DizzySpinda

Having relationship trouble because of interest in tulpae

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A lot of you have suggested that I encourage him to do research. I asked him to, and he said that he would, but I highly doubt he actually will. He has had a lot of experience with mental illness, So I can see how he would be scared. And he definitely has a black/white sort of view on things, it has just never been a problem until now because we typically agree on everything. I'm apprehensive to bring it up again due to the severity of the argument we had, and I kind of just told him I'd let it go, though I'm still not sure that I want to. I tried telling him how it's not the same as MPD, but he argued how the DSM is bullshit man-made criteria for mental illness and it shouldn't be so black and white (how ironic)

 

I even tried telling him "it's something that has been practiced since the greek gods were a thing" (I thought I might have read that somewhere)

He kept going on about how "you're talking about having 2 brains in 1 which isn't possible, and it's not healthy to trick yourself into thinking you have a friend in your head who has different thoughts"

 

We've been together for over 2 years and I just can't imagine leaving him over something like this, but it's not the first time that we've argued and I just give up and let him win. I know if I bring it up again it will be the end of us.

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If he has agreed to research it but you doubt he will, why don't you sit down with him and show him this forum? Show him the guides and all the different things people have said. Hopefully then he might understand it's different to MPD. Get him to come and talk to other people who have a tulpa and about their lives. People on the IRC offered to do this when my bf thought the same (though I can understand if he won't as my bf didn't either!).

 

If this isn't possible then I don't know what to suggest but keeping a tulpa a secret isn't such a bad thing. I know you want to be honest with him but if it's something you really, really want to do, there isn't any way that he would find out. You'd just have to force when he isn't around.

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I tried telling him how it's not the same as MPD, but he argued how the DSM is bullshit man-made criteria for mental illness and it shouldn't be so black and white (how ironic)

 

 

Well, they didn't pull the criteria out of their ass, but it's not just that. Disorders are in there because they cause suffering and interfere with happiness in life. This is pretty different from MPD, I mean, the label needs to be defined, so we can't just wildly slap it on anything. (Also, there's the whole rationale in the first place, even if he tries to throw criteria out of the window - it's not a disorder let alone MPD. It's not an issue.)


And yeah sadly you might have to keep it a secret from him. His loss.


My lip hurts.

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He has had a lot of experience with mental illness...

 

As have I, just not necessarily from a first-person perspective. I know several more psychologists and therapists who, after I explained my own experience, encouraged the concept of 'tulpas' (voluntary adult imaginary companions). I could even drop names as references.

 

And then there are, of course, the many highly regarded artists, authors, poets, movie directors, playwrights, and musicians who have — as I've said elsewhere on this forum — "played host to a variable cornucopia of sentient sub-selves for the benefit of our entertainment".

 

Humans appear to be equipped with the ability to manifest phantoms of all sorts, both spontaneously and through disciplined conditioning. The best example is the ever-popular practice of active prayer and speaking to God. Essentially, you'd be engaging the latter under a different guise.

 

Thoughtforms are not mental illness — they're part of the human condition. Unless your actions start proving destructive to your functioning, you are a poor candidate to receive such an extreme label.

 

"...and it's not healthy to trick yourself into thinking you have a friend in your head who has different thoughts..."

 

By that token, it's not healthy to dream, either. When you create a tulpa, you're simply becoming aware of aspects in yourself that are usually undetectable. No trickery, just meditation.

 

Personally, I'd rather become consciously aware of what's floating around behind the veil. Knowledge is power.

 

We've been together for over 2 years and I just can't imagine leaving him over something like this, but it's not the first time that we've argued and I just give up and let him win. I know if I bring it up again it will be the end of us.

 

It's no one's place to make the call, but I take a zero-tolerance stance — in any interpersonal dynamic — against the kind of behaviour you've been describing of your boyfriend.

 

If you want to conjure your own subconscious and fashion it into a close confidant, you are well within your right. Ideally, you'd be able to share that desire and experience with your significant other, who should trust you. Love is about trust, first and foremost. He needs to be able to look past his fear long enough to gain more perspective.

 

My solid advice to you: Don't relent because of your boyfriend's self-centered, fear-based and controlling behaviour. You're conducting an experiment with yourself that will help you learn regardless of the outcome, so I feel your endeavor deserves support.

 

Plus, there's plenty of evidence against his claims, and many more fish in the sea.

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I am moving this to General Discussion because it is a serious and fairly tulpa-related thread.


Lyra: human female, ~17

Evan: boy, ~14, was an Eevee

Anera: anime-style girl, ~12; Lyra made her

My blog :: Time expectations are bad (forcing time targets are good though)

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Well thank you all for the advice. I finally worked up the courage to confront him about it again (just because he mentioned it) and after a bit of a fight we both calmed down and he let me explain it some more and look a little bit into it. He still doesn't like it but he's not going to stop me either and he apologized for the things he said. I think we will be fine :D

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Thanks very much for the update. That was very brave of you to confront him and you did the right thing. It seems like your relationship may be able to weather the bumps after all. I'm glad he's no longer trying to be controlling or threatening. You need never sacrifice your personal freedom for a relationship. He came to the right conclusion--it's true, in a relationship, you don't have to agree with everything the other person does, and it can still work out. I commend you both. :)

 

I guess I'll get nitpicky just to set things straight in general, though this is really a segway from the issue:

Obviously when it comes to freedom in a relationship there are some things you both agree to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship--i.e., seeing other people (unless you're in an open relationship). The point is though, you both made an agreement there and none has anything 'over' the other. Also, things get more intense if, say, you both were clean/sober then one of you decides you want to experiment and the other disagrees (particularly because they don't want you to harm yourself). But even in that case, threatening anything is NEVER the way to go. This applies to most scenarios: The right thing to do if you are the disagreeing party (or vice versa) is 1. communicate your feelings about the issue, 2. decide to get help, or help the other person get help, or 3. split up for the better, or 4. decide to forfeit your disagreement (or 'agree to disagree') and stay with the person anyway. That's all. But there never is an excuse for threatening or controlling in a relationship. People slip up and make mistakes, mostly out of fear, from time to time, but the key is that you do communicate and work it out, and the offending person realizes that they were wrong in trying to control you, and that it doesn't happen again, or if it does, that they catch themselves and work hard to put a stop to it.


I'm Alanna, Domnopalus' host. Dom always speaks in brackets []

 

Tulpa: Domnopalus ||

Form (I am the artist) || WL: Bald cypress swamp. || Progress Report

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Unfortunately I was in the same situation with my ex. No matter how many different ways I tried to explain to her she just could not see this as anything different than schitzophrenia. Her ex husband was schitzophrenic.. He apparently was very abusive mentally and physically "because his voices told him to". So she already had preconcieved notions about what a tulpa was.

Like I said no matter what I said. No matter how I tried to bring it up, she was not okay with it. The situation deteriorated to the point of her doing and saying many unforgiveable things culminating in her threatening to use my progress report and posts that I had made on these forums in a custody battle, in her words "to make sure I never got to see my child again".

 

Not knowing anything about that portion of the law I had my previous account deleted and all posts by me deleted as well, because I didnt know what else to do. She never ended up taking me to court, I still get to see my kid whenever I want. And actually, her an i are getting along better than we ever did when we were together.

 

Some people just will not understand. Or perhaps its that I myself didnt understand how to put it in a way that she would have been okay with it. Either way she now agrees that I am a much happier and more positive person because of it and has even included my tulpa in several of our conversations.

 

Like has been said, you can have disagreements on your life choices. But to try and set ultimatums and trying to force someone to act the way you want is not a true relationship. At least not a healthy one.


There are few things more confusing in this life, than trying to figure yourself out.

 

>The tulpa that I created this account for no longer wants it. So not having an account myself, ill take it.<

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Unfortunately I was in the same situation with my ex. No matter how many different ways I tried to explain to her she just could not see this as anything different than schitzophrenia. Her ex husband was schitzophrenic.. He apparently was very abusive mentally and physically "because his voices told him to". So she already had preconcieved notions about what a tulpa was.

Like I said no matter what I said. No matter how I tried to bring it up, she was not okay with it. The situation deteriorated to the point of her doing and saying many unforgiveable things culminating in her threatening to use my progress report and posts that I had made on these forums in a custody battle, in her words "to make sure I never got to see my child again".

 

Not knowing anything about that portion of the law I had my previous account deleted and all posts by me deleted as well, because I didnt know what else to do. She never ended up taking me to court, I still get to see my kid whenever I want. And actually, her an i are getting along better than we ever did when we were together.

 

Some people just will not understand. Or perhaps its that I myself didnt understand how to put it in a way that she would have been okay with it. Either way she now agrees that I am a much happier and more positive person because of it and has even included my tulpa in several of our conversations.

 

Like has been said, you can have disagreements on your life choices. But to try and set ultimatums and trying to force someone to act the way you want is not a true relationship. At least not a healthy one.


There are few things more confusing in this life, than trying to figure yourself out.

 

>The tulpa that I created this account for no longer wants it. So not having an account myself, ill take it.<

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Unfortunately I was in the same situation with my ex. The only difference being my tulpa was already there, not just an interest. No matter how many different ways I tried to explain to her she just could not see this as anything different than schitzophrenia. Her ex husband was schitzophrenic.. He apparently was very abusive mentally and physically "because his voices told him to". So she already had preconcieved notions about what a tulpa was.

Like I said no matter what I said. No matter how I tried to bring it up, she was not okay with it. The situation deteriorated to the point of her doing and saying many unforgiveable things culminating in her threatening to use my progress report and posts that I had made on these forums in a custody battle, in her words "to make sure I never got to see my child again".

 

Not knowing anything about that portion of the law I had my previous account deleted and all posts by me deleted as well, because I didnt know what else to do. She never ended up taking me to court, I still get to see my kid whenever I want. And actually, her an i are getting along better than we ever did when we were together.

 

Some people just will not understand. Or perhaps its that I myself didnt understand how to put it in a way that she would have been okay with it. Either way she now agrees that I am a much happier and more positive person because of it and has even included my tulpa in several of our conversations.

 

Like has been said, you can have disagreements on your life choices. But to try and set ultimatums and trying to force someone to act the way you want is not a true relationship. At least not a healthy one. But I digress.

 

We wish you the best of luck, and hope you get this resolved in a favorable manner.


There are few things more confusing in this life, than trying to figure yourself out.

 

>The tulpa that I created this account for no longer wants it. So not having an account myself, ill take it.<

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