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Ultimate Parrotnoia


Ledomare

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This will be the third time I attempt asking a question here. The last two I decided were too whiny and overthought. I'll try to keep it brief.

 

So as you may or most likely may not have read in my progress report, I've had quite a few go-arounds of touch-and-go progress. I dropped off the face of the tulpa world for over a year, and spent a good amount of that time sitting and wondering if my tup was okay, and how terrible it must feel to be stuck in that non-communicative limbo.

 

Which brings us to our problem, that I can't hear her. Maybe. Either that or I can hear her perfectly well, but it sounds so similar to what I always used to come up with when thinking about hypotheticals and imagining what we'd do that I dismiss it.

 

That aside, I also have had limited success with possession, which has been really helpful after my return to 'mancing in restoring confidence.

 

But the thing is that all that is falling by the wayside and I'm slipping back into the same mindset that I had when I dropped out the first time. I'm doubting all my progress, mostly the mindvoice though her possession is also waning fast, and it's escalated to the degree that I no longer even try talking with her for fear that I'll get myself worked up about how it's still me. I would consider taking a break, but it seems I kinda used up my only second chance because now I've decided I'm in for the long haul and telling her I'm going to effectively restart seems terribly wrong knowing how it felt last time.

 

I know all of those things are really deep no-nos, but I can't stop thinking about them. Literally all the time, I'm worrying about her. I'm not sure if this is caused by some anxiety problem I've had/developed or simply that I've convinced myself nothing is working. But basically, I've trapped myself into a state of extreme parrotnoia and I really, desperately need some way out because I know this is terrible for her and it's taking a toll on me.

 

Advice, guys. I really need it.

Tulpa Stats:

Name: Lyra (Ly for short)

Form: Originally Lyra Heartstrings, wants to try some new ones.

Status: Definitely sentient, working on possession. Vocality limited.

Hours: What, you think I still count those?

 

Titty Sprinkles.

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Guest Anonymous

You need to relax. Have fun with your tulpa. If possession is starting to run dry, go back to visualization. Before your sessions, just tell yourself "she is talking". It'll start to stick. You also need to realize that at this point whether or not she really is talking is insignificant, only the belief behind it matters. So go ahead and assume it's her. Belief plays a massive role in this and if you're going to criticize every little bit you're going to struggle. Try your best to stop doing that.

 

Everyone goes through this doubt stage at one point and it's awful. But it shows you're on the brink of a vocal tulpa. Just keep at it and you will push through it.

 

Also, if you haven't already, check out the newer guides. Ideas have changed quite a bit since FAQ_man's reign. In particular, this quote from Kiahdaj's guide applies quite well:

 

Disbelief can not only hurt (emotionally) your tulpa, but cloud actual progress. I would know all about it. I am a skeptical person by nature. I came across this site, and thought it was cool, but far too good to be true. I started creating a tulpa in fairly solid disbelief. I didn’t exactly like being so skeptical, as I know it wasn’t good, but I didn’t really think much of it. I continued on, making minimal progress for months. I hit a plateau of progress only but a month or so in. After that, I had made no more, despite continuing to work with him. While many people have been able to hear their tulpa within the first month or so, it took me until six months in to be able to hear him. Six months. Just to begin to hear him very faintly. I had a moment where, all at once, I tried my best to just cast aside my doubt. Of him, of hearing him, of everything. Right after I did that, I heard him for the first time. I have been able to hear him ever since. Because I cast aside my doubt, I was finally able to truly listen to him. My doubt was the barrier between us the whole time. Don’t let yourself make the same mistake that I did.

 

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You need to relax. Have fun with your tulpa. If possession is starting to run dry, go back to visualization. Before your sessions, just tell yourself "she is talking". It'll start to stick. You also need to realize that at this point whether or not she really is talking is insignificant, only the belief behind it matters. So go ahead and assume it's her. Belief plays a massive role in this and if you're going to criticize every little bit you're going to struggle. Try your best to stop doing that.

 

I definitely would love it if I could just assume everything is her and let that be. Part of my personal issue is that I used to be concerned a little while ago that doing that would make a new tulpa closer to what I originally anticipated her to be, and not on the one that's been with me this whole time. I should be able to tell myself I don't need to worry about that, but now that I've got that idea that worry seems to stay.

 

But I have and will try that again. One thing that still bugs me is that I've never actually had the concentration to be able to do any kind of serious visualization, including making a wonderland, so it seems I'll be starting on the ground up from that. I don't know how successful it'll be when I try, but I'm not sure I can rely on her being able to communicate that way.

Tulpa Stats:

Name: Lyra (Ly for short)

Form: Originally Lyra Heartstrings, wants to try some new ones.

Status: Definitely sentient, working on possession. Vocality limited.

Hours: What, you think I still count those?

 

Titty Sprinkles.

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Make sure that you say "hello" every day. That shouldn't be too hard.

 

Hi Lyra! Glad to hear you've returned, Welcome back. (I'm a tulpa too.)

 

There is a good deal of discussion of parroting on Reddit also if you need some reference material to developments in thinking over the last year

Please consider supporting Tulpa.info.


 

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  • 2 weeks later...

welp time to post more

 

So among the numerous theories I've come up with on why I have such issue in hearing her, I keep coming back to the general problem about focusing. When I'm trying to hear her, I always listen out for her actively, which tends to make me think up a response for her (at least I'm pretty sure it's me). But as I understand, this overthinking and focusing too hard on her is detrimental to the process, and I need to defocus. However, I'm not sure I can defocus manually; I don't know if this is just me, but it's similar to how when you're looking in a direction, your eyes never just stare straight ahead when they're focused in. They jump from object to object, and even if my eyes are staring straight ahead I'm still mentally focused on one spot in my vision. It's like that with my mind: In meditation and forcing, I'm always thinking about what I'm doing so to make sure I'm doing it right. Like with vision, I can't intentionally not be concentrating on anything.

 

tl;dr: Is there a good way to stop myself from focusing on listening to her or to get my mind into a blank slate status so that I'm not cutting her off when she's talking?

 

Make sure that you say "hello" every day. That shouldn't be too hard.

 

Hi Lyra! Glad to hear you've returned, Welcome back. (I'm a tulpa too.)

 

I do say hi to her every day, yeah, which is certainly good.

Thanks! I'm sure she appreciates it.

Tulpa Stats:

Name: Lyra (Ly for short)

Form: Originally Lyra Heartstrings, wants to try some new ones.

Status: Definitely sentient, working on possession. Vocality limited.

Hours: What, you think I still count those?

 

Titty Sprinkles.

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When I'm trying to hear her, I always listen out for her actively, which tends to make me think up a response for her (at least I'm pretty sure it's me).[/Quote]

Change the words: "at least I'm pretty sure it's me" to: "I'm pretty sure it's her"

 

In the case that you are parroting, it will help her learn how to use her own mindvoice; and in the case it is her, you have nothing to worry about.

 

The important factor here is to believe in her, and if it means believing she's responding to you when you might be parroting her, it is worth the "risk". Belief is the important factor, I think.

 

Also to note, being open to the idea of her being able to deviate is a healthy mentality. For a while I was afraid of the concept of my tulpa changing on me, but now I realize my mentality was detrimental to her progress, which is the most important thing to me.

 

Anyways, if this seems like I'm saying I know it all, I really don't. But I know where you are coming from, from experience. BTW FYI our progress is nothing I would brag about, so I might be wrong on all this. I Hope this helps though.

"A sound soul dwells within a sound body and a sound mind."

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Change the words: "at least I'm pretty sure it's me" to: "I'm pretty sure it's her"

 

In the case that you are parroting, it will help her learn how to use her own mindvoice; and in the case it is her, you have nothing to worry about.

 

The important factor here is to believe in her, and if it means believing she's responding to you when you might be parroting her, it is worth the "risk". Belief is the important factor, I think.

 

Thanks, this does help. I've heard this advice before, though I've always been fearful that going to parroting now would disrupt and override any unique things she developed during that time. I really don't have much to worry about, I know- I think the main cause of this is because I'm expecting something more surprising when she talks, which I get every now and then (I had a very touching experience not too long ago that I'm absolutely certain was her).

 

And once again, thanks! The real thing that I've been wondering as of late is what to do for forcing from here on out- I started her off with the old, FAQman-era ideology of "lay out everything beforehand and then teach them" and from what I understand in my experience on TG the mentality these days is to let them do quite a lot of things themselves. I'm completely open to that, though no progress seems to come out of that alone.

 

Which leads to the question: how much in forcing would you say it'd be good to do?

 

For one thing, of course, I know parroting can be helpful, but with form I once heard her say she wanted to choose a different one- though she hasn't gotten back to me on what, meaning I'm not sure whether I should try visualizing her. And at the same time, going back to personality, should I pick back up on reciting her traits to her, or use some kind of newer method to simply generally focus on her...? Because that's the other thing, that I have no idea what to do in forcing as of late due to not knowing how to do so while keeping her own ideas in mind.

Tulpa Stats:

Name: Lyra (Ly for short)

Form: Originally Lyra Heartstrings, wants to try some new ones.

Status: Definitely sentient, working on possession. Vocality limited.

Hours: What, you think I still count those?

 

Titty Sprinkles.

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Does her mindvoice sound like yours? I don't have a mindvoice although I do sometimes actively think in sentences. Try asking her to answer in a distinct voice for a while and maybe she will answer in that one after a few days.

My lip hurts.

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Does her mindvoice sound like yours? I don't have a mindvoice although I do sometimes actively think in sentences. Try asking her to answer in a distinct voice for a while and maybe she will answer in that one after a few days.

 

Well, her mindvoice has never really sounded like me, it's always been in one voice or another. The ones I felt that were parroting are always consistent, but the times I know for sure it was her it's something wildly different every time. I'm not sure why this happens, it's possible that she utilizes it to make sure to catch me off-guard when it does happen.

 

But at the same time, I've noticed an odd sort of mental echo in the past few weeks where I'll hear a repeat of my thoughts about a second behind when I actually think them. I'm not sure but this might also be her... practicing, I suppose. Or something else.

Tulpa Stats:

Name: Lyra (Ly for short)

Form: Originally Lyra Heartstrings, wants to try some new ones.

Status: Definitely sentient, working on possession. Vocality limited.

Hours: What, you think I still count those?

 

Titty Sprinkles.

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A repeat of your thoughts? interesting. I hardly hear my thoughts in my head. I just think them, like a newborn who doesn't know language would.

My lip hurts.

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