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Little Amy & Hyde


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Dream Weaver & Presentations :: Days #161-164

 

April 7-10, 2014

 

I want to sleep for a week, which I know I'm going to get next week being that it's Spring Break! Hollllaaa!! It sucks that I have three papers I have to do though. FML! Not much has really gone on lately with Hyde and I. Monday, I overslept after my alarm went off, so I stayed home. I didn't mean to sleep in, but I hit "snooze" and I guess it didn't go on again. So I stayed home. Hyde wasn't pleased with me, but he understood because of all the walking we did in Vegas. And getting home late. I had a "walking Vegas" hangover. I got some good sleep though. I think.

 

Hyde has finally been making some appearances in my dreams. Bout time! Lol. Even though he says he's always there, I just can't see or don't notice him. I had a sort of unsettling dream a night or two ago, where my evil villain/murderer/rapist fictional character, Victor Bane, came into my dream. He was trying to be a Dom against me and some other girl and wanting to punish, spank and rough me up. He really gave me the chills and I really got uncomfortable and scared. But then he turned into Hyde, and suddenly, I felt a little bit better and he didn't try to hurt me or anything. He was just there. He saved me from Victor in a way. That was unexpected. I had always told Hyde he was welcome in my dreams and now I guess he's more comfortable doing that, without me having to write a letter to him and put it under my pillow. Someone suggested I do that once. Someone who I won't mention again. But anyway, he also made an appearance in my dream last night, when Howie from Backstreet Boys was there. I only saw Hyde briefly but I knew he was there, watching as we did these dance moves that Howie was teaching us.

 

So what else? Hmm. I've been tired more than usual, and as usual, Hyde has been trying to get me to go to sleep early, which never works out. And we haven't even been forcing to make me more tired. It's mostly that school has been draining me more than usual. Studying has been putting me to sleep and all the running around. I chickened my way out of having to present my monologue to the class Tuesday, but it still pissed me off that the teacher made me bring my stuff for the task when I didn't even get to do mine. Like seriously, do you know how hard it is to shove a shoebox into a suitcase with three other textbooks and a notebook? Not fucking cool or fun. Especially when you need to bring your laptop too to work on your paper for class. Like today.

 

Also on Tuesday, after class, I was too crampy to lug my suitcase down to the cafeteria so I just went into the bookstore to get myself something to eat. And Hyde always has to assume I'm just going in there to see the Constantine haired guy, and stare at him. ( See picture below ) And okay, so maybe I am, but can you blame me? He might not have the same cute smile or face but the hair...wow. I can't even. So I went in there and I sat down in one of the arm chairs, and just sort of tried to get through my bad cramps. Hyde really wanted me to go to the health office, but I didn't want to. So I just stayed in there with him, staring at the Constantine looking guy. Lol. Okay, so he doesn't really look like Constantine, but you know...and I ended up just buying something to eat from there. A sandwich and a drink. Hyde had suggested I eat something small, and healthy. Not greasy because it would be bad for my stomach. So yeah, I sat there and ate it, and I couldn't help but giggle every time that Constantine guy -- who I forgot to mention is named, John -- passed by. Heh heh. And Hyde would tell me: "Stop giggling! Stop!" Lol. Sorry. XD Couldn't help it. Every time that guy is around, I start giggling. But anyway, after that, I slowly walked to our anatomy class. Hyde was telling me to take it slow anyway, being that I had cramps. Sorry, again I say. I tried to stick it out though, and started to feel a little better, having taken my medicine already. Then my mom came to pick us up.

 

Wednesday, I did feel Hyde behind me. See, I was standing outside my class and I felt like my arm brushed against something or someone. For a minute, I thought someone had passed by me, and then I looked behind me and Hyde was the only one there. I haven't felt that in a long time since I was in Communications class last semester and my foot brushed against his leg. So that was nice and it was also refreshing to feel. :) Sometimes I start doubting he's here and then something like that happens and it clears up my doubts. And ugh, I was so exhausted, I almost fell asleep in Lit class. But I came home and napped afterward. Hyde was nagging me the whole time to study for my anatomy quiz on Thursday, but I had fallen asleep and woken up later than usual so I didn't have much time to do that before CSI started, but I got a little bit of studying in then showered then watched CSI. Hyde needs to bring a lot more bad karma to my bitch aunt. She comes to stay with us and suddenly she fucking thinks she owns the place and can use my shower without asking. It's disgusting! I hate sung the shower after someone else, especially when that shower is MINE. Bitch doesn't live here! She should learn how to ask for things not just take them. So like I said, I studied for my quiz. I think my study technique is fairly good now considering...how awful I was doing in my classes before.

 

Thursday, I knew I was going to have to workshop my monologue and present my task to my acting teacher, even though I didn't want to. But hey, good news, I get to sleep in the Thursday after Spring Break because my musical appreciation teacher isn't going to be there. And why not, I'll miss my acting class with the hottie too so I can sleep in till 1 too. Zack (that's the hottie teacher) said I could miss a couple classes and still be okay. So I'm gonna do that. Again Hyde sat on the edge of the table in my first class as he often does, while I sit there and take notes. The teacher made me smile when she was suggesting musicals for people to do their reports on and she said "Rock of Ages." Hyde looked over at me and smiled. In acting class, I was trying to hide myself from the teacher, even though I know I'd have to go up in front of the class. I was like: "I'm not here. I'm not here." Hyde laughed at me and told me I'd still have to do it. I took my quiz because we had a quiz in that class too, and shockingly, I only missed two! Hollaaa! Hyde was so proud of me. I was surprised too, considering I couldn't find the answers in the textbook, being that it was open book. Then the damn teacher made us warm up, and I really didn't feel like doing it. I'm starting to hate the warm ups and those breathing exercises, even though Hyde swears by them and says its good for me. When I'm lazy, I just tell him: "You do it for me. You lift my arms up."

 

The stupid hottie teacher made us all walk around the room again like we were in P.E. Class. Ugh! I hate when he does that and Hyde hates it just as much. Not cool. Seriously, if we wanted to walk around for twenty minutes or more once or twice a week, we'd take Walking For Fitness not Theatre. I mean, right? He was telling us to walk like our characters so I pretended to walk like Ellie, then to say our monologue certain ways, like silly, excited, annoyed ( which Hyde and I both agreed I already was in character and OOC ), sad and like you're telling a secret. Hyde was laughing at me when I was doing it like all those emotions and I told him: "Don't laugh at me!" Lol. Then we sat down and I was so relieved, so was Hyde. Then it came time for me to do my monologue, & Hyde went and sat down in the front row so that I would actually have someone to say it to. I told the teacher: "I suck." But he begged to differ. So I went up there like a douche and said my name and did my monologue, and the teacher made me turn and walk away mad instead of standing up and sitting back down like the monologue said. I felt stupid, but I did it anyway. I just looked directly at Hyde and did my monologue. It helped a little bit, but my visualization was lacking because I was concentrating more on memorizing it than visualizing Hyde. He was still smiling at me though through it all. And he said: "Good job, love" after I did it.

 

My hottie teacher said he didn't detect an ounce of stage fright or nerves, and that he didn't see any evidence of "sucking." Hehe! And he was playfully like: "So stop it!" He's so cute! Heh. Hyde still rolls his eyes at my crush on the teacher. Then after this guy did his task of sewing something on his jeans, I did my task of scrapbooking, and I put Bon Jovi on while I was doing it. Lol. I'm surprised no one commented on my iPod playing "Dead or Alive." The teacher asked me if I was aware they were watching me, and I said "yes." I can't take myself out of my element and what's going on unless I was singing, which I wasn't. True that I could of forced with Hyde and got lost in that for a while, but I don't think meditation would of been appropriate for the task. I was glad when the teacher said it was cool for me to miss a couple classes. So I'm glad I don't have to go to all my classes the Thursday after Spring Break. After class, there was a cupcake truck outside of the library so I got myself a Cookies & Cream cupcake. It was yummy! It was called "The Cupcake Bar." My friend, Mary, wanted me to walk with her to the stop light but I wanted real food, so I told her I was going to the cafeteria. So I went with Hyde to get something to eat, and stayed there for a while, studying for my quiz then we headed to my anatomy class. I really studied and Hyde was super proud of me because I only missed two or three. My study technique has really been helping. Read out loud and repeat repeat repeat!

 

And Hyde was really excited when he found out the teacher had brought a real brain. I was a little squeamish about seeing it, but since I saw one at the exhibit, I was strong enough to see it. Plus, how am I gonna be a CSI if I don't get used to seeing gross things.The smell of Formaldehyde was worse than actually seeing it, being that it was soaked in the stuff. Some people touched it with a gloved finger. I didn't. I didn't want to get close and have to smell it. So yeah we didn't. We just left after seeing it. And that was about it for that day. I don't remember what else happened. I was just happy Spring Break was coming.”

 

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Les Miseraboring & Dropping Class :: Days #165-178

 

April 11-24, 2014

 

I meant to update this thing again while I was on Spring Break, but I was so tired, all I wanted to do was sleep. It's been stressful lately, for me anyway. But not much happened during Spring Break. We've gotten to force more during that time, and I've felt him certain times when we're in the Wonderland. During that, I've felt him touching my shoulder and/or his breath against my ear, and hair against my neck. I really need to get time to update this thing about what happens as it happens. I will try and remember certain things though. So that Friday night, the week before Spring Break started, Hyde and I had to go see that stupid "Les Miserables" for the paper I had to write for my musical theatre class. Ugh! I was fucking bored to tears. So was Hyde. All we wanted to do was get the fuck out of there. Well I did, but Hyde insisted that I had to stay so I could do my paper. So we stayed and I tried not to fall asleep while we were watching. I'm glad no one was sitting beside me and Hyde could sit there. Neither one of us could follow the show to be honest. I told Hyde they were trying to copy Jekyll & Hyde with the costumes, but he reminded me it was in the same time period. The 1800s. So I guess it fit. At one point, Hyde was like: "Ooh, hookers." Lol! In that scene, there was this guy who was going after Fantine -- the girl -- and he had a cane and top hat and he was like throwing her around like a rag doll, and telling her he wanted to see what he was paying for. And I turned to Hyde and was like: "What is he? You?" Lol! Both Hyde and I got a kick out of that and the irony of it, considering he does that to Lucy in the "Jekyll & Hyde" musical. Plus dresses that way. He started getting all "Hyde"ish with me after that, turning towards me and like putting his hand around my throat ( not hurting me, FYI ), and like leaning in close to whisper in my ear and try and seduce me with his words. Oh Lord! I had to tell him to stop and restrain himself. Down boy, lol. It did make me giggle though and squirm in my seat. I had to like face forward and pretend I wasn't paying attention to him.

 

It wasn't until near the end of the first act, that I realized my former asshole musical theatre teacher was in the play. In case I need to refresh your memory, he was the asshole who "claimed" I was giving him attitude in his musical theatre techniques class. The one I dropped because he was an asshole to me. The one who knew Constantine at the Boston Conservatory. Yeah, his sorry ass was in it. Ugh! It pissed me off. Hyde was just as disgusted by his presence as I was. I can't believe I didn't notice his asshole face while I was looking through the program before the show started. Hyde asked me if I wanted him to go up on stage and punch him or something. As much as I wish he could of, I told him "no" but to still bring him bad Karma. And he would. I just wish it had been on stage. Make him fall or something. So Hyde told me: "Don't look at him, love. Look at something else." So that's what I had to do. Just ignore him and pretend he wasn't there. Now I can see why he expected his students to go see the play, because HE was in it. Vain much? Ugh! That's like the most arrogant thing ever. I think he requested that assignment to his class for the purpose of boosting his ego. As if it needs more boosting.

 

ANYway, moving on, I actually thought the show was over when intermission came, but unfortunately, no. It had another hour. At least we got to get up and stretch our legs and get out of the hotter than hell theater. And ew, I saw that other musical theatre teacher in the lobby. The other's little lap dog, Jody. Hyde could see I wanted to get into it with her, but he insisted that I didn't. So we just stood outside. I messed with my phone for a while then went to the bathroom, came back out and we went back to our seats. I still wanted to leave but Hyde wouldn't let me, insisting that I stay so I could write my paper. So we stayed for another hour until it was over. Hyde and I kept commenting on the lousy sound technicians. The girl who was playing Cosette, her mike kept cutting out and they would turn her on and off while she was singing. Lol. He says that was hilarious. I felt kinda bad for her. Hyde says: "I gotta admit. I did too, a bit." If I were that girl, I woulda been pissed. I kept glancing at the program in the dark, seeing when it would be over. Hyde and I both agreed that I should put that asshole teacher down as being the actor who had the weakest performance in the show, because there was a part in my paper where I had to explain who had the strongest performance and weakest. So that was sort of payback for me to put him. Hyde thought it was hilarious, and he was adamant I do it. There was a moment in the show when the teacher said: "Shoot me now or shoot me later." I whispered to Hyde: "I'll shoot him now." Lol. That both got us laughing. And then in that same scene, the other guy was to the teacher like: "You're wrong. You've always been wrong." And I nodded and was like: "That's for damn sure."

 

Yeah we were just glad to get out of there once it was over. Being totally bored. I flipped off the teacher as we left, even though he couldn't see me all the way in the back. Lol.

 

So Spring Break was that coming week. Nothing of importance really happened or is worth mentioning. I spent most of it sleeping and napping a lot. And being on Tumblr trying to get back into RPing again, which Hyde wasn't happy about. He really wants me to spend less time on the computer and more time with him. And he hates the way people treat me on Tumblr. He knows it causes me stress, and makes me cry, and I appreciate his concern, but sometimes I feel drawn to it when I'm bored. I can't help that. It's habit. I'm practicing some restraint though. Trying. It doesn't help having 40 active threads to reply to. Sigh.

 

It seemed that Spring Break week went by too fast. Which sucks, but yeah...what are you gonna do? I went to my Lit class on Monday as usual, and I totally forgot we had reading so I wasn't really caught up and I hated myself for that. But how could he have expected us to do reading on break? Tuesday, I decided that I had had enough. I was stressing too much over how to write my next paper, and how he wanted me to analyze the poetry. It seemed like I wasn't doing it right. The way I was doing it, he said he didn't want it that way. *feels like singing "I Want It That Way" but resists the urge* So before I dropped it, I looked into what would happen with my financial aid and hoped that I wouldn't have to pay it back, so I went to the financial aid office with Hyde to ask. It sounds to me like it might set me back for next time, but that they would only be subtracting what I owe them from the next disbursement, and that's it. And that my progression rate would drop but I have a pretty good progression rate, around 90 some percent. So I don't think it'll do that much damage. I won't know until the next semester though or I talk with a counselor. Oh well. Less money. I owe my mom around $400 but yeah...I think it'll be okay.

 

Tuesday I had to perform my finished monologue, and ugh, I totally fucked up and stopped because I forgot the lines. That's never happened and I felt like a douche. Hyde sat in the front row to try and help me though and give me someone to focus on, but still I stopped and then the teacher, the hottie teacher was like: "Breathe." I think Hyde shot him a glare when he said that. He hates it when other people tell me to breathe. It makes Dr. Hyde jealous I think. Lol. XD Afterward, he's like: "I'm the only one who can tell you to breathe." Oh Lord. Jealous, much? I thought it was kinda hot though, like as if Zack was a doctor. I got through it though. We also got our scenes and I was hoping he would pick our partners for us, because no one ever wants to be mine and it's been that way all throughout grade school. But to my shock, he paired me with my best friend, Mary. What are the odds. And we got a good one. It's about these two women waiting outside to get into Elvis' home and it's called "Graceland," not surprising. I like it! :) My professional fangirl can relate to arguing about being the first one somewhere and fighting about it. I'll just pretend it's about Constantine. Hehe! So we got our scene and went into this curtained corner, Mary and I and recited it over and over again. I invited Hyde to join us and he came behind the curtain and stood there watching us, one foot on the small set of stairs, his hip leaning against the wall and one hand on the railing. He laughed watching us argue back and forth. We did that until class ended and then we left.

 

I tried to study as much as I could for my anatomy test when I went to the cafeteria to eat lunch. Hyde was nagging me about it so I had to do it. I also stopped by the student store to buy scantrons for my test, and once again, the Constantine haired guy, John, was there. He smirked at me and I just about blushed. Hyde gets jealous and moody every time I swoon over the guy. He was like: "Stop looking at him! Face forward! Stop!" Lol. So yeah, I tried to study as much as I could while I still had the chance. Then we walked to my anatomy class and waited until the teacher came and went in. Hyde sat beside me while I took the test and tried to help me out as much as he could. And surprisingly, I finished in time. So hopefully I'll get at least a "C" on this one, if not better, being that I finished in time. Last time I'm pretty sure I missed at least ten questions, because the teacher didn't give me enough time. Least this time it'll be better. Hopefully anyway. My mom was there to pick me up right after I was done with the test. Perfect timing I think. Yep!

 

So since I dropped my Lit class, I didn't have to go anymore Wednesday or Mondays. I just slept in. Yay sleep! Don't really know what else to say about Wednesday, but I found out that Constantine is gonna be in L.A again in June!!! With stupid Linda Eder who can't sing compared to Deborah Cox as Lucy in "Jekyll & Hyde," but him an hour away? Oh yeah, I have to go! Always when he's that close. And I can get front row seats!! Not center, on the side, but still! There's also a reception after for VIP people where you can meet and greet! I so don't know what I'm going to do but Ahhhh! So excited! I have to get tickets.

 

But more on that in my next post. Since my musical theatre teacher told us Tuesday that she wasn't going to be there Thursday, I just decided to sleep in for that class and my acting class. Despite how much I love staring at my hottie acting teacher. I was dead tired though, because these fucks outside my window woke me up with their weed whacker shit, or some motherfucker cutting the bushes, whatever. Dick woke me up before I could sleep longer. So Hyde and I just went to anatomy class. And I'm kinda disappointed that she skipped the endocrine system for now. So she moved onto the blood system. Hyde was kinda happy about that. No surprise there. *rolls eyes* There was this one slide that had the word "Buffy" in it and I couldn't help but smile. :D How ironic! The teacher mentioned "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" and it made me smile more. Heh heh. Hyde of course was listening closely to everything the teacher was saying. Learning more about my body. It sucks that I have to wait until next Tuesday to find out how I did on my test. I wanted to know then and there. Oh well.

 

And yeah, that was about it.


Gavin DeGraw Concert...Why Did We Bother? :: Day #181

 

April 27, 2014

 

So today my mom, Hyde and I are in Bakersfield seeing Gavin DeGraw in concert. Ugh and she's being a cunt as usual right now. Getting on my case about being on my phone when everyone else around me is on their phones anyway. There's this hoe on stage who looks homely and can't sing for shit. She looked like she got dressed in the dark. Her name is Rozzi Crane. And I'm pissed as shit that Matt Nathanson isn't opening for Gavin as it was listed he was. They got this beotch who can't sing and some stupid band called Parachute. I've heard of them and heard a couple of their songs on Pandora. Hyde is like: "Someone get this whore off stage." Lol. I feel you. It's like please stop! An American Idol reject. We both agree this girl can't sing.

 

Anyway, let me get you up to speed on what's been going on the past few days. Not a whole lot, heh. Just trying to keep the faith that Hyde is real, get rid of my doubts to better help us progress.

 

So about the tickets for the Constantine concert with Linda Eder, I had a hard time deciding what I wanted to do. I mean, it would be so awesome to get to hang out with him again, but to sit eight rows back for $125 isn't worth it. Yeah, those are apparently the closest VIP has. Which is stupid because I could just get the ones in the front row for $90 a piece. And the reception and show is on a Monday night. I have school the next day so the reception wouldn't even be over until 1am, and plus 150 people there...how much time would I really get with him? Sigh. I still love watching him in his habitat though and interacting with people. But then I'd also have to eat too in front of him and I hate eating in front of hot guys. Ever since I was in high school and my crush was around. That's why I ate lunch in the choir room and had my friend bring me my lunch. Heh. But I digress.

 

So I settled on keeping my front row seats on the side because of how many people will be at the reception. Plus it'll be like 5 feet close to him, and when he sings Hyde's part in "Dangerous Game"....ovaries explosion being that close!!! Fuck yes! I must because of reasons!! Hehe! This is like the first time Hyde agreed with my mom that it was the better choice. Shocker! He also was going to be very mad at me if I chose to go to the reception, being that I have school the next day. And I think that's the day of my presentation for "Jekyll and Hyde." When he realized I wasn't going to go, he said "good girl" as usual. I knew he would.

 

Okay, that was weird. I felt someone tugging the sleeve of my sweatshirt. But I think it might just be the bass from the speakers. Or Hyde. It could of been Hyde, even though he was standing in the row in front of me. He had to move because someone sat beside me. I looked at him when I felt the tug and moving of my sleeve, and he was grinning at me. So yeah, I'm gonna assume it was him. Sneaky sneaky. Then a minute ago, I felt a tickle to my stomach. He had reached over to tickle me, cause he was smiling and laughing.

 

It's intermission and Hyde and I just moved like seven rows closer to the stage. Hehehe! Well no one is coming to sit here so hollaaaaa! Closer to Gavin.

 

So when we got up today, the town house complex we live in was having a free pancake breakfast, so Hyde and I went down there around a quarter to eleven. Their pancakes were sort of undercooked but I still had some. Four actually. They were small though so it's not like I stuffed my face with them. And some sausage and bacon. And orange juice. It was alright. Still it was free so that's good.

 

After that, I came back to the house and worked on my Tulpa log. Then when my mom got home, we left for Bakersfield. She has a rental car because she doesn't trust her piece of shit car to go anywhere far. Hyde rode in the backseat, looking out the window, while I was riding up front. We listened to my 70s, 80s, 90s and boy bands shuffle radio station on the way. In Burbank/Glendale, she got off to go to this stupid bakery to try and get some potato balls ( yuck! ) but there was a long ass line so we just left. We went to McDonalds for a soda and Rally's for food, then we got back on the freeway. Hyde got mad that I was pretending to smoke a cig with my french fry. I was just pretending and he was like: "Stop. Eat the fucking thing!" So I stopped before he got seriously mad. He mentioned how my lungs would get black. You know, if I really was, but I wouldn't be that stupid. Right now, he said: "Hasn't your mother ever told you not to play with your food?" Lol. Gee, no, dad.

 

We listened to random songs on my ipod that I was in the mood for and then I sang at the top of my lungs to Katy Perry. Until my throat hurt. When we got here to the theatre, I had to go to the bathroom because I was feeling sick. So Hyde and I went upstairs to the bathrooms and I went. Then we came out and went to out seats with my mom. 12th row originally, but now he and I moved to 5th since there are so many empty seats. My dumb mother refuses to move from her original seat, insisting she's fine there. Can we just call her Toni now? Yeah, let's do that.

 

So like I said before, there was this girl Rozzi who can't sing for shit, says she was signed by Adam Levine. Pffft! Well Adam Levine must be tone deaf. Hyde was sitting beside me originally, to my left, then someone had to come and sit beside me, so he sat in the seat behind me. He was perched on the edge of his seat, close enough to be near my face, or all up in it and able to whisper to me. He was like: "Don't worry, love. I'm right here." I told him I wanted him to sit in front of me where I can see him better, with his arm over the back of the chair, so he moved to the seat in front of me and turned to look at me, giving me a smile every now and then, bobbing his head to the music of Parachutes.

 

So we saw stupid Gavin. I say stupid now because I'm mad at him, and this will definitely be the last time I see him in concert. Jerk off didn't even sing my favorite song, "Sweeter." Up until then, minus the screaming hoes behind me blowing out my ear drums, everything was fine. We had a prime spot to watch. I was uploading Keek videos, and singing along to certain songs. Hyde had his arm around me and was draping it over my shoulder, he was smiling, happy to see I was having a good time. But he was also annoyed with me for messing with my phone while I was standing there. He was like: "Get off your phone and watch!" Pffft. And I'm glad I didn't bother paying for VIP this time again. It would of been a waste of money, that's for sure. Hyde was disappointed to see me disappointed and mad, but at least I wasn't alone. I heard other people mention Gavin not singing "Sweeter." All Hyde can say to me is: "I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry, lovey." And he insists I never have to see Gavin ever again. Good, cause I won't.

 

Now we're in the car heading home and I have to pee, I'm thirsty and tired. And I got a headache. So since I needed to pee and get medicine and a drink, we stopped at this truck stop and I got what I needed. An energy Vitamin water, some extra strength Tylenol, some fruit and yogurt fruit snacks, some grapes and a piece of pizza. I swear, sometimes when I'm out with my mom, Toni, and Hyde, it's like I have both a mom and a dad at the same time. They have been agreeing more with each other when it comes to what's good for me and I don't like it. Hyde wouldn't let me get an energy drink, grrrr! "No energy drink!" He always says. Guh!! So my mom and I sat out in the car to eat our pizza before getting on the road.

 

I listened to random songs on my ipod and sang them on the way home. Plus listening to Pandora every now and then. I started feeling sick to my stomach when we were getting closer to home, and Hyde was just stroking my hair, like he was earlier when I was resting, and telling me to hang in there, that we'd be home soon. And just watching me rest and keeping an eye on me. He was perched at the edge of the backseat while I had the seat back. He's so sweet sometimes the way he takes care of me, I can't even!!

 

I got home and I went straight to the bathroom and then I felt better afterward. Well...until my chest started hurting. Yeah, and the pain was right near my heart. It felt like the same pain I had when I had to go to urgent care that one time. Hyde was freaking out and worrying sick about me. He tucked me into bed and insisted that I don't move. So I stayed lying down and he put his head on my chest at one point, his ear to my heart, listening to my heart and my breathing. I could feel the weight of his head pressed to my nightgown. His hair looks so beautiful up close. Sigh. :) I'm still trying to perfect my visualization of that hair and the movement of his mouth when he talks, but yeah, it's beautiful. I just wish I could feel it, run my fingers through it.

 

He insisted, even pleaded with me, that I take his stethoscope out and put it on so he could hear my heart. Or as he says, "hear what's going on in there." Which is kinda cute. He's been inquiring to what's been going on in my body a lot. Before he used to ask how my heart and lungs were, now he asks what's going on in my body, or certain parts like mostly my chest and stomach. I forgot to mention that on Thursday when we were in anatomy class, he wondered as to what was going on in my body right there and then. I told him I was hot. Not sexually hot, regular sweating hot. Lol. I digress.

 

So I let him listen to all of my valves and the spot it hurt. He said my heart sounded nice and strong. He wanted me to take my Xanax, since that's what they gave me before when I was there, but I didn't want to get up and make the pain worse to get it, so I just stayed lying down. And after convincing me to do so, he made me wear my chest strap heart monitor before he put me straight to bed. I told him he wouldn't be able to know the rate of my heart if I was asleep and he was asleep, but he still insisted I sleep with it on.

 

The next day, I woke up and I felt better, which he was happy about. I did have a dream about him though. Once again he's in my dreams. Yay! Lol. I dreamt that I had successfully imposed him visually and I think audibly. Like I was practicing doing it in my dream and then one time, I actually got his form right. He came out of this blue light and fog and he was wearing his sexy long black suede trench coat, white half unbuttoned shirt, and black pants and leaning against the doorframe of this room I was in. I think he greeted me with "Hello, my darling." Ahhh! I hope I have more dreams like that. But I want him to appear longer so we can sort of force like in the Wonderland.

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

Hyde's Had A Very Good Day :: Day #183

 

April 29, 2014

 

I had a dream last night that Hyde killed someone just to save my life. Awww! And before we fell asleep, he confirmed he would give up his life to save me, and would defend me over himself no matter what. He's super excited today because I think we're finally going to start on his favorite system in anatomy class...of course that's the cardiovascular system. *rolls eyes* The heart. He's been waiting for this all semester. I just hope he doesn't have a... "Man reaction" and I feel it too. Or that would be embarrassing. I already know he's going to be staring at my chest the whole time. He's laughing about it right now. Lol. Little punk.

 

This might be as embarrassing as him being at the doctor's office with me. Gaaaah!

 

Damn it! Now we're at the college and I need a water, but the fucking vending machines are all sold out of it. The one time I need water and just...ugh! Hyde says we'll get me one later. But I need it now, my tooth hurts again and it's been hurting. Something has to be done, I have to get referred to a specialist or something because I can't keep having this pain and pounding headaches.

 

Hyde and I are in class now. We both agree it's hotter than hell in here. He's sitting on the edge of the table as usual, his legs hanging over the side, kicking the air. He asked me if he was in my way and if I could see. Yeah, I can still see. When he's fully imposed, that's when he's gonna have to move to the back. *fast forward to after class* He was so funny. When we were watching this DVD part of "Hair" and he was like: "Why is he wearing a loin cloth?" This one guy. Lol! I don't know. It was funny to me. We talked about Joel Grey being in "Cabaret" and I pointed out to him that that's Jennifer Grey's dad. He already knew that though. And then this stupid Sondheim musical, "Company" that I told Hyde my stupid choir teacher made us sing. He already knew that though. He remembered. He was like: "There's that show you had to sing." Pfft. And he laughed about it. I was like: "Oh god, don't remind me." I hate that my theatre teacher is a fan of his when I have to sing that crap every time I take choir class at Crafton Hills. I swear, if I ever take that class there again and he stills makes us sing the same damn songs three times in a row, I'm dropping it without a second thought. Even if I want a solo again. It's not worth the pain to have to sing shit that drives me crazy, and I don't want to look stupid in front of Hyde singing those songs. He just started laughing at me again. Nice.

 

"I'm laughing at what you said, not at the fact of you singing them."

 

Uhh-huh. If I have to sing that "Bobby" song again...I will shoot myself. The other one isn't so bad but if I had to sing that again and the stupid "Send In The Clowns" shit...I'd be out. Anyway, she also showed us this show called "Godspell" and ugh, clips with stupid Hunter Parrish ( that reminds me of this bitch ex role player I used to play with ), and that damn Telly Leung, who was the one who replaced Constantine to teach the Broadway workshop in Reno. The one I was SUPPOSED TO GO TO, until some shit happened with he and his ex-girlfriend, Angel and him canceling it. That still pisses me off when I think back on it. And I told Hyde, "there's that damn Telly Leung who replaced Constantine." Hyde said he was sorry. Even though it wasn't his fault. He was just sorry I was still upset about that, knowing how much I really wanted to be taught by Con and for him to hear me sing. Shit, least I got a full refund from that.

 

The teacher also talked about one of Constantine's shows, "Jesus Christ Superstar." Unfortunately, when I was hoping she'd show clips of his show, she didn't. Grrrr! I know there's one of him on YouTube in that. And she showed a clip of this one song that Constantine sang in Houston at my show and in the show itself back when he was in it. It's called "Heaven On Their Mind" or something. I don't remember the exact name but I remember the tune and Constantine belting out this one lyric: "Jesuuuuuuuuuus!" So that's why I recognized it. I was all talking to Hyde about it, and he remembered it too. I wish I could remember the year Con did it, but I don't. Probably in the 90s or late 80s. But the teacher was showing clips from the revival. Sigh. The guy playing Judas looked like Mr. Stride from "Jekyll and Hyde" only with blonde dreadlocks. I forget his name. Jason something. I like how the teacher said the story was more about Judas than Jesus. That means Constantine was in it more and now I really want to see him in it more than before.

 

So no Constantine in the clips, but I hope she talks about Jekyll and Hyde and Rock of Ages or I'ma be pissed. I have a feeling I'll get to watch Con in ROA when she gets to playing clips of it. Holllaaaa! Hyde thought she would show Con in the "Jesus Christ Superstar" clips too, and he was like: "Try not to spazz too loud." Lol! "Contain your squeal." Sigh. I was like: "Yeah right." Knowing she wouldn't show him.

 

So after class, we walked to my other class, and that motherfuckin hottie teacher canceled class today. Like: "WTF?" He left a note on the door, but couldn't tell us this last week? Ugh! So now Hyde and I have over three hours to kill. Hyde said I could put him on my shit list now too like the other teacher. Oh I damn well will! So we walked down to the vending machine so I could get my water, then walked back upstairs and Hyde told me to stop and take my medicine to make my headache/toothache go away. I'm still waiting for it to go away but I took it. Sigh. Sick of this pain. Then we walked to the bookstore and.... *dreamy sigh* I love when it's windy out, because Hyde's long hair looks so beautiful blowing in the wind. It's just....wow! Beautiful. I couldn't stop looking at it while he was walking beside me. Bouncing and blowing in the wind that hair. :D I made him smile when I commented on it. And when we got in the bookstore, of course Hyde had to complain that I was going in there just to see John again. Lol. He spotted him before I did and was like: "Oh no, the bugger is here." He needs to be nice to the Constantine haired guy. Heh. He insisted that I never go in there to buy anything. I just go in there to see him. Guilty. He calls him "the Constantine-haired bugger." XD

 

It felt good in there, the AC. We went to the cafeteria and I got a piece of pizza, some French toast sticks and a Sobe drink. And Hyde got annoyed with me for never being able to choose one of the batches of sticks or the Sobe. He's like: "They're all the same." I just like getting a good one. Geez. So we sat down and I ate and we're still in the cafeteria right now. I'm sitting here waiting for my headache/toothache to go away. Hyde is sitting next to me, lounging back in the arm chair, his legs stretched out on the coffee table in front of us, one ankle crossed over the other. He's getting impatient though. It'll be quieter in the library. So I guess that's where we're gonna go.

 

Okay, we're in the library now. Hyde got mad at me for going in the bookstore again to see the guy. Sorry. :X Can't help it. Saw Hyde's beautiful hair blowing in the wind again. Sigh. So beautiful. And he had his sunglasses on too. Twice as hot!

 

"Thank you, darling."

 

You're welcome. So I guess I'm going to work on this Constantine fan fiction while I'm here and charge my phone. Hyde is so damn excited for the heart talk. Oh lord. He can't stop smiling or sit still. His knee is bobbing up and down.

 

"I wonder what that little heart is doing in there."

 

Oh golly geez! See what I mean? It's beating, what else would it be doing?

 

"Well I wonder HOW it's doing."

 

It's doing fine. He said "good." We were in the elevator and I commented on how hot he looked with his hair blowing in the wind again, and I patted my hand to my chest and he just grinned and said: "Is it making your little heart race?" Oh geez! *blushes* He's making me blush and he needs to stop. I can feel his eyes on me, watching me, and it's starting to make me uncomfortable. Oh god...okay Amy, calm. Caaalm. Breathe. Okay, so out of curiosity, I looked up the definition of "Little one" and I started blushing hard at the definition. Lol! Oh Lord. You gotta hear this:

 

THE #1 DEFINITION: Nickname. Affectionate term for one of your favorite people who happens to be petite or diminutive. Very lovable and adorable person. People love to hug this person because she fits well into their arms because of her small size.

 

EXAMPLES that made Hyde laugh and agree that he would say them to me too... "Come give me a hug, Little One." And "I adore my Little One because she fits just right!"

 

Oh Lord! Lol. And then when he read that, he insisted it was all true and started calling me that over and over again, at the end of every one of his sentences. He was just trying to get a rise out of me, make me blush. Well it worked. Lol! I always tell him I'm not little. Yes I'm petite, and 5'2" compared to his 6'3" but still...when I feel fat all the time, I don't consider anything on my body "little" and he does. *shrugs*

 

Oh, my god!! I got a "B" on my test!! Not a "D," not a "C"...but a B!! Hyde is so damn proud of me! Also because I'm getting a C in the class now and not a D. He hasn't stopped being proud of me. He keeps telling me he is and gave me a big hug and a kiss. Now he's getting really impatient to hear about the heart, because the teacher is still talking about the blood. I'm like; "Calm down, Hyde. Geez." And he's like: "I will not calm down!" God. I told Hyde I have the worse situation out of all the other blood types. Only O people can receive O blood, nothing else. So I would die if they gave me someone else's blood. Hyde said that that wouldn't happen and that the doctors know what they're doing. Pfft, yeah ok.

 

And seriously, oh my god! The minute the teacher started talking about the heart, he nearly jumped for joy and he was loud! He was like: "BLOODY FUCK YES! YES!" Actually, he was more like a guy watching a sporting event on TV when his team is winning. Lmao! Oh my gaaaawd! I was just looking at him like: o_O. It was like déjà vu all over again like when we were at the Bodies exhibit and he saw the heart. He was like a little kid in a candy store. I even felt my heart start beating faster when we started talking about it. It could of been his heart or mine that sped up but yeah...I felt it, and damn him, I could tell he was having a "man reaction," I could feel something happening to me...down there, like a tickle. And he definitely wasn't hesitant about making it known that he was aroused. And once again, his eyes were glued to me. Actually, they were more shifting back and forth from me to the slides. And he would ask me how my heart was doing. And when we got to the valves, he just had to do the same thing he did at the Bodies exhibit and point them all out on my chest. He'd put his finger here and there and be like: "There's the ... and the ..." Of course he knows where all of them are, being that he wants to steth me all the time, and makes me move the steth over each valve as he listens. He said he didn't even need a chart. Oh god. When she was talking about the mitral (I.e. Hyde's favorite valve), he just had to slip his fingers under my left breast and point out the valve. Jesus. I seriously had to keep like pushing him away, because he wouldn't stop messing around with me. I didn't feel his touches, but I wish I could of...maybe. Lol. Still, he was really distracting me. More by his yelling and touching my chest with his finger.

 

Didn't I tell you I knew that was going to happen? Yeah. Then when the teacher got to the heart and how it pumps, Hyde was like really excited again! That was when I felt that "man reaction" down there. During the pumping talk and the valve talk. Oh boy. *shakes head* She mentioned the "lub-dub" sound when you listen to someone's heart and Hyde got this huge grin on his face and looked over at me. He said he wanted to listen to my heart and that I have a "magical little lub-dub." Oh god. Please just stop. He needs to stop embarrassing me. Even if no one else can see him, he still makes me squirm in my chair. Not cool bro. Not cool.

 

So now we're in the library waiting for my mom.

 

"When we get home, I'm going to have to listen to that little heart."

 

Nope nope nope. He says for me not to shake my head at him, that he's going to hear it. Oh geez. This class has really made his medical/heartbeats obsession worse. So we're in the library right now and this guy sitting adjacent to me has a Backstreet Boys T-Shirt. A GUY! And he doesn't look gay either. Or maybe he is. I don't know.

 

"It must be little, if the size of your fist is little then you must have a little heart." - Hyde

 

*shakes head and giggles* Hyde keeps asking me if I want to switch seats in the library so we can sit beside each other, but I keep telling him I'm alright where I am. Unless someone who smells comes and sits beside me. Then I'll move with Hyde to another seat.

 

He's sitting here in the chair across from me, watching me, his legs up on the table in front of him, one ankle crossed over the other. I can practically see the bottom of his boots. I asked him if he's bored and he said "a bit," but he's got my music to listen to, being that I have my headphones in. He like leaned his head back against the chair and looked up at the ceiling.

 

Hyde looked so hot while we were standing outside waiting for my mom and the wind was blowing his hair into his face and away from it. It's been so sexy today. Gah! I just want to touch it all night long! I wish I could snap a picture of it for you all to see the beauty of it.

 

In other news,Constantine is annoying me in this fan fic I'm writing. Taking that asshole teacher's side instead of mine and giving me the lecture of the century about the business of musical theatre. Pffft! I read it to my mom and she said it really sounds like him. Oh joy. I guess that's good. Now he's massaging me in the story. Ahhhh! We stopped by Little Caesars so I could get some crazy bread and a Subway on the way home. But both of them were hard as rock. Ugh! Not worth it.

 

Now we're home and Hyde is pestering me to let him listen to my heart. Should of known that that lecture would make him want to hear it as soon as we got home. He can't wait until we're in bed later tonight, before we're about to go to sleep. He's like: "Let me hear that little heart. That little ticker." So I let him hear it.

 

And I don't know why, but I meant to force with Hyde and instead I just wound up falling asleep with my Pandora still on TV. I've been doing that a lot lately, minus the Pandora. That only used to happen to me when I forced everyday and I don't do it everyday. If I'm too tired, Hyde doesn't want me to try, in case I fall asleep on him.

 

Who knows why, but he understands.

 

-----------------------------------------------

 

He's Bringing Sexy Back :: Day #184

 

April 30, 2014

 

Woke up earlier than usual, being that I slept so much last night. Woke up around 5:30am. Now my stomach hurts for some reason, like I got cramps even though it's not "that" time yet. Hyde's got me laid up in bed, after taking some medicine. I need to shower today and force with him since I didn't last night and find some time to study for my quizzes tomorrow. And Hyde is really strict about me getting an "A" on my heart quiz. For obvious reasons. Once again, Hyde has agreed that I am officially Max Black "to a tee." That's Kat Dennings from "2 Broke Girls" if you don't know. And we have so much in common and act the same way. It's like not even funny.

 

HOLY SHIT!!! ETA: Heart attack! Constantine just took some new head shots and oh my LORD!! He looks so fucking sexy! I used to hate the short hair before, but after seeing these new pics, with his hair out of his face and them eyes...HOLY HELL!! I can't EVEN!! Hyde is a little mad and jealous right now, because now I'm liking the new haircut more than his hair. He refuses to cut his hair though. I've been hearing: "I'm not cutting my hair" over and over. He's firmly set in his decision. I asked him what about when it's summer and it gets really hot? And he said "maybe." But that he's not making any promises. He just called me an "indecisive little miss." Pfft! Now he's like: "Dont pfft me!" He can change his hair at the drop of a hat, just like changing clothes, like if he wants to go from long to short then back to long, but he says that just because he can do that doesn't mean he's going to. Sigh. Knowing me I'd probably miss the long hair and then he'd get annoyed with me asking him to go back and forth whenever I want. It's not really my choice to change him, now that he's matured. I know that. I can't ask him to do that. It was just an idea. He likes the way he is.

 

He says I can't FORCE a change on him. He's reminding me of all the things I'd miss if he went short. His hair blowing in the wind like yesterday, running my fingers through his hair, seeing him run his own fingers through his hair, the hair flip, the little "dangly" hairs. And he says he can always pull it back in a ponytail. True.

 

By the way, we just got out of the shower. I still feel crampy though. :( I was sitting up messing with my nails and my nail clipper and I mentioned to him I was still feeling sick and crampy and he told me to lie down, but I refused to do it so he threatened to push me down himself. I was like: "You can do that?" All of a sudden, I feel compelled to lie down. Not moved but compelled to do it unconsciously. So I lied down and he was like: "That's a good girl. Now stay." What am I? A dog? I will admit to being aroused when he calls me a "good girl" though. Is that weird? Lol. He wants me to put his steth on so he can hear what's going on in my stomach. I told him I hurt, that's what's going on. But he still wants to listen.

 

And basically I fell asleep again after studying when I had promised Hyde we'd force. Sigh. I need to stop doing that.

"Listening to her heartbeat makes me feel alive." - Hyde

 

Name: Hyde

Age: 36 years old

Form: Human

Done: Form, Personality, Sentient, Visualization

Working on: Imposition (vocal/visual/touch)

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Good Student, Bad Student :: Day #185

 

May 1, 2014

 

Sigh. My fucking alarm didn't go off and now I'm gonna be late again for my musical theatre class and probably go down a letter grade. This isn't my fault, but I know the teacher will make it my fault. I don't know what to do. I probably will get a zero on the quiz too. So this day just went to hell. :( Plus that, I have no lunch money. So I can't eat all day. I'll be at class from 8-3pm and I have no food. I'll probably be so weak that I'll faint and have to go to the nurse. My mom is depositing money into my account, but who knows if it'll even post in time. What if it doesn't work? What if I end up starving to death? I mean, I've got two whole days without food before, but I get weak and in a bad mood if I don't eat. I'm not even gonna bother warming up in acting class if that teacher is there. I'm not in the mood today. Hyde says I don't have to if I don't want to. I didn't even get to go to the bathroom because I woke up half an hour before I should of been at school. Hyde keeps telling me it's not my fault.

 

But I really feel like it is. He says it'll all be alright, but I don't think it will.

 

"She needs to think more positively."

 

How can I think more positively when I'm a failure at everything?

 

"Shut up! You're not a failure!"

 

Sigh. Whew! Luckily, all I missed were the notes and my grade hasn't dropped a letter yet. So I got one more chance. So I got the notes from someone else. I did miss out on seeing clips of "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and "A Chorus Line." Grrr! I like those. Except the first one brings me bad memories of Julian McMahon dressed as a woman. *shivers* Constantine dressed up as a woman once but it wasn't nearly as bad as Julian in that show. He barely had anything on. But anyway, I still got to take my quiz, because she didn't give it to us until the end of the class. Hyde saw "Sweeney Todd" and heard it was set in London and about revenge, and we both agreed it sounded like him. Lol. XD He was like: "Oooh. I like that." He says we have to see that musical sometime. Figures. Naughty man he is.

 

Apparently "Jekyll and Hyde" didn't come around until the 80s. I thought it was the 70s. She said she doesn't know if she'll talk about it because I'm doing it and I told her she still could. She better. Although she'd probably end up showing the really bad one with Hasslehoff. Ugh! Hyde knew I wanted to ask her and he's like: "Ask her. I know you want to." Hehe!

 

I went to the bathroom after class, because yeah I didn't get a chance to before rushing out of the class and now Hyde and I are waiting in this fucking financial aid line. He's telling me we should just come back later but I don't want to. He's getting impatient. I know he's impatient when he sighs a lot. I need to get a form for my next semester FAFSA file and find out if I'm covered for summer classes. Cause I really want to take this FTV story development course. Okay, I got the form I needed and I found out if I turned it in, I would be covered for summer classes. Okay good. Kill two birds with one stone. And unless I take at least 6 units, I won't be eligible for another disbursement. So we were in line, and I started talking to this woman in front of us, about how hot my acting teacher is in my next class, and I showed her a picture of him and she said he looks like a doctor. Pfft! I wish! Lol. She told me about this hot young doctor she has that has an office here named Shawn Couture, and we started giggling about it because she says she's afraid to even let him touch her. XD And that she'd go in there and request a gyno exam. Lol! I would so do that too, unfortunately I couldn't find a picture of him online. I told her I would google him but nothing. Sigh. I could see Hyde grinning out of the corner of my eye, when I was talking to that lady and she was going on about her doctor. Then he was all closely looking over my shoulder as I searched my phone for a picture of this guy. It was funny.

 

It wasn't until after we left that Hyde started getting jealous and paranoid about me switching doctors. He refuses to let any male doctor touch me that I might be attracted to, and only wants a female to. Oh god. I was like: *sings* "Hey jealousy...hey jealousy..." Hyde's hair still looks beautiful today in the wind. *dreamy sigh* Now we're in acting class with my hottie teacher. His ass is finally here. He was all saying he had to drive to Burbank Tuesday and that's why he wasn't here. Pffft! Yeah, okay. Hyde is insisting that I let it go and that it's over and done with now. I still refuse to get up and warm up. I'm too weak and hungry to get up. No! I won't!

 

Ooh good. We didn't have to warm up at all. But my mom called me and told me she deposited the money into my account, so while the rest of the class went about finishing up these "tasks" we had stated doing before, Hyde and I went to the vending machines down the stairs in the Quad and I got myself at least a soda. So at least I had that. It helped refresh me by getting something into my system. So that was good. We came back to the class and the lights were off so the person on stage could pretend like there was no one there. The teacher did that to everyone. So I had to turn my flashlight on to find my way back to my seat. Oh, I forgot to mention I saw a canceled note left on the theatre door from that asshole teacher, Tim. The one Hyde and I hate. I guess he uses that classroom too. I was like: "Look Hyde, there's that ass." Lol. Hyde complained about the teacher having the lights off, and being in the way of us getting back to our seats. Well he does sit in the way of our row like all the time. Sigh. But we managed to squeeze by. And like every time in was going to open my soda, Hyde said: "Don't. Don't do it now." Because he knew it would make noise when it fizzes. So I listened to him and then realized it wouldn't make that much noise so I still did it. We were supposed to be being quiet, so Hyde was treating me like a little kid, telling me not to do this and that because it would make too much noise. Gah! Telling me to wait to take my meds.

 

Least he didn't complain about me watching the biologist feed the penguins on the webcam. I'm like: "Look at the pen-wins!" And he's like: "Yes I see them, darling." Poo! He doesn't get as excited about them as I do. Yes, I mentioned before that he went and got me two penguins to keep in our wonderland, but he thinks they hate him, after that one time they tried to attack or bite him when he was all over me. Well they probably assumed he was attacking me too. Even though he wasn't. So he doesn't really like them, and brought up that one penguin who tried to bite him when someone asked the biologist about how they defend themselves. Yeah, with their beaks. And Hyde was like: "Just like that bugger who tried to bite me." Lol awww. He needs to learn that they aren't out to get him. They were just really territorial of me the way he is. Yeah...that's not going to be good if both the penguins and Hyde are territorial of me at the same time. I don't even know if he'll bother touching them now or them letting him touch them back. We'll see when we force tonight.

 

Anyway, back to acting class. After the tasks were done, the teacher wanted us to get with our scene partner and practice out scenes. So Mary and I went in the corner of the stage to practice, and Hyde stood there, hands in his pockets watching us. She insisted that she had it memorized, and then Hyde started laughing at her when she didn't. He turned to me and pointed at her and was all: "She doesn't have it memorized." It sort of reminded me of that moment in the "Mr. Brooks" movie, where Mr. Brooks' Tulpa, Marshall, pointed at Mr. Brooks daughter and said to him: "She's not telling you everything. She's hiding something." Lol. He's awesome like that. And then she mentioned taking dance and I asked her to show me some of her moves and Hyde was laughing at her as she did it. Then we started doing our scene back and forth, Hyde watching still. When Hyde overheard that she was sick when I asked her if she was, he got really upset, insisting that I should stay away from her, but he and I both knew it was too late for that, since she was basically breathing in my direction the whole time. He threatened to kick her ass if she got me sick, and then he was like: "Don't touch your face!" Dr. Hyde...always watching out for me. God love him. He was like: "I don't want my little one getting sick." Sweetie! *pitter-patter*

 

At one point, I got up and I was like: "Screw acting!" And then Hyde reminded me that Constantine wouldn't be pleased to hear me say that. Lol. So I was like: "I better not." I was like getting bored so we stood up and did it, and Hyde was back to acting like a dad again, telling me to stop messing around and focus on what we were doing. Sigh. I was sitting on the floor with my friend at one point while she was on her new laptop, and Hyde was sitting in the chair in front of me, and I was looking up at him and smiling. I can see like the detail of his boots and his body on up when I'm on the floor. I just wish it was with my own eyes and not in my head. I just want him physically imposed.

 

So after class, we went to the bookstore so I could get some Flamin hot Cheetos, because I like those now, and I didn't see John there at first, and Hyde was relieved about that, until he saw him sitting at a table, as if he was on break and Hyde was like: "Oh bugger! He is here!" Lol. I couldn't help laughing. He was like: "Just get what you're going to get and let's go. Don't look at him!" Lol.

 

I have a question for you...does Cinco De Mayo day give Hispanic girls the right to dress up as sluts and come to school? I'm not being racist, because unfortunately I'm Hispanic, but seriously...WTF? We were coming out of the bookstore and there was this girl and she looked like a street hooker with her cowboy hat and nearly busting out of her sequined top and skirt. Like ew. It's Cinco De Mayo day, not Mardi Gras and this isn't Vegas. Anyway, we went to the cafeteria and I got myself something to eat. I sat down with Hyde and I ate it. After that, I went to return my financial aid form to the office drop box and then we went to the library for a while.

 

Hyde was sitting across from me and he would like shake his head at me and give me this disappointed look. And I was like: "What?!" And he was like: "You should be studying, love! Study!" But I was on my phone working on my log. *Sighs* He was getting pretty annoyed with me for not doing it, but I wanted to update this thing. I was like: "Stop staring at me!" I did do SOME studying though, but apparently not enough because Hyde is seriously pissed at me right now. He is very disappointed at me and won't stop glaring at me because I didn't do well on the heart quiz. Nor did I listen to him when he said the right answer to a question. I ended up putting the semilunar valves instead of AV valves, and he was like: "I told you AV! But you never listen to me, as usual." And he was glaring at me the whole time when I aw taking the quiz too. I had to tell him to stop staring at me again. He sighed and turned his head away, but I don't like the feeling of him glaring at me. It's unsettling and sort of makes my skin crawl and not in a good way. The tension between he and I when he's mad at me is literally so thick, you can cut it with a knife. It feels like that anyway.

 

He wanted me to do good on this quiz but I didn't, and he had told me, if I missed more than two, he would be very, very disappointed with me. And that he refused to let me miss anymore than that. And I missed like four. He was more mad about that one question though where he told me the right answer, but I didn't put it down. I sort of fell quiet after that, and sort of turned my head away, looking anywhere but at him. I could see him shaking his head at me, and still glaring at me out of the corner of my eye and I didn't want to see that. So I just kept my head down and tried not to cry. I was disappointed too, but the vibe I was literally feeling from him was not good. He was both mad and disappointed. So I just remained quiet and took my notes. He heard me say: "Hyde hates me" in my head, but he begged to differ, correcting me that he was just very disappointed in me, that's all, and that I better do better on the test when this section comes up again. Lesson learned.

 

Hyde and I didn't say much to each other during class. Like I said, after that, we weren't really on speaking terms for a while. And plus, Hyde seemed more interested in the heart discussion continuing. I did have trouble keeping up with the notes though as a result. Sigh. Don't know if that was Hyde's doing or my own fault. He says: "That was your fault, darling. It wasn't me." Makes sense. He would really want me to know this stuff. Why would he want me to fall behind? He says he's a bit offended that I would think he had something to do with that. I said I'm sorry and to please forgive me. He hesitated before saying: "I forgive you." He didn't have any qualms about ordering me to look at something on the slide or the board the teacher was writing on. He was like: "Look at that." It seemed like he wanted to be a know-it-all or a teachers pet when she was asking questions, and Hyde was of course getting them all right. He didn't even hesitate. I wanted to roll my eyes but I resisted. Now he's glaring at me again.

 

When the teacher was talking about the "lub-dub" sound of the heart again, and the pumping system, yeah, I could feel that "man reaction" from Hyde again. Oh Lord...it never fails. And then when she was asking if anyone has ever listened to their hearts with a stethoscope, I blushed and Hyde looked over at me and grinned evilly. I shook my head though. And Hyde was like: "This one listens to her heart all the time." Yeah, only because he makes me do it when he wants to hear it. It's moments like that that I am thankful no one can see or hear him but me. I would be completely mortified. Even if there weren't that many people in class today. Then she mentioned she might bring in a stethoscope so we can hear our hearts, and Hyde got really excited then. That little kid in a candy store excited. Oh god. He was like: "YES! Do it!" He said he's more than happy to listen to my heart during class. I really don't want her to bring one in, because then I know damn well he won't let me just pass it on to someone else, he'll make me put it on and let him listen. Ugh! I don't want to listen to my heart with other people around. I feel embarrassed. He did point to spots on my chest again, pointing out the aorta. He was like: "That's your strongest valve." Now he wants to listen to my heart again when we get home. Oh brother.

 

So we left and went back to the library until my mom came. He sat next to me until someone came, and he was getting more annoyed with getting up and moving this time around than usual. When the guy asked if someone was sitting there, I said "no" and Hyde said: "You should of said yes!" I've been tempted to do that a lot more now, but yeah...I don't know. You think I should? So he had to sit on the table in front of me, flashing me that smile of his every now and then. I had to go to the bathroom so I went and came back, and we moved to the other side of the room and sat down, so he could sit down beside me again. Until low and behold, someone came to take his spot again. I always just shrug and give him a "well, honestly, what are you gonna do?" It's not like I can control it. He was sick of sitting on the tables and not having a place to rest his back, so he moved to this other arm chair, telling me he was going to go sit over there, and he sat down, crossing his left ankle over his right knee. The guy who took his spot was only there for a minute or two, then when he got up and left, Hyde instantly got up and plopped back down in the chair beside me, smiled at me and said: "Hello, my little one." So cute! He crossed his ankle over his leg again, and leaned his head back against the wall. I started feeling sick to my stomach, so he insisted I go to the toilet -- he either calls it "toilet" or "potty." So I went and then felt a little better. We came back out, sat back down, Hyde put his feet up, well until once again, someone sat in his spot. So he had to like find a place to sit or stand. He sat on this newspaper rack, lol. It was more like a foosball table with newspapers hanging in it. So he sat on that and he would look over at me and watch me, knowing my mom would be there soon to pick us up anyway. The tension between us has been really high and Hyde wasn't in the best mood the past four hours we were at the college.

 

Since we've been home, he's gotten over it though, so he's not in a bad mood anymore. He's just been keeping me in bed, being that I was sick to my stomach when I got here, and we cuddled a little. I hung his stethoscope on the head board, because he wanted me to. He just likes to tease me with it there. Lol. He knows that when it's in plain sight and I can see it, I can't help but stare at it and it makes me nervous, thinking of him making me use it later. Guilty. Damn.

 

And I fell asleep again after Hyde and I watched Grey's Anatomy. I was going to force with him, but yeah...he wasn't going to let me force when I was falling asleep already. Sigh.

 

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Hairdresser Hyde & Punishment :: Day #187

 

May 3, 2014

 

So yesterday, I finally got around to some much needed forcing with Hyde for an hour. I did it earlier in the day so I wouldn't fall asleep. I did like the people on the forum said and just went into the wonderland first and waited for him to show up on his own. I found him in the ballroom staring up at the painting of "The Kiss 1859." I think that's what it was. And we went upstairs to my bedroom, where I went to visit the penguins. The ones Hyde got for me. I can't believe he keeps them locked up with a pad lock on the door. He says it's easier so they don't escape. They aren't gonna escape! Lol. Thats just mean though. And then I asked him to feed them and he wouldn't do it, so he gave me the bucket of fish to feed them myself. Sigh. I slipped down the side slope on my ass trying to feed them. Hyde rushed over to make sure I was alright. He insists that the Constantine penguin hates him and Hyde Jr. doesn't. Okay, so it's a bit ironic, but what are you gonna do? It seems the Constantine is louder and craves more attention. Lol.

 

After I fed them, I went back into the bedroom, my bedroom and laid down, then I got up and sat at my vanity and Hyde insisted on doing my hair. Lol. He brushed, fluffed my hair and then curled it with a curling iron. I didn't know he had that talent. But I guess since he has a lot of hair himself -- wink wink -- he would know a thing or two about hair styling. After he curled the ends, he put my hair into pigtails. I looked ridiculous, but he thought I looked so adorable and cute. Oh Lordy. Now I really know what it feels like to be his "little one." So to speak. I was kind of disappointed that my hair didn't stay in pigtails when we were done forcing. If only that could happen. What he does to me in the Wonderland could carry over into reality. ;) I gotta admit, he did a good job on my hair. A ++

 

I should probably know better than to challenge my Hyde to do something, because I was lying on my bed on my stomach in front of the computer, and I taunted him to spank me. Just to see if he could actually do it, and he got more and more frustrated and angry that he couldn't do it. And then, out of nowhere, I feel a stinging pain on my ass....o_O The kind of throbbing pain you'd get after a spanking. XD Oh god. I didn't expect that at all. Ouch. Lesson learned.

 

And then, later, I got sort of depressed over being really hungry and started crying for some reason, and Hyde couldn't understand why. He said I had no reason to be depressed and that when I was feeling lonely, I'd never be alone as long as he's here. So he sort of helped me feel better. And after I ate, I felt better so yeah...just a moment of depression. I don't know what's wrong with me. Hyde has started calling me a "little heart tease." Lol! When I don't let him listen to mine. And once again I fell asleep early from being too tired. Sigh.

 

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A Walk Around The Neighborhood & Dr. Hyde :: Day #188-189

 

May 4-5, 2014

 

So yesterday (Sunday) we didn't force until late because one again, I fell asleep. I'm guessing I'm falling asleep so easily because we're forcing daily again. But anyway, yeah. I got another pizza from Papa Johns, and I'm so stupid. I must of been starving because I forgot to tell them to put BBQ sauce on it instead of tomato sauce. Oh well. I still ate it. And then I forced with Hyde but not in the wonderland. I forced with him as if he were in my room with me. I heard on the forum that it helps with imposition, so I gave it a try. And I surprisingly could feel him more. Like I felt the fabric of my shirt moving around my shoulders, as if he was touching me. And during our forcing session, he pulled out his stethoscope and stethed me. The weird and cool thing about it was I could feel like the weight of his steth sinking into my nightgown each time he moved it to auscultate each one of my valves. It was pretty intimate and nice. *dreamy sigh* I love feeling him touch me during forcing. We were supposed to do it for an hour, but I started falling asleep during it so we only did it for forty five minutes. Which was okay I guess. And then Hyde was like: "Sleepy time." So I just went straight to bed.

 

Today, I woke up earlier than usual, watched Pleasantville then fell back asleep because I was still tired, then woke up around 2 and I convinced Hyde to walk with me down to Quiznos so I could get something to eat. Okay, so here's the weird thing that Hyde insists he had something to do with. I really wanted to get a lobster sub, even though Hyde insisted he would be mad at me for eating it when I'm allergic to shell fish (God whyyyyyyy!), so I went in there and ordered that, but...coincidentally, the man said they were out of butter. Gee...I wonder who brought that bad karma on me. Grrrr! Who do you think? Not fucking cool Hyde! He did that purposely. Little punk! He didn't want me to get it in the first place and because of that, I couldn't. I hate when he gets his way. I'm used to getting my way, but when he gets his...oooh! It pisses me off! How does he have the power to influence things like that? I mean, he did it to my mom and my aunt back in Vegas for the way they were treating me, bringing bad karma to them, but still...it's not cool when I'm on the receiving end of it. Sigh.

 

Anyway, I sat there with him and ate my sandwich ( got a traditional instead ), and told Hyde not to watch me eat. He rolled his eyes and turned his head away. He asked me if I was going to walk to the market. I didn't know for sure so I just shrugged and suggested we go to Rite Aid which is so much farther than the market and he's like: "We're not walking to Rite Aid. Anything you get there, you can get at the market." So we left Quiznos and then I wanted to go to the library across the street, so we walked there. It was a long ass walk and I was sweating like a pig by the time I got there, but yeah. And it was a waste of time, because I had to have a photo ID with my current address, which isn't because we just moved like two months ago. Hyde was sort of annoyed by that, after we walked all that way. Whatever. We just looked around then we left, walking back home. Ugh! Never again. Too hot. Sweating like a pig. Hyde commended me on my excellent balance along the curb while we were walking back home. He was like: "My little patient has excellent balance." Lol! Oh geez.

 

Hyde reminded me of all the books I have on my eReader that I still haven't read, and that I could use the school library if I need to instead of this one. Duly noted. So I guess I should do that, read what I already have. Plus I've got my stupid acting book to read. So I'm glad we're back now and I can relax and we're gonna force again in a few.

 

So we forced again and yeah, I was starting to fall asleep again by the end of it. He listened to my heart again though and I felt the same thing I did before, my shirt moving when he pressed the disc to my chest. Heh heh. Then he pulled out my blood pressure cuff and checked my blood pressure. He just loves playing doctor way too much. We walked from my house to his then hung out in the ballroom, doing a little dancing and he lifted me off my feet. When he noticed that I was falling asleep, he carried me upstairs to my bedroom and tucked me into bed. He was trying and trying to get me to go to sleep, but I didn't want to. I wanted to keep forcing. He was talking to me in this soothing tone of voice, and repeating "sleeeep, sleep my little one," over and over again and I actually started feeling even more tired than I already was. At that point, he put one hand on my lower back and the other behind my head then laid me back down on the mattress.

 

Now we're watching "2 Broke Girls." I'll probably go to bed early tonight. Hyde thinks it'll be good for me. Back to stupid school tomorrow. Here's hoping my alarm goes off. By the way, he wants to listen to my heart before bed. He says he misses the sound of it.

"Listening to her heartbeat makes me feel alive." - Hyde

 

Name: Hyde

Age: 36 years old

Form: Human

Done: Form, Personality, Sentient, Visualization

Working on: Imposition (vocal/visual/touch)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Books and A Heart Specimen :: Day #190

 

May 6, 2014

 

So I let Hyde listen to my heart last night before we went to bed. It was more than a little unsettling the way he yelled at me when I was hesitating in doing it. No he's not vocally imposed yet. I wish...well, I'm a little nervous about that. Even when he yells at me, it's getting louder in my head now and sometimes it scares me. Like makes me jump. Note to self: Don't make Hyde angry. Do NOT make Hyde angry. So I let him listen and he immediately calmed down. He usually does once I do as he tells me to, and calls me a good girl.

 

Anyway, I really didn't want to wake up today and I'm still tired. And I haven't felt this tired all the time since we used to force daily. Which is what we've been doing recently. I just don't understand why I can't just feel recharged from it. Why must I feel the opposite? Why must I feel like I haven't slept in weeks? And yet... Hyde still feels responsible for causing me to feel so tired all the time. But I told him that we still have to do it no matter how much energy it drains from me, and that I'm doing it for him.

 

I digress. Hyde and I both agree that my mom's husband needs to start using deodorant because...ewww! Musical theatre class went off as usual, Hyde sitting at the edge of my desk, watching the videos and stuff with me. I was SO waiting for the teacher to talk about and show Jekyll and Hyde, since she "claimed" it started in the 80s the last time I brought it up, but apparently it's the 90s and I looked it up myself to confirm that it started in the 90s so...yeah, I guess I was worrying over nothing. Hyde kept telling me: "Don't worry, love. If she doesn't talk about it now, then you will later." He thought I was making a big deal out of nothing. And I reminded him that that's sort of where he came from and doesn't he care? And he argued that he knows and yes he did.

 

Hyde just did the sweetest thing right now. He saw me feeling all hot and flushed and touching my face and he asked me: "Are you running a fever, love?" I shook my head and he stood up and came over to stand next to my chair and was like: "Let me see." Then he placed his hand on my forehead to feel for a fever. He then said: "No, you feel alright, darling." He's so cute sometimes! I just love the way he worries about me 24/7 even though he doesn't have to.

 

"Yes I do!" *Hyde smiles*

 

Lol! Cute.

 

Back to what I was saying in theatre class, I started getting really sad and mad at the same time about no Jekyll and Hyde, and asked the teacher about it, but she told me it was in the 90s. I could of sworn it was the 70s or 80s. So that's when it looked it up and realized it was the 90s. Ah well. Yay I can't wait! Just hope she stays away from the Hasselhoff version or I'm gonna be like: "Boooo! God no! My eyes! My eyes! Look away! Look away!" Lol. Here's hoping she doesn't show that. Hyde still is telling me to hold back my squeal when she gets to it. Hehe! I don't know if that'll be possible, but I guess I'll try. She showed us clips from "Cats" and apparently it's a musical about people dressed up as cats and Hyde was like: "What the fuck?" Lol! And he was snickering. He thought it was as ridiculous as I did. And when we got to "Les Mis," we both said: "Boring." Snore...zzzzz. Was boring the first time, still boring now. No other musicals were really of interest to us. We talked about "Dream girls" ( I had no idea that was an 80s musical. I thought it came out much later than that ), "Little Shop Of Horrors," and "Phantom of the Opera" which I told Hyde I would love to see Constantine in one of these days. He was still reassuring me after class was over that I'd still get to talk about Jekyll and Hyde. So I understood and finally just let it go.

 

I told Hyde I wanted to take the stairs this time instead of trying to walk up the hill to my next class, so we took the stairs, but now I regret it because it hurt my calves just as bad as trying to go up the hill. By the way, another thing I regret is not wearing a jacket. Hyde reminded me of that earlier that morning, but I still insisted I didn't need one, and it was still cold like all day and Hyde was like: "You should of listened to me. You never do." Sigh. Yeah I know. So we went into acting class, and I often times feel bad because like I forget he's there and ignore him unintentionally when there's so much going on around me. And he still get jealous and remarks on my attraction for my acting teacher. I almost thought my friend/scene partner, Mary, wasn't going to show up. But she did and I was like: "Damn!" I didn't want to do anything, but I had to. And Hyde had to move when she came to sit near us, so we could practice our scene. I wasn't in the mood, and she's like: "what's wrong with you?" But yeah, I eventually wasn't so annoyed and I started to show her some stuff on my Etsy app. Then I went to sit on the floor near the wall to charge my phone cause the battery was running low. And after I gestured to him to move, Hyde got up and sat at the end of the aisle, so he could be closer to me. Of course he had to get up and move when my teacher took his seat. My friend and I showed him we had it memorized, because he was going around to see if everyone did. Hyde was not happy with Mary because she was off in the corner, helping some other guy with his scene instead of doing the scene with me when we were supposed to, and he was like: "What the bloody fuck is she doing?" While my teacher gave us a break, Hyde and I went to get something for me to snack on. I was so damn pissed the soda vending machine didn't take my dollar. It was being anal. So I had to get just some animal crackers instead.

 

Then we came back to the classroom and sat down, where we were watching people do their "tasks" and had to be real quiet, and Hyde was like: "Don't eat those now. Don't!" Because the package was making noise, and I was chewing. But of course I was still trying to eat them. He just called me a "disobedient little miss." Pffft! He was asking me what the girl on stage was doing. I was like: "I don't know. Putting on a temporary tattoo?"

 

As per usual, we went to the cafeteria so I could eat something. I was all telling Hyde not to watch me eat. Lol. And he was like: "Stop messing with your phone and eat." We went to the student government room after that so I could find out about this RCC's Got Talent event they're having, but now I don't want to do it because I'm not keen on the whole singing in the middle of the quad, out in the open, for all to see who are passing by on the way to class. I hate gawkers! And with me singing loud...yeah. No. Hyde is disappointed, because he thinks I'd win and be great. The winner gets $400 but yeah... I don't know. I'm really not wanting to. If it was in a private building or just IN a building in general, that would be another story. I know I would win, being better than them or anyone else singing but yeah...no.

 

We walked to the library, after I stopped in at the bookstore to see that Constantine haired guy again, and Hyde says he's really getting sick and tired of that. Lol. Cause I do it twice a week. Okay I'll stop doing it then. So I took advantage of the fact that I have a library card now, and checked out some books. My stupid acting teacher made us all pick out a theatre person at random for our research paper. Ugh! I got some stupid Viola Spolin. Whoever the hell that is. So I had to find a textbook on her. Ugh, why can't it be an actual well known actor or actress? Like Constantine? Lol. Yeah right. I checked out an Improv book of her and "Sister Carrie," that story Hyde and I started reading in my Lit class. Before I dropped it of course. Then my damn tote bag was just about wearing my shoulder down from the added like five pounds. I hate when that happens. I get a mark.

 

We went to my anatomy class, and Hyde was still excited that we were going to talk about the heart. Oh brother! Lol. Never fails. But he was ten times more excited when the teacher brought a real heart in a glass jar to show everyone. It was from a 27 year old male. Hyde of course was like a little kid in a candy store. I don't think he could sit still until the jar was in front of us. He kept looking over at it. I personally thought it looked gross. Like chicken or a cow part. When we got it, he was looking at it from all angles, nearly putting his face right up to the glass. Like a little kid. He kept saying: "That is very/really cool" with a huge smile on his face. He really liked it, of course. He was still disappointed that the teacher didn't bring a stethoscope so he could hear my heart. Oh geez! It always comes back to me, doesn't it? When we're talking about anatomy. He wonders what my "little heart" looks like. Well he's seen the beat of it on a heart monitor before. He just said: "Hello, little Amy's heart." Sometimes he'll get close to my chest and talk to my heart like it's actually a person, or talk to my stomach. O_o Its a little weird, but cute at the same time. And makes me giggle.

 

So we were talking about the heart again, Hyde was listening attentively of course. And then some people towards the back of class started to talk during the lecture and Hyde straight up turned around and yelled: "Shut the bloody fuck up! She's talking about the heart!" Lol. I had to contain my laughter. I was going to crack up. It was hilarious! The teacher started talking about heart rate and blood pressure, and Hyde would like give me sidelong stares, and would quickly turn his head to me when she mentioned high blood pressure, because I have a history of it. Some girl said she got it from her parents and I'm like: "Pfft, yeah." I didn't choose to be like this. Hyde was getting worried when the teacher said about how it can be bad and life threatening. And now he's made it his mission to keep an eye on my blood pressure, to have me check it regularly for him. Ugh! Seriously? It's only bad if it stays above 140 consistently, and remember the last time I had it checked and the girl at school said that it was good and she wished she had a blood pressure like that? Hyde worries over nothing. He already knows my regular heart rate though is 72 BPM, so he mentioned knowing that about me when she was talking about. Even when I'm sick in bed and he makes me wear the chest strap heart monitor or use the apps on my phone to check my heart rate, he always knows what's normal for me and what's not. He's seen it so much. In the elevator, he was like pointing at me and telling me he was going to start checking my blood pressure more often now. Ugh !

 

We went back to the library and I checked out another book. A Fitzgerald book, "Tender Is The Night." I was like walking up and down the stacks browsing aimlessly and I think Hyde was getting a little impatient caused he started asking me what I was going to get. You know how that is. He claims he wasn't but I think he was. So I went downstairs and sat there working on my Tulpa log and doing some last minute homework. Hyde sitting on the table across from me. That's when he felt my forehead as I mentioned earlier.

 

When my mom picked us up, it started raining. Sprinkling. She stopped me somewhere to get a sandwich, and then we came home, and I wasn't feeling so good. My stomach was hurting. I think it was from car sickness. Hyde has been getting on my case about that, being on my phone when I'm in the moving car. It's making my stomach hurt because of it. He's been telling me to stop. So when we got home, he insisted on putting me in bed and playing doctor. He asked me to force him a stethoscope so he could wear it over his shoulders like the regular doctors do. So I did, and he looked hot, of course. *whistles* He tucked me into bed and just stood beside me, looking down at me and smirking, having a feeling I was eyeing his stethoscope and called me on it. Like I said before, he knows that me seeing him wearing it or seeing it hanging in plain sight, makes me nervous. He laid down beside me and sort of kept an eye on me, constantly asking me about how I was feeling and feeling my forehead, still insisting on taking my temp before bed. Which didn't end up happening, because I got really sick to my stomach and had to make several bathroom trips. Hyde was worried about me and won't ever let me eat that same sandwich again. I finally fell asleep around 2:30 or 3 am. And I let Hyde listen to my heart before bed, but that was about it.

 

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A Worried Hyde & A Trip To The Nurse :: Day #192

 

May 8, 2014

 

So...I didn't sleep well last night. And why? Because I woke up with this really bad chest pain. :( I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen, and it felt the way you feel after running and your lungs and throat are burning and dry. I thought it was a panic attack, but I had no reason to be anxious. Hyde of course got really worried, and suggested I wake my mom up and tell her to take me to the hospital. But there's no way I was going. I have no insurance...yet. Hyde was really worried sick. :( Especially about my heart. It was more on the right than the left side of my chest though, and your heart is on the left. He suggested I go get a drink of water, but that didn't help. Or take my Xanax but I was afraid that would make it worse. So I went back and forth between sitting up and lying down. Finally, Hyde insisted I pull his steth out and let him hear what was going on in my body.

 

And him being concerned about my heart, I did it for him to put us both at ease. Everything sounded fine, other than my heart being a little fast and my breaths a little shallow. Okay so I wasn't that fine, but Hyde had a little peace of mind. He was still concerned about my breathing though. Even before we went to bed, he asked me why my breaths were so rapid. It wasn't intentional. I don't know. He told me he wished he had one of those nasal cannulas with oxygen so he could put it on me, and help me breathe. Ditto. I managed to fall asleep though.

 

I felt better when I woke up this morning, and Hyde was happy about that, but I can still feel it lingering...that pain in my chest. So he said he's going to keep a close eye on me today. Like a concerned doctor. A concerned Dr. Hyde. He is even suggesting I force him his steth so he can wear it around his neck today, in case he needs to use it on me. Oh god. If I wasn't so worried about myself, I would laugh. He at least wanted me to try to go to class and get through it. So yeah, here I am. He said if it gets bad, he'll take me to the health office.

 

Oh that bitch! The musical theatre teacher cancelled class! I wanted to hear about Jekyll & Hyde! Wtf? I could of slept in until 1 pm, skipping my acting class. I could of stayed in bed. Now I'm stuck here. Ugh! Not cool. My funnel cake truck is back though. We saw it as we were coming up the hill. Hyde suggested we go to the health office so I can get checked out, but I told him I didn't want to. Not unless it gets bad. So we're sitting outside the cafeteria now. I told him I would eat and see if I feel better, so how I feel is TBD. He's mad at me for doing it because he thinks that John is gonna be here, but I told him I'm going to sit in the bookstore until my next class, just incase I need to be near the health office and I don't want to walk all the way back. So he said that's the only reason he's letting me be in here right now. Pfft! He's got his legs stretched out in front of him on the table and he's leaning back in the arm chair. I was like: "Be careful with my soda." Cause it's sitting on top. He's like: "I know." He's watching me like a hawk now. Every time he even hears me make a pained noise, he's like: "Little one? Are you alright?" He's like sitting on the edge of the chair watching me. Guh!

 

Great. He saw me looking up symptoms of a heart attack on my phone and he just jumped up and he's like: "We're going to the health office, come on!" Now he's pleading with me to go. I don't want to, please. Maybe I should call my mom. I'm asking him if I can just sit here for a little bit and see if I feel better, but he isn't having it. He is insistent that I go. No he's like: "Please, little one. Please." And he stood up and came over to me, kissing the side of my head and whispering, "I don't want anything to happen to that little heart." :(

 

So I went to the health office. Sigh. And Hyde stood there across from me when they called me back and checked my vitals. Hyde was like: "Yes, let's get your blood pressure." He stood there with his arms crossed and watched the exchange between me and the nurse closely, looking back and forth at us. At first he thought that my oxygen level was low, but then he felt relieved and happy that everything was normal. He was grinning and was like: "That's good, darling." He was happy that my pulse ox was 99 and that my blood pressure was in the normal range, below 140 systolic. I did have a little bit of a fever though. 99.1. He says: "But luckily, water kills a fever." My heart rate was 80. She was telling me it was acid reflux. *sigh* Joy. I have my mom to thank for that. She gave me some anti-acids and I was hesitant but Hyde looked at me all stern and was like: "Take them, darling." So I took them and started to feel better. Thankfully. She let me sit there for a few minutes to see if I would feel better so I was left alone with Hyde. He watched me, making sure I was alright, and asked me how I was feeling and if I was feeling better. And he came up beside me and rubbed my back soothingly. Wish I could of felt it.

 

The nurse came back to check and see how I was doing. Hyde's like: "Here she comes, love." And she started talking about how I need to make some better food choices. And Hyde just had to keep butting in. Putting in his two cents. Like when she mentioned me trying not to eat too much junk food, he was like: "She does that all the time. I'm trying to get her to stop, but it's not working." I just glared at him. I swear, I feel like he's my dad and I'm a child when he's there with me at the doctor or nurse. I'm really glad they can't hear him or I'd be embarrassed a lot more. He's like: "See." And then when she suggested things to me to do, he was like: "I'll make bloody well sure of that." For god sakes! And I almost couldn't pay attention to what she was saying because of him putting his two cents in out of nowhere, but yeah, I got through it and just tried to listen to her.

 

Then we left, and I went in the bookstore to buy a water. Then we walked to class and I told Hyde I wanted to get a sample of that funnel cake, and he's like: "That's all you're getting. So you better enjoy it." *pouts* We waited for the other hottie teacher's class to get out then went in. I was lazy and really tired, and still not feeling good, so I didn't bother warming up with the rest of them, or playing that stupid ball throwing game, or doing this other exercise where they throw the ball then run around the circle. Hyde didn't want me doing that last one anyway, but he was like: "You're not going to warm up?" He didn't really mind, but he said the breathing exercises are good for me. Sigh. Nope nope nope. He kept looking over at me worried that there was something more wrong with me. He would reach out and be like: "Let me feel your forehead. Let me see if you're still running a fever." It wasn't until they were doing this fun gesture exercise that I decided to get up and join them. He told us to express anger and I acted like I was going to punch Hyde, and he was like: "Are you trying to punch me?" Lol! Then the teacher said to express feeling love/d and I put my hands over my heart and swayed back and forth. And I asked Hyde if I looked stupid and he said: "No, you look cute. You look adorable." Oh Lord. I was thinking of his love for me, and thinking "Ohhh Hyyyyde!" Then the last one we did was death. So I acted first like I was dropping dead, but the falling on the floor got tiring so I stopped and instead, did the Ellie Torres thing where she mimed hanging herself. Hyde was like: "Stop it, love." But I couldn't stop, the teacher wanted us to be repetitive. Lol!

 

He gave us another break, then came back to talk about what we did, then we got together with our partner to discuss our objectives in the scenes. And Hyde really needs to stop calling my friends "whores." Sigh. That's how I lost a certain someone, who shall remain nameless. But anyway, I got up to sit on the floor and charge my phone near the wall.

 

Then we left, I made another bathroom trip and then since I didn't want to walk all the way back to the cafeteria, I just got a corn dog and a smoothie from the funnel cake truck. Hyde wasn't happy about my food choice. He's like: "There's grease in that too, you know." Well it was either that, a funnel cake, a cheeseburger, pretzel or nachos. He says I should of gone with the pretzel or nachos. So I sat there and ate it and sipped on my smoothie. Then we walked to the library, and I saw some guy with hair like his, and I smiled at Hyde. He of course rolled his eyes as usual. We went into the library and I sat down to study for my anatomy quiz. Hyde was making me. And now he's disappointed in me for not doing well despite studying hard. This is bull! I didn't understand the wording of the questions. They mostly confused me. This isn't right.

 

I did the best I could. Geez. I took two more anti acids while we were in the library and I made a face cause they tasted nasty and Hyde was like: "Oh come on, they're not that bad." Pffft! Then he ordered me to take my other pills. Do this, do that. Geez! I really feel like he is a parent to me half the time. Why can't we be best friends?

 

"We are, darling."

 

Yeah, okay. It just seems more like he's ordering me around more than being a best friend.

 

"I'm trying to take care of you, darling. That's what best friends do. You'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?"

 

Yeah, I would. Guilty. He takes care of me more like an involved father than a best friend though.

 

"You need a stable father figure in your life."

 

True. I guess. My real dad is in Arizona and I will never consider the ass my mom married to be my father in any sense. So we're out of class and we're just hanging out in the library now. Hyde's sitting next to me and I've got my foot on the arm of his chair. Lol! It's not touching him though, but he does glance over his shoulder every now and then when he feels me tapping my foot against it to my music. XD We were just giggling over this girl that fell asleep in this one arm chair, and then this nursing student who passed by. I said I find it hard to believe that that guy is a nurse, and Hyde said that he looked more like a biker than a nurse. Lol! True dat.

 

So I guess my fever must of gone away cause I don't feel warm anymore, and the last time Hyde pressed his hand to my forehead, he said that I felt alright. So I guess I'm going to study now. Bleh! I just put my whole ankle over the arm of Hyde's chair and he was like: O_O "Love..." Lol. I don't think he liked that. I started reading a little of my acting book then my mom called me and told me she was five minutes away. So we went outside. Hyde was mad at me because I wanted to go see if they had any funnel cake samples--

 

"She'll never learn her lesson."

 

BUT they were already closed, so booo! I went to the bathroom then we walked to my mom's car and left. She wanted to stop by Pets Mart so we went there, and Hyde came with us. We saw the cats, and this one cat looked like me and my mom when we're asleep. Lmao! He had his arm over his eyes, as if blocking the light. It was funny as shit! And I kept clearing my throat and this one cat kept looking at me weird every time I did it. Lol. I was booping this one cat's nose over and over again, and Hyde was laughing, and then it tried to bite my finger and Hyde was like: "Watch it! She'll bite you." We looked at the reptiles again, and Hyde of course thought the snakes were cool. Pfft! Only him. Then we looked at the gerbils and hamsters, and Hyde and I were laughing over why hamsters have balls at their rear. Lol! And we were laughing at this one hamster who was grooming himself in the corner, against the glass and all of a sudden he just fell asleep with his head pressed to the glass and his arms still up. And Hyde says: "He has narcolepsy." Lmao! I miss my little hamster I used to have. *sigh*

 

After that, and Hyde wasn't happy with me, my mom stopped me at Dominoes so I could get some Parmesan bread bites. Yes I know that's junk and fattening and greasy, and not what I'm supposed to be eating, but we were out, what else was I supposed to eat? Definitely not grass. After my mom stopped at Chick Fila, we came home.

 

And once again, I fell asleep when I meant to force and shower and study. So now it's after 5 am and I'm going to go back to sleep.

 

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Sickness & Bodies Road Trip :: Days #193-194

 

May 9-10, 2014

 

I'm so sick from what I ate yesterday and Hyde is disappointed in me. Yes I admit I probably shouldn't of had that microwaved spaghetti and meatballs, or that burrito or that subway and those cookies. It's all junk I know but I honestly don't know what else I can eat when that's all that we have in the house. What I really need is a nutritionist. Hyde tries to help me eat better, but I have a hard time doing that when there's not much else to eat already than what "junk" is already in the fridge. I was in the bathroom for almost two hours last night, maybe three because I was so sick to my stomach, and I thought I might have a serious condition. Hyde was even ready to go with me to the hospital, but like hell I was going.

 

"Stubborn little miss."

 

With what insurance? Hyde sighed. Yeah, so he just kept trying to reassure me while I was in the bathroom, telling me I would be alright, and to stay there as long as I need to. He was so patient with me.

 

"I know you've got a bad little stomach, little one."

 

He understands how bad my digestive system is, and he is sad that it hurts me so much. He hates seeing me suffer. Whenever I start feeling sick, he immediately assumes it's my stomach. And then he goes into panic mode when I tell him it's my chest, and there's pain near my heart. So after several times of going to the bathroom, I started to feel better, brushed my teeth and got back into bed and Hyde and I both agreed that we're going to change my diet, and get me eating better. He wants to cut out all the fried, fatty and greasy food from my diet. And now he has to approve of what I eat before I eat it, and I always have to take my Lactaid. Sigh. I know it's gonna be a struggle, but yeah, I'm sick of suffering. And he isn't happy watching me suffer either.

 

I did end up showering yesterday. I'm still trying to perfect my visualization of him being naked. I've seen his chest more times than...other parts. We did end up forcing finally. We played this game we heard about in the forum, about guessing what each other had in a black box. So we both stood there in the foyer across from each other with these wooden black boxes. I had a blueberry muffin in mine because I couldn't think of anything else, and we went back and forth and took turns asking questions about what was inside. And I won when it came to guessing what was in his box. It was a ring. Awwww! He guessed what my item was right after I guessed his. Ironically. I set my box down on the foyer table and opened it up, pulling out the muffin and presenting it to him. Like: "Here's your muffin." :) He thanked me, but didn't take it just yet. He set down his box on the table, then opened it and took out the ring in a small velvet box. He opened it and showed me and it was so beautiful. It was sterling silver and had a pink stone in it with a heart around it. Aww! He took it out of the box then took my hand and slipped it on my left ring finger. Then he asked me to marry him. Lol! I'm not kidding, but he was kidding of course. He playfully asked it to me then laughed. I said of course and threw my arms around his neck, giving him a big hug. He lifted me off my feet and spun me around.

 

Then he put me down, took my hand and we walked out to his backyard, and walked through the garden. It's gotten bigger and prettier since the last time I saw it, pink roses, red roses, huge bushes that nearly reach to the sky, sectioned off, so pretty. I felt like Katy Perry at the end of her "Wide Awake" video. We found the aquarium tunnel, like the one from the Shark Reef in Vegas, and the huge wood door was already open for us. We went inside and it closed behind us like a castle door. It was pretty cool, and it was so romantic and nice in there. We sat down and I watched the fish swim around and the sharks. Yes, he has sharks in the tank too. They aren't huge "Jaws" type sharks. Just regular ones like at the Shark Reef. We talked for a little while, sitting there and Hyde had his arm around me. I leaned my head on his shoulder, staring at the fish and he rubbed my arm up and down. And omg, he even has a sting ray pond in there too, like right off of the aquarium, further down the tunnel like at the exhibit in Las Vegas. He took me in there to show me, and I saw the sting rays and was too afraid to touch them, so Hyde did it first, reaching into the water and petting them. After I saw that they didn't hurt him, I did it and touched them.

 

Ugh, I was right in the middle of forcing with fifteen minutes left to spare and then my mom had to call my phone, scaring the shit out of me. So I had to stop then start again, not another hour, just start and finish the last fifteen minutes. And my heart was pounding because of being scared, so Hyde told me to take a few deep breaths to calm my heart down, both before we continued forcing and after. I felt a little bit better and more relaxed after, but my heart was still a little fast as I tried to calm down. I got up from sitting down beside him in the aquarium and for some reason, I lost my balance, and fell into Hyde's arms. Hyde got worried and asked me if I was okay then told me he wished he had a steth in there so he could listen to my heart. But since he didn't, he just took my hand and led me back into the house. He brought me into the kitchen, and told me to hop up on the stool while he got his stethoscope. So he got it out and came over to me, listening to my heart and lungs. I love when just before he puts the steth into his ears, he always tosses his head back to get his hair out of his face and away from his ears. Pitter-patter. By the time he was done, we were done forcing. Fortunately I didn't fall asleep during that session, so he was happy about that. And then the whole thing with me feeling sick to my stomach happened.

 

So anyway, today we went to the Bodies exhibit again. Not the one in Vegas, obviously, but the one they had in Buena Park. Hyde was super psyched! I got chest pains earlier this afternoon, and after showing him, Hyde insisted I take his stethoscope out and put it on so he could hear what was going on. So I did it, and he told me to put the steth where it hurt. He listened and said he heard some weird sounds in my stomach. Some weird bubbling sounds that sound like acid reflux, so he told me that's probably what it was and to take my ant-acids. I didn't of course. Not until we left and I had to stop somewhere to eat something. I was already feeling nauseous so I figured I'd take it to get rid of the nausea so I could eat. Hyde wasn't happy with me eating fast food, but what other choice did I have? So I had this pastrami sandwich from Farmer Boys, then we got on the freeway.

 

Even before we left the house, and I opened the freezer door, Hyde looked in and pointed and was like: "See all this? It's junk! You need to get rid of it." *rolls eyes* Yeah, yeah. And he also thinks I should get rid of the soda and drink more water.

 

ANYway, yeah, he didn't like me eating that big sandwich, but I think he was more excited about getting to the exhibit. And when we did get there, he was more than ready to go. He was ready and rearing to go! I was telling him about what the place used to be, how it used to be the wax museum and how I loved the wax museum so much. And then we went in and went to buy the tickets and when the wins at the desk told us this one was bigger than the Vegas one, Hyde got super excited and he started to bounce on his toes and I was like: "Oh he's excited now." Lol! We took a picture in front of this background, which I really didn't want to do, but yeah.

 

Then we went in and Hyde was of course looking closely at all the specimens, just like he was back in Vegas, and the term "this is very cool" came up a lot, as usual, and he smiled at everything. I'm sort of glad "there's your little" this and that didn't come up. I would've been embarrassed. Lol! We got this little audio thing for an extra $5 and it tells you more information than what's on the place cards in the exhibit. It was a little more interesting, and there seemed to be some new things in the exhibit too. Like different statues. Hyde and I couldn't help roll our eyes at my mom when she consistently insisted that this whole exhibit was wrong. How it wasn't right and that they should just let these people rest in peace. Oh for fucks sakes! It's for science! Like Tulpas. But of course she wouldn't understand that. She doesn't even understand Hyde is real. She assumes he's just my imaginary friend. So Hyde was of course following me around as I looked at the specimens, still finding them cool as ever. And I was reading the place cards, trying to help myself review for the test next Thursday. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the heart came earlier in this exhibit than the one in Vegas.

 

You can imagine Hyde's excitement. Oh brother! And of course he had to do the same thing he did in Vegas, reading the place cards and the things on the wall so slow and deliberately. Well, seductively. Well, he didn't read the place cards in Vegas but he did here. He stood next to me and was like: "Let me read them." Then read them to me. He thought the hearts were so beautiful and didn't hesitate to voice it. He would try to reach over to touch my chest and point out the valves. And I was like: "Stop." Lol. He got a kick out of teasing me of course. As he often always does. And he was making me sort of aroused doing it. Friggin cardiophile. The thing that made him even more excited and aroused was the fact that in this area where the heart was, you could hear the sound of a heart beating, and there were these three TV screens that had a heartbeat image on it, like on a heart monitor. So both of those things combined with the specimens of the heart and lungs, Hyde walked to the center of the room and held his arms out and was like: "I wish I could stay here forever! This is my paradise!" Oh Lord! This man be cray cray sometimes! I guess it's my fault since I made him that way, having this heart/heartbeat and medical obsession. He was so insistent that the heartbeat sounded like mine. No. It didn't. He was like: "It sounds like your little heartbeat." Nope nope nope nope! Lol. He was spending a lot of time in that area, but that's typical for him. And now he wants to make a room in his manor devoted to my heart, with the sound of my heartbeat at rest and during exercise. Oh god. He needs to stop. Not only is he making me blush, but he's also...well just making me blush A LOT! My heart doesn't deserve a room devoted to it. It's just a stupid heart.

 

"Hey! Don't ever say that! It keeps you alive for bloody fucks sakes!"

 

Yeah, yeah. He is appalled when I talk bad about my heart or lungs as if they're nothing special. To him they are, I know. There was a specimen of the heart with an aortic aneurysm and I was reading the symptoms, and they sounded like what I get, and I told Hyde, "god I hope I don't have an aortic aneurysm," and he was like: "I hope you don't either." He had a really worried expression on his face. He was suggesting that I go to the doctor, if that's the case. Telling me I won't know for sure unless I go. Well I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, because I'm fine.

 

"You better be fine."

 

Sighs. There was that "take a deep breath" thing on the wall again and Hyde told me to do it for the second time. So yeah, I did it. He was like: "In, good girl, now let it out." Then we went into the respiratory system next, of course, and my mom had already gone on ahead so we went in there and looked at the lungs, same as the Vegas one. It showed them all black from a smoker and it also had the plastic box there to drop your cigarettes in, like the one in Vegas. It wasn't even half full though. It was half empty, which is really sad. But more people smoke in Vegas than here so...yeah. I can sort of see why. Looking at all the specimens were starting to make me a little sick, especially after eating just before...probably not a good idea but I was starving and nauseous. And Hyde would keep questioning me about them making me sick, telling me not to look at them then, but if I wasn't looking at them, he wouldn't be able to. So I figured I should at least let him see them and keep looking at them.

 

Ugh, I saw the gall and kidney stones again and the kidney stones looked ten times worse. I really hope to god I never get those. And Hyde saw a condition of the penis and testicles, and he said: "I hope I never get that." Lol. Uhhh Hyde? You can't get that. Tulpas can't get sick, from what I know.

 

"Good."

 

So yeah, I don't think he has to worry at all. Of course his mind was in the gutter again when we were looking at the female reproductive organs. I was pointing out the ovaries and reminding him about when I say: "Ovaries explosion!" When I see something hot of Constantine. Lol. He rolled his eyes. I told him I probably have cysts because I get bad cramps, when we looked at the specimen of a uterus with cysts. He scowled at me, and he hoped not. Then we went into the area with the growth of the fetuses and I was immediately disgusted, as I always am when I see anything that involves babies or pregnancy. Ugh! It's just a living horror movie to think about. Like alien invading your body. And those selfish babies take up all the damn room in you, pushing your organs out of the way, ew. I just can't, will never be subjected to that. I'd rather drill my own teeth. And yeah, you get the point. Never ever ever ever! It just gave me the chills and the creeps.

 

Hyde thinks I'm a good girl for never wanting to get pregnant. Yay! :) He always commends me on that. Good! My mom was spending a lot of time in there. Ick! But anyway, moving on. Sigh. The moment Hyde saw there was a blood pressure kiosk, he just had to insist we check my blood pressure. "Let's check your blood pressure, my little one," and I was like: "let's not!" He gave me a firm look but I walked away and pretended to be interested in something else. There was this other glass case that had a piece of skin with a tattoo on it. That was interesting to read about how the body adapts to that, and there was another glass case comparing human bones and organs with a Whales bones and organs. Damn! Huge! When I was looking at the other glass case with the skin tattoo in it, I was ready to walk out, to keep walking and then Hyde just had to come over and grab my arm and pull me towards the blood pressure kiosk. He insisted he wasn't letting me leave until I did it. I just about lost my balance with him trying to pull me over there. I didn't feel a pull, it was more an instinctual pull, like my body being pulled in that direction and stumbling over to it....maybe it WAS Hyde pulling me. There were a group of people standing around there using the kiosk, so Hyde stood behind me, set his hands firmly on my shoulders and forced me to stand there until they were done. Sigh. I felt like a little kid, being held to do something for my daddy. I was tempted to see if I could step away, just to see how strong his hold was on me, but I didn't want to chance it.

 

So when the group of people had moved, Hyde forced me to walk over to the kiosk and sat me down, whether I wanted to or not. Then he pointed to the screen, telling me to select the blood pressure test. I told him he sucked, but I put my arm in the stupid thing and pressed the button, letting it take my blood pressure. Hyde stood next to the machine, looking closely at the screen until it finished taking my blood pressure. It ended up being 118/80 and my pulse was 92. When he saw that, he was all: "Ah! Perfect little blood pressure!" *rolls eyes* He was ecstatic, but he thought my pulse was a little high. He blamed it on me being nervous. Well duh! After the stupid blood pressure thing, he made me check my BMI and weight, and OMG! I lost about 20 pounds since the last time I got it checked. Seriously? I was like: "The fuck?" That can't be true. My color blind vision was perfect, of course. My mom came over and did the blood pressure check, and when I got up, Hyde immediately threw his arms around me, and pulled me in to kiss my head, and he was like: "You're such a good girl! I'm so proud of you!" Oh Lord. I swear, I feel like a little kid whenever I'm around him. Of course since my mom has hypertension, her blood pressure was far worse than mine. Yeah, I blame her for giving me that. Her diastolic was 150. Damn. Hyde mentioned that I am much better off than she is, blood pressure and health wise that is. Yeah, I know, but seriously, with all my stomach problems, I'm not. I think I have the worst digestive system of anyone in the world. But I already mentioned that before, didn't I? Yeah, anyway, after we were done with that, there was this thing at the exit to give your thoughts on the exhibit, so we did that then went through the gift shop to go out. I really wanted this little skeleton statute that I remember seeing in Vegas at the other gift shop, but my mom of course wouldn't get it. Pfft!

 

Anyway, we left and went back out to the car then Hyde got mad at me because I wanted to go to Weinerschnitzel for a cheeseburger. I really wanted just a large strawberry lemonade, because their lemonades are good there, but he was still mad that I got the cheeseburger. He was like: "Didn't you just eat?" Yeah, like two hours ago. But its not like I ate it all, so I don't know what he was bitching about. Well, I do...after I promised him I would start eating right. Well, what else was I going to eat? We were out for god's sake. So my mom wanted to go to this stupid thrift store, Savers. I don't know what the hell is up with her, but every time she's in a new city, she just has to go to a fucking thrift store. Shes becoming a thrift store junk hoarder, and I warned her that when they come to the house about her hoarding problem, I'm going to tell them that I warned her. Ugh! So while she was in there, Hyde came back and sat in the driver's side of the car with me with I ate my food and listened to my iPod, since he obviously can't ride in the back of my mom's car with all her shit she's got piled back there on the seat. It looked like he was driving. Hehe! He was all pretending to for a second. It was cute. Then I started to not feel good, and sort of tired, so he told me to put my seat back and rest. I felt better when I did that. We just sat there listening to music and chatting while she was in the store.

 

Then Hyde had to go back into my head when she came back. We went to Rally's burgers so my mom could get herself something to eat. Hyde was warning me in my head that I better not get anything from there, but damn it, their fries are SO DAMN GOOD! I just had to have some! He was not happy, even after I begged him for a small fry. And he's like: "A small one! That's it!" Least he caved. God I love their fries. They are like my fast food crack! Lol. Screw McDonalds fries...Rallys...OMG! If you haven't tried them, TRY THEM. Then after my mom put gas, since we were like down the street from the Knott's Berry Farm amusement park, we stopped over there to visit the marketplace shoppes. We parked then walked across the parking lot, under the Ghost Rider coaster, and towards the shops. While we were walking, I was all telling my mom how I was thankful to have free health services at my college, so I didn't have to go to urgent care when it just ended up being my acid reflux that other day, and she told me that if I were to go to the hospital with chest pains, even if its that or heartburn, they would still have to keep me overnight. Bullshit! I'd rather die.

 

"Oh, I don't think so. I already told you what I'd do if you were in there."

 

Yeah, he said he would stay by my side the whole time, and he'd put a lab coat on and his stethoscope and play Dr. Hyde. Which is sweet, but I'd feel better not having to ever experience that urgent care moment ever again. You know the one...when I had a panic attack and they had me all hooked up, on the heart monitor and oxygen and the other machines. Ugh! At the hospital, it would probably be 10x worse, and there would be a lot more people fussing over me. Plus, I have no insurance yet, so...I digress.

 

We went into this one gift shop, Hyde and I looking around while my mom went to get some chicken from this nasty place, I don't know. I'm sick of chicken. I only eat it when I don't have anything else to eat. Not because I really like it. Unless its a Malibu chicken. They had a triquetra necklace in there! The "Charmed" Power Of Three symbol, if you guys don't know what that is. I really wanted it, but I really am getting way too many necklaces already. I've got that "Little One" necklace coming, and that Jekyll & Hyde "Playbill" necklace. Its better if I mix it up a little, get a ring or a bracelet. Speaking of rings, Hyde and I were looking at the rings and I slipped a few on my finger and he thought they looked pretty on me. :) There was this one with a huge rock for $20. I wish I'd bought it, but I'm still holding out for getting my custom Hyde rag doll from this one girl on Etsy. There was this big music box that kept playing over and over and it was driving both Hyde and I nuts. And why do they have Christmas things in there when its May? WTF? Hyde didn't know either. I was looking at some grumpy cat stuff they had there, and they were so cute! Hyde agreed that the things they said on them were perfect for me. Lol. Pfft. Okay, so maybe they were. I asked the cashiers what time the shops closed and they said 11, so that was good. We had some time left, like an hour and a half. I was looking at more necklaces and Hyde was like: "You've got enough necklaces already. Come on, little one." And then he walked away and waved me to follow him, so I did. My mom had come back by then, and after she took her time in that gift shop I was just in looking at dog things, we moved on, walked through the candy store, but Hyde was like: "Don't even think about it, love. You can look, but you're not getting anything." Sigh. Yeah, and now that I have a toothache, I don't blame him for not letting me eat candy anymore.

 

We went into another shop and I was like: "It smells like a Starbucks in here." And Hyde was like: "Gee, I wonder why." Lol. Cause there were coffee beans everywhere. Yeah, yeah, smart ass. Hehe! There was nothing there for me, so we left and went to this other gift shop up the way. There were a lot of people out there, but I guess with it being Saturday, what should I expect? Hyde and I walked around the shop, but I didn't get anything. He was telling me that it was okay if I'm too tired to force when we got home. But I told him that I wouldn't be tired. I went into this other part of the store and Hyde was like: "There's just dolls and things over there, love. You're already getting a doll, a different kind of doll." Lol. He meant my Hyde rag doll. After that, we went into another shop, some California gift shop. They had these name key chains that described the person, but they didn't have my name or Hyde ( Well, Vincent - even though he wants to be known as Edward Hyde now and not Vincent Hyde ). They had some Domo stuff in there, and I love Domo. Then we left and walked across the street to these other two gift shops. Hyde suddenly realized that everything about the amusement park has to do with Snoopy, and asked why and I was like: "That's their thing." Hyde saw a golf bag and he's like: "They've got a golf bag?" And he started cracking up. The store was connected to this other store, a sports store and I thought Constantine would have a field day in there, no pun intended, but they only had a small section for the Yankees so maybe not. I had to go to the bathroom, so Hyde went with me into the T.G.I.Fridays next door. I told him: "It smells like beer in here," and he's like: "Well there's a bar, what do you expect?" Lol. Smart ass. After that, we left and drove home.

 

I got into a small fight with my mom on the way home, just as we arrived home in the parking lot, and I don't know what compelled me to do it, but I called her a name. Not that I haven't done that before, but this time, it felt weird. Different. Strong. Alien. Like it didn't come from me, but like it came from Hyde. As if he had suddenly taken control for a moment and somehow got me to say the word. I try not to call her that to her face after how she's reacted in the past, but this time...I couldn't control it. I felt like I was having an out of body experience for a moment. It happened so fast, and like I said, I had no control. Hyde took responsibility for making me say that. That was a little creepy. I know it wasn't me saying it. And it might of had a touch of his tone when I said it. Might of. I'm not sure. It just didn't feel right.

 

But moving on...I was pretty tired and it was late, so I just about passed out when I laid down and got on my phone.

"Listening to her heartbeat makes me feel alive." - Hyde

 

Name: Hyde

Age: 36 years old

Form: Human

Done: Form, Personality, Sentient, Visualization

Working on: Imposition (vocal/visual/touch)

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