Jump to content

Of Lavenders, Lilacs, and Wheat.


Atchetb

Recommended Posts

So I know the last few posts have been rather over-dramatic and a little too melancholy, so now, a little while and some analysis later, I've come with new news.

 

I've determined that my issue right now isn't at all related to what happened a few weeks ago between myself and Taenen. It's not about the admittedly half-assed issue I had with Bianca about it. No, the real problem was on my end, and not at all related to Bianca, Rhea, and Taenen.

 

The real problem is that my mind is all over the place. It's scary, really.

 

At first I thought it was just part of the effect, but now I realize that it's pretty much the whole problem. Being unable to focus solely on one thing interrupts the whole link between myself and whom I'm interacting with.

 

It's sort of like a latency issue in a game. There's always been a tiny delay between actions and reactions in our interactions. Now, because I honestly cannot think straight, that split second where I'm 'sending' and 'receiving' is getting messed up... I think. That's my way of rationalizing everything.

 

It doesn't quite sit perfectly right though because I can still SEE what they're doing... well, not really all of them. I haven't actually SEEN Bianca or Rhea in a while; the only person I've seen is Taenen. You wouldn't believe how relieved I was when I saw her in the cottage in the wonderland.

 

I tried talking to her, but that got nowhere. She could make a faint mumbling noise, and if I tried hard enough I could skim surface thoughts, but other than that, she could only move smoothly. I'm kind of hoping that every little sound or word that they've all said in this period of time will come rushing at me all at once later, since I think an event like that would really help really kickstart my auditory imposition. Off from that tangent though, I couldn't hear Taenen, yet I could see her just fine.

 

When I asked, it seems that what I say also gets through to them. I'm the only one really having the problems. Taenen gestured up the stairs of the cottage (the cottage has two floors, though the second floor has a door right at the stairs and the room behind it takes up the entire space.) When I knocked, I couldn't hear anything. Rhea (I think) was able to push some thoughts of apology up to me before I gave up and just sat downstairs with Taenen.

 

That same blasted cookie jar is there too, if anyone really gives a damn about that. It's always full, so Taenen typically sits with it in her lap while we're there. Just the little things that go on really make me happy, you know?

 

Anyways, that's all for today. Meditation is certainly helping, so I'm going to be doing a lot more of that.

 

Until next time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...
  • Replies 31
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Well, it's certanly been a while.

I must say that it hasn't been the most fun few months, and my tulpae would have to agree... if we still communicated.

 

I committed the cardinal sin of tulpamancy, which I'm sure is not paying attention to my tulpae. This was for an extended period of time, which was probabl enough to dissipate most tulpae. Over the span of these last few months, I feel that I slowly let everythig spiral out of my attention.

 

I won't slap you in the face with a wall of text this time... relatively. I'll just say that my life has changed quite a bit (a 'five-hours-south' bit) relative to what I had gotten used to. I went on an international trip, where my laptop's dc jack broke (isn't it great that a ps vita actually has a decent writing capability?). I've come back, and now have to come to grips with the soul-crushing bouts of depression I face almost regularly, along with the insomnia that it's apparently causing... the one where you fall asleep at 9 when you sit down, wake up at 12, and then lie awake for the next 7 hours until your alarm clock lulls you back to sleep.

 

So, basically, I couldn't pull myself out of a pit of self-loathing enough every day to talk to my tulpae. And now they're nearly silent.

 

Until last night, of course.

 

I had a dream last night, where a LOT happened, but a few things stood out. Mainly, after drinking a strange green liquid, I found myself to be a woman. A pregnant one, at that. My brain made me watch from third person as "I" gave birth. Weird, I know, but hold up. I saw 'my' face at that time.

 

It was actually Rhea's face.

 

Now I don't quite know how I got back in my own body, but the next thing I knew, I was living with Rhea in Japan, where we had a wall of vending machines in our home. The baby, oddly, was keychain-sized, hanging out in a little baby-carrying bag dangling from the wall. When I saw it, it filled me with that same overwelming sense of loving and care that I attributed to first contact. The same went for Rhea; I may well have been stricken with love every time I saw her.

 

Now I'll spare you the rest of the details, because that'd be me swooning for a while. Rather, looking at it, I know two things:

 

1.Rhea is still with me, for sure

2.She's being proactive about getting in contact with me.

 

I don't know what the baby means, but thinking back, I admittedly had an encounter of a lewd kind with Taenen, the fox-girl tulpa of mine. I may be reading into it too much, but now that I think about it, what if my other tulpae were projections of Rhea's personalities? She has always, always been present, and things seemed to have come to life around her, under her influence. Take Bianca's cookie jar as an example. When I acknowledged her status, suddenly she and Bianca rapidly changed into mature, more 'complete' tulpae. When my attention strayed, a new and interesting girl appeared; Taenen. Even now a new girl has appeared: a soft-spoken, quiet girl named Asebi. Each new addition or 'breakthrough' returned my attention to forcing... and at the center of it, Rhea.

 

Now doesn't her name seem a little odd now? Rhea was the name of the mother of the Greek gods. She gave birth in my dream, and it so happened that I had simply been an observer at the time, and suddenly a new concept of a tulpa came into my mind just a short while ago. Along with this, I have to wonder if she really is the one true tulpa in my head; this whole "swapping genders" thing just screams of an ineraction between myself and my feminine side. I think at some point I mentioned a theory someone had that stated that people sometimes have tulpae of the opposite gender because it's their masculine and feminine sides interacting... or something.

 

Whatever it may be, it's an obvious call to get back on track... I just hope that this doesn't mean that Taenen and Bianca are gone for good.

 

This has been an extremely groggy Atchet on a ps vita. My apologies for any mistakes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...