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Korzant's Journey


Korzant

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Well I have to tell, that Mira's look reminds me of Tinkerbell from Peter Pan. She's so... Sweet :D

Great that you're making progress and... It was fun to read about and ordinary life in America. ^^ I really love to know more and more about people living in foreign countries, their routines and funny situations.

 

I have to admit, that Red is right - Mira looks truly beautiful, and so... Innocent. I really hope to talk with her someday.

Currently there are three of us here. I write in plain white.

Prince, which is I, write in light blue.

Wolfess, although I not think she would want to, can write {in such a brackets}

 

~*~

Our blog~*~

 

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Day 6 and a half

 

Lazy Sundays are something everyone needs to have!

I did a lot of things around my house today. Lot of laundry and sweeping and all that stuff.

 

Now the real kicker here is after I had a couple of trash bags to take out to the dumpster. It felt like Mira had wandered away from me but was still somewhere in my house so I called for her. I told her "Mira, do you want to come outside with me?" I swear as soon as I said that I heard footsteps from the pantry hall. Like bare feet on a tile floor. As they came the corner it was just her in the same ball.

I was maybe a bit disappointed at that but I really have not worked with her on improving her form so it is fault on my end. But hearing those steps made me want to focus more on getting her to be more human.

 

This evening I poured myself a nice drink to relax, lighted a new candle, picked up the bean bag, pulled out my book from the shelf, and started reading out loud to her again. I take breaks every 15 minutes or so to talk to her about what I am reading and to try to get some communication going with her. I would like to get her talking a bit more. She certainly has her name down pat! I wanted to go over her trait list again as well. So I started by saying "Mira is passionate!" while tossing her (the bean bag) in the air but before I could get to the next word she spoke while she was in the air. It was a bit junky and hard to make out but it sounded like "What passionate?"

 

You know you'd think I would have thought to explain to her what these things meant, but I had not! So I talked to her for a long time as to what it meant, telling her it meant spirited and eager. So we spent the better part of an hour doing that. I would tell her another trait and she would ask what it meant in that chimey tulpish voice of hers. I really wish I could describe exactly what it sounds like since it is very melodic. Sucks to not be able to have something in your head but not be able to have words for describing what it is!

 

Next I showed her the picture we had chosen and pulled up some more google images for her. Hopefully she'll be comfortable changing forms sometime in the near future!

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Day 7

 

One week hell yeah! I would play a kazoo sound if I could!

 

I had to work today but that was all right because I get to spend a lot of time with Mira during the day to make up for it. I really would like to work on her form but I think it is more important that she become more vocal first so we focused on that.

 

I looked up a voice synthesizer and tried to find one that sounded like her. I didn't have much luck but that was to be expected from cheap software, and her voice is fairly unique anyways. It was worth a try though! I also read to her a bit more and talked with her about all sorts of things like my job, where I grew up, and what I hope to do in life.

She's not able to really form sentences yet and she speaks in a broken English. But she's communicating and I'm so happy for that! I didn't have any other experiences where I heard footsteps from where she was at and I'm hoping it wasn't just a figment of my imagination.

 

This will be a slightly shorter update since I am pretty tuckered out from work. I will write a more detailed update tomorrow when I'm not so tired!

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Day 8

 

So yesterday's update was a bit short so I will try to write a bit more today.

 

I have Mira's voice in my head pretty down pat. Slightly melodic with a twang of that chime that she has had since her birth. It is loud enough to hear in a crowded room but smooth enough as to not be some blaring trumpet that will startle me or whatnot.

 

Interesting thing now is that I will sometimes think or read in her voice instead of the mindv oice that I am used to. I will read a few paragraphs or have an inner dialogue with myself and halfway through I will realize that I was using her voice. Not sure what that means, but I think it is a good thing since it means I can condition myself and her to be comfortable with how she sounds.

 

I have been good about keeping her next to me when out in public. She will typically hang out around my left shoulder if I am moving or walking and she will start to wander around the moment I sit down or am not moving.

She'll make little comments as she is moving around. She said that a girl's hair was pretty, or that a guy's jacket looked warm to be wearing during the afternoon. It is somewhat difficult for me to see her as anything but a developing child right now, and I am hoping this isn't stunting her in any way.

I talk to her with my mind voice like she is an adult. But when it comes to vocality I still find myself having to talk somewhat slow and sometimes repeating myself. Or she will get distracted and I have to pull her back to focus on me again. I think these are just growing pains though and I will try not to worry about them unless they become an incredibly intrusive habit!

 

With her voice itself developed I will be putting all of my efforts towards form now. I will not rush or pressure her to change forms immediately. I mean, she's only a week old! But it is just going to be the primary focus for her and I for a while. I can imagine how her face will be but I have a terrible imagination and I'm unsure as to what the rest of her will look like. Her clothes, body type, height, those sort of things. I will have to look at more pictures to get a better idea and Mira enjoys looking over my shoulder when I do that anyways so it will be really fun.

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Wow, it sounds like you're really making progress with Mira. She sounds so adorable too. I'll have to try reading out loud to my tulpa, I haven't even thought of that before.

 

She seems to be quite the handful sometimes! She seems to be very childlike still but she is now starting to speak in long sentences which I am very happy about! She also doesn't need me to repeat things quite so much so I know she is starting to get used to my (mind) voice!

 

Day 9

 

Today we really hunkered down and worked on Mira's form.

We focused on her with...

 

-A petite build

-Shorter auburn hair

-Height to be about 5'8''

 

I went a lot off of the picture I had drawn of her. She has a playful cleverness about her I think. I know she's smarter than what she wants me to believe so I tried to incorporate that into her form as well.

We went over her form a few times and she seems pleased with what we've come up with. For the rest of the day and before work I just tried to focus on her form as much as I could. I have a terrible imagination and I know that getting a solid image of what she really looks like is going to be the most difficult part of the process.

 

But I have faith in myself! She's really been wonderful to me so far and I think we get along very well. She enjoys the times that we sit down and I read to her. When I can't talk to her she's happy just to be near me or hovering around the room. It has been quite a fun experience so far and I am really looking forward to getting some good forcing in so I can have her in a human form!

 

So far I am very happy with my decision to start on a tulpa journey. My mood has improved a lot, I have met a lot of very nice and smart people by browsing the forums. Everyone is so helpful and wanting everyone to succeed.

 

It really has been great, knowing that people have a positive outlook on it really drives me to work with Mira and to enjoy our time together!

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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I really enjoyed working on form when I did it. It feels a lot different than forcing objects or scenery, more relaxing, though why I don't know.

 

What sort of specific troubles are you having with visualization? Are you getting distracted, having trouble making sure things stay the same size and shape, or is it simply the problem that you feel "blind"?

Start Date: November 5, 2012

Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]

Stage: Not practicing anymore.

Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.

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I really enjoyed working on form when I did it. It feels a lot different than forcing objects or scenery, more relaxing, though why I don't know.

 

What sort of specific troubles are you having with visualization? Are you getting distracted, having trouble making sure things stay the same size and shape, or is it simply the problem that you feel "blind"?

 

Hey Hound!

It is more of a feeling like being mute. It's like I know what I would like for her to look like but I can't communicate it directly. I don't really see it as a major concern since I'm still new to it. It is a slight speed bump though, I know I'm flexing mental muscles I've never had to use before!

 

Day 10

 

I'm not able to put as much time into working with Mira as I'd like. My job distracts me quite a lot and I often times forget to keep her in mind. Even with the physical reminders it is still difficult!

I live alone though so when I'm not at work I can really do a lot with her. I don't want to think of her as like a wife though, something that I come home to, you know? I want her to be at my side and learning / developing!

 

While shaping her form today I was mentally running through a list of clothes she may wear. I was thinking perhaps a sun dress or perhaps a tank top with blue jeans.

After a bit of brainstorming I realized that with the way she speaks, while still a bit "childish" I have noticed that she is actually quite smart. So she seems to be playing with me on that front.

 

With that in mind I thought about what a person who's intelligent would wear. I decided that they would appear formal, so some sort of uniform or perhaps a business suit. But she's also still somewhat of a young lady. Someone with youth.

 

So with a bit more thought I decided on a sort of military dress uniform. I looked at old German, English, and American officer uniforms through different wars and chose a clean, formal, presentable looking military garb for her. A starched collar, minimalistic breast pockets, and should she want one, a pointed dress cap.

 

With this I figured I could see her as someone intelligent, above her station, but also someone with a kind of childlike wonder. A young girl with the smarts to be so much more!

 

She seemed to like the design I described to her. I know many people on the forums like to write out what their tulpa says but that would make it far longer for me to write these updates. I also forget exactly what she has said. Unfortunately my memory is not so great and I apologize for that!

 

I'm looking forward to whenever I get the chance to read and talk with her. She's been really great to me so far and so far she hasn't really been any sort of a bother. I just get frustrated with myself for not always being able to keep her in mind, but that's to be expected!

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Day 11

 

I'm working on drawing another image of Mira.

When I draw something it helps me visualize it. It makes me think about all the little things. How does her hair feel, what are her eyes saying, how does she hold herself.

These are all things that are easy to overlook now that I think about them. Sitting down and trying to see exactly how she looks is a bit therapeutic for me actually.

 

I include her in nearly everything I do when I'm alone. She's curious and really likes to just be around me. Or maybe I just like to be around her and she picks up on that? Not sure.

Reading out loud to her is probably what's most helpful right now. Even books I've already read are things she seems to enjoy and reading to her I think is a lot more worthwhile than watching television or going out to a bar or something.

 

There's a lot of times where I think about how silly some of this is. After a while though I always come back to the same thing: Since I started working with Mira I have been much, MUCH happier. I'm talking to people I work with easier because Mira is there and I feel more comfortable in a lot of situations. I'm no hermit or anything like that, I'm just not used to being social or charming!

 

Mira seems perpetually upbeat as well. She's yet to be mad or angry and that also helps me a lot since I'm easily frustrated. She has a cool head and it helps douse me down a bit!

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Day 12

 

Spent most of this morning sketching another picture of Mira!

 

Mira.jpg.bc05849b2e7af0df5306efce68e0afb9.jpg

 

I've noticed she's become a bit more serious the last two days. This may be because I have been working a lot and I get very focused. This could also be because of the form she has, I'm seeing her as a mature person therefore she becomes more mature?

 

With this form in mind I've also been working on her voice quite a lot. Originally it was like piano keys being played, or chimes being strung. She then was able to make rudimentary yes / no answers for me.

 

After practicing with her voice a lot more I was able to get her talking in complete sentences and able to start conversations. Up until this point I have had to initiate the conversations. I would have to ask for her to come along with me, or to come be by me while I read. Not that I was ordering her around or anything like that! But I had to suggest to her these things and she now seems to be a bit more autonomous.

 

She's also seeming to be very pleased with her look. She seems to be coming a bit more refined. She still speaks with a very melodic voice though that I don't think I could ever get tired of listening to!

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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