Ashmo

Ashmo's First Tulpa

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I've been researching tulpa phenomena for a couple months now. It's fascinating. The concept of having another free thinking, sentient being share your body and mind with you has enthralled me. I've been lurking this site for some time. Reading blogs when I can, reading and rereading the guides. I finally decided to join the community last night, now that I feel more comfortable.

 

I starting my forcing sessions a few days ago. I'm not really hour counting but I'm roughly up to about eight to ten hours. I feel like I'm mostly just talking to myself, which I know is normal. I felt it would be rude to impose a direct personality or form of my tulpa. If they are going to be an independent and free thinking being, who am I to make such choices for them as far as who and what they are? I mean I've given them very basic traits, more or less telling them what kind of things I look for in people I enjoy associating with, but mostly I've just been telling them about myself. My personal likes and dislikes. My reasoning behind trying to get to know them and make them tangible in my mind's eye and more.

 

I started out with thinking of them as a storm cloud of sorts. Almost like a nebula, star dust that slowly builds in mass as the gravity brings all the molecules together until it finally has form.

 

Last night though, the strangest thing happen. I started forcing in the way I normally do, but I couldn't make myself see my stormy cloud. It felt blocked to me in a way. I thought at first that it was my own negative thoughts, projecting itself into my work. I wasn't in a negative mindset, per say, but yesterday was a bit of a rough day for me over all.

 

I did a bit a meditating. With my religious outlooks, meditation is a very big part in my everyday life. Once I felt I was in a better state of mind to force, i tried again only I still couldn't picture my stormy cloud.

 

So I started thinking, 'Alright. Maybe It doesn't just want to be a stormy cloud anymore. That would make sense, right?' I just kind of let my mind wander, still concentrating on my now completely formless tulpa. I directed my thoughts to it, talked to it and basically tried to get its attention.

 

Over an hour went by but I finally started to see something forming. I thought I would begin to see things I've thought about. Something maybe I thought might tulpa might become but I wasn't prepared.

 

It's an egg now.

 

Large, almost like a dinosaur or ostrich egg. It's colored like a pale sort of cream with green speckles. It has a bit of a bumpy texture and smells very much like soy. I can see the egg better than I could ever see the stormy cloud.

 

I don't know if this is the final form my tulpa has chosen, but I'm very excited to continue my practices! Honestly I didn't expect much with only putting such little time into it so far, but this surprise has really raised my morale with the whole process and I think I might even enjoy active forcing more than I did before...

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Good job so far. Looking forward to hearing more!


"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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D'aw, can't wait for your egg to hatch. Kudos to you for doing proper research before diving in, it shows you're responsible and ready to be a good host.

 

I feel something you should remember though, is that no matter what you're having a heavy influence over your tulpa's personality from the beginning. All of this talking of yourself, your feelings, your tulpa is absorbing like a sponge. So, if you don't force different traits, your tulpa will most likely be very much like you (plus whatever you're hoping for in your subconscious). Which, is in no way a bad thing, but you don't need to 'force' something directly to your tulpa for your tulpa to pick up on it. Think of yourself as the only influence on it's developing mind.

 

Forcing personality isn't necessarily bad for your tulpa, considering that they are taking information from you from day 1. Again, this isn't a bad thing, but no matter how you spin it, you're molding a large part of it's personality whether or not you're trying to. Regardless of whether or not you 'design' and 'force' a type of personality to your tulpa, it will still be able to think on it's own after the initial creation, and it will still develop it's own opinions and personality as time marches on. 'Deviation', I'm sure you already know that though. You are the host, creator, your tulpa is your 'child' so to speak. You want to raise it to be 'good' by your standards, so there's nothing wrong with that.

 

Good luck, again, can't wait to see what the egg hatches into. ^^


New? Need Knowledge? - List of Guides - Creative's Creation Handbook

Have you hugged your tulpa today?

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Thank you for all of the support. This has to be one of the friendliest sites I've ever frequented.

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D'aw, can't wait for your egg to hatch. Kudos to you for doing proper research before diving in, it shows you're responsible and ready to be a good host.

 

I feel something you should remember though, is that no matter what you're having a heavy influence over your tulpa's personality from the beginning. All of this talking of yourself, your feelings, your tulpa is absorbing like a sponge. So, if you don't force different traits, your tulpa will most likely be very much like you (plus whatever you're hoping for in your subconscious). Which, is in no way a bad thing, but you don't need to 'force' something directly to your tulpa for your tulpa to pick up on it. Think of yourself as the only influence on it's developing mind.

 

Forcing personality isn't necessarily bad for your tulpa, considering that they are taking information from you from day 1. Again, this isn't a bad thing, but no matter how you spin it, you're molding a large part of it's personality whether or not you're trying to. Regardless of whether or not you 'design' and 'force' a type of personality to your tulpa, it will still be able to think on it's own after the initial creation, and it will still develop it's own opinions and personality as time marches on. 'Deviation', I'm sure you already know that though. You are the host, creator, your tulpa is your 'child' so to speak. You want to raise it to be 'good' by your standards, so there's nothing wrong with that.

 

Good luck, again, can't wait to see what the egg hatches into. ^^

 

 

CreativeMind thank you very much for the advice. I figured more or less my presence would have an effect like that. It's in my own nature to always try to be a good person. I'm a bit of a moral over-achiever, and now that I have such a responsibility it makes me feel like I should be doing even more. I'm hoping that being a good natured, mostly good person will help mold my tulpa into a person (if a person is what they choose to be?) as well.

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I started imposing my egg into my wonderland. I've had "my happy place" for a very long time. Using it for meditation and the like. I found a safe, warm little burrow under a tree. Strange I had never noticed it before, seeing I come here often.

 

This is where I have decided to keep my little egg safe until it hatches, or does what ever it's going to do.

 

I have also noticed a few things since yesterday:

 

*It's abnormally warm. As if it's generating it's own heat for it's growth.

 

*It already "feels" heavier than it did before

 

*Also! What ever is inside does NOT like the rain. Which I found very interesting because of how much I adore rainstorms. The more violent, the better. The rain is like my "real life" happy place but with all the rain that we have been getting lately, I've noticed that it seems to cause my little egg quite a bit of stress. This could be because, save for water born creatures, no egg should be exposed to the rain, or whatever is growing inside honestly doesn't like it. Either way, I was once again very surprised by the outcome of my forcing.

 

I also think that passively force much more than I am aware of...I find myself visualizing my egg and not knowing exactly when I started. Almost everything I do, it's as if it is there with me. Which I'm finding to be quite a comfort.

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I'm happy that things seem to be going smoothly for you! Don't worry, there's still a high possibility that once it hatches it will enjoy storms with you. Perhaps the little egg is just stressed because of the unfamiliar external stimuli.

 

Oh I can't wait until it hatches. You're doing a great job by the way.


New? Need Knowledge? - List of Guides - Creative's Creation Handbook

Have you hugged your tulpa today?

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I'm happy that things seem to be going smoothly for you! Don't worry, there's still a high possibility that once it hatches it will enjoy storms with you. Perhaps the little egg is just stressed because of the unfamiliar external stimuli.

 

That's what I was thinking. I don't cause it to rain that often in my wonderland, and now that I live in Arizona, rain is few and far between, but seems to be rather violent when it does happen.

 

I've been forcing while the storms are going on, trying to show it that it's okay. Just a part of nature and nothing bad will happen to it. It doesn't seem as anxious when it's raining now.

 

I'm really excited for getting an emotional response so early on, I just wish it had been such a negative emotion that it was trying to communicate with. Which I know that's not a bad thing either, I think it's a first sign of sentience, I just wish I could make it all better!

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I just wish I could make it all better!

 

Already the fact that you care so much for the egg you've created before it's even hatched is proof that you're doing a really good job as a host. Sometimes I have a hard time going into forcing with positive and warm emotions (not that I don't care about Chuul) since there's just so much weird crap that goes on in my head, therefore making it so that I have a hard time keeping a good attitude during forcing.

 

I think that the fact you've found that the rain helps you force makes it so you've already found a good forcing condition. That's something that takes a lot of people a good amount of time to figure out (I need to take caffeine right before I force so that I can stay awake while I'm forcing :x ) so it's awesome that you've figured it out already.

 

Good luck, Ashmo!

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