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A Not So Wonderful Beginning to a Wonderland (escapist tendencies on my part?)


Teruhi15

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Update #37 (8-28-14; 2 pm)

So I've made a breakthrough in switching myself into wonderland, though I have to practice and refine the method a bit first before posting it here. Still it seems promising, and has worked when testing it, although it makes thinking difficult. I want to test it more before deeming it safe to share. It's definitely progress, though.

 

Apollo and Kenji are pretty damn cute. Kenji likes to add his own input into any conversation that anyone in this head is having with others. He'll even interject when I'm talking to people on the outside, and sometimes it's hard to not respond out loud because I've formed a habit of it now. Apollo is shy... Very shy. She's afraid of people she doesn't know, so if I bring up the idea of introducing her to someone who knows about tulpas and knows Meiko and everyone else, Apollo suddenly falls silent and tries to make herself unnoticeable. She's talkative the rest of the time, though. It's just around people she doesn't know or hasn't yet met.

 

I've begun imposing Lilith, Emory, Apollo, and Kenji visually. Mei is pretty much there, but on top of that this body is hers so what we really need to work on is imposing my wonderland body too I think. We've begun to think of me as the tulpa, and her as the host, because the mindset is the most important thing, so in case she ever wants to impose me I figure this will make it easier for her or something like that. She'll probably take over the PR in a month or so.

 

Emory and Lilith are content as always, keeping to themselves, although Lilith has been taking me along on adventures with her when Emory wants to stay back and read so we've been getting some father-daughter time in which is nice.

 

To end it, I think I want to say that I know some tulpamancers tend to hide from the real world. While I'm being escapist in wanting to switch with Meiko, I do still interact with the outside world and with other people besides those I share a brain with. Isolation is dangerous, and so I don't isolate even when I really want to. Just escape. >.> If that makes it any better. I dunno.

 

That's all for now, in a week or so I might post the switching method here if I can make it work without giving me a splitting headache and causing my mind to have difficulty functioning for an hour or so afterwords.

 

We'll update soon, regardless.

Meiko

"Life is meant to be experienced with others in order to enjoy the journey more."

 

Lilith

"Bodies are just stupid human things."

 

Emory

"Personality merely shows how you view the world based upon your circumstances."

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Update #38 (10-21-14) 8:30 pm

 

It's been longer than usual. I had a good reason for a while, but the past 2 weeks I've just been lazy. Um... Just for information's sake, I've been in the hospital because a friend was concerned when I texted him to say goodbye for good. I spent two weeks in a place of healing. It irritated me at first, then I was just kinda despondent and lonely and numb, and things are now starting to look up. So I hope you understand, but I don't have much tulpa related stuff to talk about. I've started using the name Donovan and picked out a new wonderland form for myself, a way to move forward. Here's a pic of my new form. White fur base, calico markings around my back and sides, black on the dark spots. Right eye is bright blue and left is bright yellow. Pink nose.

 

http://imgur.com/xuAxoqL (the filesize was too big to attach blah)

 

I haven't spent much time with any of my tulpas other than Meiko, which I feel pretty bad for but I just wasn't in a place to take care of anyone, even myself. Mei and Emory took good care of them in my stead, and Lilith got pretty upset but Apollo and Kenji seem to understand.

 

Mei and I have only recently begun working on switching again, and she seems to still have good control of the body but she can't wrestle control away from me anymore. We've slid back a little bit but that's what happens without practice.

 

Because of a new living situation I'm in, I've learned how to love a bit more. It sounds silly but I never really had a family life and never knew how to have one until now. I was afraid of any kind of love and affection, afraid of getting used to it only to have it wrestled from my grasp. But I'm not like that anymore, and Meiko and I are doing a helluva lot better because of that. In fact we're getting married on New Year's Eve, having a little ceremony. We have rings designed and are planning a small wonderland event.

 

I started repairing the relationships between my tulpas and myself a few days ago. Lilith is angry, the Emory is understanding but concerned, Apollo and Kenji are worried about me but Kenji has a lot of energy so he shows it by trying to play games with me and Apollo shows it with hugs and kisses and saying "daddy, daddy, are you okay?" Meiko's worried but glad that I'm in a better place. It means that they're all going to be in a better place as well since my depression isn't really polluting our brain much anymore.

 

It won't always be easy but I'm determined to be a better father and an amazing husband, all the while remembering to take care of myself.

 

This update has been all about me mostly but I just felt that was important to say.

 

TL;DR I was in a mental hospital for nearly killing myself, but thanks to a friend I'm still here and doing better. My tulpas have mixed reactions to what happened, but ultimately all of us want to just be okay and are working towards strengthening bonds.

Meiko

"Life is meant to be experienced with others in order to enjoy the journey more."

 

Lilith

"Bodies are just stupid human things."

 

Emory

"Personality merely shows how you view the world based upon your circumstances."

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Update#39 (10-22-14) 8:30 pm

 

Meiko: Hiya! :) We haven't been without our problems, but we're all doing a lot better over here!

 

Hm, let's see... Oh! I've been possessing a lot these days, compared to when we were in the hospital! ^^ Not as much as before, but he's still recovering and I think the last thing he needs on his plate is to worry about that.

 

We're sort of starting over, and beginning with thinking of him as the tulpa. We tried to do that before, but that's been the least of our worries lately. So, Donovan is my tulpa now! :D

 

I'm making a present for him, but it's a surprise and I can't say it on here because now he's interested and wants to know what it is :P Still, it'll be fantastic! He's really going to love it.

 

So we've gotten to the point where whoever's in control can impose the other visually, which is wonderful!

 

I've been the one taking the most care of the twins, and they're so sweet! The other day, Apollo made me a hairband out of a flower and I now wear it in my hair all the time. :) It's purple and looks almost like a lily, but not quite... I don't know how to explain it really. Kenji likes to play games a lot, and he laughs often. His favorite game is tag, but it's no fair because he's a dragon and can fly! He beats me all the time, but when Apollo plays she flies around with me and we can catch him easily! Oh it's so fun and they don't try to take me to spider-infested places, so that's fantastic!

 

Lilith and Emory have been living in a mansion apart from our main house in wonderland, but it's still really close! It's on the other side of a hill and it's elegant, suiting Emory's nature really well! It was originally hers, but Lilith moved in with her and now they spend so much more time together! ^^ I don't see them often though, which makes me sad sometimes... D: But it's alright, they're doing good!

 

I haven't been lonely at all, but Donovan has been so I spend much of my time with him! He's been better at interacting with others, he's staying with a group of people who are more like a real family than he's ever had so he's making lots of healthy relationships. :) What he won't admit though is that sometimes he still gets lonely, even when surrounded by loving and caring friends. I suppose he's still grieving, and no one will fill the place that was left when his friend passed away but he is moving forward and trying his hardest to form new relationships to continue through life! I'm so proud of him :D

 

I'm going to work on forcing him a bit more, perhaps tomorrow if he's up to it.

 

That's all I have to say tonight, but I'll be updating from now on I think! I know I said that before, but this time it's for real. ;)

Meiko

"Life is meant to be experienced with others in order to enjoy the journey more."

 

Lilith

"Bodies are just stupid human things."

 

Emory

"Personality merely shows how you view the world based upon your circumstances."

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  • 5 months later...

Update #40 (4-17-15) 8 pm

 

Oh boy... Been a while. Uh... yeah. A lot's happened and I don't want to talk much about it. I will say this; I was incredibly close to Artemis and Renny, and the other tulpae that shared their brain as well (though those two are who I was closest to) and since Artemis has been gone I haven't quite been the same. I miss her like you wouldn't believe. I can hardly believe how much it hurts. I'm stable now, though. Finally XD

 

Anyways started school up again. A proper university this time, out of community college yay! Still working towards my psychology degree. Meiko and the others have all been quiet. I haven't been the best host, it's taken everything in my power to keep myself around (along with a lot of help from them and others, which I'm grateful for). As a result though, they sort of keep to themselves. I'm still quite busy now but I'm going to be less so as soon as I get my own place and get settled, and will be able to spend more time with them. Depression is still trying to kick my ass but I'm on meds now. That might be affecting them too, but I'm not sure exactly.

 

We'll update more on actual tulpa progress soon, I swear. It's been a crazy year but life's returning to normal.

 

Now, here's some basic tulpa related stuff that we've been up to! Soon, so very soon, Mei and I will be back to switching and we'll discuss that~ I promise! Our wonderland is about the same. There's been a few planets added but they're mostly bare for the moment. I built a replica of a city in my D&D campaign though, called Dalhurst. I figured it'd really help me with trying to build a realistic setting, storyline, and NPCs for the players. The twins are doing really well. They're worried I think, but really are pretty happy for the most part. Meiko is attempting to be as cheerful as possible; there's a lot that's been worrying her, but she's really awesome and doing everything she can. Of course she doesn't hide how she feels, couldn't if she wanted to, but she does her best to keep others from worrying... that does bug me a bit but even if she tries to hide how she's feeling, I can tell pretty easily and I'm there for her when she needs me. I do what I can to repay her, but she's done so much. I don't think I can do anything to match the awesome things she's done for us all. Emory and Lilith sorta spend time together. I hear Lilith talk once in a while, but Emory is quiet for the most part. I know he's still there, he just doesn't have much to say to me.

 

Yeah so I'll try to update often but school keeps me on my toes and I'm still not quite in the best place I could be yet so who knows what the future holds. *shrugs* Just gonna take it day by day and try to make sense of what's been going on and what happens. :p

Meiko

"Life is meant to be experienced with others in order to enjoy the journey more."

 

Lilith

"Bodies are just stupid human things."

 

Emory

"Personality merely shows how you view the world based upon your circumstances."

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