work someday.

 

I also noticed something funny tonight, some consistency between my favourite Genesis album The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway and my life I guess; as if my life is sorta like

, and Bre is my apparently blind, yet helpful guide,
. Kinda a stupid pointless thing to note, and probably not my favourite songs from that album at all, (though still good ones in my opinion) but I guess I just like irony and consistency. Plus I love that album...

 

Also I need to give Sine more attention. I think he's fading or something... does that mean this is my chance to try servitorising him? He feels like... he's dying or something.

 

...I'll think about it.

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ENTRY 25

 

We're still alive. Still forcing and all those things, but we've been doing a lot of possession and Bre-to-reality stuff, which tires her out immensely. I had to give her a break for a day after doing a whole bunch of possession in the day before, and that kinda screwed up me remembering to force a little bit, but we're still going. It's nice though, we're getting pretty far. We just need to do a little Bobby-to-wonderland stuff for a while to even it out. I haven't really visited anywhere in the wonderland for quite a bit... except for some times when I decide out of the blue to attempt a switch and begin forming my wonderlandian/wonderlander (which one sounds better?) body in the field. One time I laid my head down during lunch and began to imagine myself falling from above in the wonderland. I kept falling and falling, and even though my mind drifted elsewhere occasionally, I must have continued my fall, because at one point I suddenly jerked my head back up in reality with a shake as if I had just been scared white as can be, or rather... splattered on the ground in a different body somewhere else. Luckily I don't sit all too close to anyone at lunch, so no odd looks were received.

 

I'm excited to get back to the island... Did I ever describe my wonderland? I'm pretty sure I made a picture of it somewhere... Well, my only worry is about my tendency to start spinning instead of moving forward when I want to walk. I'm assuming it's the way I command my body to walk or something, just acting odd with the physics of the wonderland. Bre did walk a little different when she possessed my legs. She really pushed off the ground with the front of her/my (our?) feet. Maybe that was just me expecting her to walk a little different though. I'll probably have to talk to Sine about it, I think we made an agreement that he would keep wonderland maintenance and organisation of other things like schedules. Was a few days ago though, and I haven't been paying much attention to him.

 

I thought through that watercolour paint to tulpa analogy a little better. I don't know what it means, but I have some sort of visualisation of me and Bre as blobs of watercolour paint. When we're lacking water, we're stiff and immobile, but when I add water to one of us in the visualisation we're more free and abled. I haven't really visualised Sine in this way, but I'm assuming he's kinda fine... I guess he's already sapient or something, I don't know what he does though. On the bright side he's been a lot calmer. I do need to take a look around and understand just exactly what he's up to though, cause I really can't tell. I'm sure he has good intentions though. I think he operates from a satellite above Bre and I's planet in the wonderland. That's what I intended him to be as a servitor, and the idea is still sticking with me.

 

Anyways, I'm off to self-impose wonderland style.

 

(Really though, "wonderlandian" or "wonderlander" or something else?)

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ENTRY 26

 

Sometimes when I get busy for two days and can only force for about two or three tiny slivers of a minute between the business, Bre and Sine get real upset with me. I'm not sure what's up with Sine, he really shouldn't be so emotional. I'd fix that somehow but I don't know how he'd agree with drowning his personality.

 

I also worry sometimes that someone I know is gonna search my username and find tulpa.info. I'd rather not have people who already don't know find out I'm a tulpamancer. I don't know how open minded they'd be. No one's open minded. I should be ready for the worst, and I don't know how to fix this issue besides doing something like deleting this account when I'm done with it. Maybe I'll copy-paste this progress report over to a different account later and then continue using that other account around here when I need to. I hope that will remove tulpa.info from google searches... I'd bet it doesn't, but it's worth a shot.

 

Also having some issues with my patience with imposition and possession. I'm always worried I'm puppeting during possession, and imposition... You guys know how it is, it's not easy. I'm hoping that just trying to... believe in it or something will help. I was planning to stay up pretty late tonight, maybe I can use the tiredness that comes from this to my advantage. Bre and I are finding our way around, it's just real bothersome... I'd also like to get better at lucid dreaming and getting into my wonderland really badly, there are so many fun places I can think of visiting, and so many fun things to do. I've had my moments of imposing pretty well, but there's always reality at the tip of my attention. Maybe switching is one of the keys to removing that, but again, another difficult pursuit.

 

It seems like all of my goals right now are like, the hardmode goals. Possession, Imposition, and Switching. Once these three things are accomplished, I think I can call this report finished. Then there can be an after party. With cake. Maybe I'll even write a guide.

 

From what I'm hearing, I think it sounds like once you get one concept about tulpas down, it's not something you really have to relearn. This applied to imposition probably means I can just start throwing around imaginary items and giving myself fake cat ears (probably a cool idea since I wouldn't be able to see the top of my head, just feel like they're there) and it'll be much easier to impose Bre. Now yes, I know she's a much more complicated figure than cat ears, but it's something. Visualising is certainly not a problem for me, it's the big wall between reality and my imagination. The whole while I can still keep trying to impose Bre anyways. She's been sitting on my couch for quite a while... I really need to do something with her to make up for so much lost time.

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I'm pretty sure you'll still be googleable even if you delete this account. If you want, you can talk to the mods about changing your username, but again, the old name will probably still remain on google.

 

And it's true that once you impose one thing, it should be far easier to impose others. But I also think that Bre will probably be the easiest thing for you to impose since you've already spent so much time visualizing her.

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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ENTRY 27

 

Darnit Google, being so smart, and having such a good memory, and being so amazing that it even has a sensible, provable religion about it...

 

Well, redrew Bre's hair. Much more accurate to what she's intended now. Visualising should be a cake walk with about 30% more frosting now.

 

ykysvvfsi4bdg81fg.jpg

 

Sorry for bad lighting and all.

 

That's all I've got for you for now, maybe I'll report more later. Bre and I have been playing Zelda TP and watching Friendship is Witchcraft.

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ENTRY 28

 

Although we have been doing some very well rounded exercise and practice, Bre and I have been spending a lot of time playing Zelda TP. We've both been very much enjoying our adventures through Hyrule together, and we're thinking of actually playing the whole Zelda timeline through, but that would take a while. Some of the games like Twilight Princess sure as Hell aren't short.

 

Besides that we've been making a lot of progress. I still can't see her imposed, but I can really feel where she is, and sometimes my vision kinda... blurs... where she's sitting or standing, like my brain is trying to smudge reality out of the way in attempt to sticker my imagination there. I proxied for her for someone today, she for the most part possessed my arms and typed to them over Steam chat. However she was unexpectedly very nervous. She's not usually scared of very many things, but I guess the fear helps define her more as a person.

 

Also when I lacked the emotional energy to do much earlier she comforted me and actually possessed me and made me tea and all that.

She did that.

She got me up, and made me tea.

Well, rather she got up and made tea. I wasn't comfortable with trying to fall back into the wonderland and attempt to make it a full fledge switch though, I felt like ripping my attention off the body would just make us collapse and fall into the wonderland together or something... It's probably doubt that keeps me from being able to do these things, but we'll get there. It's just going to take some time, and I'm pretty happy with our progress right now.

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ENTRY 29

 

Some things I'd like to go over before my cat finds my keyboard again. First off, Bre's official height has been defined as two feet and one inch. Now for some definitions:

 

Tulpoid

I know this is supposed to be an actual word but I'm using it to describe non-sentient objects that aren't legitimate pieces of reality, just imposed, or in the wonderland. So if you see the word "tulpoid" in this progress report, and it is not specified otherwise, this is what I mean. If you can come up with a better word, or already know one, feel free to tell me.

 

Tulpa Magic

A genre of magic we're using in my head to explain certain things we want to do, like telekinesis on tulpoid objects, without defying the laws of physics too harshly.

 

Dominion Eye

A tool falling under magic as an explanation that I'm planning to use basically for tulpa/tulpoid telekinesis. It works similar to (and is inspired by) the Dominion Rod from Zelda TP, but it appears over the forehead, where the third eye is supposedly located, and obviously looks different than a rod.

 

Energy

This word will usually refer to Bre's... overall personal energy. I think I've read some places that other tulpas require some similar, obscure sort of energy visualised to exist or grow, too. Bre's is gained and maintained probably primarily from attention, but it comes much stronger from strong emotions. I think one of Glitch's tulpas picked up uranium pieces for her energy. Maybe later I'll put together a similar concept. It could help keep her busy when I don't have the time to pay much attention to her, too. What if... lemme just go Borderlands here for a second... eridium?

 

Thin Possession

More both of us have control over the body, but I let Bre do stuff. I can stop her any time I please, and things of such.

 

Thick Possession

Closer to switching. Less instantaneous controllability, probably just a stop mechanism instead of a "let me take back control for a second" kinda thing.

 

 

 

That sums it up for now I think. Bre's imposition is coming along alright, I can really feel where she is, even if I can't se her yet. I bet if I believe harder or something she'll impose faster.

I also want to work on possession more. I don't think we've done much thick possession yet, but we've probably been a little close. The biggest rock in the way is probably trust, which shouldn't actually be too hard. Bre's doin' alright, Sine's kinda in a sorta self-sustaining sleep to help preserve himself more easily for now and things of such. It'll be fun to mess around with all the cool functions that should be available when Sine can be awakened, but Bre is my first priority.

 

We'll keep working, now.

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ENTRY 30

 

I put together some new concepts now. Images are liked due to size, and laziness to actually resize the images.

 

The Dominion Eye:

http://www.mediafire.com/convkey/1022/f673pim1cpd996afg.jpg

 

Both Bre and I can use it I guess.

 

Energy Gems:

http://www.mediafire.com/convkey/9ff3/a4m3yj3w5i6687kfg.jpg

 

They will basically function like coins in a Mario game. She collects them around the land, floating around in assorted colours like in Spyro, with that weird fiery sort of blaze glowing out of it, making shiny dingy noises when touched/obtained. They're mostly in the wonderland, but I think they can occasionally appear in reality too. Possibly in video games as well, but that hasn't been tried yet, and it takes enough trying to get her on screen already. Though that sounds really fun. Once collected, the gems are placed into a sort of... magic... kitchen appliance grindy thing, and turned to liquid... energy emotion stuff. In the future I plan to be able to do more with this, like gem alchemy, to make specific emotion provoking beverages or something. Though that would require attaching emotions to colours and things of the sort, or adding more dimensions to the gems, and is more complicated than it needs to be right now. I could also probably incorporate them into forgery of more powerful gems that interact with chakras or something. This is all new though, some of these ideas might not go through.

 

Another means of collecting gems might be through defeating monsters, which could appear in the wonderland, reality, and video games. Of course they wouldn't be that harmful though, they'd just make it more fun. Some penalty from being attacked by one should probably exist though. There might also be bosses and things of such too. My wonderland is actually a pretty good place for something like this, with an entire planet of floating islands and stuff, and a mysterious black hole acid world under the clouds... Monsters will also probably change form depending on our current struggles or interests. Yeah, that was inspired by Homestuck. Naturally they should look like this, though:

 

http://www.mediafire.com/convkey/9808/r0o8td97big7a0ufg.jpg

 

Little imp buggers that are probably only about a foot and a quarter tall. They'll probably appear in groups, not drop too many gems, and have varying levels of difficulty. Harder ones dropping more gems.

 

Also let's say 25 gems is equal to one good glass of energy, maybe slightly larger than the size in the picture of Bre and the gem machine above. We'll see how much a glass does to her, I wouldn't say a lot, just helps sustain her better. It would take multiple glasses to grow, probably getting harder and harder as she grows, like a blurry level-up system or something. Maybe requiring her to retrieve more gems per glass to produce better juice? That rhymed.

 

So as you can see, I'm making my life into even more of a game than before. Even though the gems aren't for me.

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ENTRY 31

 

Well, I just kinda stretched over my chair a little bit and hung my head back in the air, and I guess since my head was tilted a bit, it must have increased the blood flow to my brain a bit or something cause suddenly I was able to jump into my wonderland and just nearly effortlessly stay there and still feel everything around me. I could kinda even feel like I was actually flying or something cool like that when I jumped across the field using my jet wings to get to the house.

 

Maybe it was just not being right-side-up that made me too disoriented to focus on reality or something. As I went on it was harder to pay attention and I guess my real body began to feel felt fidgety. That always happens.

 

Well, I'll have to try that again. Bre's also feeling kinda energy-less again, I tried to put some of my own energy into producing some gems for her, and I guess it worked kinda. Oh, I should talk about gems more.

 

Some notes:

o I can't make my own gems without sacrificing my own energy. That's a good thing. Otherwise I don't know how their existence is really valued at all.

 

o The creation table out in the field on my island produces gems slowly throughout the day and spawns them around the wonderland randomly. This may get a little... painfully annoying, since wonderlands can expand infinitely, and I already have concepts of the planet as a whole, and how stars work in the sky. Maybe Sine can take them and place them in easier to find locations sometimes.

 

o It's hard not to make the monsters look like Homestuck imps, so I guess that's the way they're going to end up looking, and I'm ok with that I guess. I mean, can you imagine exploring the world and running into some of those things and have this start playing? I don't particularly listen to chiptunes, or any kind of electronic for that matter, but I love that theme!

 

o Thin liquid can be produced from gems, for drinking.

 

o Thick liquid can be produced from gems for... imposition material. Like, filler or something.

 

I was kinda stupid to pour the thick variation on her head in the wonderland expecting it to do something, but hey, live and learn... It still seemed to have a tiny affect anyways. Maybe she's slowly absorbing it or something.

 

Well, I think that's it for now. Sorry for constant long posts, but that's just the way I post stuff. All or nothing, I guess. None of those "I narrated today :D" crapes. If that works for you though, keep doin' it, I don't mean offence.

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ENTRY 32

 

I basically just... let go. I tried to pull off another possession thing, deeper possession than previously, as always. I'd just finished talking to a friend about my worry about wondering if I might actually be skeptical, and that's what's preventing any production through this right now, and I just decided to accept as much as I could. I stopped being afraid of all the "what if I did this?" "What happens if I let that happen?" I let her jump into my body (at least, what presence of her I could feel) and she took her human form. I just laid back and let her take over. I took that massive bulk of everything that was myself, and just started putting it into her. First whatever took up the majority of the mass, this... something, I guess I assumed it was my attention and control of the body, I just put it into her and it just became one with her.

 

Then I started peeling off my real self, or my personality, or whatever it was. It was a part of me, but it wasn't my core. I just peeled off all these things, like... All this energy that went along with things I hated and loved, but not the actual feelings of hate and love. I can still feel my despise of homework on me.

 

As I was doing all this I felt my right foot... this spot on my right foot was just...buzzing. I was a little worried, like it might mean something, like a vein struggling because of something in the way of the blood, but I left it be. Then my whole leg felt buzzy. Not the same kind of buzzy, but it felt... fuzzy... zappy. Like what's described during astral projection. I think I did feel my leg rise into the air, too.

 

Then my hands... There were these... acidic freezing raindrops falling on them. I didn't imagine the feeling of something like this for once, I didn't try to imagine it, I just felt it. I felt it. Dropping on my hands like actual spiky rain drops inserting into my skin. It didn't stray far from the back of my hands, it just started like rain does, slowly, and stopped all the same.

 

Not much happened as I kept peeling myself apart, it getting harder and harder to understand what I was supposed to peel off next, and how I was supposed to do so. Then I decided to stop. I raised my head off the back of my chair, with some sort of effort I didn't require before, and started typing this post.

 

I can still feel my cheeks warm, and some sort of... something. I can feel inside me. I feel the strains on my body, and the sort of... feelings like it's just a pleasure for some of my insides to be there, existing and all.

 

I feel refined. I feel exposed, but I feel like I've got a lot less on me. Like I have become my constant repeating words, "nothing really matters, but that's ok with me." I'm still here though. I still felt like I should type this, and keep moving on in my weird old life. I guess some things are just really hard to kill.

 

Anyways, that is how you remove your puppetphobia. I'll be sure to include this stuff if I make a guide later... Of course first, I'm sure it needs some better level of understanding to be properly used in a guide.

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