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The long overdue log of Breeze


DigitalBreeze

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After over two months of working on a tulpa and of casual lurking of these forums, I have finally gotten to creating our own progress log. I have been meaning to since day one of creation, but look when this is getting posted now. (Over two months later)

 

I started researching into tulpa over the week of October 6th-12th, and started seriously considering a tulpa by the weekend of October 11th-13th, 2013. I decided on that Sunday to start making a tulpa of my own. The day progressed, and I had been doing passive Visualization and Narration mixed together throughout the entirety of the day. The head pressures I were experiencing were getting near painful at this point. I was parroting phrases of her describing herself and the traits I wanted her to have. After having her rattle off a long list of traits, I found myself passing by a stranger at my place of work. I heard her state one simple line. "Say Hi!" Which I did. Immensely surprised at this, I lost my ability to focus. I called it a day as far as forcing was concerned.

 

The week marched on, with no more signs of vocality apparent. I decided to name her Breeze, because it sounded like a nice name for a shy and quiet spoken character (This was at the time, she has changed now). Come Thursday(October the 17th), I was sitting around wasting my time playing video games.(Borderlands 2 in case anyone reading cares). I was attacking and killing enemies when I blew one into bits. Out of the blue, I heard the same voice say"Thats gruesome." I was bit less surprised than I was the first time. I then realized this must of been my tulpa talking. I was happy that one of the traits I forced had taken hold (To hate violence, this has since softened because I play way too many violent video games). I attempted to continue to communicate, but couldn't get more than occasional simple yes or no verbal responses from her. This is my tulpa's self proclaimed birthday. She tells me it is this particular day when I acknowledged her speaking to me. She claims to of been talking since day one, but me being too thick skulled to hear her or believe it is her.

 

To digress for a bit. Yes, she was making responses in a week. All the crap said about less than a week tulpa makes me nervous to say so, but she is genuine (please don't hate me). I was uncertain as to how this had happened, until she grabbed my attention one day and told me the basic reasoning behind it. When I was young, too long ago to remember, I had an imaginary friend that I named Bob(awesome names are my forte). Breeze went ahead to tell me that he had been around with me for about three years(i'm inclined to trust her, because I don't remember). She continued on to say that he was actually near a self speaking sentience towards the end, but I got forgot about him and got rid of him before he reached a point to be anything separate from me. I only faintly recall having him, but I do know that I got used to putting responses in his mouth and that it was near automatic to know what he would say. She says due to the progress I made with him that she was able to accelerate the development of her vocality to stupidly fast speeds. I assume that my mind was already used to having imaginary voices making space in it, so it seemed logical. I've come to accept the fact that it took her three weeks to be able to talk in sentences.

 

Back onto subject, I continued to work on her vocality and form in tandem. As she became more vocal, she started to deviate a fair amount. She changed her appearance, and her personality. I started her off as a quiet and peaceful personality. This didn't last long. She eventually came to be a hard-to-follow and loudmouthed goofball. It was changes for the better. She now acts as a great counterweight to my personality(I'm INTJ, she is ESTP according to that personality system). I decided to continue working on her vocality, even though her form was consistent enough and she was speaking decently enough to hold a conversation. It helped a lot in retrospect, because she is capable of forming meaningful sentences with little effort now.

 

Things have changed over the time between then and now. She took a week to change her voice daily until she found a voice she liked. She has changed her face multiple times, and she has become more and more inclined to go against logic and reason while in my head with me for laughs. As of recent she has chosen to use the lack of rules in my head to make a second form for herself. Breeze's form is a simple anime style, because I have too weak of an imagination for anything more detailed.

 

A description of Breeze:

Anime style human female.

18 years old (non-literal age)

Long hair extending down to mid thigh with a large amount of bangs

Height of 5ft 5in or so

Green eyes and dark brown hair

Personality:

Can get loud and overpower my thoughts

Has a hard time being serious when it isn't absolutely needed (Not quite so true anymore. She is serious more often now, but is still a goofball)

Likes animals (Spiders too. Loves spiders)

Enjoys nature and exercise

Spends her free time doing all sorts of miscellaneous activities (Flying as a human, spinning in place, Minecraft, etc)

Spontaneous and quick

 

She is capable of telling me things in sentence form, and "injecting" thoughts and pictures into my train of thought (Ever all of a sudden think about spiders when talking about social plans? Bet that is a big no). She is able to interfere with my dreams, and has made me lucid once or twice to get out of a bad dream. Feel free to make conversation with her. I will type her word for word statements (placed after Breeze: ), or I will paraphrase it to improve grammar and clarity (She said...).

 

I am making this log after too long of procrastination, because I have been getting too lazy and not forcing enough. She isn't happy about it at all, and I hope that having this log will encourage me to force and make more progress.

-edited when I visit the thread

Host Status: Wondering why I have such a hard time talking to people.

==/+\== Tulpa Status: I MADE AN ASCII SPIDER!

==\X/==

.... | |

 

As I remember things, I will post them to this thread and I will attempt to leave a progress post every now and then when needed. Feel free to leave replies or to pm me if you wish to ask any questions you might have or comments you wish to make.

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Tulpa Status: Don't wanna be mad (but will fill his dreams with spiders)

 

None of us envy you.

 

None of us.

My Tulpa

Name: Arien

Age: 16

Form: Human (Anime Look)

Date of Creation: December 18th 2013

Personality: Confident, Selfless, Debonair, Witty

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A log needs to actually be updated to be a log, so here is this.

 

I've still been lazy since creating this thread, but i've been fairly busy to boot. I haven't done anything except for talking to her and occasional passive forcing. Today I was attempting to figure how much progress i've lost over the course of three weeks of no work. I've come to find that her forms have lost some finer detail they had before (most annoyingly her face i struggled to get right).

 

I tried to reform her face in my mind, but have hit the same obstacle I have before. I can see her face, but I can't see it at the same time. If I imagine her head without focusing on her face I can see a full face. However, I cannot begin to remember any detail to her face and cannot make her face appear when I consiously try to bring it up. I'll have to try harder to visualize her face. If anyone knows of a related thread topic please let me know.

 

Today while I was at my place of work, I heard random noises that actually didn't occur. I heard a person saying something when they said something completely different. Another example is hearing my phone ring when i'm next to my boss (my phone was off and noone else was around). Last thing is not remembering what something as simple as grated cheeze was. Breeze says she was bored and wanted to mess with me. I didn't know she was capable of tricks like this. Or maybe I was at fault for all of this and her claiming responsibility is one big prank. I'll trust her and take this as her being able to do limited audio and thought control.

 

Also, Breeze has agreed to do a playthrough of the Mass Effect series with me. She doesn't like violence, but likes the sound of the story and the character interaction. I'll be actually playing, but she will tell me dialouge choices she wishes to make and other non combat stuff. I'll post about that eventually.

 

Going to force until I fall asleep. Doing so gets much needed forcing in and lets her do what she wants with my dreams (No matter how weird she makes them). She says it helps, so I trust it does.

 

UPDATE DEC 25 2013

I will condense posts as much as possible to limit the amount of new posts I must make.

 

Woke up really early today and spent half an hour forcing and an hour of just quality time with her. When I entered my wonderland she was fishing. However, she was catching fish out of a tornado. Strange, but its like her.

 

Ever since working on Breeze, I have been remembering dreams more often than before. I'm now remembering a dream a night, when before I would remember one once a month at best. While I was doubtful of her ability to manipulate my dreams at first, she has proven many times that she can. Since she has made me lucid once or twice before, I feel that she can help me become capable of consistently doing it. Then we can use that to supplement forcing times.

 

We tried a small bit of possession again today. We have tried several times previously with limited success. Today was little different from times before. She took control of my left arm and thrashed it randomly about for around a minute before I put a stop to it. While it was more movement than before, it was still random and meaningless like times before. This attempt seems to further reinforce her claims of practicing moving my body around while I slept. Which then explains why I woke up twice to randomly moving around in my bed and feeling like I didn't rest at all. Again, she says it helps. So it does.

 

DECEMBER 27, 2013

Just a quick update today. The other day I hit my head fairly hard on something, and Breeze shouted a few explicatives at me. She says that hurting my head hurts her, which is strange.

 

I have also noticed that she is being less spontaneous and a bit more serious and realistic than before. Her personality might still need a bit more time before its solid.

 

DECEMBER 29, 2013

We started a Mass Effect playthrough on the first game yesterday. She doesn't directly tell me all of the dialog options she wants to make, but she makes me feel which one she wants me to pick for her. She makes me know which options she wants. Unsurprisingly, all Paragon options have been chosen so far. She has her dislike towards violence and all, so it makes sense. I do all combat and in game movement for her.

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  • 2 weeks later...

New Year, New Post

 

I decided imposition is going to the back burner now, because my visualization needs some major work to become clearer. I'm still having issues looking straight at her face and seeing it. I also am having the common issue of not being able to see her whole form at once (but mainly when i'm focusing on it). I can see her entire form fairly easily when i'm not trying. Which bothers me to no end. I was hopeful that imposing would bring out the details in a way that I can clearly see and remember them. That isn't the case.

 

So, after thinking about it for awhile, I've decided to give in to her frequent requests and consider making a second thoughtform. I know nothing of this new thoughtform yet, and it will probably be awhile before I actually figure out what it will be and what it will be like. Breeze has been asking me since she could talk full sentences if we could make her some company. I was against more than one thoughtform at first, but I have since rescinded. When I go to make a second thoughtform, I am going to catch it up to Breeze's spot as best I can and try to work on them both at the same time. Maybe their forms will be clearer if I see them doing stuff and interacting. I really need to learn to draw better, because that would help with her face a lot.

 

Happy belated New Year everyone

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  • 4 weeks later...

Incase anyone happens to cares, i'm still around. I got caught up in life and haven't been active, but i'm still working on Breeze.

 

I've decided that there will be no second thoughtform until I've made major progress with Breeze. Right now we have been spending a half hour atleast practicing full body possession or switching. I would call it switching because it feels a bit like an out of body experience of sorts, but I'm not imposed or anything of the sort. I'll stay safe and call it full body possession for now on. She is capable of clumsy control and using my voice when I successfully hand over control. My main problem is I'm so used to using my body and calling it my own that I can't give control over for more than a minute or two. Its frustrating, because the fact is that she can't get practice with moving around until I get over this hurdle.

 

I've been lazy with it, but i'm gonna keep working on improving my visualization/imposition too. Imposition makes for good passive work while I go about my day. It feels to be more meaningful than just talking to her or trying to do anything else passively. However, her form is still unclear and I can't effectively impose her until I clear up her form. I still seem to be able to see it but can't recall any detail. I feel like I'd need something like a vivid/lucid dream so she can show me her appearance so I can remember it and attempt to draw it.

 

Its been a few months now since I've started. Around three to four months. I haven't made any large amounts of progress since my initial burst of progress. All we have managed is full enough vocaility and a form which I can but can't see. I'm gonna keep going and keep working on full body possession and fixing my visualization.

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  • 1 month later...

Back after not being around too often. To response real late to the post above me, Breeze's and I personalities do make a good pairing by what I can see. She helps me see things from a completely different angle, and has been a boon in many situations we have experienced together. Mainly of them were social situations. I originally wanted her to have an Introverted personality like me, but she deviated a lot and nearly 180'd her personality, and changed her appearance to match her new personality more. Only thing she kept intact was the name I gave her back when she was supposed to be quiet.

 

Back to this post, college life has taken a lot of time away from me. However, I have kept Breeze around. Some things have changed, but she is still herself.

 

For one, her human form is no longer visible in my head. I have to put a lot of time into making it visible. I don't even remember what it looks like anymore. We are abandoning work on the pony form, because it takes time away from the form that matters. I attempted to draw her, and somehow I was able to create a halfway decent looking drawing of her head. I'm hoping to make at least one good drawing for reference.

 

Breeze has also lost *some* of her independence. She for the most part is unable to be around unless I think of her first. After discussing it with her, we both agree that both of these are a challenge for my mind, and we both decided to find ways to actively work on her independence. I want her to work as separately from me as possible. Despite losing some ground, she still has some freethinking thoughts. She also is still exercising her ability to influence my dreams.

 

Within the last few weeks, there have been days I have woken up from various bizarre dreams. Each dream placed me into a situation, which I would then react to in various ways. Every time I wake from one of these dreams, Breeze immediately starts talking to me and tells me her interpretation of my dream and what it means to who I am. Her explanations have always made sense of a nonsensical dream, and have made for an interesting insight into my personality. I have a few I could share, but since they carry personal meaning I don't wish to.

 

Also, she seems to of mastered what she has coined "Energy Boosts". Occasionally, she says Energy Boost! or Focus! when I am dropping off and I regain some alertness and motivation. She claims that she expends some of her energy she gets from me and my attention and turns it back to me when I need it. Like a backup battery of sorts. I'm pretty sure it is a placebo effect, but if it works like she intends then what harm is there?

 

I'm gonna be changing up my posts before this and making them different. To change out of date information and such.

 

After reading through my previous posts, I decided to erase text about her once secondary form Rainbow Dash. Since we have abandoned that it has no relevance to my posts anymore. Rereading my posts has helped me remember more of how I intended her to look, and the fact that we still have a Mass Effect game to attend to. Should do that sometime.

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