arbiterspartan August 14, 2013 Share August 14, 2013 I've decided to start a log on here. Up until now I've been keeping both my own private journal, as well as a blog on tumblr. However, the tulpa audience on tumblr isn't particularly...articulate...a lot of the time. Plus I'm finding myself in need of help on a lot of issues. So it seems to make more sense to post my updates/musings/questions to a site dedicated to tulpas, to reach the relevant audience more effectively. A brief overview of my tulpa journey so far: I started on March 20th when I came across the tulpa subreddit. My first tulpa, Thel, is a Sangheili (aka Covenant Elite from the Halo video games). He is in a sense the Arbiter from the games, but really only because he shares the name (I only picked the name "Thel", he actually chose to use the Arbiter's surname, "Vadam") and he wears the armor of the Arbiter occasionally. But both he and I recognize that he's his own person. So throughout those months I went up and down on my view of tulpas, and my doubts followed suit. Along the way there were various instances where Thel would show off his abilities to me, but I still doubted. This included finding various lost items, waking me up at certain times, and some ability to remember things better than me. But things took a slightly better turn when I was looking at a picture a friend had drawn for us, and heard the "stray thought" of "Me." From that point on I've been more optimistic about tulpas in general, and have been striving to hear him more clearly. I no longer struggle with doubts on whether he exists, now I just worry about whether I'm actually hearing him or not. As of very recently, I decided to create a second tulpa. For this one I wanted someone that had more contrast from me. Thel and I, besides both being male, also have somewhat similar personalities. So I wanted my second tulpa to be an embodiment of the things I connect very little with, both externally and internally. She represents things that I don't really feel comfortable expressing or don't fully understand: sentimental feelings towards almost anything, love. She's a very "bubbly" and childlike individual. So at the time I thought that since Thel's form was an interest of mine, I would see if she could be something that I don't have any real affinity for, that being an MLP pony. I suggested it to her and she seemed to like the form. Later on I randomly heard the thought "Lyra!" blurted out while talking to Thel about her, during which I kept calling her "the second tulpa" or "your sister" etc. So I took that to mean she had decided on a name she liked. I've had doubts already about whether my motivations were pure for wanting to make her. I told myself and Thel that I did it because we both liked the idea of a more "family dynamic" between 3 of us, and it could possibly help with distinguishing them from me, given that my own internal dialogue never has two different voices. But I worried maybe I had just done it because of my outspoken disinterest in MLP, and because I was trying to garner attention. I feel like I wasn't doing that, but regardless she's here to say, as at one point Thel told me "If she goes, then I go." I'm going to try and update this daily, even if it's just to say I haven't done anything. I hope that this will help to better motivate me to force less sporadically, and to really concentrate on what it is I'm trying to help them improve with. Alongside this I hope I'll be able to gain lots of insight from others here, as well as maybe share my own findings on several experiments I have in mind. Progress Report We as host just have to show gratitude in the smaller things with our tulpa(e). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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