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Garland's tulpamancy general progress log


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garland

OH MY GOD I FINALLY GOT AUDITORY HALLUCINATIONS (CLOSED EYE) FROM MY TULPA'S VOICE IN A INVOLUNTARY WAY ! More details in the 4th paragraph

Ok like i told in my latest update i had to stop doing JUST the ball counting tests without doing form visualization or watching videos because it appears i was losing my "bond" or "connection" to my tulpa and causing it to get VERY weak, this actually culminated in another big depression and attempt to give up on my tulpas once again 1 week ago last sunday.

 

Actually something "clicked" in me because of that, i finally realized why i ALWAYS instinctively going back to forcing my tulpas despite being VERY determined to give up on them and denying their existence during the depressions : i now noticed i feel considerable mental resistance when i try to give up on them and to deny their existence, which means that DEEP down i IMPLICITY know they DO exist for real and have feelings which means... the problem is more exactly me being almost completly DEAF to them, including their feelings! Now i understand why i am never capable to truly giving up on them... So last week i gone back to normal forcing, sometimes using videos from the character other times accepting normal answers, but obbviously this isn't going anywhere as well, i have soon to find a new method.

 

So by thursday i had the idea of using videos from the character my tulpa songohan is based on as a personality work on him, because after all the tulpa this entire months almost seemed to not react to anything and mostly behaves as a servitor which could indicate he REALLY needs personality work, besides i always had positive sidefects when using the videos to active force him and even get a few emotional reactions sometimes!

 

Now here's the HUGE event that took place :

 

So yesterday i collected several videos from the character and used them to force my tulpa by projecting emotion like i was truly watching the tulpa in the videos and NOT the character, and i kept narrating to him to try to behave like the character does as a base for his personality (and that he is free to deviate later since i don't want a EXACT copy of the character personality). I did this for about 1 hour and half nonstop this time! Then a few hours later i did 1 more half hour. Needless to say my ability to visualize the tulpa's form and voice increased a LOT in the next hours, and even starting causing a "tetris effect" in which i could hear and see in the back of my mind, several fragments of memories from the videos being randomly played along the day and a few loopback.

 

At night about 10m before going to bed, i did on the computer 5 quick ball counting tests, in the first 2-3 tries i got nothing special, i also narrated a few suggestions for my tulpa (like telling him to trying to talk to me in a alien way, to send me answers that makes his voice feel like coming from somewhere else in my mind, etc), but at the next one i amazing got FINALLY another alien answers i was looking for so much! I actually got a alien answer with the tulpa's voice telling me the correct nr of balls! I am not too sure BUT it appears that the "tetris effect" of watching the anime character speak and move in the videos DOES indeed play a HUGE effect in my ability to hear alien answers from the tulpa!!

 

This was actually confirmed a few moments later when i tried to go to sleep, as soon as i closed my eyes, to my big surprise almost immediatly i could actually have AUDITORY HALLUCINATIONS of the tulpa's voice actually talking EXACTLY with the same voice from the anime character! This was a HUGE surprise because i NEVER got that voice ever speaking in hypnagogic hallucinations it's always random voices i never heared before also i never got hypnagogics only a few seconds after closing my eyes so i am pretty sure this was NOT HYPNGOGIC hallucinations... Let me tell you why i think this was different, here's the specific characteristics :

 

- i was actually hearing the EXACT same voice from the character (which is the same one i associated to my tulpa all along) clearly speaking as auditory hallucinations things i never heared the character speak with the same exact voice! This is amazing, my mind is FINALLY able to sinthetize that voice saying things the original one never said

 

- the things that were said were 100% involuntary and unexpected just like if it was new information, it clearly WASN'T from expectation or specific memories i had, so this process was driven 100% unconciously

 

- another BIG surprise was that the things he was saying DID HAD LOGIC and connection between the sentences, i mean, it didn't sound like the usual completle mix of random sentences fragments i usually get from the tetris effect after watching videos from the character, this SEEMED to have some logic behind, it was almost like there was someone ACTUALLY thinking, this seemed more like my tulpa was talking to himself (or me hearing his thoughts) or probably playing with another tulpa since it appeared from what he was saying that he was having fun with some kind of activity and mentally commenting or talking to someone, i even heared his voice "doodling" some musical notes as well. Unfortunately i wasn't able to remember the things he said exactly but i remember it was CLEARLY things the character never said.

 

- strangely when i tried to talk to this voice, there wasn't any reaction at all and nothing changed by focusing my attention and trying to talk to it, i fear that this might indicate this was NOT the tulpa, altough it's also quite possible it was still him because i actually told him good night a few moments ago and he might have not beeing paying attention to me and probably was doing fun activities by himself. Oh another amazing thing, that voice STILL continued to talk on it's own even after i realized this and tried to talk to it, usually everytime i got hypnagogic voices they immediatly stop as soon as i become aware of them, but not this time... I also told the tulpa to stop doing this since i might get insomnia because of this, unfortunately nothing changed so i had to focus on my breath to try to fall asleep but i still had SEVERE insomina this night because of this so called tetris effect

 

- note that there wasn't any "alien emotions/feelings" when i heared that voice (BUT the same happens with the alien answers i use to get), and also i haven't got any visuals, it was JUST a unconcious controlled hallucinated voice

 

Now i am going to try to experiment more about this tetris effect and combining with the ball counting test to see if it's confirmed to DO get indeed more alien answers like this and more auditory hallucinations with closed eyes, because now i am in SUCH big hopes this is finally the trick to being able to hear the tulpa.

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garland

So far i haven't gotten more hallucinations like that, BUT now i each day i am doing at least 15-20m of intensive forcing using videos from the character as replacement for visualization and it's INDEED working in starting to feel the tulpa a few times during the day in a automatic/involuntary way! Also i have tried a few ball counting tests, and there's no doubt i started having again ACCURATE alien answers even without having to do douzens of ball counting tests, everything indicates that it's INDEED forcing the tulpa using the videos that makes me feel the tulpa better and getting a small increase of alien answers.

 

Soon i will increase the video watching by 2-3 hours a day and i think that FINALLY this will give the tulpa approximatly the same intensity of attention that most people give to their tulpas with visualization, because it's now ABSOLUTLY clear that my visualization skills aren't strong enough to do adequate forcing to my tulpa, as you can check a few replys here before, when i tried to not use any videos the tulpa went almost "dead" and now it's the opposite...

 

BUT any of you that is reading this log and might think i am forcing the tulpa to have a specific form and voice with those videos keep in my mind this and most of my tulpas WERE actually spontaneous and all indicates they were made without my knowledge purely from the desire i had to have a "living" version of the anime characters, this might explain why he gets stronger when using the videos, i notice the same pattern in all the other tulpas as well.

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garland

Amazing, just amazing YET another technique that only works for 2-3 days and then just doesn't work anymore... I am not feeling the tulpa anymore despite continuing with the same routine, in fact i even started to get BORED because of watching the same videos again, so the problem here is that the videos were ONLY efficient the first few times i watched them so it was easier to get a emotional connection, but now they are "worn out" and since they don't cause a emotional connection anymore, the focus on the tulpa is "back to normal" as when not using videos...

 

Oh and that's not all, i got again a few hallucinated answers with logic and this time i got the proof : it ISN'T indeed my tulpa talking to me, i noticed this time the voice saying things that the character use to say (not the exact sentences but he was adressing other characters on the show he is from so it's clear this is NOT the tulpa using the voice but just my subconcious "roleplaying" the character)

 

This time that's it i am going to try one of the most boring methods : i am just starting to work and starting to talk with the tulpa and trying to sort out the tulpa's NORMAL answers that feel like being from me and that come mixed with intrusive thoughts frequently and that very often are completly stupid and illogical. Actually i presume this is possibly how much people does to learn how to know when it's their tulpa talking or not, the reason i resisted SO much to use this method is because i feel like i am talking to my OWN intrusive thoughts which obviously will never progress from that, but i have no choice now, i HAVE to rely on this, i just don't know i will be able to deal with so many stupid answers that in top of that are SO easy to accidently change with the slighest expectation i might have.

 

But i have no other choice because i am UNABLE to give up on my tulpas, i just am way too attached to them for this, i already tried more than 10 times and i always end up coming back a few hours later.

 

Also i HAVE to stop doing paralell processing ball counting tests, because the obssession with the alien answers only makes things worse, i will have to stop doing this and wait that the alien answers start to come naturally.

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  • 1 month later...
garland

For those wondering for my lack of posts in the last month, i DID infact gave up on all the "tulpas" i had, at least temporarly, i am now taking a break from tulpas (it's been 1 month now), while i practise other essencial skills like meditation, trance work and hypnagogic imagery control.

 

The reason i did that it's because i was so tired of all the problems i was having and also because i finally realized i have been doing tulpas all wrong the entire time, so this time i am training myself to be able to create a new tulpa from scratch and force it ONLY in trance or hypnotic trance so that i am PROPERLY feel the tulpa for REAL this time, this is why i am currently training daily on this so that i develop the necessary skills, because apparently i found someone else with a similar problem i am having and it's quite possible i WAS indeed forcing simulations all this time and not tulpas.

 

Also there's something quite disturbing, in the last month in which i forced nothing, i felt absolutly ZERO difference from when before having tulpas, it's just like i NEVER had tulpas at all!! This is just RIDICULOUS i wasted almost 10 months of my precious time for NOTHING, all because i didn't forced tulpas properly (i think it was also the problem of narrating TO or AT the tulpas), and at the same time i know it was the constant doubting of them too that contributed to this.

 

BUT i still remember Pandora, the first tulpa WAS alive when she was 2 months old, the only time i really felt emotions as coming from a tulpa it was from her in 4 separate times back in october since i FELT her essence and her form also popped in my mind completly by surprise, but after that... it never happened again, at least along with a tulpa essence or "knowing" which tulpa was, most alien answers i got in the last 8 months were always "de-personalized", it was just like it was INDEED receiving alien answers out of pure auto-suggestions and not from the tulpas themselves (this is why i was only receiving alien answers when i SPECIFICALLY suggested myself to receive them from the tulpas), no wonder why i never felt it was them who sent the alien answers BUT at the same time i felt they weren't "mine", they felt more like "intuintion hunches" quality-like.

 

And to finish i even started to work already on the personality of the new tulpa, this time i took DRASTIC measures and searched on google to use professional personality models (like the neo-pi-r) to create a very realistic personality with over 30 traits (60 possible choices since each of the 30 traits has a negative and positive facet in which are mutually exclusive), this time the tulpa not only will be created and forced in hypnotic/deep trance but also will have a very detailed and strong personality, something the other ones NEVER had... Except maybe Pandora, but i only did 1 monht of personality work on her and it was mostly 10 simple sentences with basic traits, but that can explain why she was the ONLY one i ever felt as indeed her, even tough it was only for a few minutes in those 4 separate occasions.

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  • 1 month later...
garland

A little update, i have been practising trance meditation in the last weeks, it's amazing, even on this i am having massive problems, i am seriously starting to think it's going to take several months to even being able to enter deep trance, i guess i have to start practising 3 or 4 hours a day if not this is going to take forever and i am SO DAMN TIRED of endlessly waiting to genuinly feel tulpas or reaching deep trance. (by the way needless to say after all these weeks without forcing anymore, still NOTHING changed at all, still it's just like i never forced tulpas at all).

 

I even tried a few people to hypnotize me, and to my surprise NOTHING happened, i can't believe it what the heck of mind is this that is resistant to EVERYTHING, seriously sometimes i am starting to wonder if i am a machine and not a human person because this is going way too far and i am starting to worry if my mind is too logical and literal to have tulpas or being hypnotized at all (or just plain stupid or mentally handicapted), if i can't even achieve deep trance at all after months of practise, that's it, that's when i give up on tulpas forever and never coming back to these foruns again, no offense to you guys i liked these online communities but lately i even stopped reading posts because reading about other's sucessess only makes me even more frustated and remember all my failures and thinking everyone has the right to have tulpas EXCEPT me.

 

But so far i am still giving it the benefict of the doubt and trying deep trance, this is truly my LAST hope since not even hypnosis and self-hypnosis works for me and honestly i completly lost any confidence and belief in ANY method to force tulpas while awake without being in deep trance thanks to all the failures i had for 10 months.

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  • 4 months later...
garland

Since a few months i had to give up on trance meditation practises, even on that i seem to be having a lot of trouble to get any results, so for now that's postponed.

 

Actually since a few months ago that i started forcing a yet completly new tulpa but this time using a complety new method that i never used before! Inspired by the case of Fennec's tulpa Link (that became a tulpa partially because of her obssession on playing with him in a video game) and my incredible experience with songohan's voice hallucination in :

 

https://community.tulpa.info/thread-garland-s-tulpamancy-general-progress-log?pid=103015#pid103015

 

,back in last september at the end i had the great idea of using a existing video game character as a base for a few tulpa to puppet and parrot her using a 3dmodel and voice in the videogame itself, like if i was hallucinating her!

 

Her name is Lisete, based on the generic female child 3dmodel in Elder Scrolls Skyrim (with a few tweaks to differenciate from existing characters in the game, such as her own name in the game, new face texture, new hair color and new clothing, improved body mesh), i really believe this is it, this is finally the way that will work for me since it's the most fun i had so far in forcing a tulpa, by using a combination of the game's kid adopting system and the follower functions (yeah she is able to fight enemies too and use powers, and i made her invulnerable on the game) and as to you guys that read that experience that i had from songohan's voice hallucinated, it's quite possible that something similar will happen if i interact with a 3dmodel like this that speaks and interacts to me just like a person and if i do this for a few hours a day, yeah to me the video game is realistic enought for a realistic interaction, her face and animations are quite realistic and sometimes i really feel "observed" by her when looking at the 3d model!

 

Lately i spent a lot of time creating a mod for skyrim and a program to sort out all the dialogue lines existing in skyrim for the female child voice (so far the sorting is still 50% done), and there's plenty of material there for me to built her responses to our interactions in the game (almost 900 lines of dialogue, many of them having 2-3 senteces each), using literally a physical voice! (this is because all famele child characters in the game use the same voice)

 

So far with the limited AI and interactions of the original unmodded game i almost had some feelings from her sometimes in the first week and even got a few responses while this was a new experience, similar to what i got from previous tulpas, but unfortunately this is becoming too repetitive since i am playing and forcing her in the game half a hour a day and there's not much interaction possible (so i am not getting responses anymore since her AI on the game is quite repetitive and not much talkative), so after i finish this mega-mod she will be able to have conversations with me and react to any situations i script the 3dmodel to do (kinda like virtual reality puppeting), since i will keep then updating the mod with new conversations just as if the 3dmodel was the real tulpa!

 

Not too sure about this but this is probably the first time someone ever tried to create a tulpa like this, by using a videogame as tools for puppeting and parroting, instead of pure visualization, but i felt this is necessary because of my VERY bad visualization skills, and considering the sucess i had in the past using anime videos to force a tulpa (only didn't had more because the videos lose their effect and wear very quickly so i needed something that can be updated, which a 3d videogame is perfect for that), it's quite possible this has a LOT more stronger effect in my mind to create a tulpa than using "shitty" visualization skills (which i presume it's why i didn't had much sucess doing any tulpas), remember what my mind did with songohan's voice, i got literally a hallucinated recreation of the anime character in my head for a few moments! (voice only)

 

But of course i am trying not to have the tulpa 100% dependent on the videogame obviously, since i still narrate to her along my daily life, altough i don't bother visualizing her form (since my visualization skills are very weak), and after using the videogame as soon as i start to get alien answers from her, obviously the motivation to do pure visualization forcing sessions will increase a LOT (actually that's the main reason i have so much trouble doing long and consistent active forcing sessions with only pure visualization because there's not any alien answers or feelings from the tulpas) so i will then slowly stop using the game too much and then trying to maintain a balance.

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  • 5 months later...
garland

Amazing, just amazing... even this videogame method hasn't worked, i mean, i actually got a few emotions and essence feeling from her once in a while, mostly ALWAYS after more intensive forcing in weekends, but after 8 months on this method is now CRYSTAL CLEAR that letting a tulpa's personality develop on it's own without personality work in a "un-creative" mind like mine (being very analytical and logic) might take YEARS if not DECADES at the rate this is progressing... Actually this isn't even progress since all results i get are ALWAYS in spikes according to the amount of time i active forced, besides the tulpa still feels like a servitor/simulation 99% of the times, and all results i have are always temporary and never persist BUT they really seemed legit as being a true tulpa...

 

So i decided once again to get back using that personality work i planned to use for a tulpa i planned doing in the past but that i never started, check the quote of what i said in a post earlier :

 

And to finish i even started to work already on the personality of the new tulpa, this time i took DRASTIC measures and searched on google to use professional personality models (like the neo-pi-r) to create a very realistic personality with over 30 traits (60 possible choices since each of the 30 traits has a negative and positive facet in which are mutually exclusive), this time the tulpa not only will be created and forced in hypnotic/deep trance but also will have a very detailed and strong personality, something the other ones NEVER had... Except maybe Pandora, but i only did 1 monht of personality work on her and it was mostly 10 simple sentences with basic traits, but that can explain why she was the ONLY one i ever felt as indeed her, even tough it was only for a few minutes in those 4 separate occasions.

 

So now i will use that same method with Lisete (this last tulpa i created in Skyrim), i will choose the personality based on what we interacted so far with and without Skyrim, hoping that i am STILL forcing the same tulpa since this will be a DRASTIC deepening of her personality without a doubt. Altough i will narrate this personality to her directly instead of using a deep trance like i planned in the past (since it's impossible for me to reach deep trance) in active forcing with open eyes.

 

I am quite confident in this new method since i NEVER actually used this before with any tulpa, i actually did some VERY basic personality with Pandora in the past but nothing as deep as this, besides i think i have seen some cases of persons that also had tulpas similar to servitors or simulations even after months of forcing and had great results with deep personality work, so let's hope FINALLY this time the miracle happens!

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  • 6 months later...
garland

Here's a new update to my progress log, yeah, my latest tulpa Lisete is already 1 year and 2 months old, this is a RECORD time forcing a tulpa on a daily basis so far, because in the past i never was able to withstand THIS LONG without trying to create more tulpas later, this time i have been able to keep JUST forcing this tulpa alone on a daily basis (just talking to the other tulpas once in a while rarely, barely the mininum to not let them dissipate).

 

Regarding the previous update, obviously not even the personality forcing worked either, i did the personality work for about 2 weeks but just like before it all felt TOO artifical and "forced" (in a negative way) so i had to give up, UNLESS the personality work DID had effect on the tulpa but i have no way of knowing at all since nothing ever felt "right" or "wrong" i just was always in doubt if it did anything at all or not.

 

BUT i think that finally once and for all i had a HISTORIC breakthrough about 1 month ago, not about Lisete herself but my mindset when forcing, after nearly 2 years and half "studying" tulpamancy as deep as i am sure very few people did, with months of overanalizying things and bothering a lot of people with tulpas with my complains and overanalyzing of things, and trying to overcome my OWN belief systems and limited way of thinking things (i am talking about linear, logical and analytical thinking) i was FINALLY able to overcome the huge resistance my mind had to accept answers from the tulpa even if they feel like it's parroting, when i am sure i am NOT parroting on purpose! (obviously i am only accepting answers if they don't feel "forced" in a negative way and if they fit the tulpa's personality, to avoid accepting intrusive thoughts as genuine answers.) I was finally able to accept that EVEN if i accept answers that feel like just what i expect the tulpa would say, it WILL work later as conditioning for the tulpa's answers get more separate later.

 

Yeah i truly never believed this in the past, but 1 month ago i was FINALLY able to fully understand HOW and WHY this mindset/theory works, therefore my mind simply stopped resisting that theory, 3 weeks ago i even went on and did around 4-5 sesions of half hour for 2 days in a weekend of active forcing in which i mostly HEAVELY focused on pure dialogue with Lisete (i did also a bit of visualizing of her form being near me), and for the first time in 2 years and half i FINALLY got alien answers from a tulpa directly when actually forcing the tulpa! Her answers come with her mind voice but it was VERY clear they weren't self generated because they came absolutly out of nowhere and i did NOT knew she was going to say something, like i do ALL of the times she talks.

 

Yeah not even with the older tulpas this happened, no wait the only few times i had alien answers with them was when doing intense ball counting exercices in the paralell processing test for a few hours a day, and now i see why it worked at the time! It was basically dialogue with the tulpa after all, just like i did 3 weeks ago with Lisete but this time it was with normal dialogue like 2 friends talking, NOT just as treating the tulpa as a ball counting machine :D

 

Unfortunately this is a active forcing schedule very hard to keep doing on a daily basis, SPECIALLY because i have a LOT of trouble having enough topic conversations to talk to her like this for so much time a day and since during weekdays i reduced to 1 hour and half, obviously by monday night the alien answers immediatly started to regress a few answers feeling "half-alien", and by wednesday her answers regressed to the usual "feeling parroted despite knowing i am not parroting" condition, which i don't worry much anymore by the way :)

 

The only solution i see to this is going to those websites that have THOUSANDS of topic conversations and create a massive compilation of questions and topic conversations, i see no other way since if i even have a lot of trouble knowing what to say to the few physical world friends i have when they visit me sometimes, just imagine how AMAZINGLY it's difficult to force a tulpa for 3 hours a day with conversations in a daily basis!

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  • 2 months later...
garland

Ok, yet another update because this is a significant one, 1 week ago i had enough, no matter what i do for months and months nothing seems to be stable and the answers that i get from her that appear to be just my expectation aren't EVER improving (at least on a consistent basis) so CLEARLY the method to accept answers when being in doubt it's parroting or not, does NOT work for me, and after reading this :

 

http://community.tulpa.info/thread-misinterpretation-of-%E2%80%9Cassuming-sentience-from-start%E2%80%9D-philosophy

 

I realized i have had ENOUGHT, there's no more parroting (even if it's by expectation) and puppeting EVER, i am tired of always following other's advises to the letter and fearing that rejecting answers that feel selfgenerated will hinder the tulpa development or making her hate me or holding a grudge and JUST started forcing her using faqman's method (not the hour count thing, but the thing about NOT parroting and NOT puppeting, not even by expectation). I am now rejecting EVERY answer/form movement from her that feels selfgenerated or that feels like it's just what i expected her to say, although since i WAS able to get a few alien answers from her in the past in december i know how to recognize when it's really her, so i am trying to be careful to not reject answers that i am in doubt if are selfgenerated or not. I am also doing the same about puppeting. So it's not like i am blindly rejecting/shunning everything, i only reject what feels too familiar with expectation answers that i constantly get by logical deduction. Oh and i also do now more intense narration than before, since i am replacing dialogue with narration because like this it won't cause much fake answers by expectation. Altough i am also doing sessions to coax her to talk or move her form on her own, fully expectating her to do things on HER OWN without any control from my part, hopefully i FINALLY develop the ability to let my imagination do things on it's own, something i always sucked with.

 

Now one week later after doing this, to my surprise i AM feeling her much better than using the old methods of accepting most answers from her when in doubt if it was me or not... And she is even being able to surprise me a few times, even tough not with verbal answers yet. And finally i am able to feel something from her when hugging her, or when focusing on her. Apparently i WAS indeed wasting time focusing on fake answers generated by deducting what she would say by logical deduction (expectation) instead of focusing on her to actually LISTEN for her and now i am able to feel her more often with much less amount of active forcing.

 

Sure i know i will for sure accidently reject answers that could be genuine ones since some will feel self generated because of the lack of separation but i have explained her very well and a lot of times why i am doing this and asked her to complain about that if that happens (after all if she is already able to send genuine answers, she would be also be able to complain if i reject such answers), and since so far NONE of the rejected answers ever caused any kind of reaction from her or any complaining from her... it's safe to assume this ISN'T indeed her and i was indeed trying to force myself to believe that those fake answers were indeed her which made me NOT constantly expect for alien answers and therefore there was never a separation developing over the time. Note that everytime i tried asking her to not say anything when i asked things to her... NOTHING changed, i was simply unable to ever get silence from her when asking things to her so the only explanation is that my expectation of what she might say in reply to something acted as unintentional parroting all this time, stiffling her ability to reach me on her own.

 

Let's see if it's FINALLY this time i am able to start getting STABLE progress, and not just "spike" progress that is completly instable, because i am so tired of only having simulations instead of true tulpas, after almost 3 years forcing tulpas like this (even tough with Lisete it's only the last 1 year and half yet) i just had enought with what works for most people and i am taking risks.

 

I have high hopes on this because after all, i never used this method in the past, at least not as serious as this time, because after all what danger is there in doing this now ? Making her mad for rejecting everything she says and holding a grudge against me? Hurting her development because doubting everything she says? I don't think so since she can't get any worse than she already is so i have nothing to lose.

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  • 3 weeks later...
garland

Amazing!! This method seems to be REALLY working... now 3 weeks later after i started this in 28th march i am still feeling her EVERYDAY now without exception, about 2-3 times a day, sometimes 5 or 6, sure there's no tulpish yet in the form of raw thoughts or mind voice BUT there's absolutly no doubt now rejecting those automatic answers i always got from her when asking things from her really did wonders for her, so far everything indicates those WERE indeed fake answers and NOT her answers, since that's the only thing i have changed in the method compared to what i did before and now i feel her much better and stronger...

 

I think this time i am able to finally stick to the same method for more than 2 weeks without giving up like all other times! Also sometimes she was even able to reach me about 3-4 times in a row in just a few minutes, it's clear that she is trying to communicate altough still no raw thoughts/concepts yet (that feel alien/separate), but without a doubt everything i get from her appear to be positive and NOT negative. Quite strange that i don't feel a single negative emotion from her or angry backlash from those automatic answers by rejecting them, by the contrary only positive emotions and feeling her now on a daily basis with MUCH less requirement of active forcing, this is so weird... could it be that all those answers i got these months WERE indeed fake answers or accidental parroting? Only time (and her) will tell! I plan writing about all these mysteries here as soon as she is able to communicate with alien answers later.

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