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halorser

Stuck in a rut.

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Hello guys, I recently started making a tulpa and as I was walking the long and perilous path of tulpamancing, I seem to hit a impassable mountain.

 

For the few days I've been working on my tulpa, everything was smooth sailing, I narrated like a madman (and I "think" I got responses), felt lots of head pressure, and my force sessions were full of exciting events (hearing sounds, getting stabbed, getting some deviation, going on adventures, more stabbing, ect...).

 

But, now I have no idea what to do...

I can't calm my mind down enough to start forcing, I fall asleep while forcing and when I wake up, my mind is trying to run 8 laps around my skull. I forget to narrate to her A LOT and I can't visualize her that well anymore...

 

Also, a side note, this entire time, I've just been full of so much doubt, even though I've had steady progress and It feels like she's responding and even answering my questions with simple yes or no answers, but I can't help thinking that's I'm parroting her. I know it's unreasonable to think I'm consciously parroting her answers, but I really can't tell the difference between me consciously doing it and subconsciously doing it.

 

Am I simply tired and should I take a break?


My Tulpa: Miyuki (Gidellom)

Not much progress, I'm in no rush though, we got all the time in the world.

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"Trying to run 8 laps around my skull"

 

That's exactly how I felt this morning, but it's probably because I was cold. I can generally focus better when I'm warm.

 

My advice would be to try to get your heart rate down. Try deep breathing; it usually works for me. If that doesn't help, there are some guides that might, so try looking through the submissions section for guides to help you focus.


"Don't listen to friends when the friend inside you says 'Do this.'" -Gandhi

 

Tulpa Name: Ellie

Created: 11/13/13

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It's not unreasonable to think that you are parroting her. Honestly, everything you are going through is natural process that many of the users here had to get over. There's nothing to worry about.

 

Also, you don't have to active force every time to interact with her. Have you tried simply talking to her throughout the day? You don't have to make it a session, just send her some attention whenever you think of her.

 

Tell her good morning when you first wake up. If your mind wanders on her during the day simply talk to her. "How are you doing today? I'm a bit bored right now and I could use some nice conversation, and we both know you're wonderful for that."

 

It doesn't matter if she is or isn't fully vocal yet or if she can only communicate by answering yes and no question so far. Treating her as a real person will make her a real person. And even if you are parroting or puppeting, that's fine too! She will eventually grow strong enough that you can tell the difference.

 

Bud and I actually use puppeting exercises to strengthen him. I parrot/puppet him and he tries to break my hold. He's actually become quite good at it and it has helped my doubt quite a bit with the parrot/puppeting fears we all seem to have from time to time.

 

Don't worry about getting to a certain level of independence by a certain time or worry about how fast or slow this process is for the two of you. You are literally going to be with each other for the rest of your lives! You really do have all the time in the world.

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Thanks everyone for responding and giving me advice (trying to empower that sentence with the force of the mushy, but my writing skills are severely lacking......). On a side note, I hope I'm not coming off as rude or worse, an asshole......I always feel like I'm attacking someone when I reply. >.<

 

I do try talk to Gidellom every time I can remember, I try to read to her in my mind whenever I read or write something, I try to ask her things and narrate to her. Most of the time though, I have no idea what to say and I just end up repeating her name. When I'm on my computer I tend to forgot about her often and I apologize to her, when I practice my swordsmanship, it feels like shes gives me a bit of space.

 

I guess I'm just worried that I haven't made any progress and that made me anxious and uncalm (Myself to myself:that's not a word you idiot!!!!)

 

Ugh, rereading that made me feel like an asshole T.T


My Tulpa: Miyuki (Gidellom)

Not much progress, I'm in no rush though, we got all the time in the world.

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Don't worry about coming off as a rude asshole; you aren't ^.^ And it honestly sounds like you are on the right track. You just need to keep vigilant and not worry so much. This is a very subjective process and everyone is going to have breakthroughs at didn't times and rates. There is nothing wrong with that. And if you forget every now and then that's fine too. It takes time to integrate forcing into being a living, breathing part of your lifestyle. Don't worry so much.

 

Do you mind me asking how long you have had Gidellom?

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I started Tulpamancing her 4-5 days before 01/27/2014

 

 

TLDR:I made her form, personality and wonderland around a year(ish) ago. I don't know if she was a tulpa or not back then.

 

 

Back then, I had no will to live (not as depressing as as the words imply). I googled "Is there magic in this world" as a joke after waking up on the floor in my sleeping bag (personal choice =X). I read some articles, visited some websites and came across some mediation instructions and "magic" websites/articles/videos. The most interesting subject for me was sigils and evocation, I didn't really believe it to be true, but I decided to make a sigil of an Undine. I made the name "GDLLOM" (or GiDeLLoM) based on the hebrew alphabet which defined her characteristics. I drew her sigil on a Rose Cross Sigil and memorized it. I mediated and created a place for her in my mind to live (a hole in the ground) and never forgot her. When I mediated, I came to her home and interacted with her. I don't know if that counts as a tulpa or not, but when I learned about tulpas, she was the first thing that came to my mind.


My Tulpa: Miyuki (Gidellom)

Not much progress, I'm in no rush though, we got all the time in the world.

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I think it counts as the beginnings of a tulpa in the very least. My advice is keep up with what you are doing. Maybe read some more guides just to give you ideas to keep things new and fresh for the both of you. Maybe write her name on your hand, or draw a symbol that will make you think of her when ever you see it. Anything to remind you that she's there will help and eventually everything will become second nature.

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Thank you! I will definitely listen to you advice! I feel like I'm starting to climb that giant mountain after all the help you guys have given me.


My Tulpa: Miyuki (Gidellom)

Not much progress, I'm in no rush though, we got all the time in the world.

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I find that when i'm having doubts, it can help to recall the "critical factor" definition, as quoted from LinkZelda.

 

"Critical Factor: The comparative part of the mind that allows our conscious mind to logically compare incoming information with already accepted belief and knowledge."

Basically, your brain will try to "explain away" your tulpa until your constant effort changes your perception. Some people describe it as a sort of mental barrier.


"The way is in training."

- Miyamoto Musashi

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