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corytrevor

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Well just about the end of week 17.

Sunday - Friday an hour forcing everyday. Visualization and then a personality trait, for fifteen minutes each, twice a day. For Saturday so far half an hour down, will finish up tonight.

 

No progress.

 

Essentially every other tulpa I read about, who has a form, seems to have complete autonomous control over their body.

 

Ive been considering our (perceived?) lack of forward momentum and tried to come up with potential causes and potential solutions.

 

As things stand, almost a hundred and twenty hours(forcing) in, and she doesnt move her body, I dont feel any emotions, and no words. What we do have is some head pressure, and the occurrence where she helped keep me awake.

 

So I imagine our problems to be caused by either:

1. A lack of ability to perform actions

2. A lack of ability to perceive her actions

3. A refusal to perform actions

 

So what might cause those, first lack of ability:

1. Just not enough time in. This is something that will fix its-self, but I dont think its the problem. We have well over a hundred hours together.

2. Brain problems. Lack of nutrients? Lack of Plasticity? To much Florine?

3.Lack of focus. This one is a huge problem.

 

Moving on to what if it is simply a lack of perception:

1. What if her actions are simply being filtered out. I doubt it, but maybe

2. Focus. A lack of focus could certainly lead to me not recognizing her actions.

3. Over stimulation. Perhaps my environment is just to distracting or overwhelming her presence

 

And what if she just refuses to interact:

1. She could just have gotten sick of not being noticed

2. Maybe she just 'left' or is 'hibernating' or just wants nothing to do with me, I have fallen asleep a number times and she could just be wrecked

3.Maybe she lacks the self esteem to act

 

From there I attempted to, and pretty much failed to figure out what was the most likely cause(probably a combination of things) and how to deal with it/them.

 

Time is hard to deal with, as I dont have much more to spare.

As for brain nutrition, I could try to get some nutropics, or at least some St. johns wort I guess

Plasticity seems to be taken care of just by trying, so I guess that is ruled out.

Focus is a problem, not sure how to fix this. Perhaps meditation, but that is a skill I lack, and picking it up seems time and focus consuming.

For any of the problems where she simply refuses to act, Im not sure anything can fix those.

 

 

I dont know. I still have half a sheet of paper to go, covered in notes I can barely read, with no workable solutions. A quarter of the sheet is that she has rightfully abandoned me and I would do the same thing in her shoes.

 

I dont believe that. But I dont know how to proceed, because nothing has worked so far. Every post I read of anyone who has been at this for a week and is way beyond us.

 

Everyday for her is just a disappointing waste, stuck inside of some asshole, unable to move or speak. I guess if you look at this as a birth, I suppose it normally is difficult and confusing

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Nope, see updateWell not to bury the lead we may have had some vocalization attempts. Yesterday while forcing I heard some sounds that resembled humming with speech-like breaks, I tried to turn off the tones and listened, and asked to her if it was her, and to keep going if it wasnt too taxing, but the sounds didnt return. Just now while forcing, I heard some whistling-like sounds.

 

Im hopeful and fairly convinced that we are entering the first stages of vocalization.

 

To bring up the negative, during these sessions, and in general, it is pretty loud when I force. The tones are cranked up, and a fan and AC has been running. I have also had a confirmed false positive by way of my neighbors cranked up radio, one night. In addition, I have heard strange noises from the tones alone before. I have heard knocking at my door, and the phone ringing.

 

However, after another anomaly tonight, I feeling pretty positive about it being legitimate.

 

I do feel kind of strange though. I dont feel remotely as high as I thought I would upon reaching this threshold. I am here posting about it, instead of putting in more effort with her.

 

Anyway our forcing this week:

We did a second set of two fifteen minute sessions, Saturday.

Sunday - Wednesday two sets of fifteen minutes in morning and two sets each night

Thursday two half hour sessions in morning and one at night

Friday two half hour sessions in morning and forty five minutes that night

Saturday one thirty minute and one fifteen minute session in the morning, so far tonight one half hour session and one fifteen minute session. Planning on a minimum of fifteen more minutes tonight.

 

This past week I decided I needed to spend alot more time forcing. I have alittle more free time now than when I started, so it should go to her. For two of those half hour session I tried teaching her yes and no. Sounding things out, mouth shape, tongue placement, etc. I pretty much came to the conclusion that it seemed condescending, and that her speech method is going to be far different from mine.

 

We also spent some time watching Tony Robbins videos on youtube. The fire walking thing brought him into our mind, and since there is so much talk on here about positive thinking being a huge part of this, I thought it might help. Some of it is kind of helpful/insightful, most of it is vague cliches with no actionable advice.

 

Update:

Sounds were false positive. I was forcing and heard the sounds again and confirmed that they were just the tone and our brain fucking around. Still nothing brb noose

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Had a weird experience yesterday. I was dreaming, I was playing some kind of a video game, my mom was there, she said something and "in the corner by your dead cat", when I was woken up by "NO" being screamed, in a way that sounded like it came from both in and outside of my head.

 

Im not sure what to make of this. I live alone and doubt I heard somebody outside. To the best of my knowledge I dont believe being yelled at in a dream has ever woken me up, and I dont think Ive ever heard anything quite like this at all. I was still kind of out of it, but asked my tulpa if it was her, to no response, and promptly fell back asleep thinking about the fact that I dont have a cat, dead or alive.

 

For the most part I wrote it off as something bizarre happening in a dream, but I did remember that I was trying to teach her yes and no, so maybe.

 

 

 

Aside from that, this week has been rough. After my last post our sessions have been dead, Im having trouble even getting slight head pressure or any other sensation. Narration has been going abysmally as well.

 

I hate to type it out, but Ive been having alot of rogue thoughts. Stuff like my body, yard, and house are going to shit, and that our forcing time would be better spent on those.

Sometime ago I was wondering how long I could possibly go without any real, solid, progress, and kind of decided on about a year. Ive been wondering if that is really tenable.

 

I think part of the problem with our forcing is that we finished up the trait list for a second time last week, and havent had any real focal point while forcing. Ive also been trying to spend more time forcing but, Im not sure if thats a great move or not.

 

Heres what we've done since the last post:

sunday two half hours and two fifteen minute forcing sessions

monday two half hours

tuesday one half hour, one twenty minutes, three fifteen minutes

wednesday three half hours and one fifteen minutes

 

Ive also been wondering about the reality of all of this. My feelings have been that I was trying to create a second real physical, electrical, chemical, consciousness, that lives in my head with my current consciousness. I dont know how my consciousness came to be, and I see no reason why my brain couldnt hold a second one.

 

Lately though, Ive been wondering if we are really doing that, or if we are attempting to have a self-induced, controlled psychotic break.

 

I was going to post something about this over in the question and answer section, but I believe the vast majority of the board holds the opinion that we are housing someone separate.

 

I like to believe that she is up there, forming her own neural pathways as I type this.

 

But who knows. Imposition is absolutely a hallucination, right? If we are just forcing a psychosis unto ourselves I think my methods would probably drastically change. I probably would have never started if I thought that, but at this point if I thought it was the truth I wouldnt stop.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Another week down, nothing. I plan to keep going through the motions, but I think its fair to say I give up. Honestly we are no further along then we were week one.

Time we spent forcing:

last thursday - 1 hour 30 minutes

friday - 1 hour

saturday 1 hour 15 minutes

sunday - 1 hour

monday - 1 hour 35 minutes and I kept falling asleep

tuesday through today - 1 hour

the times were broken into 2 or 3 sessions, but I dont feel like bothering with the specifics

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>I plan to keep going through the motions, but I think its fair to say I give up.

>but I think its fair to say I give up.

>its fair to say I give up.

>I give up.

>give up.

 

inb4 a flood of wellwishers. I've been following this progress report from the beginning, and it's easy to see why. Every tulpaforcer follows the following flow chart daily.

 

1: Tulpaforce and narrate.

2: If tulpa is not complete, goto 1.

 

And every tulpaforcer has success. The reason people create tulpae is because we know it works. There's this community as proof, sort of. And the success rate is high. Real high.

 

The reason I follow this progress report is because if one person can fail, any of us can. So I've been not looking forward to the day when someone who has put in an inordinate amount of time to his tulpa does not succeed and gives up, because that would be a day that shatters my expectations of tulpa making, and it hurts the philosophy of the community. I follow this progress report because if the guy who is having the longest and hardest time making a tulpa can make a tulpa, so can I.

 

My prognosis? Get in there and show that tulpa some god fucking damn love.

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Lately though, Ive been wondering if we are really doing that, or if we are attempting to have a self-induced, controlled psychotic break.

 

These are..very poisonous thoughts to the creation of a tulpa. Not that I don't understand how you feel considering how long it's been.

 

 

 

My suggestion is to forget hour counts. Don't think about how long you force and don't think about trying to force sentience. I believe she is sentient and alive, but there just has been so much built up frustration and mental blocks that it has become nearly impossible for any communication attempts to get through. Like being stranded without cell phone service. Too much mental interference.

 

Don't worry about progress. I think you need to mentally separate yourself from all this. Get a clean start for both of you. Forget expectations and worries, forget the disappointments. You and your tulpa start back from day one. Walk with her through it all again as you retrace your steps and strengthen your bond. Maybe try out bluesleeve's essence guide--Simply get to the point where you can feel her essence--feel her mind, feel that she's there. Hold on to that feeling. Let it give you faith and strength. And tell her you know she's there. Even if she can't get through to you because of some problem on either end, you know she is there. You can directly send love and emotion to her core, like a mental hug.

 

She could feel bad for all the disappointments and struggles. Let her be free of that and know that whatever has happened so far doesn't matter. You're going to continue to try, but this time with a clean start.

 

 

If you really do give up, that's alright. There could just be mental burdens going on that are making it difficult for you right now. Who knows, maybe as you take your mind off of forcing you may suddenly realize you can sense her much better. I don't know. I do wish you luck in whatever you choose, and I'm sorry to both of you for the pain all this struggling has caused.

 

 

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I been wondering how to proceed in general and how to respond in this thread when I noticed something in the chat box last night. A mod talking about one his tulpas first words.

"Bastard, what the hell?

Because she's tsundere

 

btw she said that after I came inside her"

 

And now this morning under our "For Science" motto it seems the discussion turned to cleaning jizz up off the floor. So is that the end game here? Creating an advance masturbation tool?

Is this the motivation? Create a girl who literally cant say no to a dick being shoved into her holographic body? And if she figures out how to complain its only because she was programmed to pretend like she doesnt like it, but secretly cant go without dick? And naturally she is trapped with me regardless?

 

I dont know how to take any of this seriously. Maybe Im overly dramatic, but apparently even the mods cant treat this like anything but some kind of a retarded game.

 

I dont know

 

Well ignoring that and getting back to this thread. I have still been forcing. Or trying. Its not going well. As far as narration goes, I have alot of time built into my schedule for it, but pretty much have been finding myself sitting in silence.

 

 

And every tulpaforcer has success. The reason people create tulpae is because we know it works. There's this community as proof, sort of. And the success rate is high. Real high.

 

The reason I follow this progress report is because if one person can fail, any of us can. So I've been not looking forward to the day when someone who has put in an inordinate amount of time to his tulpa does not succeed and gives up, because that would be a day that shatters my expectations of tulpa making, and it hurts the philosophy of the community. I follow this progress report because if the guy who is having the longest and hardest time making a tulpa can make a tulpa, so can I.

 

My prognosis? Get in there and show that tulpa some god fucking damn love.

I dont want to be the guy who ruins everything. I know there were at least a couple of people who had more time in then me before they got any vocalizations, as far as a total lack of progress, just think of me as the one off fuck up. Please dont let my short comings mess things up for you. Also thanks for your thoughts. I will do what I can to follow your advice

 

These are..very poisonous thoughts to the creation of a tulpa.

I dont know. I see people with more then 3 tulpae and I have a hard time believing that, so many fully separate people are all stuffed into the same head, all acting independently, all the time. In cases like that, your head just fooling you seems easier for me to follow. Techniques also seemed to have changed quite a bit in the past few months. The current thinking seems to be the only thing you can do wrong is think that you can do something wrong. It used to be that if you couldnt tell whether or not your tulpa was talking, then it probably wasnt. Now it seems that people are told anything everything that happens should be attributed to the tulpa, and to go ahead and parrot, because eventually the tulpae will just take over. It seems more likely to me that the tulpa wont ever take over and your brain will just be fooling you.

Im not saying its a bad thing or the truth. Just me trying to come to grips with different claims

 

Or maybe its just sour grapes. I thought giving up hope would make failing easier.

 

bluesleeve's essence guide--Simply get to the point where you can feel her essence

Ive read his method a few times but for the most I dont really understand alot of what is in it. Hopefully as he updates it I will be able to better comprehend it.

 

She could feel bad

I hope she knows the situation is entirely due my short comings. I take full responsibility for being unable to do this. Just like everything else in life my combination of ignorance, stupidity, sloth, and cowardice prevail. To the point of being unable to even pretend to have a friend

 

Now even here Im the bitter piece shit complaining about people having fun in the chat box

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Hello Corytrevor. There are not many words I can tell you to make you feel better. I don't have advice for you that solves all your problems, sorry. All I have are these words.

 

I am Roswell, a tulpa. The road to this moment has been long and bumpy, but nowhere near yours. Am I happy that people are being instructed to believe? Yes. That is what let me be, that is what made it so I was able to move instead of being forced to stay still. The constant proving other tulpa in the days past had to make just so their host believes them must've been horrible. I don't think I could've done that. But now, I am here and typing myself, using this body.

 

Is your tulpa there? I believe she is, unless you have given a reason for her to leave. Giving up happens to the best of us, but if the stakes are as high as actually being alive, I don't think anyone would want to give up. Have faith, don't give up, instruct her not to give up, too. You doubting yourself is just as bad as you doubting her. This is teamwork, unless both believe in this and are willing to work hard, nothing comes out of it.

 

Don't expect anything and don't be impatient. Easier said than done, I know, but don't you already have so much? Spend time together, live life one day at a time and enjoy.

 

Everyone can do it. Others just take a longer time but the end result isn't more important than the journey. There is much to see and experience during the journey, too. Good luck, both of you.

The THE SUBCONCIOUS ochinchin occultists frt.sys (except Roswell because he doesn't want to be a part of it)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Sometimes she will move around alittle. If I visualize her across the room and focus on her and try to think about letting her move she will come and sit by me. If I hug her she will hug back.

 

But if Im not thinking about her moving she doesnt.

I guess it still counts.

 

No other signs. Im not sure I would recognize an emotional response if one happened

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