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Archer's Tulpae, or How I Learned To Love Headaches


Archer

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11/26-27/13

 

I was able to force last night and solidify my wonderland's house. It is a medium-sized house with a theater, kitchen, computer room, and bedrooms. The surrounding area has a river flowing by which forms a pond by the house and is fed by a small waterfall upstream. The wonderland is more successful than my last one, but is still incomplete. I plan on forcing some more tonight.

My Tulpae:

 

Source: White floating teardrop form with two black eyes. Playful, curious.

Quill: Human Male. Sarcastic, but serious. Main voice of group and moral compass.

Felice: Female human. Quiet, sweet.

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11/28-12/1

I'm becoming quite attached to Felice, almost romantically. She has developed so far into my ideal young woman and is pretty affectionate. I'm not sure what to make of this, including concerning something that transpired last night:

I was laying in bed, trying to get to sleep, when I (for lack of a more accurate word) feel her lay down next to me in her pajamas, which she can easily do because I have an odd habit of sleeping to the side of my bed. I'm not sure what to say at this point, but she must have known I had trouble sleeping, so she turns on her side and just hugs me, occasionally rubbing my back. All this time she doesn't say a word, just lays next to me and snuggles. Funny thing is, it was not sexual in the slightest way; I didn't feel aroused at all, but I definitely felt warmed. And I don't know if it was the time of night or something, but it was probably the most realistic interaction I've had with any of my tulpae, and she is my youngest one.

 

 

Also concerning Felice, she has developed an interesting ability. I may have mentioned my struggle to keep unclean, inappropriate, and otherwise harmful thoughts and images out of my head, so this very noteworthy. I was standing in my kitchen, and this image came into my mind. It stood there despite my efforts to remove it, dodging my attempts to banish it from my mind. Suddenly I "see" Felice there ("see" is in quotes because I'm not able to fully hallucinate yet), and she just reaches towards my head. I stand there, wondering in apprehension what she is doing, and a sudden understanding passes between us. I relax, and she puts her hand into my head. She then grabs and pulls this entity out, of which I realize is the bad image, and it is no longer swimming around in my mind. I ask her where she put it, and she simply replies, "somewhere hard to get." As a test, I try to mentally retrieve the image using "raw thought", but it turns out to be all messed up and hard to focus on, like it's wrapped around with thick black wire.

 

I am somewhat concerned about my feelings for Felice, as I have other girls in my life that I'd like to possibly get into a relationship with. It is something to think about, and I have put all my tulpae to bed today to allow them and I to rest and think. Despite this, Felice was woken by my stress as a result of my parents getting in a (decidedly pointless) argument (as parents will), and comforted me before going back to bed.

My Tulpae:

 

Source: White floating teardrop form with two black eyes. Playful, curious.

Quill: Human Male. Sarcastic, but serious. Main voice of group and moral compass.

Felice: Female human. Quiet, sweet.

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Hey there Archer I just read through your PR there.

 

Seems like Felice's role is to be kind of like your support vessel. Though a lovely young lady no doubt she may be, I think you can see that it is possible to have a close relationship to something without having to have all those nitty gritty arousal problems. Sounds like what you are experiencing is a kind of true friendship.

 

Now I have read a lot of PRs this past week and I have seen most guys make female tulpas, myself included. And that doesn't automatically mean you need to go riding off into the sunset hand in hand making kissy faces at each other. But it does mean you have something that can calm you down, make you feel warm and fuzzy, help you through difficult stuff, that sort of thing.

 

I'm sure you are an awesome guy that can charm any young lady so don't get all weird inside your head thinking you have to choose between a tulpa or a real relationship. These things sort themselves out. Just keep on doing what you're doing is all I can really say.

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Thanks Korzant, I have communicated with Felice after that incident, and it turns out that it is very close to what you just described, she is in fact my support. I have also discovered a "cap" of sorts on how much I can get myself to like Felice, so it is all good and stable between us now. I just got worried because I have read about situations in which some tulpamacers have formed that sort of very bond that I am trying to avoid.

 

It would appear that each of my tulpaes' personalities currently fill a specific and unique role now, of which I will dub the three Cs:

Companion: Source– He is my friend, and general source of fun.

Compass: Quill– He reminds me of my obligation's and standards and provides feedback on my work.

Comfort: Felice– She is there to see me through various challenges and be the needed female influence of the group.

 

It is likely that they subconsciously formed that way to most fully fulfill the basic needs that a companion meets (or something like that).

 

12/2:

It is evident that Source has taken a liking to making me laugh by lip syncing to whatever song is playing. Development is normal otherwise.

My Tulpae:

 

Source: White floating teardrop form with two black eyes. Playful, curious.

Quill: Human Male. Sarcastic, but serious. Main voice of group and moral compass.

Felice: Female human. Quiet, sweet.

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12/3-10:

 

Boy, it's been a few days since my last post, but I really don't have much to say. Well there was all the snow. Felice had the best reaction; she was jumping up and down and excitedly saying something along the lines of, "Oh my gosh look at all the snow! It's so pretty!" When we went outside she just looked around while Source rolled in the snow. Quill stood off the the side as usual.

My Tulpae:

 

Source: White floating teardrop form with two black eyes. Playful, curious.

Quill: Human Male. Sarcastic, but serious. Main voice of group and moral compass.

Felice: Female human. Quiet, sweet.

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Imposing, Brizzl.

 

12/11:

 

Felice has left unexpectedly. I tried to impose her, but she wasn't "there" for lack of a better term. Neither Quill nor Source know when exactly she left, but it was sometime during my sleep last night. I think she got the idea when she read with me about how tulpae can leave for a time and come back later. Now, as to why she left, she left a mental note behind, explaining how she felt that she was a little too distracting and was taking forcing time away from Source and Quill. When I thought about it, I had to guiltily admit that she was right, I had been concentrating too much on her and not the others.

 

Well, it worked. I have been able to focus on the other two more readily now. She'll be back sometime, but I'm not sure exactly when. I have the strange feeling that she's exploring the mountains a medium distance from the house, which I was not aware were there until her disappearing. I miss her, I do, but I'll have to let her be the caring person that she is and do what's best for us. I await her return.

My Tulpae:

 

Source: White floating teardrop form with two black eyes. Playful, curious.

Quill: Human Male. Sarcastic, but serious. Main voice of group and moral compass.

Felice: Female human. Quiet, sweet.

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12/12–12/15

 

Felice has returned on 12/15, much to my relief. I was really starting to miss her. She has helped me to expand my wonderland on her journey as I "tracked" her. Well, it turns out my wonderland has a desert, mountains, and woods. I have also agreed to continue giving everyone equal attention, as is her wish.

My Tulpae:

 

Source: White floating teardrop form with two black eyes. Playful, curious.

Quill: Human Male. Sarcastic, but serious. Main voice of group and moral compass.

Felice: Female human. Quiet, sweet.

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12/23/13–

Well, it's been a while.

 

The only really noteworthy thing that has happened is when I tried this chocolate candy the other day, which turned out to be coffee-flavored. Mind you, I don't drink or like coffee and so the candy was promptly expelled from my mouth. As an experiment, I offered the candy and taste to my tulpae. Quill had a similar reaction to mine, Felice's cheeks turned red as she stuck out her tongue, and when Source was offered the same, he just looked at me with an expression that said, "really?" I found that pretty hilarious.

My Tulpae:

 

Source: White floating teardrop form with two black eyes. Playful, curious.

Quill: Human Male. Sarcastic, but serious. Main voice of group and moral compass.

Felice: Female human. Quiet, sweet.

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  • 3 weeks later...

–1/13/14

 

Crap, it's been a while. Boy, where to start.

 

Well to start off I need to mention something that happened before the date of my previous progress report. I was confronting the dark entity

(The Tempter) that I have been battling for all my life but has become more prevalent in recent years. It became frustrated, and I looked to my side, and Felice was there, giving me strength. It saw her too, and dashed towards her to– I don't know what it would or could even do, but I wasn't going to find out. I blocked it with but an outstretched arm, and banished it for the time being. I thanked Felice for her help, but recommended that she not accompany me to the "Battlefield" in the future.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

So, ever since the last update, the three have made great progress. Source fits his namesake more so by working on the "wiring" of my wonderland in preparation for switching/possession. Regarding possession, I've started practicing with the three. I initially thought that possession was something I never wanted to do, but after an impromptu crash test of the headsets with Felice, it's pretty exciting. To further clarify, there are three interface headsets, one for each tulpa. Basically, I sit down, and the possessor puts on their headset. During the crash course with Felice, she put it on, and the darkness in front of my eyes was lighter accompanied by a rumbling in my ears and a slight slipping of my consciousness. After a few seconds of this, it died down and Felice took off the headset. Quill was excited to try, Source less so. I could tell that something had drained and would need to recharge before I could do it again. Later that day, I did it again with Quill, but it wasn't as intense. I attribute this to a number of factors, the main one being that my mind is trying to block what it believes to be a threat, not unlike your firewall blocking a third-party app. I will have to try to train my mind to let the "channel" of possession through. Meanwhile, Quill is able to maintain a partial connection and better serve his duty of being my guide.

My Tulpae:

 

Source: White floating teardrop form with two black eyes. Playful, curious.

Quill: Human Male. Sarcastic, but serious. Main voice of group and moral compass.

Felice: Female human. Quiet, sweet.

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