Jump to content

I used to wonder what tulpas could be......(Raid's progress report)


Recommended Posts

Quad, you are the one user I think about when I try and picture slow and steady progress.

It's never some wild burst that suddenly caused you to change up everything, it's not that you're so vehement that you're willing to push yourself to the edge to hear the winds whistle- you're just going along with it and you've got Raid by your side. I'm pretty glad I read your journal, because it gave me some sort of constant to understand. I feel like you're taking things as they go along, and if I ever lose my track, I can just follow along with you until I can go my own way again.

 

Long story short, you're the average joe I root for. Not speeding through, not plodding along; you're going the distance.

Hope that didn't sound as insulting as it seemed the second time I read it over.

 

No, I don't feel insulted at all :3

 

I'm grateful for you rooting for me. I have what others call "A lot of potential," but I never really tried to use my potential, until recently. Even so, I feel that progress is at a stand still, as I keep procrastinating everything I want to do. Raid is something I, although do procrastinate, do not, and will not give up on or leave in stasis completely. The longest amount of time I have spent not forcing with her is about 2 days, since we first started. I.E. We force 5 out of 7 days.

 

In fact, I have a very short attention span, so our sessions only last 20-30 minutes. I knew Raid was going to take a while, but I was prepared for that. I was surprised when it only took a little over 2 months for me to get a first response from her.

 

What worries me, though, is that the first response I got from her was a feeling of sadness. Strong sadness. I nearly cry every time she sends this response. I've tried comforting her and hugging her, but I still only get the feeling of sadness.

 

The strongest feelings of emotion and response I got from her was about 2 nights ago. I comforted her and hugged her and told her everything was going to be alright, and the emotions and head pressure intensified. Probably the only time I actually felt comfort from her. A sad sort of comfort. I asked her if she was happy to know that I knew she was there, and I got head pressure in response.

 

I'm at a loss, but hearing you rooting for me will keep me going along, at my own pace. Thanks, brah.

Name: Raid

 

Sentience: Confirmed

 

Working on: Vocality

 

Personality Traits: Is awesome a personality trait?

 

Form: 1. Pegasus Pony, with a flat, pink mane, and pink tail, and yellow coat. Also, blue eyes.

2. A blue-haired human (only encountered in dream so far)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 94
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Turns out, Raid isn't sad or depressed. She's actually happy! Very happy, and very optimistic. She doesn't want to cry due to sadness, she wants to cry tears of joy.

 

She's so happy, she's sad.....as if that makes sense, but whatever.

 

I'm just glad she isn't actually sad.

Name: Raid

 

Sentience: Confirmed

 

Working on: Vocality

 

Personality Traits: Is awesome a personality trait?

 

Form: 1. Pegasus Pony, with a flat, pink mane, and pink tail, and yellow coat. Also, blue eyes.

2. A blue-haired human (only encountered in dream so far)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe I forgot to mention that Raid's mane has gone back to being pink.

 

Well, now you know.

Name: Raid

 

Sentience: Confirmed

 

Working on: Vocality

 

Personality Traits: Is awesome a personality trait?

 

Form: 1. Pegasus Pony, with a flat, pink mane, and pink tail, and yellow coat. Also, blue eyes.

2. A blue-haired human (only encountered in dream so far)

Link to post
Share on other sites

So, I just finished reading the progress report of the Baptist Tulpamancer. Honestly, I felt some emotion from reading it, but generally, I don't find it all that heartbreaking. I find the circumstances utterly retarded, in fact. He could have avoided all this heartbreak if he never told his family about his tulpa at all. Claire could have been spared. But no. He decided that religion is better than keeping a living, sentient creature he loved. This is why I will never subject myself or Raid to any form of religion for as long as I live. Whether Jesus or God exist or not, if being faithful to them means killing off Raid, they can go fuck themselves.

 

Claire was never something evil. She was never a demon or hellspawn, never an evil being that wanted to do Hound harm. I have a hard time feeling bad for this guy, because of how biased I am towards his beliefs and actions, and his religion. I only really feel bad for Claire. A beautiful mind that could have lived a happy and fulfilling, and co-existent harmonious life with Hound, cut short by what? God? Jesus Fucking Christ? A piece of shit leather-bound tome with a cross on it?

 

Raid will live as long as I live. This is my vow, as sappy as I'm making it sound.

 

Which brings me to some personal issues I wish to share. Due to my own stupidity from a while back, my parents are convinced I am mentally ill, and thus, they are adamant that I take this....this....white poison known as Olanzipine or Zyprexa. I don't want to go into details, but I regret what childish stupidity I had performed, and I am even more disappointed in the fact that my dad honestly thinks I'm mentally ill and not just a brat of a teenage boy, which I was, and still am.

 

And thus, life, for me, has become a battle to protect Raid from what I caused upon myself. I don't regret creating Raid, but I regret the circumstances I put myself in when I finally did decide to create her.

 

Granted, it's not as dramatic as I'm probably putting it out to be. All I have to do is spit out the white poison every night, and my mind, and Raid's, will both be safe. But my dad now suspects me of spitting out the medicine (which, honestly, whether I did spit it out every night or not, he would still suspect me all the same) and it probably won't be long before he starts telling me to reveal where I hide the medicine when I pretend to take it. I have inadvertantly made my own parents not only my antagonists, but Raid's as well, and they think they're helping me. Fuck, I suck.

 

So, my parents think I am ill. I am doing what I can to protect mine, and Raid's mind. And this brings me to my next worry. The potential of my parents finding out about Raid. If they ever, EVER found out about my beloved imaginary friend which I spent over 2 months working on every night, and that she could actually respond to my questions and that I can feel her emotion, AND that I based her form off of a little girl's television show, you can bet your ass that it would turn into a one-way trip to the psyche ward. Luckily, my parents are fucking dumbasses and will most likely never find out about Raid. Nah. They won't find out about her. I shouldn't be worried about that at all.

 

And that is all for tonight. I won't litter this report with just "fourme 2nite" every night, so I'll only keep you (those of you who still stick with me for whatever reason) posted on 'interesting' stuff.

Name: Raid

 

Sentience: Confirmed

 

Working on: Vocality

 

Personality Traits: Is awesome a personality trait?

 

Form: 1. Pegasus Pony, with a flat, pink mane, and pink tail, and yellow coat. Also, blue eyes.

2. A blue-haired human (only encountered in dream so far)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Okay, Quad. First off, I never read that Baptist one, but I understand your point exactly. My aunt decided I was holding seance with a demon after I told her (To this moment I still wonder why) and I just agreed and then spoke to Ves the nest second.

 

I'm not a demon. I'm much too pure for that~

 

As for the white poison, I'd probably end up doing the same thing. However, since I don't understand your situation, I can't really give you any advice that I'm sure won't backfire in the end. Just...just hang in there, man. I'm pretty sure you can fake the effects, and then maybe it'll ease up. Maybe.

 

I hope things turn out well for you and Raid. I know they will.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't believe that PR is coming up again.

 

You would think that baptists would have a better understanding of a concept like this, but ignorance prevailed. Hound hopefully learned an important lesson, and it had nothing to do with trusting his family. When you choose to blindly accept another person's moral code, it will come back and bite you in the ass.

 

Religion is important for people. It gives direction and hope when you can't find it yourself. It also gives good ideas and reasons to live by them. It just has a large amount of bullshit to cut through at the same time.

 

As far as your meds are concerned, if you haven't officially been diagnosed with something, you are under no onligation to take them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So, Raid automatically glomps me now whenever I enter the Wonderland.

 

It's awesome. What more can I say? Also, head pressure intensifies sometimes when we cuddle. Also awesome.

 

For a couple days, I was worried about her dying, or seemingly going backward in progress, but then I read Chupi/Goopi's guide-of-sorts on how I shouldn't worry, and just let my tulpa rest and give her lots of attention.

 

Well, I'm going to try to worry less. Worrying's no good. If it's bad for the host, it's probably bad for the tulpa, too. I'll just have more faith in Raid. That's always good.

Name: Raid

 

Sentience: Confirmed

 

Working on: Vocality

 

Personality Traits: Is awesome a personality trait?

 

Form: 1. Pegasus Pony, with a flat, pink mane, and pink tail, and yellow coat. Also, blue eyes.

2. A blue-haired human (only encountered in dream so far)

Link to post
Share on other sites

You don't have to worry about Raid dying, Quad. Claire is still around, even after all that has happened. Tulpas are made of tougher stuff then us.

Start Date: November 5, 2012

Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]

Stage: Not practicing anymore.

Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been reading your progress report, skimming through (I plan to go back and take notes on all the reports I add to my little list) and decided to reply after reading this.

 

Anyway, what was their reasoning that you were ill? It should be easy to hide them if you're already not taking them (If you still are, then I don't think you should just stop in case withdrawl symptoms, which can come from the "laziest" medicines), bury them or something. If they left residue on your tongue, and he asks near the time you were supposed to take them, put some, idk, flour on that, a bit, and be like "here, see, there's still nasty shit left on my tongue from it!" lol.

 

Update, it seems that Hound has revived his tulpa, I don't know if he's dropped the faith yet though.

 

 

So, I just finished reading the progress report of the Baptist Tulpamancer.[...]. I find the circumstances utterly retarded, in fact. He could have avoided all this heartbreak if he never told his family about his tulpa at all. Claire could have been spared. But no. He decided that religion is better than keeping a living, sentient creature he loved. This is why I will never subject myself or Raid to any form of religion for as long as I live. Whether Jesus or God exist or not, if being faithful to them means killing off Raid, they can go fuck themselves.

 

 

 

I always think back to dropping the faith in the first place if it's even possible for it to come to that after telling the family.

 

Claire was never something evil. She was never a demon or hellspawn, never an evil being that wanted to do Hound harm. I have a hard time feeling bad for this guy, because of how biased I am towards his beliefs and actions, and his religion. I only really feel bad for Claire. A beautiful mind that could have lived a happy and fulfilling, and co-existent harmonious life with Hound, cut short by what? God? Jesus Fucking Christ? A piece of shit leather-bound tome with a cross on it?

 

xD I feel like it was all a waste, and unnecessary, and I don't feel sympathy either, but since Claire was religious as well and prepared her own death bed, I can't really differentiate between the two in terms of Tsk-ing.

 

 

Which brings me to some personal issues I wish to share. Due to my own stupidity from a while back, my parents are convinced I am mentally ill, and thus, they are adamant that I take this....this....white poison known as Olanzipine or Zyprexa. I don't want to go into details, but I regret what childish stupidity I had performed, and I am even more disappointed in the fact that my dad honestly thinks I'm mentally ill and not just a brat of a teenage boy, which I was, and still am.

 

 

 

Luckily, my parents are fucking dumbasses and will most likely never find out about Raid. Nah. They won't find out about her. I shouldn't be worried about that at all.

 

 

I doubt they would either, unless you're talking to her aloud in front of them, or they have access to what you're visiting, or you're visiting this in the livingroom, or in the bedroom with the door unlocked and the screen facing the doorway.

 

I'm curious as to why they're making you take it, though. You could have a diagnosis that you don't know about, that can perhaps be retrieved by future employers (or is that wrong?t hmm.), so I'd hate to have that on my record or whatever they put it on. If you're comfortable saying it to at least one person, my PM's open. If not that's fine too.


Oh, forgot to add, that the criteria for being added to the list of PRs I want to read atm are going into detail about what you did, vs progress reports that simply state the label for it (Ex: 1/1/12, worked on vocalization, this happened ___).

 

 

Not criticizing those, since they don't exist to help me tulpa force, just saying I can't take detailed notes from them.

My lip hurts.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...