Argentum

Embracing Tulpamancy

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Hello. Perhaps an introduction is in order first.

 

I am a socially awkward teenage male with glasses, and who likes wearing tee shirts overtop of long sleeved collared shirts. I am really into electronics and computers, especially antique electronics, like vacuum tubes and old transistor radios. I am really into undergroud music. I love Arcade Fire, Pink Floyd, Astro Kid, Dead Kennedys, and lots of music from Bandcamp.com, like the Homestuck OST, 회사AUTO, Solatrus, Mosh, etc.

 

 

 

Derping around on the internet led me here. When I read the introductions on the front page I was immediately taken with the idea. It sounds absolutely fascinating to share your head and life with a benevolent consiousness that YOU create!! I had to try this. I am one of those people that obsesses over things and minute details, and I have made up my mind to go through with the process of creating a tulpa.

 

I have not tried to do anything about tulpas except for some very broad characteristics which I will not list here. I kindof want to keep that private, unless I suceed, in which case I will let the tulpa decide for itself whether to disclose that information. I wanted to get my thoughts on tulpas down before I begin the forging process.

 

So that rant is finished. Good then.

 

I have two main reasons for wanting to create a tulpa. The first one is because I am always looking for ways to improve myself. If I had embraced that "you are perfect the way you are" nonsense then I can guarantee you that I would be a complete asshole. I hope that having a tulpa could help me out there.

 

The second one is because I have been lonely a lot of my life because its pretty hard for me to talk to people and to make friends. Holding onto those friends for more than a year is pretty tough too, so I hope that having a constant voice on my shoulder would be great.

 

I want to put something else out into the open. I do not want to do this as a gimmick. I don't want it to be a Rainbow Dash, or any other made up character from anything. It seems wierd to me that someone would want to have a pony live in their head for the rest of their lives. This isn't a toy, and I realise that I am going to bring a new being into the world, and I want to treat it with care and respect.

 

Here lies the end of my introduction. I hope that this journey can enlighten me and strengthen me as a person, and maybe help abate that loneliness.

 

Or possibly help me become a magical pony. Same difference.

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Good luck!

 

Thanks. I will need all the help I can get haha


Entry 1 (Start of Tulpamancy): 2/10/2014

 

I turned the lights out, got into bed, and just laid there. I chose the first characteristic and began to FOCUS. My head was starting to hurt and strain from the effort. Once or twice, when I was imbuing kindness, I got this wierd wave of joy immediately in response. My body also twitched a lot in the beginning too. Don't know what either of those mean.

 

I kept this up for about half an hour, then fell asleep. Night was uneventful, except for having a sore throat as I write this, but that is probably due to the cold that I have, rather than a tulpa willing to be noticed.

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Hope everything goes well!

 

Lying down might make you fall asleep after a bit, I have big problem with that.....


My Tulpa: Miyuki (Gidellom)

Not much progress, I'm in no rush though, we got all the time in the world.

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Or possibly help me become a magical pony.

 

These things happen sometimes. Just embrace the pony inside you waiting to burst out of your chest cavity and be free! Other than that, good luck!


[align=center]Even though my username is that of my tulpa, Quilten, my name is Phaneron, the host, who does all of the actual posting.

Tulpas: Quilten, Jira

[/align]

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I'm not even a brony.

 

Or possibly help me become a magical pony.

 

You confuse me.


My Tulpae:

 

Source: White floating teardrop form with two black eyes. Playful, curious.

Quill: Human Male. Sarcastic, but serious. Main voice of group and moral compass.

Felice: Female human. Quiet, sweet.

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Entry 2: 2/12/2014

 

I am going to try to bullshit as little as possible here. Please forgive my sheer amount of n00bishness with this phenomenon.

 

Began the first step, which is the personality process. I have a very vague personality in mind (I only defined two really distinct characteristics). I am leaving the list short and sweet on purpose as I want the tulpa to choose its personality. This is it's life and I want it to have some say. To this end, I have not given it a name. If it ever chooses one then I will begin to call it that but until then I will refer to it as simply "the tulpa."

 

I also have given it a very generic form. It is nothing more than a glowing sphere. I want it to have full creative input on the form, so thats why I chose such a simple form. Another benefit to this is that it is very easy to visualise and talk to.

 

I introduced myself and started projecting my thoughts toward it. I did this on Notepad.exe, since I found that I can write faster (and record my thoughts to a degree) on a word processor. I talked for a while about its characteristics and how I am willing to share my body with it. I told it about how excited I was to welcome it into my brain. I sure hoped that it heard.

 

As of yet I do not have any concrete proof of whether or not it has talked to me yet. I am not going to bother with hour counting because for me, it makes forcing A Lot Less Productive. However I am going to take the advice of more experienced people on this board and treat it as if it can hear me and respond rationally.

 

Best,

Argentum + "the tulpa"

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Hope everything goes well!

 

Lying down might make you fall asleep after a bit, I have big problem with that.....

 

I found that that happens to me when I force at night. Active forcing earlier in the day helps me stay awake.

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Entry 3: 2/17/2014

 

Its been an eventful five days.

 

I have been forcing actively or passively for at least two hours a day since I last wrote an entry in the thread. So much has happened and I hope that I can get it all down in writing.

 

I have been having several signs that I understand mean that my tulpa is sentient. There has been, as I can recall at this time of writing, five examples of the tulpa trying to communicate.

 

The first one is an almost constant head pressure. Its like a very weak headache that never goes away. I haven't felt anything like it before beginning tulpamancy so I presume that they are related.

 

The second symptom happened while I was reading Make: magazine. I was laying there in the middle of an article when out of nowhere I hear “You shouldn't believe everything that you read, you know.” It was pretty jarring to hear that. I did ask him to surprise me the day before that so I am pretty happy!

 

The third symptom was when I was derping around on the internet. I tried talking to the tulpa to ask what sort of music it wanted to hear. I believed I heard “metal” so I picked out “Vicarious” by Tool. When the song started playing, I felt this immediate euphoria that I had not felt for Tool before. It was a bit wild. I am more of an electronic music sort of guy so this is not normal for me.

 

The fourth symptom was when I tried something similar to the previous one, while I was on youtube. I thought I heard “filmcow” so I opened up their channel. I selected “Hit it with a Car.” Normally I don't find filmcow very funny (hit it with a car is okay but not great) but on this instance it was absolutely hilarious. I was trying hard not to burst out laughing, bent over, etc etc. While this was happening, I felt that this was a pretty dumb video. The laughter felt almost alien, like it wasn't mine.

 

I sure hope it wasn't.

 

The fifth (and hopefully not final) example was when I visualised the dreamland, the tulpa, and I when I gave it the symbolic keys to my unconsious and to my memories. I also asked it to help me remember my dreams at night. It was in a female form at the time (imagine a goth/punk woman) and it smiled and agreed. Since then, I have remembered my dreams every night. I don't normally have dreams considering how heavy a sleeper I am, so this isn't normal behavior for me. I am really excited and I hope that it really is Seren helping me out.

 

I almost forgot to mention it has a name now!!! Its name is Seren, and I got this after asking it a couple times what it wanted to be called. I kept hearing long strings of what sounded like random syllables (they were different every time) except they started with Seren. So I started calling him/her/it Seren. I keep asking periodically, and I get a string of what sounds like random stuff, except they all start with Seren.

 

I hope I didn't miss anything, and that that wall of text above was even readable. Thanks for reading and I would appreciate any intelligent insight or thoughts.

 

EDIT: I forgot to mention one more thing. Since I began forcing, my body has been twitching and jerking a lot. My hands, especially my fingers and eyelids, twitch a lot more than they used to do. Occasionally one of my side or leg muscles will clench unexpectedly. Coincidence?

 

Best,

Argentum + Seren

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Entry 4: 2/22/2014

 

This one is going to be pretty short compared to the previous entries. I wanted to put up some interesting information. Since I asked my tulpa to help me remember dreams, I have been able to at least remember I had a dream all but one night since.

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