An Undefined Tulpa (Day by Day)

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The Beginnings of An Undefined Tulpa

I'm just copy/pasting from my blog for now, but essentially what I'll be sharing both here and there is my progress day by day for those who may be interested. (I love reading these myself)


As time goes by I hope that my tulpa will share her own thoughts and experiences with everyone during the process, but I imagine that to be some time away as I would like to take this slow. I don't want to make any mistakes or try and rush her to decisions.


[align=justify]I’ve made this blog in hopes of sharing it with my tulpa in the future and potentially helping those like me one day. With this blog I’ll be following my progress in the creation of my darling tulpa as well as the methods I use and how they develop.


There are many people who create their tulpa with something in mind, and I’m going to do my best to avoid that. Ideally my tulpa will decide for themselves who and what they want to be, but for beginnings I’ll refer to them as female.


As she grows we will share what we can with you, and I’ll endeavor to write as much about her and I as I can, but keep in mind there may be things she might not want to share. I encourage questions but if we cannot or don’t want to answer then that is all there is to it.


Our blog entries will be short but often. I’ll try and explain all the steps as I follow them, in as much detail as possible and when she is able, and if she chooses to, I’ll start including both sides of out stories.[/align][/font]

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[align=center]Breathing Life - Day 01

[/align]Before we start I’d like you all to keep in mind that these entries are all pretty much in note form, I’m cataloging everything I can in quick, scattered and unorganized points. In the future I’ll tidy it, but for now these are merely thoughts and observations.


Another point to remember is that this was not a one day decision, in fact, this is almost three years in the making. I did not enter into this lightly and I’m hoping people can understand this, even if I say something that seems juvenile, don’t assume I’m uneducated in what I’m doing, I’m merely excited and cautious.


Part 01 - An Idea and Form


To start with I’ going to say that for the next week or so, many of these notes will not be enforced. I will be speaking to her constantly, but I will not be creating a solid image of who or what she should be. In time I will begin to give her a basic form to build from but until then I’m merely learning to include her in my life.


[align=justify]I want her to be who she wants to be, I want her to decide everything about herself, but first we need something to begin with. At the moment I’m looking for a form of some sort to base her off of. The key I feel is simplicity, a form that will help me create a solid image and feel for her, a placeholder.


I’ve been thinking on it, but I know I’d like to pick her colours as grey. I’ve told her the image I have in mind for her is something graceful, beautiful and majestic. I don’t mean some princess clad in white, but something that feels regal even if the form itself is what some might consider unimpressive. I’ve yet to decide on the form, obviously, but I have decided that for her base form I’ll pick grey, neutrality, as opposed to black or white which is already hinting towards something. I don’t want her decisions to be effected by how I view her, or how I’m creating her. This form is not permanent, but if she chooses to keep it, then I’d like something she can be happy with, not something she’ll just except.


I’m thinking of picking a feline, or something similar. I know their forms almost flawlessly, and this will help with my creation of her. I’ve already informed her that her gender is entirely hers to pick at a later point, whenever she wants to, but it is comfortable for me to see her as female until then, and I’m sure she won’t mind.


I haven’t given her a name, again this is something I’d like for her to pick for herself. I’ve decided she’ll just be called Tulpa for now, tulpis did just randomly come to mind but I will not take it to heart, but will ask her about it much later. I feel it’s too early for her to have mentioned anything yet.


I’ve introduced myself already, and talked to her some about how I’d like her to develop, but affirmed that she is not limited to these and that I have no expectations for her, or very few at least. I’ll admit I’m rather keen on her being female, which I hope won’t affect her, but I also know should she decide she’d like to be male or anywhere between I’d be more than okay with this.


I feel her form may affect her personality development. Mostly because there are so many choices to make, and these all reflect on her. Some forms seem overly playful, others more secretive. I’m not sure what to pick, I have thought of visualizing her as nothing but an orb of light, but I find it difficult and fear it might impact the effectiveness of visualization. It’s easy for me to imagine she’s beside me, and I’d find it far easier to concentrate on her muscles, anatomy and textures as she moves around with me (until she can do so herself). An orb on the other hand seems far too impersonal, and since she’ll hopefully be deciding on her own features and quirks it won’t matter what form I pick, provided I can avoid enforcing the emotional side of the form on her.


I don’t want to give her any detail markings as it will only hinder visualization.


After some thinking, several hours, I’ve decided on a lion cub, grey for now. Simple, cute, easily changeable. Honestly I’m quite excited, and I’ve found that there is very little doubt in my mind towards the whole concept. I’ve known about tulpas for many years, and studied them fairly well. At first when I stumbled on the subject I was very skeptical, now much less so. I’m trying to talk to her as much as I can, and consciously reading this to her as a type. Even if she cannot yet hear it I have no doubt she’ll appreciate the effort.


I’m sure she’ll learn pretty quickly that I can be quite the scatterbrain, but I’m sure she won’t mind too much. I’m already very much in love with her, and am so excited to meet her and learn about the kind of ‘person’ she’ll be. I’ve already told her she has full access to everything I am and I’m hoping with that she’ll be able to learn faster, not in a rushed way, but having more information available to her so she can answer her own question with things that I already know, if that makes sense. I already told her she’s entitled to her secrets, but that mine were open to her. [/align]

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Breathing Life - Day 02

Before bed last night I forced for roughly an hour and a half, said goodnight to my darling tulpa and fell asleep. Today my first thought was of her and a said good morning. Of course there was no reply yet, or a twinkle of awareness but we’ll get there.


I Puppeted her image a lot during the forcing, felt her form, made her mouth form words though she didn’t speak. I can imagine her temporary form perfectly, right down to the skin between her toes, the shape and feel of her ears and her gorgeous grey eyes.


I spoke to her passively most of the day, told her what I was doing, introduced her to things around me, explained how and what things were and constantly reminded her that she can be who she wants to be, and that I was looking forward to learning what kind of a ‘person’ she was. I asked her questions even though she’s not aware yet, but it made me comfortable to ask her silly things like ‘do you think you’d like to draw, too? Did you want me to read to you later?’ etc.


I worked some on our mindscape and walked her around it, explaining to her what it was so far. Really it’s just a large room with no windows and a large sliding door that takes up most of the furthest wall. It’s dark, dimly lit with thick dark curtains and to comfy ornate chairs around a coffee table, they sit close to the door so we can see out onto the small patio and the endless expanse of grass beyond.


The room has bookcases on all three other sides, very high and full of all kinds of books in all kinds of conditions. I know I’ll have to tell her again but I told here all the books contained different things. Thing’s I’ve read, experience, memories and dreams. Essentially everything that I am is in those books and she’s welcome to read them.


We sat in the chairs and a forced her a little more, then chatted a bit about the grass outside and that when she was able we’d go out there and make something more substantial together.


For the remainder of the day I’ll mostly be passively forcing, which I was able to do most of the day yesterday. Though with so little I want to define I’m finding it a little hard to focus on something for an adequate forcing. I’m going to try just forcing the idea of her without any traits but it is harder. So any ideas on that would be pretty good.

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Before bed last night I forced for roughly an hour and a half, said goodnight to my darling tulpa and fell asleep. Today my first thought was of her and a said good morning.


That's pretty much every day for me. It's nice. :)


Though with so little I want to define I’m finding it a little hard to focus on something for an adequate forcing. I’m going to try just forcing the idea of her without any traits but it is harder. So any ideas on that would be pretty good.


Passive forcing before personality can be tricky. I'd say either have her follow you wherever you go, just set her out of the way and let her stand still like a statue, or stick to narration and active forcing until she develops a personality on her own.

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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Last night I settled down to do some forcing but we really only got 45 minutes to an hour of undistracted time. After that I kept almost falling asleep so had to say goodnight. Of course right after I decided on bedtime I kept thinking of things I wanted to say so we ended up with another half an hour of scattered one sided conversations.


I woke up on several occasions and said morning to her each time, by the time I actually got up it was a bit of a joke to say good morning again but I don’t think she would have minded.


We didn’t get much passive forcing done today. The neighbors were yelling and pounding the walls for a large portion of the day and it was hard to concentrate so for the most part I just read her the things I was reading. We managed to get roughly an hour of direct forcing in two half hour sessions, the last I feel asleep just after but got up not too long later and did some passive forcing.


During our session I focused on her laying across my chest with her face close to mine. I pictured her with her eyes closed since mine were. I decided to list some personality traits and similar, telling her what they were and how they effected people and the differences that they might pose to a tulpa. I then told her a bit about my own traits and how they have affected me.


I tried to teach her like I would an intelligent child, I know she’ll have access to my memories soon but that could be some time away.



I explained to her what honesty meant, and the differences between telling the truth and telling a lie. I tried to explain that telling the truth didn’t mean being harsh or overly blunt, and that keeping secrets wasn’t lie, and the she was entitled to them.


Insomnia - sleeping


Kindness – meaness - hatred


Playfulness - fun


Shy - quiet


Thanks Shui! I've started actively picturing her following me wherever I go, even if I can't pay attention to her form I'm still feeling her presence just like I would a person. It was also suggested that I offer her traits instead of forcing them, which I mentioned above. Both of which were very helpful today.

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Sunday: Today was very limited in terms of active and passive forcing. We got exactly 20 minutes of sitting down for some full attention forcing, several sessions of between 5-10 minutes each and a bit of chat on the way to the shops and back. I read her the original little red riding hood, and we read the first chapter of Eragon.

Breathing Life - Day 05

Time of Update: 12:02 PM, Tuesday, 15/10/2013 (late)

Today I would argue was almost as unproductive as yesterday, but we sat down for about 45 minutes to do some distraction free forcing, and while I’m not positive, I think we may have had a breakthrough.


While forcing I rambled on about not having much to say and hoping she didn’t mind too much, which is when I noticed a pain somewhat like a headache above my right eye. It distracted me but went away pretty quickly so I thought, why not ask?


I asked if that had been her, to which I believe she replied with another pain, and when I told her to stop, it stopped.


I decided to ask her one more time, politely if somewhat excitedly, if she could do it again, which she did, and stopped again when I asked. Unfortunately she was not able to repeat it again after that for some yes or no questions. I told her not to worry about it, I didn’t know how taxing it would be for her, so I just told her we had plenty of time, and not to overdo it.


I talked to her for some time after that before visualizing our wonderland.


I decided to take a bird’s eye view but after coming back down I noticed not only had the endless expanse of green grass suddenly developed mountains in front of our library/home but just over some hills on the other side was a beach, there was also a rather pretty river that flower right towards and under the house, and I think it stopped somewhere underneath but was uncertain as I didn’t get to go around.


That Aside-


While picturing her I’ve had trouble focusing on a form, it was a lion cub (Not strongly forced) but today and yesterday have seen her with dozens of forms both original and inspired by characters I’ve seen. She’s also changing genders a bit. I can’t be certain if it’s her or my own mind trying not to pick for her, but it’s odd at the very least.

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Breathing Life - Day 06

Slow progress, had my sister come and stay with me for a few days. I introduced Tulpa to her and her to Tulpa, and told my sister of our progress. (The only person I ever planned on telling). I forced for roughly 40-50 minutes plus an additional 20 minute session earlier in the day. We talked less due to company. Noticed very mild headaches during days 02-06 that hadn’t gone away or gotten better/worse. By the end of the night they had vanished. Not sure if it was directly related.

Breathing Life - Day 07

Another slow moving day but our long session threw me off a fair bit…


Sister’s still staying with me so had even less time to force, although during our one-off 40 minute session I decided to count down from 100 to help myself relax, while counting I reached 47 before I noticed a very clear and defined voice trying to throw me off, counting off random numbers like 16, 24, 38, 12, etc. I often relax using the same method and have never had that happen before, it was unusual but I’m not sure if it was directly tulpa related. It seemed very pointedly mocking me though, and it’s something I always do to other people.


I’ve also noticed that my sleeping patterns are off and I’m having a lot of trouble settling or focusing.


We talked at brief intervals about pointless things, I’m also having trouble with her gender, and catch myself saying/thinking 'he' quite often.

Breathing Life - Day 08

We were barely able to talk today and only got in maybe 20 minutes of active forcing that I fell asleep during, I’ve noticed that I’m having a lot of trouble sleeping though, I’m just not tired and when I do fall asleep it’s light and often interrupted. I’ts getting much harder to focus, which is something I normally don’t have much trouble with.


During a shopping trip I was able to get some time alone to my thoughts while my sister was distracted so I explained some of my views on meat consumption, animal cruelty and free range eggs. It was an amusing subject but not all that interesting, still, we talked for roughly 20-30 minutes which is the longest we were able to talk all day.

Breathing Life - Day 09

Again we barely talked and did no active forcing, besides a few comments about the things going on I ignored her, unintentionally, but apologized nonetheless. I didn’t get any sleep, I’m just not tired.


Breathing Life - Day 10

Time of Update: 11:36 AM, 20/10/2013 Sunday

Roughly two hours sleep, inconsistent and constantly being woken up, even by my cat stretching. I’m still not tired and am pretty sure it’s tulpa related this time. I’m always tired, in fact I have serious issues with lethargy. Normally. I’ve also noticed I’m getting a little paranoid, or I think I am.


Sister left around mid-morning and I plan on doing some active forcing to make up for the down time.



I haven’t done much work on it but it’s changed somewhat since when I started. Originally, as mentioned, it was nothing but an endless expanse of grass with a small one room library smack bang in the middle.


The room is now L shaped with two patios, a Library section, a study and a small lounge area. We have a T.V and stereo and all the sections are divided by bookcases. I’ve started to concentrate on what kind of information is stored in what books, particularly names. I know plenty, along with their ‘meanings’, so decided to leave them in a thick navy leather book with gold writing, third bookcase, top shelf around the middle. A very strong hint that I’m looking forward to know his/her name.



I had given her a bast form of a small grey lion cub, but have noticed when I imagine her walking or sitting with me that she’s more human than that, and again her gender is constantly switching. I would have liked to say I know she is a she, but really I have no idea anymore, and I think she might still be deciding. In the end I told her it really didn’t matter, form is the last thing of interest to me, I’m far more excited just to hear her, not even that. Just knowing she’s there.

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