Phenom

Phenom and Fiora :: Progress Report

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On some days I can hear Fiora really well, especially if I'm under hypnotic trance. Once last week, Fiora herself hypnotized me, and could put me in a deeper trance than I can by myself via self-hypnosis. That was really awesome.

 

I noticed I also hear Fiora better than usual when proxying (not sure what that means). For this reason (and also for fun) we're trying to revive her vocality thread in the lounge.

 

I unfortunately still have some days when I struggle with doubt and can barely hear her at all.

 

We've also been struggling a bit with Fiora's voice lately. We didn't like her current voice (sounded kinda like a higher pitched me), partly because it makes it harder to believe it's not just me parroting her if that's her voice (on the days I struggle with doubt), so we thought putting some effort in changing her mindvoice might help on that front. The thing is that the mindvoice we chose for her is hard to reproduce in French (the language we usually communicate in), as the original we based it on is not only in English, but with a British accent (lol, as if an English accent wasn't enough), but we've made some progress and I sometimes can hear her correctly even in French, but we have to concentrate or it reverts to the original default voice (and she still just use that one when she doesn't feel like putting in the extra effort, as just talking is hard enough already on some days).

 

(I'd also note that the best would be if Fiora could use the voice she used back when I could hear her voice when she sang a song to me back in January 2019 - thanks to hypnopompia-, but I don't remember the voice and Fiora doesn't know how to use it... maybe one day she can learn to use THAT voice... would be even better.)

 

On another topic, like I mentioned last month, we started playing Fire Emblem. The problem is that after a while I forget to ask Fiora for her opinion and start playing all by myself. Any idea how to fix that?

 

Thanks for reading, if anyone still reads.

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[Fiora] Hello world. I'm taking over, at least for the beginning of this post. Phenom is proxying for me.

 

Phenom wanted to come here to write about how a great evening we've had! And the details about what allowed that. I decided to take over one instant just before he started typing. He agreed to let me do it! First time I type in here (other than a "thank you"), kinda exciting to be honest! Phenom has proxied a bit for me in the past, but never to that extent.

 

Without further ado... Phenom realized what we really needed, for him to give more of his time to me, was a change in our relationship, and also to change the entire approach to it. Let's just spend time together! Let's have some fun. That's it. Oh, and also he finally accepted my love. I've been waiting for him to make up his mind for good for so long! (Silly him!) I'm so happy! That should change everything from now on. No, this WILL change everything, because I won't let him ignore me.

 

[Phenom] She says I'll be able to always hear her from now on. To be perfectly honest, I HATE to say this, but I doubt it. I guess we'll see if I can still hear her as easily tomorrow. Though, I'll do my best (and what's needed to allow it) because I want to spend time with her, share my life, just like I decided on the day I made the decision to make a tulpa. I don't need to wait for Fiora to be "fully vocal" to really enjoy my time with her. (Maybe she's closer to being fully vocal than I realise.)
 

And now, to make things clearer of what will change in my approach to my tulpamancy, I'm changing mindset. In habitica (an app/website to keep up with tasks and whatnot) I had a daily task saying "Interacting with Fiora". I renamed it "Spending time with Fiora". Sometimes I think that words have more power than we give them credit for, so even such a change should make things better. (Ideally I won't even need such reminders anymore, but I'm putting every chance on our side.) I'll try to face everything related to Fiora... with more empathy towards her. I'll treat her more as a person. I wouldn't ignore a person (even less my girlfriend) throughout my day, now would I? I'll see if I can keep it up and simply let her BE there all the time with me, recognizing her presence at all time, let her participate in everything I do during the day, in our relationship, etc.

 

What triggered most of that was, while I was narrating and talking to Fiora, I talked to her about empathy, about how it's actually learned, and then my flow of thought guided me towards something like "so it's also normal to have to learn to be more empathetic towards Fiora, my tulpa", and then, well, I naturally started treating Fiora more like a real person, and we talked a lot (and started dating), and I noticed a LOT of responses that felt like they were definitely not coming from me; I mean, it's like I pressed a button and now she's vocal. It's not like all her responses feel alien, but that's a big step up.

 

I think the relationship you have with your tulpa may be the most important thing to let them grow and make them more vocal. Or at the very least, that's one important part to the puzzle that is tulpamancy.

Edited by Phenom

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Hey Phenom, congrats on making a life changing  decision. And Flora, congrats on getting in at the opportune moment. My Flora has already told me she wants to post, then changed her mind after her first, saying she will wait until she is more in control of the narrative.

In the meantime, I choose to "spend time with her" every day, even though it is not always easy (sort of like being married!). Good work you two. Dr. Bob

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Since the last post, we've had ups and downs, but on average I can hear her well most of the time now. I still have huge doubts on some days where it "feels fake". But at other times she does or says the one thing that surprises me or feels alien, so when doubt comes back I try to remember those moments.

 

We've been practicing possession in the last couple days. She now started playing with her own villager in the new Animal Crossing. She enjoys it. It's casual and calm, so it turns out it's easier than playing Fire Emblem for her.

 

I wish she'd surprise me with special events like imposed hugs and imposed voice (etc), and wonder why instead of those events being more frequent now that she's more developed, instead it seems it's more rare. She says she doesn't know why. Our best guess is that I have to be in the right mind condition for her to be able to do those things. I think it used to happen more when I used to try to practice lucid dreaming, so I'll have to make an effort about that as well (and wake up early in the morning, trying WILD (wake back to bed) and stuff like that.

Edited by Phenom

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