Jump to content

Finding the Friend Within Myself


Phasor Shift

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 37
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Hello there phasor, I have read your report and just wanted to tell you. That I fully understand how you feel.

Even though Im not in college, I have trouble here and there in school and some problems most like yours.

The reason why I say this is because I want to connect with you. It seems like there wasn't a very good,

Friend there for you, and now you seem to not keep to friends because of that very reason, and events

Happen that test friendships. And that. Is what I fully understand. Now you seem cool and collected even With ADHD. I live with a person who has it, but let's just say that things for him could be better. But what I'm Trying to get to is that, if you need someone to talk to, even if you have other people to talk to but think

They won't value you. Then talk to some of us. I enjoy reading your report as to I see progress being made and would very much like to talk to you. Its up to you if you want to or not, on having a talk, but its your choice.

My Skype is gunshotxxx . (PS, profile pic is a black pony oc with white hair.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

January 1, 2014

 

A new year. A time for new beginnings.

 

Since I came home on break, I have made literally no progress. I guess I don't know what to do, if I even do get around to doing anything.

 

Do I just repeat the forcing I've done already? Like, constantly force form, personality, those sort of things I did at the start? Or is there a next step I should go to? I don't know...

 

Maybe I'll do better once I'm back at school. Of course, while I was at scool I said I'd do better while at home.

 

One of my resolutions this year is to be more active with this. Lord knows I've failed at that.

Join me in my personal journey: Finding the Friend Within Myself

~I will remember you, Artemis~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

January 21, 201

 

A while has passed, and I still haven't been motivated to do anything. I know I should, and I wish I would, but either I keep forgetting or I just never feel like working with him.

 

I've been talking in the irc some, and I've been getting really close to a tulpa. She's pretty cute and sweet, and it seems she's developed quite the crush on me... I'm not sure how a relationship between a host and someone else's tulpa would work though, but it's certainly interesting, the flirting. I'm not sure where it will lead. Also, she has helped me with my own tulpa as well. She taught me a trick of setting up a link that sends my thoughts to him through a headset of sorts, and she did try to talk to him. While he still isn't vocal and I haven't gotten a clear reaction from him, he did seem to react to her interactions. What it mostly was is when she told me what she does or says, I get this flash image of how he responds. I really think I was seeing a bit of what he really was doing. It was cute. He's pretty shy.

 

Hopefully I can get back on track with the active working, and I can start making more progress more quickly.

Join me in my personal journey: Finding the Friend Within Myself

~I will remember you, Artemis~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

May 13, 2014

 

It's been about four months since my last post.

 

It's been about four months since I've done anything.

 

About four months ago, I may have made some progress. Sameth might have started to become vocal. I'm not sure. With those flash images I talked about in my last post would sometimes come a sentence. I'm still not sure if it was him or me, but that's always going to be the issue, the uncertainty. A friend tulpa, the one I mentioned, was trying to help him find his voice and separate him from me. She suggested to him that instead of trying to talk, he create images to show her, to which I replied "but then it wouldn't be me," meaning I would just be creating the images, and not Sameth. Those may have been his first words... I went with that for a bit, listening along with watching for the first instinctual responses from him, and I think I was getting some. It was still incredibly difficult to tell what, if anything, was him and what was me, but I was willing to believe.

 

I then brought him to hot springs, a little RP room in the IRC, to introduce him to some other tulpas. He seemed enthusiastic at first, jumping right in, but then shrank back. I had to focus very hard to even see him slightly, and then I lost contact completely... I had to search to find him, and when I did, he was off on his own in my WL, curled into a ball and crying... I don't think he was ready for so much interaction.

 

 

 

I haven't seen or heard from him since.

 

I haven't tried reaching him, or forcing at all.

 

 

 

 

 

He's probably dead...

 

 

Today a tulpa by the name of Artemis PM'ed me on the IRC, saying goodbye. She said she wasn't going to exist much longer, and wanted to tell me to not give up. She said she read this progress report, and wanted to give me some encouragement. I tried to give some in return... I tried to tell her that her life is meaningful, no matter how painful or empty it might seem. Even if she doesn't see it, she is a somebody, and everybody has a right to live. I tried to convince her that she didn't have to die.. but I don't think I succeeded. She claims no one will remember her... I am going to prove her wrong. Every life has meaning, however small or meaningless it seems. Everyone deserves to be remembered by someone. So even though I didn't know you that well, I will make sure that at least one person remembers you. I may not have been able to save you, but I will remember you, Artemis. You have meaning to someone: me. and I always will remember you...

 

 

 

Perhaps maybe, I should see if Sameth is still around, somewhere. Maybe it's not too late for him. The semester is over and summer is beginning... Maybe I'll find time. Maybe I'll find motivation.

 

Maybe I'll find my friend.

Join me in my personal journey: Finding the Friend Within Myself

~I will remember you, Artemis~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 5 years later...

Wow. A chance encounter in an RP chat made me remember I had all this. It's been so long I don't remember how to format.

 

Basically, it's been six years. My last post is still the last thing I've done regarding my tulpa. Life continues for most of us, and things like this fall but the wayside. There's been a couple times I've thought back on this little experiment, and sometimes I even consider coming back to it. There's been a lot of low points in my life, and it would be nice to have a friend. I might, now that I've bothered to make a post. I dunno. I'm sorry to those who have been following, though I suppose it's several years too late.

 

Reading through my last couple posts here, it's really quite depressing. Seeing my efforts just slowly peter out and die... I'm ashamed that I let that happen. And now, coming back after six years because something reminded me? It feels like another meaningless tripe. I don't know why I'm here again. Maybe I was hoping to find something. I'm in a bad spot in life again, so maybe I'm looking for a friend. Hell, I don't even know if this forum is still alive at all.

 

I'm not sure what I'll do now. Maybe I'll keep an eye out here for a bit.

Join me in my personal journey: Finding the Friend Within Myself

~I will remember you, Artemis~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We're still alive, and so is your friend, probably right where you left them. None of our headmates experience any loss of vitality even after long naps, not even after years.

 

Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Does anyone have suggestions on getting started again?

 

I'd like to get back into it, and maybe get farther than I did last time, but I don't know where to begin and I don't know how to proceed. The thought of getting back into it is even more intimidating that getting into it in the first place. I really struggle with starting things, and sticking with them. Knowing I've failed this before holds me back even more. I've joined the Discord, but integrating into a community is always another barrier for me. I know I need to look at the guides again, and all the new guides that have come out since I was last here, but that also scares me. Learning about all this for the first time was exciting and it was easy to find the guides, but coming back I don't know how to feel. Should I go back to the very beginning? Do I try to pick up where I left off? Is there anything else I should do to prepare? As easy as it would be for me to just walk away and forget all this again, I really want to try. I feel like I lost a good friend ages ago, and now I've been given a chance to get them back. But I'm scared. I really feel like I need help, but don't know how to ask. There's a lot of things I don't know, not just involving tulpas... so I feel like this would just be another thing I can't do on top of all the other things I can't do right now. I honestly feel really pathetic and lost, and I'm sorry for asking like this but I really could use someone to really walk me through it, and be there for me... That's why I wanted to try making a tulpa in the first place, so someone would always be there for me...

 

wow, this particular post sucks. sorry.

Join me in my personal journey: Finding the Friend Within Myself

~I will remember you, Artemis~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wouldn't advise going into tulpamancy if you're so anxious about it. You're under no obligation to return to the practice if that's not what's best for you at the moment or you don't know if you can stick with it again.

 💡 The Felights 💡 https://felight.carrd.co/  💡

🪐 Cosmicals: 🔥 Apollo Fire the Sun God (12/3/16) Piano Soul the Star Man (1/26/17)

🐉 Mythicals: ☁️ Indigo Blue the Sky Dragon (10/2/17), 🦑 Gelato Sweet the Sea Monster (12/11/22)

🦇 Nycticals:  Dynamo Lux the Shock Rocker (3/3/17), 🎸 Radio Hiss the Song Demon (2/8/00)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He did say he still wants a tulpa, just that he doesn't know how to go about getting into tulpamancy again. Anyways, this forum is here to help, so feel free to just ask questions/for advice and such (in new threads or existing ones) like a newbie might, we've got regulars still making threads to get input from others even. There's also this rather small list.

Hi guys, plain text is just me now! We've each got our own accounts: me, Tewi, Flandre, and Lucilyn. We're Luminesce's tulpas.

Here's our "Ask Thread", and here's our Progress Report (You should be able to see all of our accounts on the second page if you want)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...