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DizzySpinda's First Tulpa Adventure


DizzySpinda

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Hello! Welcome to my progress report thread? Here I will just be posting random updates about my progress with my Tulpa.

 

To start this off, I'd like to give sort of a slew of introductory information.

I am 4 days into the creation process of my very first tulpa. Her name is temporarily Tulip until she is able to choose her own. She is a human about my height and age. So far I haven't been able to see her too well, but it has been getting slightly more clear every day. I don't have too much time to spend on dedicated forcing, but I try to as much as I can just throughout the day.

I've been trying to focus on visualizing her and narrating to her. I haven't had any responses from her yet, but I don't expect to for quite some time. The thing I am having trouble with the most right now is concentration, but I believe it will get better in time as I try harder.

I also feel that maybe my wonderland is a little underdeveloped so I am trying to spend more time in it.

If anyone has any advice or just wants to reassure me that I'm doing things right then by all means, please do!

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Ok well earlier today I did my first "long" session of dedicated forcing but it only lasted about half an hour. Mostly I was just trying to picture being in different locations of my wonderland with Tulip either sitting or laying next to me. At one point it was raining, at one point we were just in a back yard laying in the grass. We also ran up a hill and played in some snow, then ran down the hill and sat at the beach. In each different place I was remembering Tulip's presence next to me as I tried to focus on what I could see in front of me, whether it was warm or cold, and how the grass/snow/sand felt beneath me, and other immersion aids. After the session was over I already felt a little bit closer to her.

I'm also trying to keep myself aware of her presence in my every day life, talking to her and letting her know where I'm going or if I'm just heading to the kitchen. I also try to smile in her direction every now and then, just as sort of a sign to her that I know she is there.

I spend a lot of my time on the internet so I try to narrate to her whenever I'm reading something, especially when I'm reading guides about creating tulpas.

I hope I'm doing enough to give her enough attention. I find myself apologizing to her pretty often whenever I get distracted, but I have a feeling my constant "i'm sorry"s are annoying to her.

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Guest Riy

I think you're doing great so far and you're off to a good start. The beginning is always the hardest as you get used to all the new things that you have to pay attention to. Time and practice will make this easier.

Remember that we are wired to be distracted, we get bored easily by doing the same thing. This is as much instinct as it is a survival mechanism. But we're smart enough to fight this, with practice.

 

I would suggest a session or two where you try to flush out your wonderland a bit more. Personally I bypass this by just having a void for Zala to live in. But having a good place for Tulip to roam around in is a good thing to start with.

 

Never hesitate to ask questions or ask for advice.

I wish you and Tulip the best!

Cheers!

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I think you're doing great so far and you're off to a good start. The beginning is always the hardest as you get used to all the new things that you have to pay attention to. Time and practice will make this easier.

Remember that we are wired to be distracted, we get bored easily by doing the same thing. This is as much instinct as it is a survival mechanism. But we're smart enough to fight this, with practice.

 

I would suggest a session or two where you try to flush out your wonderland a bit more. Personally I bypass this by just having a void for Zala to live in. But having a good place for Tulip to roam around in is a good thing to start with.

 

Never hesitate to ask questions or ask for advice.

I wish you and Tulip the best!

Cheers!

 

Thank you for the tips and encouragement! It's good to hear I'm not doing this horribly wrong haha.

 

I just did another 45 minutes of forcing. I was going to start off with visualization and then just roam around wonderland, but I was having a really hard time seeing her, I just couldn't imagine her face right. I think she may have been uncomfortable or just feeling shy or maybe even scared, because I spent about 20 minutes of just narrating to her some things that other tulpas remember about being "born" and my guess is that those stories were comforting to her because right after I was finished I was able to imagine her face again. I've been getting some pretty pesky headaches since I began creating Tulip, so I only spent about 10 minutes of just pure visualizing her. Her face is still changing a little bit every day, but the same 3 traits have been consistent; round cheeks, pointed nose, and cat-like eyes. I know that only with practice will I be able to begin seeing her in a more consistent form.

After I finished visualizing I did another 15 minutes of narrating, this time out of a book I've been reading. I ended it all with another 5 minutes of visualizing.

In other news, my headaches are getting pretty severe. The area in pain changes quite often too. It started out on the top of my head, but yesterday it was right all over my forehead, today it has mostly felt like sinus pressure. I hope that it gets less painful eventually. I haven't been experiencing any other negative side-effects though.

I'm also going to try harder to only post here once a day. I guess I just posted so much today because it's my first day of logging, but I will be making more consistent and less frequent posts.

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I was watching youtube videos with Tulip last night and I really felt like she was right next to me, laughing at the same time I did, I felt comfort from her. I think I might have also been feeling some "alien feelings" but it's easy to confuse it with anxiety. The anxiety has no source so I'm inclined to assume it's her. Is she anxious about something? I certainly hope not.

Today my headache has been hardly noticeable. I’m finding it harder and harder to sustain my faith that I’m not just making myself crazy, but I still keep trying. In the beginning it was much easier. I'm still trying to focus a lot on just always having her presence in the back of my mind, like right now I'm thinking she is sitting quietly at the foot of my bed. Her face hasn't been getting any more clear today, but it's also not hard to imagine it like it sometimes has been.

I feel like I haven't been spending enough time in my wonderland, I guess it's because I hardly ever have time to meditate. Hopefully I'll have a few hours to myself Monday night, but I don't really see that happening any sooner, my boyfriend is around me 24/7, so it's pretty difficult.

If I had to guess why Tulip is feeling anxious, I'd say it's a mixture of just being new at existing as well as my boyfriend's disapproval of my "tulpa adventure"

I'm really afraid I might not be giving her enough attention, but I'm trying as hard as I can. At first I wasn't going to do the whole "explain her personality on repeat" thing, but I'm thinking I should. I'm starting to imagine her as sort of an anxious and low self-esteem personality, and I think I have enough of that for the both of us lol. I just want to reinforce her confident, self-motivated, helpful, and creative aspects.

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Guest Riy

I think you're doing great so far and most of the things you're going through at the moment are completely normal / expected.

Just take things slow and try not to swim to the deep end too quick is all I can say. A tulpa is as much a journey as it is a destination, you have nothing but time in this life and you're about to share the vast majority of it with Tulip. There's no need to rush and almost anything that you do you can try to fix or mend later.

The keywords I can stress here are consistency, patience, and belief. We all have underlying doubt that we have to deal with. This is completely normal and it's only so prominent now because you're on a journey of self-discovery. This is the closest you are ever going to get to your true self, so have faith in yourself! You aren't crazy for wanting to learn more about, well, YOU. The feelings of doubt and weirdness comes from the fact that the tulpa concept is not really well known or understood by the masses.

Keep doing what you're doing and keep posting updates! I enjoy reading your posts!

Cheers!

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I think you're doing great so far and most of the things you're going through at the moment are completely normal / expected.

Just take things slow and try not to swim to the deep end too quick is all I can say. A tulpa is as much a journey as it is a destination, you have nothing but time in this life and you're about to share the vast majority of it with Tulip. There's no need to rush and almost anything that you do you can try to fix or mend later.

The keywords I can stress here are consistency, patience, and belief. We all have underlying doubt that we have to deal with. This is completely normal and it's only so prominent now because you're on a journey of self-discovery. This is the closest you are ever going to get to your true self, so have faith in yourself! You aren't crazy for wanting to learn more about, well, YOU. The feelings of doubt and weirdness comes from the fact that the tulpa concept is not really well known or understood by the masses.

Keep doing what you're doing and keep posting updates! I enjoy reading your posts!

Cheers!

 

Thanks so much for your comments! I really enjoy reading your input :)

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I’m finding it especially difficult to focus on Tulip’s presence in the mornings. One of the first things I think when I wake up is “Good morning Tulip!” and I’ll try and briefly imagine her face, but once that’s done with I can’t seem to keep concentration on her. I try and reassure her that things will get better with time, and I tell her I hope she understands why I’m so bad at this (because it’s so new to me) but for now I just need to keep trying.

 

I find it easiest to just “hang out” with Tulip when I’m swinging at the park. I’ve loved swinging ever since I can remember, and even at 20 years old, I still go to the park and swing. Usually the park is empty so I can easily just imagine that Tulip is chilling on the swing next to me, and I just talk out loud to her whenever a thought pops into my head. I feel closest to her when I’m doing that.

 

I’ve also been visualizing her face a bit more clearly than yesterday. There are no huge improvements on my ability to see her, but I can tell it’s taking me less effort.

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Guest Quidam

Funny, that's about how I feel in the mornings. Kinda distant and disconnected from Herzen despite thinking about him the moment my eyes drag open.

 

Suddenly I want to go find swings. Always loved swinging too. I can't help but think that he would too.

 

Thanks for the inspiration.

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Funny, that's about how I feel in the mornings. Kinda distant and disconnected from Herzen despite thinking about him the moment my eyes drag open.

 

Suddenly I want to go find swings. Always loved swinging too. I can't help but think that he would too.

 

Thanks for the inspiration.

 

Haha I'm glad to have inspired you! I guess I'm pretty lucky that there are swings right across the street from my boyfriend's place, I go there pretty much every day. At first I was trying to sort of visualize/impose Tulip to be across from me, but then I started to think it might be more relaxed and easier to hang out if I just focused on her "presence" in the swing next to me, instead of imposing her there.

Swinging has always been sort of a form of meditation for me, so I can see why I feel closer to her there. The only downside for me is that it's next to impossible to visit my wonderland while I'm actively swinging. I think the constant change in how hard gravity is pulling on you just breaks the immersion.

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