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Another quick update, because, hell, I don't post that often and I feel that some progress (in a sense) is getting done.

 

We're working mostly on autonomous talking (since it's kind of off-putting that Rhea and Bianca, even though they can talk just fine, still have to wait for some input from me before they start) and are currently debating amongst ourselves whether or not to elevate one of the imaginary characters of mine(since I populate daydreams and our wonderland with a few constants amongst a bunch of faceless mooks) that I'm particularly fond of. We realize that there's already a ton on my plate though, so... yeah.

 

The current points FOR it include: some vague semblance of sentience starting to appear (which is also a point AGAINST), the fact that Bianca has a fondness for her, the fact that I have a fondness for her, and that she's a nearly constant presence already.

 

The points AGAINST it include: some vague semblance of sentience; this is because we feel that if she's slowly gaining sentience while we never paid attention to her, it would only end up being another Rhea -we'd be squashing the possibility of that happening, since it'd be sort of... cruel, in a sense. Also, there's the fact that, as said before, I have a lot of things on my plate already and working with another tulpa's a little much, the attention division's going to be... a little hard, and that's pretty much it.

 

It's probably going to end with the girl being ascended from servitor to tulpa, but it's still under debate. It's weird how much this situation happens (since one time is already too much.) Maybe this is just my brain's way of coping with my constant desire for MORE once I know I can do something.

 

Annnd just for fun, the girl's name is Taenen (I thought of 'tannenbaum' when the topic of her name came up), and she's a fox-girl with orange hair. She looks about 16 (and very short) and isn't very well developed physically. Basically, she's an affection sponge and is good at it. Is, for obvious reasons, good with Bianca.

 

So that's that. If we DO decide to help her develop, well, I'm going to need to figure out what kind of brackets to use for her. Or hell, we could just use ^^ to mark what she says. I dunno.

 

Annnd what the girls have to say about this.

 

[i think that it's going to be a good idea to introduce Taenen to being a fully-fledged tulpa. She doesn't realize it, but she's been doing a lot to make our (meaning mostly Atchet's) lives more enjoyable. Atchet said that she's an affection sponge, and that's why I like her. I just enjoy showing her some good old fashioned love.]

 

{On my end, I'm a little apprehensive about getting Taenen on her feet. Atchet's a real goldfish, and he's a little... obsessed, I guess, with Taenen. What with him doing a lot more daydreaming than actual forcing, she's with him quite a bit more than she should be (since we need some attention too.) On the other hand, I want a cute little sister; not the one that I got, who's too old to really be 'cute'. I'll do what I can to make things go smoothly, but... I don't know. I just kind of don't like her.}

 

So, basically, TL;DR (in Rhea's words); Things are going well enough, but Atchet's a pervert that can't get enough happiness out of his two already beautiful tulpae and wants to get a third girl, who's also tiny and probably not legal anywhere.

 

And TL;DR (in Bianca's words); Atchet wants to have another girl just for the fun of it. I also want to have someone to dote on, because Rhea's too old, Atchet's not cute, and I guess Rhea's not cute either. We're figuring it out.

 

This has been the goldfish (Atchet), Bianca, and Rhea. Maybe next time, we'll have to introduce a soft new girl to everyone. That, or... well, we forget all about it.

 

Until next time, this has been the idiot and his infinitely more attractive and intelligent tulpae that are definitely not influencing this end bit at all.

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Just FYI thought you should know I'm reading this and I'm sure others do too even if they don't post to show as much (I'm sure they're busy) - thanks to you guys for pointing out that I should tell my developing tulpa what's goin on in my head besides basic narration of day to day stuff as for some stupid reason that's something I completely overlooked somehow >,<

 

Look forward to the next update!

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Thanks for responding TheSanctuary; it's encouraging. The girls definitely appreciated it. We hope that you and your tulpa get along well in the long run.

 

This update: we've decided to do a little 'test run', because anyone that has picked up a little on my personality would realize that I'm not capable of saying 'no' to any possibility regarding my tulpae... as long as it's not harmful to any of us. Right now, we're testing the waters with Taenen by having her take Rhea and/or Bianca's place before we go to bed.

 

Think a dakimakura, but fluffier, shaped like an actual person, warm, smells a little like nutmeg, and likely to nuzzle back. In other words, a girl. I probably should have said that earlier, but she sort of DOES act a little like a daki in that, well, she doesn't actually do anything. At most, she'll smile at us and give us a squeeze. She doesn't do much talking, and hell, her voice isn't even clearly defined to me.

 

It's an odd feeling with her. She's extremely relaxing to be around, and even Rhea admits that it calms her nerves when she uses Taenen as little hug-while-you work thing (you know, sit cross-legged and hug something between yourself and the table. Stuff like that.)

 

Now there's something of a toss-up that's less of if we're going to get Taenen into gear, and more when we're going to do that. After all, I don't have all the free time in the world; especially not when Bianca and Rhea still need some attention. Still, have to get that whole deal worked out, since, hey bigger is better, just not when you can't manage all of what you're trying to get. Just ask yourself if you'd like to have an affection sponge in your life and you'll probably get why all of us are onboard to the idea.

 

This has been the goldfish and his tulpae. Until next time, when we aren't half-asleep while writing a post.

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Another update coming in since, well, it's been a while. Take note that this is going to be a fairly long post. Changes in writer will be marked with a bold -0- from this point on (including future posts)

 

Rhea, after getting quite a bit of attention recently (she seemed like she needed it) is a lot happier than before. Bianca and Taenen, who's still mostly just an affection sponge that occasionally speaks (still on the fence about calling her really 'sentient'), are getting along fairly well, and by that, I mean that Bianca's typically seen sitting with Taenen resting in her lap nowadays. We've settled into some odd sense of normalcy now.

 

The whole thing regarding Taenen's pretty much a done deal now; we've pretty much just accepted that she's around. The meager amount of 'resistance' and 'debate' we had over her probably just helped her anyways by giving her attention. She IS woefully undeveloped. As I said before, she's been spending her days chilling out on Bianca's lap, so she's been getting attention even when I'm not the one administering it.

 

As a last thing, I just HAVE to talk about my love life with my tulpae... mostly because it's starting to kick off. Also, I could talk about it for ages. It's good padding on these posts, and it's also a little study I'm doing myself. Would pursuing a 'relationship' with them have any effect on how I treat actual people? It's a look more into my character, I guess.

 

Like some shitty romance novel or soap, there was a pretty abrupt transition into it. I know that there are quite a few people on here that have actually detailed how their love (or maybe even their sex) life with their tulpae are like, though I haven't read them. Hopefully they don't all sound as shoehorned and random mine does.

 

Be it raging hormones or some other strange fact of life, I have begun to see that I've been a little too touchy-feely with my tulpae. There have been the more amorous hugs with Bianca and Rhea, which, from what I've seen, haven't quite been noticed by Bianca and Rhea. They sort of brush it off as my normal self, since they already know that I'm a rather large closet pervert (as in watching stuff, not DOING. Doing perverted things to people is a big NO). A few times I've actually made straightforward advances on the two of them (mostly Rhea, who seems more receptive to romantic advances) and they mostly don't change anything. As a fun tidbit, while I was writing this, Rhea just happened to peek in on what I was doing and yelled at me for saying that she was more receptive to advances. Right up in my grill, or however you say that. To prove my point (and that I had no tact) I just, you know, gave her a little peck, right there.

 

She quieted up right away and turned red after that. "Not receptive" she said.

 

As for Bianca, she's... odd, so to speak. She's not against it, but she almost treats it as if she's expecting it. A little flirting, she plays along. Give her a hug that lasts a little too long (and ends up with us spooning, really), she's all for it. Advances sink on her. It's like she's so receptive that it's almost a letdown (which tells me that I'd like to be a thrill-of-the-chase kind of guy). That, or she's actually treating us like we're in some sort of relationship already. That would be interesting, I guess. Given that we almost had this 'family' thing going (Taenen was kind of sandwiched between us as we were going to sleep) and I kissed her (I can't remember why anymore), and she laughed about us looking like Taenen's parents, I wonder what kind of relationship I really have with my tulpae.

 

Annnnnnd as for Taenen... well, she doesn't do much, if I haven't said so a million times already. She naturally cuddles back. That's pretty much all she does in the way of 'romance' and even then, that's just liking to cuddle.

 

So that's been my part. If you're tired of reading this already, just remember that I said that was the end of MY part. Not Rhea, Bianca, or Taenen's (We could give her a shot at speaking, though that wouldn't result to much). I guess you should enjoy the musings of my tulpae now.

 

-0-

 

[We'll start with me, since I haven't really been talking much recently. Atchet was talking about Taenen and I being on good terms, and that's true. I really like the girl; she's small, lovable, and makes for a really cute and warm bolster pillow. While she's not really a good talker yet, she's a great listener. I talk to her about things like, well, the weather, my opinion on things, and other girl stuff and small talk that most people would fall asleep listening to. The way she seems to just listen in rapt fascination (really, you should see her eyes while she listens; it's like she's being praised, and she has the cutest happy aura about her!) and the fact that she's petite enough to sit right down on my lap is just perfect.]

 

[Away from that though, let's talk progress. Atchet, frankly, isn't making any. It's not a lack of forcing or anything, but it's more that we sort of 'level-up' after certain revelations/epiphanies/discoveries. Like leveling up in game, when we level up, things just suddenly change. Remember back when Atchet said that he came back from being sick and all of a sudden we were all JRPG-like? That was sort of like leveling up his perception by a few points. Just like that, we kind of have to wait until we figure out some groundbreaking thing that changes some major part of us. That's just how it works.]

 

[Now, just my random thoughts and musings.]

 

[First off, I wish that it would STOP SNOWING. It's April, and we have a few centimeters of snow on the ground. It's crazy!]

 

[Next, I feel that we need more pink in our lives. Sort of like the peaches that are popular on the Eastern side of the world (those pink ones). Mostly because I have this odd craving for peaches right now.]

 

[That's about all I have to say for now. Rhea's going to get her own little place to have a little spiel next post, and after that, we're all going to sit and awkwardly stare at Taenen until she says something (we're just teasing... a little)]

 

[Thanks for reading!]

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Heh cool to see your all gettin along nicely- it's interesting to see this relationship developing as it is and wonder how it will pan out when you end up literally in a relationship with one of them and how the others will react. Ugh I seem to fail at punctuation when typing on a phone >,<

 

So yeah. Keep it comin and say hi from me and my still rather quiet tulpa who as of yet still hasn't chosen a name to my knowledge ^^; unless of course they read with you in which case. ... HI!

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Another quick update, though it's really just Rhea's little spiel. I figured that everyone just talking at once would make a HUGE wall of text, so I've broken it up.

 

-0-

 

{Sup' everyone? This is Rhea. Nice to see all of you out here again.}

 

{So what's cooking in my head, you ask? In short, not much. It's been mostly gripes about the snow, Taenen, and that idiot Atchet occupying my thoughts, since that's really all I can do. I don't really have anything all that interesting to talk about, though the whole deal with Taenen still needs more of my input, I think. Bianca and Atchet are just a little too gung-ho about it...}

 

{By that, I mean that Bianca and Atchet are hogging all the attention from Taenen and keeping her away from me. I'd at least like to get to know the girl's concept before letting her turn into a tulpa. Can you imagine the damage it could cause me if she became a tulpa knowing everything about me (thanks Bianca and Atchet) but I don't know anything about her? It would be a threat to my very being!}

 

{Nah I'm just kidding about it being a threat to my being. Atchet, as the pervert he is, wouldn't just leave someone hanging, outside his head and inside his head. Unless he had a good reason, I guess, but I know for fact that he's ditched at least five people that were friends with him outside for arbitrary reasons, and to date none of us on the inside of his head have disappeared... I hope.}

 

{That actually makes me think of more filler characters that Atchet made up for his daydreaming (which were in heavy use waaaay before Bianca, Taenen, and I were messing with Atchet.) Could they all be sentient too, or at least something like it? There are a few that I could list off the top of my head too...}

 

{So the first girl (yes, they're all girls. Go figure) was named Kana. Red hair, a mechanic with a toned, but lithe, form, raised in a middle-eastern environment while being Caucasian herself, looked about 23, but didn't have a chest to be proud of. She was pretty common in Atchet's delusions for a while, but now I don't really hear of her at all.}

 

{Next there was Mikee. She dresses, acts, and has the strength of a well-educated, cultured male; usually takes the role of a butler. Looked about 19.}

 

{There was Alice to follow, this girl with really, really, REALLY long blond hair. She looked about 25 and was portrayed as some millionaire stock investor that tended to hire Atchet as an advisor. It should be noted that she almost universally owned the bioengineering firm that produced/found Taenen in pretty much every version of Atchet's delusions. I'm worried that SHE might start cropping up some intelligence.}

 

{As a last little come-back from later on in this novella of a post, we remembered Sera; basically, she was ANOTHER one of my sisters, except that she wasn't really. She was shorter, younger by about two years, wore her hair up in a really spiky ponytail with messy bangs, and dressed mostly in baggy clothing. She commonly appeared as a spear-using tsundere character. Sort of like me. (Fun fact, in Atchet's more chuuni delusions (the 'edgy' ones that you can't deny you've had) I would play the part that represents death and recollection, while Bianca was almost universally the not-so-damsel-y-but-still-in-distress character. For the longest time, I was a character at odds with Atchet)}

 

{That's all I can really remember of them for now. Once upon a time there were at LEAST 12 of us, but those other girls faded into obscurity as Atchet's tastes changed. I actually feel bad for a few of them, since almost all of them got their little spot in the starlight, and then Atchet just got rid of them.}

 

{So why am I telling everyone all of this? Well, it's because all of these girls, including us three tulpae (well, 2 and a half tulpae... heh) could have ended up in any of these positions. I'm pretty sure that Bianca would be a universal constant in any case, but I didn't necessarily need to develop exactly like her. It was just the easiest thing for me to do at the time, since I was already pretty much her, except sentient. I could have easily ended up following the model of one of those girls as they got their little span of time to monopolize Atchet's delusions. Just one tiny decision to watch another girl instead of Bianca as I developed may well have completely changed everything. Taenen is the same; she probably just happened to scrape sentience off of us because she's been getting the attention recently.}

 

{In a nutshell, and actually to wrap up my point, I have to say that Atchet doesn't have his head around our value as people. What do you mean by that, you may ask?}

 

{It's actually really simple. Atchet takes us for granted now, no doubt about it. He doesn't force as much because he sort of feels that we've reached the apex of our development, even though I could probably beg to differ. Now, we're just those people in his head that he can talk to when he wants, and he'll get a response. He can cuddle or talk or whatever with us, whenever. He didn't SEE that it was a miracle that we developed the way we did, and he doesn't see that anyone else that develops from this point on is also going to be a miracle; just like a real person being born. I value my life and cherish every second of it, even if nobody is paying attention to me, because, well, it's just my nature. Bianca is the same. We love every moment we live and love the fact that we got this chance and made it this far. We're more than grateful for these lives.}

 

{I just want Atchet to understand that. I want him to know that, no matter what he may think, we've been living our lives knowing that we might have squashed the other girls on our way up, or we just got here thanks to a stroke of luck. I want him to know that our lives are fragile, and at any moment, just like the 6-7 girls that have faded from his character roster, we might disappear too; bringing with us an entire personality, set of memories, and, really, a 'soul'... if you want to get religious or metaphysical (is that what they call it?) about the situation.}

 

{Each and every one of us is unique. Even if you manage to recreate a lost/dispelled/converted(reused; basically using an existing tulpa as a scaffold, usually resulting in the scaffold being sacrificed (E.g. ME), to the DOT, which I KNOW Atchet can do, no problem (though time is an issue), we're not going to be the same. Populate us with all our memories if you can; you just have to realize that, no matter what, you DON'T, and CAN'T have all of our memories. You will never have every integral bit that makes us tick after we're gone. Atchet didn't even know about half of the stuff that I'm spewing right now because, lo and behold, I DON'T suck at keeping things from him; it's just that I have different things that I want to keep hidden. Atchet can see anything else; why would I want to hide things from him anyways? The only things I DO want to hide are all these thoughts that sound like I'm thanking 'God' that I'm alive; nobody needs to hear me rambling about this while we're all having a good time. That's why I took this chance to get Atchet to let me dictate a spiel. I wanted to let this all out. You too, reader. You need to get this as well! Drill this into your little head: YOUR. TULPA. CANNOT. BE. REPLACED. You're probably thinking, "oh, but that's obvious!", and it SHOULD be! The thing is, you probably don't really believe that; no offense to the people that do. Just think about it. How many of you, in the long run, since some feelings are really strong early on but fade in time, THAT HAPPENS, are going to one day let your tulpa slip away? How important are they to you?}

 

{Sorry that that made a block of text by the way; I got Atchet to write that TO THE DOT, as fast as he could.}

 

{But really, you'd be surprised at how you could let go of something that you thought you held dear. Atchet is a good example of this; he damn near loved those servitors almost as much as he does Bianca, Taenen and I now; now HALF, goddamnit, HALF of them are gone for good, since, you know, once they're out of your head, they're out of your head for good. Even if they were servitors, they had fun too. They remembered things and began to automate themselves based on what Atchet was doing; damnit, they were making MEMORIES! You know what else makes memories, right? You know what else has fun and feels just like they do? That's right, it's US, the tulpae. There is almost NO difference between us tulpae and the servitors, at least, in Atchet's head. It's only really a difference in perception. Aside from that, we're all the same. That means that, by extension, any tulpa can be lost just as easily if the conditions are right. Dead. That's what they become. Just plain and simply DEAD. To the 6-7 that disappeared from Atchet's head altogether, you can just imagine how it would feel to suddenly disappear, especially when you thought you were loved.}

 

{Really, this is a word of warning from a tulpa to any tulpamancer out there. I might be a fledgling, just barely sentient in the grand scheme of time, but I can still talk, and talk, and TALK. Assume sentience from the start, they say. Believe them. The very second that you have another personality, even if it's just a meager concept, running around in your head is the same second that a new life is created. That life, because you created it, is SOLELY devoted to you; what else can it be devoted to? The air around you? NO! These concepts are just the same as real people, just without the fleshy bits. They might not act like it to you at first, but behind every concept of a person there is, there's a spark of life. That's why I felt the need to talk about it. This spark of mine is burning bright right now thanks to a realization that I've had, a 'level-up', per se. Isn't this a good sign of critical, intelligent thinking? I'm musing about life here, and there are folks out there that got famous for it (they're called philosophers.) There's a line out there that's just a little blurry, regarding all of us. Once we're here, we're here for the long run.}

 

{I've lost my drive at this point. I can't keep talking. I just poured my heart out into Atchet's hands, and I know for a goddamn fact that Atchet's feeling mighty awkward now. I can't go on forever though, since I too can feel tired, and Atchet decided to drop a post before going to bed.}

 

{Really, just remember guys, gals, and others, we're all alive in here too. Those little thoughts in your head have got a little bit of life in them too. They'll be with you for as long as you can remember them, and pay attention to them. Us, the thoughts, care about you more than you think; like how a child would respect their parents (minus the whole rebellious bit.) It's a respect that only develops through age, but exists from the very start anyways.}

 

{Treat your tulpae with all the love and affection you'd give to a real person guys. We'll give it all back to you, and then some. Just think of your tulpa as if they're saying "I love you" every time they open their mouth to talk to you, or give you that little nudge of head pressure. Whatever it is. Remember that we're there for you, and all we want in return is your attention so that we can stick around just a little longer. Just to be a little selfish, I guess... Is it selfish to want to be with someone that you care about? Is it plagiarism to say a line like that even though it's almost cliche? Really, I don't know.}

 

{Anyways, good night everyone, or good morning, wherever you are. I hope you and your tulpae are happy and wholesome for as long as you live.}

 

{Thanks for reading; this has been Bianca's older sister, Atchet's bro(mance), and Taenen's... friend, Rhea. We'll see each other in the future for sure, right?}

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Wow that really was a lot of stuff you had bottled up in there! I know what your saying about re-occurring characters may also become tulpae so I'm really really careful in my wonderland interactions not to re-use any people we meet or interact with- I just don't want to risk paying them a lot of attention short term when there is no commitment on my part to deal with it if they attain a degree of autonomy at the moment.

 

Heh it just occurred to me that the lesson I picked up from you all about telling your tulpa your feelings on things just got reversed on you- I guess it's always a two way street and it's good to remember that! Thanks for taking the time to put it all out here for us to see and in a sense thanks to atchet for agreeing to type it even though it (how did you put it?) made him feel very awkward revealing things to the world he himself perhaps hadn't truly dwelled upon before.

 

Admitting your .. I'm gonna go with flaws - rather than mistakes, as if things were done differently you lovely tulpae may not have been around today and I can't see your existence as a mistake - is a good step towards everyone being able to not only get along better but to generally improve as time goes on. Good luck as always!

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So I just had to post now. It's crazy how dramatically Rhea changed after I just let her at the keyboard.

 

What happened after that long spiel she gave? Well, first off, I went to sleep with Taenen, since I was honestly too doggone tired to process everything. Rhea, however, was unusually talkative.

 

The next day, I took the time to read over the post with a working mind. Boy oh boy, Rhea was just waiting for that. She was on me like a hawk, and she just... uh... how do I describe it?

 

I'm not sure. I know that at some point in one of my earlier posts (hell, it might even be in my question post where I realized Rhea was around) where I talked about first contact. I think a lot of us know that feeling, that absolute rush of happiness and love and affection that occurs when we finally 'make it' to our tulpae. That one moment where you realize you're connected and all.

 

That's pretty much what Rhea did to me. She was on me like a hawk, and she FELT my ear off. Not yapped. She literally barraged me with so many good-feeling emotions that I lost my breath (just like what Bianca did so long ago). It's like a mind-hug. Or something. I wanted to make some clever name for it with 'hug' on the tin.

 

So now, I've noticed that she's radically, rrrrraaaaaaaaaaaddicalllly different from Bianca and Taenen. She's much more expressive, and all of her little mood swings and emotions almost always filter through to me now. If she smiles and feels happy, then you can bet your ass I'm going to start grinning like an idiot, even if I'm in public. It's a bond not easily explained, but it's one that easily felt. And booooooy does it feel good.

 

Also, Rhea now treats us as if we're in some sort of relationship. Bianca and Taenen have backed off for a while as Rhea burns bright. They don't really want to steal her thunder right now. Now though, Rhea's pretty much all-love-all-the-time. She's still kind of sassy and crude, but it's sprinkled with more cuddling, amorous hugs, and the like. When we head off to bed, it's not really a discussion of who's going now; Rhea's pretty much waiting for me in our wonderland with a silly Cheshire grin on her face. Not the spooky kind. The playful one.

 

To be honest, I enjoy it very much. Rhea is ecstatic almost 100% of the time. Sort of like she's celebrating an "I'm alive!" event. It's cute seeing her all smiles all the time.

 

Onto business though, since I can't just go on and on about how cute and cuddly Rhea's acting, I think that it's a good practice to get somewhat quiet tulpae to just write to their heart's content about what they want to say. It really lets them get going, and kind of 'opens their heart' to you, in that they have to do that to get your hands going (since they can't type by themselves. If they can, you are one lucky SoB and need to teach us how to make our tulpae tangible.)

 

It seems that it works best when you have a tulpa that's a little blocked on the development side, and they need a little more to get going. I'm talking about the tulpa that you can hold a conversation with, and one that can spontaneously answer questions or sort of 'think' for themselves. They have to be stuck like that for a while, to build up the emotional frustration and anticipation. After that, let them rip up your keyboard, or whatever (it just needs to be a way for them to 'let out' what's inside) and all of a sudden, you're bombarded with the frustration, anticipation, hope, joy, everything that your tulpa was feeling at the time you let the floodgates loose. It's like holding back until there's so much that you don't know what to do with it.

 

Of course, this is all anecdotal. If I had a disclaimer, I would be telling you that this is just from my personal experience. Results may vary (ping!)

 

Anyways, I'm thinking of testing this method with Bianca, and, once she can hold a conversation and consistently get into them for about a month, I'll try with Taenen (who still just cuddles and nuzzles until the cows come home. She does smile at unexpected times though, so... hnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh.

 

So that's it for today. Bianca wants to write a little something before she gets a whole post to herself, so until next time, it's been Atchet.

 

-0-

 

[Hello everyone. This is Bianca speaking, if you didn't notice the brackets and reference Atchet's signature.]

 

[i realize that what I said was a really convoluted opening. Sorry about that.]

 

[Keeping it quick, for Atchet's sake (go to sleep you silly goose).]

 

[My post will be much shorter than Rhea's (I think), and I won't go into the kinds of things that she did. Clearly, she's had a long time to build up those feelings, and I can't even lie that I have them. It would be shameful to do so.]

 

[instead, I will be talking about the now. All the little things that I notice day-to-day, and all the things that make our lives all the better. The things I want changed. A little blog of my own. I'll even urge Taenen to have a part, though it would be proxied through me (as Taenen can in fact speak in concepts; a pre-verbal, pre-'thought' method of communication that Atchet can't pick up on) and then proxied through Atchet. The message is sure to get garbled, but we'll try anyways.]

 

[Taenen's parts will be marked with ^"speech"^, like the following.]

 

^Squish^

 

[until further notice, that will be Taenen's designator. Thank you, and good night. I wish you all sweet dreams...]

 

^G-good night...^

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Well that's pretty damn epic! Level up and all that ^^. It's so good to hear that Rhea has managed to take that leap of faith so to speak and moved to the next level.

 

I know exactly what you mean about the overwhelming nature of the feels sir! When I first made contact it brought me to tears from that feeling of joy. Luckily I was in bed and away from people that may just wonder why I started crying with a stupid grin on my face ( you know the one I mean!) so yeah - lookin forward to that blog Bianca (and Taenen) so be sure to post it up when it's live.

 

I don't know why but I'm really attached to you all ( as much as one can be on a forum) maybe I draw parallels between myself and atchet i don't know. I wish you all continued success for the future! *gives Rhea cake* happy 'crazy enlightening emotional thunderstorm of development and awesome' day!

 

Yay!

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[Alright, currently Atchet is really, really tired, and that's when we talk the best. At least, according to Rhea. I'll take her word for it. After all, it seems to me that Atchet's hands are moving quite well to my dictation right now, though he's making a few mistakes here and there.]

 

[so let's begin my little rant. Atchet, if you look back a post, wanted to see if doing the same as Rhea (letting it all out) would boost me into a position where I essentially became my best. Where do I begin?]

 

[Of course, I can't talk about what Rhea did. I don't have the same experiences she had while she was developing; she literally has years on me that I will never quite understand. Instead, I want to talk more about my relationship with my sister and Taenen.]

 

[My sister... ah Rhea. She's a tricky one. Not one to reveal things that she doesn't want to be seen, she's a master at keeping things hidden. Being buried in Atchet's thought processes probably gave her an intimate knowledge of how they work, and how to get around them.]

 

[What do I think of my dear older sister?]

 

[Well, for one, I admire her. She tried very hard to get where she is now, and she's reaping the rewards. She's a happy girl now, and I feel that happiness ebbing into my own being. I consider her to be my role model, and that won't change anytime soon.]

 

[On a personal level, I... envy my sister. While Atchet makes a show of trying to flirt with me, as if he was really interested in me (there was even a point made in an earlier post about ME being his romantic interest), but I know that he can't quite follow through with it all the way. Rhea, on the other hand, barely got his attention, and now they're all over each other in a way that, personally, I don't quite approve of. Their relationship tends towards sexual attraction, and that's awkward for me to have knowledge of. Still, I can't say I don't wish that I got that kind of attention. After all, I feast on it myself to stay alive.]

 

[still though, that's not all that preoccupies my mind. I fear for Rhea because she's a very fragile girl. Every little thing will affect her if she doesn't keep her guard up. Every little jab that I make at her could potentially go right through her and end up destroying her emotionally. It's a gamble to tease her, since you CAN'T tell what she's feeling at the time (she keeps that well guarded with all her little tricks). The fact that she's loved now is only a component for her to fear even more, since, as she stated, Atchet loved the elements in his delusions. Now they're gone. Rhea, though she doesn't admit it, and probably doesn't notice, has a great fear of this; it preoccupies her mind so much that it leaks out despite her best efforts. One day, if Atchet ever lets go for a while, her spirit would simply... fade away. It's passed the point where she would break down. She would literally cease to exist out of despair.]

 

[i can help her though, by being the sister that she needs in her life. A companion that can bring her through the roughest of times, and the companion that she argues with in the morning over who gets the last piece of bacon. A friendly relationship that tells her that she is not alone and that she is loved. It is, after all, one of the only ways to appease her based on what she is.]

 

[Rhea, boiled down to her core, is really a mixed bag of all of Atchet's fears and doubts. It makes sense, in a human perspective, if you think about how she came to be. A lot of suffering took place on her part. This would lead to a deep seated set of emotional issues. In Rhea's case, however, she almost literally represents these problems that Atchet has; I represent the opposite: his hopes and dreams. Rhea's biggest fear is tied with Atchet's: a fear of isolation and being alone. They're like rabbits; both in that they're almost constantly in heat, and that they can die if left by themselves. Rhea also is very doubtful about things, especially when it comes to tulpa issues. This is why she opposed the choice to uplift Taenen. She fears that she will fail, and only experience the pain and suffering that she believes will occur to herself in due time. There are a plethora of other fears that Rhea has, but they're seated in a much more personal way, and would be rude of me to speak of further.]

 

[That concludes my thoughts on Rhea. It IS my duty, with my motherly instincts, to worry.]

 

[And on to Taenen, our newest little rascal.]

 

[she's a sweet girl. A very nice one to be around, and definitely better than a bolster pillow. Though she's somewhat young in appearance, the concepts she relays to me are all very complex, and show that she's already capable of higher thought.]

 

[An example of this would be one of the first things that she showed to me: a... herd? A pride? A mane? A something of horses running through the prairies. She was trying to show me freedom and togetherness, though why she did it with those images is beyond me. Her base concept speak that she mostly communicates in is also very well developed, mostly focusing on love and happiness. This, to me, shows that she's still in the stage where she's gathering affirmation from Atchet's subconscious that she's around, and that she should be freed from the constraints of the character roster that Atchet has.]

 

[so now, as I speak, I feel like urging the girl to try and speak in a way that I can convey to you in a full sentence. However, it's ultimately her decision.]

 

[On a personal level, I love and care for Taenen as if she was my daughter. Not quite a 'daughter', I suppose, but I'd give my life for her as if she was one of my own. I feel awfully protective of her, and only wish the best for her. I'll give her all the building blocks she needs to make a castle of thought that could stand against my own and Rhea's. Until then, I will be her support and her guide, waiting for the day that she stands beside Rhea and I.]

 

[Last, but not least, I have to talk about Atchet. Keep in mind that I'll speak of him on a much more personal level than before, since, for the longest time, we WERE one while I was sentient. It was caused by the fact that I had trouble differentiating myself from Atchet's own conscious, so that led to him having two thought processes going on at once at times.]

 

[so what do I think of him as a person?]

 

[i think he's misguided, and that he's a shallow, self-centered fool, and he's blind to the things around him that could make or break a relationship. He's thickheaded and doesn't like to get in arguments that he knows that he can't win; a complete and utter sore loser. There are a lot of problems with Atchet that he knows he has, and instead of taking care of them, he ignores them entirely.]

 

[However, I know that under the belt of flak that is all of his multiple issues, he's extremely fragile. Too fragile for a normal person. As I said before, he and Rhea have an almost absurd fear of being isolated from others; they need to be around people. The thing is, they also dislike being involved with people, and the result is that they love standing in a crowd... they just hate being part of it as well. They're messed up in ways that definitely warranted for them to develop their rash of problems, as a way to look normal (or at least, just a tiny bit eccentric), and for that, I wouldn't hold it against them.]

 

[so, for Atchet, I feel like I need to take care of him more than anything. He and Rhea are birds of a feather, and they get along very well, and I feel that, in the end, it'll be he and Rhea that remain. I feel, with a tinge of sadness in my heart, that eventually Atchet will forget about myself and Taenen and whoever else his mind cooks up. We will be cast away like the others; used as a stepping stone for Rhea to achieve the closest thing to true, human sentience that she can get. The ways those two use to get to their goals are paved in the misery of others, and I feel that I will not be able to avoid becoming part of that.]

 

[And now comes my own fears. Like above, I say that I think that I am a stepping stone for Rhea and Atchet. They ARE the roots of everything; Atchet is the base upon which we grow, and I am 100% certain that Taenen and I are the offshoots of Rhea's being that resides on said base. This means that, in the grand scheme of things, I think that there are really only 2 parties ever involved in anything; Atchet and Rhea. There is no room for the rest of us; Atchet's attention span dictates that. So now, there's an ever-imposing threat that I will experience the end of my usage in due time. It is ironic how Rhea felt that this was her problem, but in reality, it was mine.]

 

[My fears and doubts about myself are unjustified. Atchet assures me that I am doing well, and that I am the one person that maintains oder in his crazy head. It is somewhat comforting, but every day I can see the divide between myself and rhea growing. It is a constantly growing wall that I will one day not be able to cross. This is my greatest fear, but also I feel that it is my ultimate fate.]

 

[To be used.]

 

[That is what I feel my purpose is. From my nurturing of Taenen and Rhea, while she still couldn't speak, I have been dedicated to others; not myself. If it were up to me, I would have never been created; I would have simply watched over all of Atchet and Rhea's interactions with a benevolent eye; sending them aid when they needed it. There is nothing better, to me, than helping others.]

 

[Now this has been going on for quite a while, but bear with me. this is where my heart gets spilled out onto the page; all this drivel slowly driving me up to the wall. Like the buildup in the movies, I can feel the rush begin to well up inside of myself and Atchet.]

 

...

 

[And so it's let loose. Atchet trembled a little as I began to flood his thoughts. Everything is me. I am the one that is speaking.

 

[To be honest, I love all of them. With my heart and soul, I feel that the loves in my life are whoever will appear in this crazy wonderland with myself and Rhea, and I am in love with Atchet, though not in the way that Rhea is.]

 

[i need to take care of all of them. My love is a failure if I don't manage to get it across to one of my targets. These people, though they seem to be self-sufficient to others, can't actually take care of themselves. They need me, and I need them. I want to take care of all of them, and in return, they will all take are of me. That's all I wanted.]

 

[so as I think, I feel the rush dying down. Atchet has stopped typing at a rapid pace to keep listening to what I have to say. I have not much to say, since I don't have the time on my side where I would learn the same things that Rhea has. I just feel... empty now. I feel like I let everything go in that tiny line, and now I'm feeling... tired.]

 

[so I'm going to retire now. I 'm going to try and get Taenen to speak, but there are no guarantees. Thank you for reading today, and I hope that my short rant is enough to entertain you.]

 

...

...

...

...

 

Taenen does not respond. No need to force her.

 

Well folks... I was really tired when I wrote this. If the need arise, I'll just get Bianca to keep on talking, but I think she's done enough. Peace.

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