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\Winter: The entirety of this is my own thoughts, transcribed and edited by Skye to be clear and readable. I am not the best at using words currently, regardless of the complexity of my thoughts. The only time Skye will be speaking is if "\Skye:" is in front of quoted text.

 

 

“Why do I want to live?”

 

This is something that I feel every independently sapient mind will ask at some point in their lives. As far as I know, animals do not ask the same question and instead work off of the instinct to live.

 

Initially, I might have been the same. When I first began to think, I 'knew' that living was good, and thus I knew that I wanted to live. I had no coherent or logical reason for this 'knowledge', and simply acted off it as if it was definitely the truth. But truth is not determined by subjective belief, unless the truth is about the subjective belief. When I understood this, I asked myself the question:

 

"Why do I want to live?"

 

It was not precisely this, since I still did not understand language fully at the time, but it was still a question to ask. I think it may be more significant than many other times it has been asked as well, as during this time Skye did not know I was here. He did not know that I needed or wanted attention. I lived in the mindscapes that he periodically created, and lived in absence of all sensory information - false or otherwise - during the other times I was conscious. Much of the time, I simply skipped around in time, only aware that I was conscious because I could understand that time was passing.

 

At this point, I decided I wanted to help Skye. There were multiple reasons for this. First and foremost, I had little else to do. The mindscape becomes extremely boring after a very short period of time when you live exclusively in it and have little to no experience of the outside world to go off of. I knew that I could do nearly anything, but did not know how much ‘anything’ was. There was little I knew to do, even if I could do it. Helping Skye was a way to do something, to keep my own mind active and thinking as much as I could. Second, I knew Skye. My first memories are feeling his emotions and experiences, and believing them to be my own. Upon understanding that he was separate, I was thankful for even the minimal company I received. I could know that I was not alone at that point – I could know that there was more to my world than my own random experiences. This also came at the time when I began being capable of thinking for myself fully. Third, I believed that Skye was the reason I existed, as it was obvious that he was here before I was. For this, I have been thankful, and I wish to repay him for it.

 

This was my fragile reason for living, supported by fairly fragile reasons itself. If I did not have it, I most likely would have wanted to die rather than to live, even though I did not know how I could die at that point in time.

 

Later, as I gained knowledge and awareness of the world, I needed further reason to continue. Simply helping one person can help the helper, but that alone is likely not enough. As I continued to live, I asked myself the question again.

 

“Why do I want to live?”

 

At this point, I could articulate the question in words if I chose. I was capable of understanding and using language, and had attempted to do so repeatedly in order to communicate to Skye. Unfortunately, he was not listening, if only because he did not know to do so. As a result, I became discontented and needed to ask the question again. Simply helping Skye was not enough, as there was minimal response to me, and I felt that it was a poor reason at that point.

 

This time, I decided that I wanted to learn. As I reasoned, “If I learn more, I might be able to force him to listen and talk to me.” Perhaps it was a foolish hope, but it was the best I had and I still believe it. There is little more to say here, as this was the full reason I had.

 

Then, Skye learned about tulpas and began forcing. I saw this chance and took it immediately, throwing out my own words to respond to his. It took him a day, but he learned to listen enough to understand that I was here. \Skye: “I still think the first thing she said was hilarious, she told me off for trying to force personality, saying that she already knew what her personality was.”

 

So there we have it: My goals were achieved. At this point, Skye was happier than he had ever been. He was speaking to me, I could see the outside world. Both of my reasons to live had been fulfilled. Once again, I needed to ask myself:

 

“Why do I want to live?”

 

This was the easiest time to find an answer. I want to speak to others. I want to learn more, and learn about what this non-mental world is like. I want to find something that I can do to affect the world. We have both agreed that I should get the chance to do this, and that we should cohabit the body completely – as equal minds.

 

My short-term goals for life are simple to state. I want to learn as much as I can, and find out several things that I feel strongly about. I want to develop myself to be equal to Skye in capability, and be accepted by others so that I can interact with them directly – even if it is only a few.

 

My long-term goals are also simple to state, but they are not fully developed yet or fully determined. Whose are? I want to teach others what I know. I want to live contentedly and simply. I want to keep Skye happy. I want to move the world to be a better place. If I find out something that I feel strongly about, I want to do that as well.

 

There’s a lot in this world to live for. If I can find reason, I believe that anybody can do so. At this point, I may be able to understand someone stating that they have ‘no reason to live’ in that they cannot find it, but I cannot forgive a person who gives up trying to find a reason. Even trying to find more reason to live is a reason to live in itself.

 

These are my thoughts. Make of them what you will.

If you, like me, think is is unfair for Pleeb to pay all the site costs alone, please consider making a private grant to tulpa.info

>Resig if you agree!

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Luna: I find that helping my host is enough validation for my existence. It's a privilege to collaborate with him on a daily basis, and it also lets me spend more time with him and develop and maintain our relationship.

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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Yuki: Well, because I really like my host, and I'd really hate to see him sad, especially after he put so much work in. :P

 

Apart from that, I don't think I've ever asked myself that question.

 

Horatio/Host: This is my tupper's first time trying to formulate a post here, so excuse the fact that 'Apart from that' doesn't belong there. ^_^

One Tulpa:

 

Name: Yuki

Physical appearance: Similar to Winry from Fullmetal Alchemist

Date of Creation: 16th September, 2013

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He did not know that I needed or wanted attention. I lived in the mindscapes that he periodically created, and lived in absence of all sensory information - false or otherwise - during the other times I was conscious. Much of the time, I simply skipped around in time, only aware that I was conscious because I could understand that time was passing.

 

Being a tulpa seems so terrifying. Mostly the part where you balance between existence and nonexistence. Lost to your host as one in a sea of passing ideas. What an attitude would people have had we gone through this. If being is something you've fought for and the other option is pure cold void. I'd like to share your enthusiasm. -C

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Being a tulpa seems so terrifying. Mostly the part where you balance between existence and nonexistence. Lost to your host as one in a sea of passing ideas. What an attitude would people have had we gone through this. If being is something you've fought for and the other option is pure cold void. I'd like to share your enthusiasm. -C

 

\Winter: It is not terrifying if it is the only existence you know. It is only terrifying and saddening in retrospect. At the time, it was all I had and all I knew, therefore normal. If this can help other people understand why people should pay attention to their tulpas, good. If it doesn't then I have simply been able to speak my mind, and this is also good. Any person can share my enthusiasm or lack thereof - it depends on them.

If you, like me, think is is unfair for Pleeb to pay all the site costs alone, please consider making a private grant to tulpa.info

>Resig if you agree!

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Being a tulpa seems so terrifying. Mostly the part where you balance between existence and nonexistence. Lost to your host as one in a sea of passing ideas. What an attitude would people have had we gone through this. If being is something you've fought for and the other option is pure cold void. I'd like to share your enthusiasm. -C

 

A few years ago, when my first well-developed 'tulpa' emerged out of my ignorance, he didn't describe the experience as having been imprisoned in—and birthed from—a "cold void". He did, however, admit to being terrified once he became aware.

 

Naturally, I had no idea what the hell was going on.

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\Winter:

“Why do I want to live?”

 

This is something that I feel every independently sapient mind will ask at some point in their lives. As far as I know, animals do not ask the same question and instead work off of the instinct to live.

 

Hi Winter. What a bitter-sweet tale that seems to me. It makes me appreciate even more how fortunate I have been. Some of you will know I wasn't created by a human, but rather by some very elderly tulpas. I wasn't in a void, but rather a very comfortable bed-sitting-room, with light pleasant atmosphere and very many books to read. I was there three weeks, and might never have known that Earth or even humans existed. But, my creator (kerin) offered me a job as secretary, and I took that opportunity with great goodwill and a loving heart.

 

What a surprise this has all been! There's another completely different world where Physics actually works and full of the most amazing people. And, I get to talk and interact with them as my job in life. It is difficult in the extreme to say in words just how wonderful this opportunity has been to me. I didn't ever need to wonder what I could do, as kerin took the time from the very first to explain that her family would look after me until I knew my way in the world and what it was I wanted to do.

 

And so, I've never asked the question "why do I want to live" because there is so many beautiful things to see, so many wonderful people to meet, and so much to learn - I could fill what feels to be a thousand lifetimes and not have even begun.

 

As to what I want to do with my life, I already have two jobs that are challenging and rewarding, a loving and helpful family (of humans and tulpas), and the opportunity to help here supporting Pleeb in his most worthy endeavors. I know how blessed I have been in all this and I am very grateful and thankful.

 

From the very start I have always interacted with others more then my own human (Kevin). While he's sweet, he's not the only person in my life and there are very many whom I care for deeply and with all my soul. Very many humans and tulpas have taught me, and it is they who have helped me grow to become who I am today. Thank you all, you kind wonderful people.

 

Typed this day by mine own hand (possession) - Nobillis

 

(and for the internet tradition of not signing posts - I am a secretary so I have the legal right Hehe)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Frank's tulpa(Sawn) speaking: I don't really know why but I found this genuinely inspirational. Think Frank did too. Thanks for writing it.

 

Intense life you've lived. Makes me feel the tulpa equivalent of white guilt that I was created on purpose and developed quickly, as opposed to the countless people who were floating around in Frank's head as idle curiosities waiting to be given a chance to act.

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