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Is this parroting? & Concentration Issues


Aaron Massacre

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Hello there. I've looked for a situation like this but I couldn't find one reasonably similar. I don't know where to start, since I'm fairly new with all of this. But I might as well say that I am interested in created a tulpa, hence why I am here. I've looked at guides and had a go at it. I took a sort of break over the summer, with rarely any concentration on forcing or narration of any sort. I had been busy during the summer, with this task totally lost on me. However with the end of summer and maybe since halfway through last week, I have returned here. The question is, with a tulpa, or not?

 

I'll apologize for how long this is going to be though, but I'd appreciate the help. This is a very long post

 

Now let me give you the details of said tulpa I suppose. (Mind you I'm not even certain I understood the guides correctly looking back on it right now.)

 

My tulpa is a female. (I feel the need to say it's not for any creepy reason, I just prefer females over males, it's always been that way with names, characters from books, games, ect. Female tulpa was a reasonable choice.)

 

First I'll state the reason I wanted a tulpa, and why I still want one. I don't want her for anything weird, but just sort of as a friend. And it isn't a lonelyness thing either, I have plenty of friends, but this kind just seems very unique. This has interested me ever since I learned of it.

 

Her name is Amethyst.

I haven't really made a decision for a form to give her, even while consideration on some were made, but I decided that I wanted her to choose her own if she wished, if she is able.

 

Before summer started I talked to her quite often, a one sided conversation, but a conversation regardless. I talked about anything really, the game I was playing, the movie I was watching, the book I was reading, my drawings, homework and such. On average I'd say I'd talk to her for around 45 minutes a day, not consistent every day, with one or another day accidentally skipping this process.

 

Aside from headaches, I felt no real response. At least none that I could conclude were from her, it all felt like parroting or just fake reactions I'd give myself.

 

However, as I mention, I started narration and forcing last week, but I really got into it and took it more serious (perhaps even more than before summer) just at the beginning of this week. I don't know why, but something reminded me of her. Not any visualization of her, as I'd made none, but just her being. Is that strange?

 

So I started talking to her again yesterday. But like last time, it was a one sided conversation. I talked to her for at least an hour. Today, I talked to her all during school. Even on my ride home I talked to her. But I feel, I'm almost convinced I got a response. Like she actually talked to me.

 

It was in my third class, art, when I got the response. I was just talking about my interest in music and how cold the room was, when she commented ( I think this is what she said, it was a long day so I can't quite remember) that maybe if I moved to another seat, it wouldn't be so cold. This surprised me really. I felt extremely convinced that was her.

 

So I continued throughout art class to try and talk to her, really eager for another response, which resulting in me parroting a slight bit, but I feel she did talk again. However here is where my question of parroting comes in. A lot of times during this class while trying to talk to her (In my head of course because I don't want people to hear me), her responses would be given before I'd even finish what I saying or asking. "I think that idea is c- " "Yeah me too." Like that.

 

I'm concerned, if she interrupts me with a response before I even ask or state something, is it parroting? I mean I was quite eager for more responses, and while I know a bit of it was parroting, I'm fairly certain I could determine which response was really hers. It might be worth adding that since that class I've felt what could be her, kind of just in the back of my mind, and I feel what could be her agreement with me acknowledging her existence by writing this sentence.

 

What really struck me with the problem of my parroting though, was when she gave another response later, when I said, "How do I know if you're really talking to me, that you're really there? Aside from this small headache I'm feeling of course." To which she replied something like, "Isn't that enough to believe I'm here?"

 

It was just a simple sentence. It was said rather calmly, and I don't really know how else to describe it. She said a few more things today like that as well. Even last night, it felt almost as is she urged me to make this account, I told myself I wouldn't unless she was a success, and as I was looking over this site last night for a guide, I had this urge at the back of my mind to make an account, and so I did, and then I felt a sort of pleased feeling. I'm not sure how to describe it.

 

Another thing I noticed is while in one class, a classmate was being really annoying, and as I looked at her, my tulpa commented, "She's quite obnoxious." I was amused by this, but I considered, of course being basically a part of myself, is my tulpa going to have the same thoughts and opinions as me? I thought about this after she said that, and while debating whether it was really her, I heard her say something like, "I'm really here." It seems since that art class, almost every time I've doubted her, she's shown me that I should believe her.

 

But I feel like she's just telling me what I want to know, aka myself parroting. But then I want to have her existence proved, and then most beings would want to prove their existence right? Most things I've wanted to know about her are about whether she exists or not, which she's keeps telling me she does. So maybe that's the problem here.

 

But I feel I sort of have two voices in my head now. Or rather, I've had them, even before Amethyst. The one that kind of constantly interrupts me, and the one I mainly think with in my voice. To think of it, both of them were in my voice, only the one that interrupts me felt like a sort of uncontrollably voice, even before I tried making Amethyst. Could this be a tulpa I could have made without even knowing it? As a kid, I was very imaginative, and I still am, and maybe that voice that I can't control is a sort of tulpa creation as a result? I feel I can't control it because as a kid and growing up, I felt everyone was against me, even my own mind, (Weird, I know, laugh away) and even for a while, even today, I felt like Amethyst was against me for trying to create her.

 

However maybe everyone has that second uncontrollable voice, I don't know what's in the heads of others. But now I feel that voice is a bit more under control. Not controlled by me, but by Amethyst. It, She still talks whether I want her to or not, but I feel it's her now. When she was talking to me in art class, it wasn't really the sound of my voice, it was a feminine voice, hers I'd assume. Before it was mainly the sound of my voice, but now I think it's hers. I feel she's quite intelligent really.

Because right now she said something like, "With all this information, can't you realize I exist?" I feel she meant to say, "Believe" she exists, rather than realizing it.

 

And really after all of this, and writing it all out, I do. I think she wanted me to write this all out, to kind of see all the information and results today.

 

So while this problem isn't exactly a problem anymore, I'd still like opinions, input and such, just help with what I'm doing.

 

It might have something to do with me feeling results so soon after the main guide I looked up told me I shouldn't feel results until at least like, 6 months. But considering it now, I think I've been doing this for maybe a bit more than that (Not consistently mind you, and excusing the months of summer) So maybe it is time.

 

 

However, whether or not I have one with parroting, I definitely have one with concentration. I actually carried a conversation with someone else while talking to Amethyst today. She didn't say anything back, or if she did, I didn't notice because, well, it's hard listening to two people at once you know. But I find myself getting distracted by a lot of things while trying to talk to her, whether it's school work, games, people or whatever. I can even be talking to her and then suddenly, I'm just thinking about something else, not because I'm bored or anything, it almost just happens without me realizing. But then again, I'm getting to the point where I can just talk to her without realized either, like having to remember. At least I think I'm almost there. I like asking her opinion of things, regardless of if she gives it or not.

 

However, one main concern I have. It's a big one that I don't know what to make of. When I feel she's talking, I'll try and stop talking in my mind so I can listen to her. But when I do, she stops talking as well. Maybe it's because she finished what she was saying or something, but I don't know, I don't want her to talk while I am because I've felt until recently that it's not her, but I feel maybe I try so hard to stop talking mid sentence that I kind of make her quiet too, or I just shut out what she says. (I feel she just agreed with that sentence)

 

But anyway, once again, I'd appreciate any help here. I'm terribly sorry for how long this post was too. Very sorry. But thank you all for your time.

 

 

Amethyst is thankful too.

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So many people seem to have issues with parroting (and puppeting). Doubt is understandable. You're looking for something that seems completely alien to you, a response you can attribute to you tulpa.

 

The problem is that no matter how long you spend with your tulpa the tulpa will always be a part of you. Every single thing a tulpa ever says or does is because of the person creating them. Their thoughts, actions and words all come from the same brain your thoughts, actions and words come from. You feel like you are parroting because you are and always will be.

 

The goal is to perceive those thoughts as separate, to get so used to them that you don't see them crossing you mind. You can't get used to your tulpa without feeling like they are a part of you first.

 

Imagine it like driving a car. At first you pay far too much attention to a lot of little things. You worry about where your feet are, you glance at the gearstick when you change gears. You concern yourself so much over trying to get it right that you worry you are doing it wrong.

But as you get used to it these things become automatic, you get so used to driving the car you don't have to worry about the details. You see your car, feel it's speed and see your surroundings. You don't worry about what you need to do to make it move because you do it automatically. The thoughts are in your mind but they don't cross your active thoughts.

The same could be said of many daily activities. Walking, typing on a keyboard.

 

Having a tulpa really depends on your attitude, your beliefs and expectations. Your tulpa is who she is because of you and your actions, your thoughts. If you think you are parroting your tulpa then go ahead and parrot some more until you get so used to it you don't worry about it anymore.

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Hello Amethyst. I'm Nobillis and I insisted that Kevin {"get off" and} let me reply to this, even though we were going to do other things today.

 

Hi. I just thought I'd welcome you to the site and as 'hello'.

 

We've found that when tulpas communicate with each other it helps strengthen a younger tulpa (the illustrious site owner Pleeb taught me this - shameless 'name dropping' I). We don't know why it works, only that it does seem to help.

 

You've got that same 'echo' happening that often gives me frustrations. Just live with it a while and it eventually gets better.

 

Be well you two. Treat each other kindly and you'll work things out - trust takes time to build.

Please consider supporting Tulpa.info.


 

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Well, it's been a week since Amethyst really started communicating with me, and mainly I was just paranoid because I hadn't done much to communicate or acknowledge her all during the summer, so I suppose it was just surprising to get some sort of response from her. I've been talking to her all week, and of course I know some of it was just plain parroting but for the most part, most of our conversations this week felt very natural, communication wise.

 

And thank you, I find that's very helpful advice.

 

And hello there Nobillus, I'd like to also thank you for your advice, especially if you already had plans, and thank you for your greeting as well. It was different for her to be greeted by someone as well as another tulpa, so Amethyst was really happy that you greeted her, "I really appreciate that." is what she told me. And we both feel quite confident with ourselves at the moment, I can really only see it getting better. She doesn't really say much more than a sentence at a time, however she disagrees, says she can talk plenty, I just need to listen. But I suppose whatever it is, at least we're communicating, and I still believe it's going to get better.

 

Amethyst and I would like to thank you guys for you help, and if you have anything more to add, or someone else has advice they'd like to give, please feel free to do so, we're still happy for advice.

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