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Korzant's Journey


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Day 1

 

So I'll introduce myself and give some background.

I'm Korzant. You can call me Kor for short. I'm 23 and I live in the southern US. I move around a lot so I can't really tie myself down to a state. I do a lot of odd jobs and generally stay below the mason-dixon line because that's where I can order tea that comes with sugar already in it.

I'm at a real low point in my life across all fronts; spiritually, mentally, and physically. I've dedicated a year of my life towards trying to better myself and I just don't have the kind of tools that's needed to rise above myself. I'm not particularly handsome and most of my dates end up as one night sort of things. It gets old after a while.

 

Not too sure how this site feels about /x/'s board but that's where I first heard about tulpas. A person there threw out this website and so I spent the better part of today reading up on guides and reading over the forums here. I think a tulpa will be perfect for me. It'll be something to occupy my time, I can take them wherever I go, and it'll be a close friend that I can count on to always be there. Not to mention it'll be something I feel is really my own. I think that's an important feeling to have.

It's probably worth mentioning that I'm new and I'm popping a few cherries here as I go about this whole thing. I'm not really used to writing about myself so I suppose there's going to be some rambling.

 

When it comes to my tulpa all I have is a name: Mira, and a short list of traits.

Once I had her name things started to snowball a bit for me. During today's morning and afternoon I thought up of a list of traits. I don't think I should write them all out because it will just make for a longer post. Here's a few:

-Willful

-Passionate

-Fearless

-Engaging

 

Most guides are telling me that I can really start anywhere when it comes to a tulpa. Be it their voice, their form, whatever. I like to think I have a good idea on what reality is and talking to something that doesn't have a visual body just seems weird, like talking into a radio receiver. Just weird. I suppose I'll work on her form first? That seems like the best option. I'm not really in a rush and I know these things can take a somewhat ridiculously long amount of time before they start being their own things.

 

Sitting down for a long time or meditating just really isn't something that I like. I do daydream a lot though. So I'm thinking I can do that to help me out when I'm forcing?

 

It's my first day so that's all I can really say for now. It was nice meeting you all and reading everyone's progress reports!

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Day 2

 

A part of me thinks this is all silly. The rest of me is asking what else am I going to do?

I just brainstormed a bit today and didn't feel up for doing anything too major. Ran over the list of traits again and thought up of a form for her to have that would be easy for me to remember and talk to. I came up with a deep emerald colored sphere about the size of my palm that could hover near my head and follow me around as I went about my errands.

 

I'm not really used to talking out loud but I did get some good advice by reading a guide that said wearing a Bluetooth headset will not only help you remember to visualize your tulpa, but also to remember to talk to them. Even if it's sub vocal.

Trying to remember to keep her with me was pretty damn difficult. I'm not used to having to maintain that much focus inside my head. I don't have a very good sense of imagination when it comes to this sort of thing so I just tried to keep her hovering near my shoulder as much as I could.

 

In this form she reminds me a lot like Bit from the old Tron movie. Except she's a green orb instead of a blue dodecahedral. She obviously hasn't made any noise or sound. But at least in this simple shape I'm able to practice what it's going to be like to focus on a tulpa for hours on end.

 

I'm still getting familiar by reading guides and looking at other people's reports. I think this can be a really good thing for me and I hope to see where it leads.

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Day 3

 

Was plagued the entire day by head pressure. Back of my skull and to the left. Not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's a thing.

 

I've been narrating and sub-vocalizing to Mira as much as I can remember to do so. I keep a Bluetooth headset on my left ear and I started wearing one of those elastic bracelets on my left hand to help me remember to keep her with me.

I believe she hovers just to the left of my head and between my cheek and point of my shoulder. Typically she'll stay out of sight but I still feel her as being there. During times that I'm bored she will hover off to look around the room I'm in.

 

I know it's way too early for her to be vocalizing but every so often I'll hear a sort of flat tone or a monotonous ring. Of course this could just be normal ringing in the ears or whatever but I don't often get that and it's happened twice today so far. It reminds me of a piano key being pushed down and held. Not sure if it's coming from Mira or not.

 

I'm still reviewing her traits with her each day and I've been trying to narrate to her in a plural sort of way. Using sentences like "Let's go over your personality!" or "Can you help me remember your traits, Mira?"

Just trying to cement a baseline for her to stand on. Hopefully this will make her feel more relaxed and accepting of things? I'm not sure, but it can't hurt.

 

She's gone from a deep forest green color to more of a cyan or teal opaque color. The orb she stays as appears to now be malleable and the color will slosh around inside the orb a bit. Kind of like a water balloon filled all the way up.

The way she hovers is also more of a bob or weave, and she will time her drops with my steps so its like shes bobbing in the air. I guess this is her form of walking? I'm not sure.

 

I will keep this update short since it's Thanksgiving. I wish everyone the absolute best over the holiday. I'll keep you all posted as things develop.

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Well, I'm also new in this stuff bur I've read lots of progress reports. Dunno why, yours seems to be the best I've read. I think Mira is a truly beautiful name for a tulpa, and reccomend you to just... Let thing happen.

I have daemon, which is very similar to tulpas (only it's part of your consciousness rather than some other sentinence), and I "created" him without any guides, forums or helpers. At first he was in my story, and then, one day, he just happen to sit on my pillow when I woke up in the morning. Talk to her alot, talk about what you are doing, about your beliefs, about movies that you saw, music you're listening to and so on :) And one time she will respond. For everyone it is different, bu it can be like:

You: Well, I like this song of XXX

*sudden stroke of thought/feeling that "you" don't really like it*

And that will be Mira's feeling.

 

I am really interested in your progress and we both with Prince wish you two all the best for Thanksgiving (though it isn't celebrated where we come from).

Currently there are three of us here. I write in plain white.

Prince, which is I, write in light blue.

Wolfess, although I not think she would want to, can write {in such a brackets}

 

~*~

Our blog~*~

 

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Getting Mira involved in your exercises is a great way to promote growth. Interested in see how things go for you!

Start Date: November 5, 2012

Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]

Stage: Not practicing anymore.

Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.

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Thank you _Red_, Hound, Prince, and Wolfess.

 

I'm just trying to keep her in my mind as much as possible. It is hard for me to always try to see her visually. I know I'm really new to it, so I'm still practicing and learning. I may get halfway through a conversation with someone and realize I had totally been distracted from her!

 

The headset and bracelet really do help though. I start to get all wrapped up in my own thoughts and then the bracelet slides down to my hand and it kind of grabs my attention back to her again. It is kind of nice to see her as a companion. I have never really had a close friend or anything like that and I find it pretty neat that I can have her with me wherever I go.

 

I am definitely happier too, that's for sure!

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Getting Mira involved in your exercises is a great way to promote growth. Interested in see how things go for you!

 

This sort of scared me. When I saw you, I had to double-check the date of your post, and it was today. So you're resuscitating Claire? Cool. Did this come from a drop of, or change in your faith? :)

 

How's it going, is she revived yet?

My lip hurts.

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Not really the place to discuss that, Yori. Hound has been updating his PR (and has quite a lengthy summary of the last year on there). You should read there first and spare Hound having to summarize his progress on someone else's thread.

 

Korzant, this reminds me a lot of my start with Celia. I spent quite a lot longer on visualization than anywhere else though. I was pretty bad at it at first. Sounds like you are having a lot of fun. It's nice to see. Looking forward to reading more.

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Day 4

 

Mira is definitely making sounds. Though it is a bit like wind chimes if you were to hear it. The tones happen if she/I change direction if I'm walking or looking around.

 

She has normally been staying within a couple feet of me but today she took to zooming around department store aisles or rolling around the hood of my car while I drove. I think she's getting larger but that could just be me visual her better? I'm not sure. She looks like she's the size of my hand if my fingers were spread.

 

I went to one of those virtual piano things online and tried to play the notes I was hearing. I'm not a musical person at all so I just clicked through the keys. Nothing I heard was really similar to Mira's sounds so I am assuming it is some weird sort of tulpish? It isn't words or speech or anything crazy like that. But it also isn't tones like when you push buttons on a telephone.

 

Not really sure what to make of it.

 

There's a lot of books I have been meaning to read and I found it really relaxing to read out loud to her. She usually just hovers near my knee or wobbles next to me when I do so.

I also have been good about going over her trait list and trying to include her as much as possible in my inner monologue. She only has me at the moment, and I her. So having her participate I think will be really good for her.

 

I have also been thinking about what her form may take as she matures. Is it better to let them choose? Or to kind of nudge them along the path you prefer?

There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

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Mira is definitely making sounds. Though it is a bit like wind chimes if you were to hear it. The tones happen if she/I change direction if I'm walking or looking around.

 

I went to one of those virtual piano things online and tried to play the notes I was hearing. I'm not a musical person at all so I just clicked through the keys.

 

The way you describe the sounds she makes remind me of a glass harp:

Is that closer to what she sounds like?

 

 

I have also been thinking about what her form may take as she matures. Is it better to let them choose? Or to kind of nudge them along the path you prefer?

 

I told Claire she could change her form however she pleased so long as she remained mostly human, in exchange she could decide how I looked in the WL.

 

I really don't think it makes too much difference with most tulpas. Although it does help early on if they maintain a form you are familiar with or can visualize without too much difficulty.

Start Date: November 5, 2012

Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]

Stage: Not practicing anymore.

Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.

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