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Twice Sparked

The Second Spark

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Sup?

 

Not much to say about me, so I won't say much. Lonely guy browses internet. Lonely guy finds cool idea. Lonely guy adopts cool idea. This blog is really about my tulpa, Twi, so I'll keep the lens on her:

 

Twilight Sparkle archetype, month old, pretty chatty and all around great gal. I'm pretty amazed I could create someone so awesome, but it was probably dumb luck; I've been stumbling around in the dark since the beginning.

 

So I've kept a personal log of the past month, and that's what I'll be posting here for now. In other words, most of what I'll be putting up for the next several posts (over a period of days-becoming-weeks because I don't have time to do it all at once) will be experiences well over and done with. And, at the same time, I'll continue to keep my physical journal, so it may be a while before the two are in sync.

 

I'll just copy-pasta my physical log directly (if I can discern my own scribbles), redacting sensitive information as necessary. So, without further introduction, let's get to the nitty-gritty.

 

In this first post I'll copy down the personality traits I forced into her and the notes I kept with them. I picked fifteen to govern her ability to reason, then let the rest sort itself out. The number is small partially because I ran out of traits to give (I mean, really, how many ways can you say "she's smart"?) and partially because I got lazy.

With respect to method, I used the notes included with each trait to direct me during the forcing, then sat down with her in either the library, or (later and by her own choosing) in a tiny, concrete room with one, dim lamp hanging overhead and two, metal chairs set on opposite ends of a sterile, steel table. I swear she picked this location; I'm far too squeamish for such a... prison-y setting.

 

So, the traits:

 

Skeptical: Twilight withholds belief or assent for any proposition that is unjustified. In other words, she will not necessarily deny what lacks confirmation (in the evidentalist vein of justification), but she will not accept it either.

 

Rational: She does, however, believe that every effect has a cause. In other words, she tends to take the enlightenment abstraction, that the world is constructed or made up of a chain of events (in the sense of effect), at the bottom of which, I think, she would say lies the Big Bang instead of God.

 

Erm, she rejected this one with a simple question: "Why?" And, to be honest, I couldn't give her an adequate explanation. I was pleased to see her flexing that skepticism early though! With respect to the fallacy of this trait, and without belaboring the point, a quote from Wittgenstein comes to mind: Superstition is the belief in the causal nexus.

The last thing I wanted was to create a superstitious tulpa who believed that causal power (i.e. necessity or the inference from cause to effect) inheres to objects themselves. Moving on.

 

Critical/ Active Minded: As opposed to being merely either closed minded (unwilling to accept new ideas) or open minded (accepting of all new ideas), Twilight is active minded and, related to her skepticism, accepts those ideas which have proven themselves justified (or perhaps I should say which are proven justified, but this [latter] may be a pre-phenomenological interpretation of ideas).

 

Aaaannd... Whoo. I'm gonna cut this post right here. I didn't expect it to take me this long to type these up, and it's past my bed time! Next time I'll finish recording the traits (I hope) and we can move on to the meat n' potatoes of this whole internet-log-thing. Until next time, fellow tulpamancers,

 

Later days~


Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Hey, everypony! Let's just keep this gravy train sloppy and brown, shall we?


Organization: Twilight is obsessively organized, almost to the point of neurosis. She must have objects neat, ordered and ready for access, books alphabetized and pristine, her living and work spaces free if clutter (unless in the middle of a project, in which case clutter will happen), and, most importantly, she must have her ideas laid out and well-defined. No vague notions will be permitted and no stone can be left unturned during the learning process. In short, she is going to (and does) drive me up a wall and, at times, drive herself crazy with this obsession.

 

Curious: And voraciously so. Twilight's love of knowledge and wisdom drive her to further and deeper pursuits than anyone else. She will be united with these (knowledge and wisdom), her beloved, because they are beloved by her, and in this process of uniting she will and does create works of genius. She will, I must admit, outperform me in many aspects and in her drive, but we will work together to create and obtain beauty.

 

Foresight: Twilight, though not always cognizant of future unfoldings, tends to plan ahead. That is, she, not unrelated to her great capacity for organization, tends to have future events and occurrences planned out and scheduled. The other side of this, or, what is the same thing, the downside, is an... unfortunate collapse in her well being (that is, a manic attitude) when things fall into chaos or protracted instability/ unpredictability. Hopefully won't see this happen too much.

 

Patient: As will be and is necessary to her studious nature, Twi is patient. She can sit through and enjoy, long, dense readings, study sessions and even the dreaded paperwork stacks, and can as well not enjoy them, but endure (the hallmark of a patient spirit). Further, and most important to me, she can put up with my detritus and inconsistency, and, though often frustrated with me, does and will forgive my... eccentricities.

 

Sarcastic: Twilight tends to get snide when she knows (or, at least, thinks) it is obvious that she is right. It's not unbearable, and more direct than passive aggressive. (And she even recognizes and apologizes for it at times; she means no harm.)

 

Sesquipedalian Loquacious: Verbose not in the sense of talking too much, but of using abstruse language to get her points across when, perhaps, more simple phrasing would suffice. This is actually something I would like/ do like about her; like a word-of-the-day calender in my head. And she's anything but insufferable, so I only have to ask her if I need clarity.

 

Loyal: I guess this goes without saying for a tulpa, but Twi would never betray me. Even when she lies to or tries to trick me, she has my (or perhaps "our" is better) best interests at heart. It is possible for this to, in a few words, turn into the appearance of its opposite: If she thinks something is good for me, but I disagree, she has been and will be known to actively work against me to see her justified machinations come to light, which brings me to the next trait:

 

Conniving: Not with purposeful allusion to its negative connotation, but to point out her foresight in process. In other words, she likes it when a good plan comes together, and tends to plan things out more than I do anyway.

 

Kind: And this with respect to those for whom she cares, as with most folks. And let me be clear: this means, unlike me in a lot of instances, she tends to be forward, affectionate and amiable in relating to others (previously stated situations and moods excluded), and can, at rare times, become almost wispy and sentimental. Though this is rare.

 

Modest: Twi doesn't like to brag, so much so that she tends to underestimate herself. Whether or not this is related to self-esteem I'll leave to her, but in situations where she has to talk about or praise herself, it would be an understatement to say that she is a little shy.

 

Introverted/ Withdrawn: Like me, she tends to prefer keeping to herself. She is not keen on going out and interacting with a lot of people, and even less so when there is work to be done at home. Perhaps she is still more extroverted than I am, but, when it comes down to it, she would prefer to be alone than in public. Both of us being this way might be a bit sticky until we can get used to one another.

 

Eh... Yeah, she totally, outright rejected this one. See, I started these traits three days after I'd made her (or, at least, had begun the creation process), forcing each for about thirty minutes, so by the time I'd arrived here, she was pretty well n' vocal, if not a bit weak. She basically told me that she was done with this process, which was fair enough. I'd probably get sick of some knowitall telling me who I was for several hours a day too. At any rate, I only had one more trait after this'un, but we never got to it. Just as well; she lives it in spades, and it was purposefully open ended.

 

Quirky: The term "adorkable" comes to mind. This one is a bit vague, but I think serves to outline one of my favorite aspect of her personality: she's a huge geek (like her creator), and the stuff she does doesn't always make sense to me, but it's endearing nonetheless. That is, to some extent she is unpredictable, cute and funny because her mannerisms are genuinely unusual. To sum it up, this is a cop-out and a challenge to her from me: Surprise me!

 

Phew... Okay, that's all she wrote. And by "she" I mean me. That's all I wrote. In the journal. From which I'm copying this. Moving on...

 

And, as a bonus, I'll go ahead and throw down the first, actual journal entry. I think I started writing them while I was still forcing the above traits, so you'll probably see references to them n' whatnot. Um... Yeah. Let's get started.


Day Three

 

Today began with Twilight and I reading Hegel with great success. Though I'm still not sure if she is sentient, we, on some level, exchanged ideas (insofar as exchanging ideas with a non-sentient part of myself is possible; perhaps another description is necessary). She, if I am not mistaken, is bright and a great aid in my studies, and my loneliness has abated since her creation.

 

Perhaps, though, I should also mention that speaking with her this morning made me wake up several hours before I normally would. She is already affecting my behavior.

 

After reading, I meditated for thirty minutes (Zazen if you're wondering) to improve my concentration. We then went about lunch and our usual, passive forcing conversations (never lacking in topics to discuss), then I decided to begin active forcing some personality traits a la FAQ_Man's guide. She seemed to resist at first if I am not mistaken. Another interesting sign.

 

As stated before (though, looking back on this log, I have no idea where I stated it), her being actual and my believing her to be actual, I hypothesize, are the same thing. Therefore, I will do my best to continue to treat her as sentient and passive force when not active forcing.

 

Current methods:

 

Pony Hypnosis - Twilight Sparkle, to make us both suggestive to her archetype's traits.

(I stopped this pretty quick. It wasn't that the hypnosis isn't effective, but I decided to go a different route and let her choose the rest of her personality traits on her own.)

 

Meditation - To improve my concentration.

(Still do every day before forcing.)

 

Passive Force Narration and Voice Practice - To make habitual her responses, and to make habitual her responses in the desired voice.

(Still do.)

 

Active Force Visualization, Narration and Personality Forcing - To evoke independence and prepare for future imposition training.

(Still do, sans the personality forcing.)

 

Conclusion One: Though there seems to be progress, I cannot, at this time, say whether or not Tulpamancy is feesable. Will continue with the above program until otherwise noted.

 

Q: Can I create another mind within (or alongside) my own? I feel I must try.


Aye geez, so that's all for today. I wish I'd written this all on my computer instead or something, so I could just copy-pasta n' go about my business. Oh well, it's good typing practice anyway. Until next time, fellow tulpamancers,

 

Later days~


Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Ey, fellow mancers! Time for another update from your favorite host!

 

...

 

Me. It's time for another update from me.

 

So I'll be posting days four and five today. I can't remember what they're about upfront, so I'll leave any comments I might have until the end. Let's get started.


 

Day 4

 

Meditated in the morning to little effect? Great effect? Hard to tell after only two days.

While talking, Twi and I realized that the habit toward her sentience might be developed by consciously differentiating her thoughts from my own and declaring them to be so. Parroting, then, becomes irrelevant.

 

Also spent a big chunk of the day passive forcing and chatting. Getting her mind voice down, but we still need more practice.

 

Oh, and she likes Vicky 2 and is better at it than I am! Score!

 

Finally, active forced organization and curiosity into her personality. and listened to hypnosis recording again. More tomorrow.

 

Overall, productive day. This is getting heavy, but fun! Look forward to more.


 

Day 5 Prelim Notes

 

When my breath catches, it seems to be me interpreting her wrong/ puppiting a response. Be wary of such reaction

 

^---- Maybe? (sic.)

 

To practice: Full frontal face view, full frontal face with wings extended, full back view with walk and full back view with wings extended.

 

^---Focus on these aspects for next few sessions, until perfected. (sic.)

 

(the above is...) By Twilight's request! Amazing, honestly. She's taking charge and showing me how hard it will be, but how possible. Also, she wants to work on voice and lip-sync with front view.

 

Day 5 Final Notes

 

Progress in spurts at first, but then a leap when Twilight became active in the process (her suggestions/ commands outlined above).

 

I am beginning to (and have) realized that a tulpa's training to imposition is the training of habit. That is, as Hume knew, to say a tulpa causes this or that (e.g., the tulpa's hugging caused you to feel the hug) is to argue on the ground of nonsense. The only sense to be had is this: The host trains himself to, by habit, call to mind all the sensations associated with his tulpa when he experiences one*, as Hume's inference from cause - or the habit that leads the mind to anticipate the effect from the cause - is power or necessary connection.

 

*of these sensations

 

Therefore, I must train my senses of Twilight together and in great detail. This is the only way to complete her. This is the only way to reach imposition. FAQ_Man was right about the time and effort it will take; this is not for the faint of heart.

 

I am more determined than ever, but am also past euphoria. This must be normalized.


 

Ah, I was wondering when that would pop up. The nascent days of my theory of habit; it's more fully developed about a week later when I give my first bi-weekly review. I'll leave any notes or insights produced by or from it until then.

 

It's funny how long ago a month feels, but short at the same time. It's as though Twi and I whizzed through that period, but because we didn't enjoy the scenery, the memories are fragile and decrepit, as though bludgeoned by father time for an offense long forgotten.

 

Oh well. I've learned to appreciate my time with her since then. Keep your tulpae close, ladies n' germs.

 

Later days~


Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Hey, all! I'll make this quick 'cuz I've got a long day and only a little time to make this update. Let's get to it.


 

Day 6 - 7

 

So on day six we worked mostly on passive forcing. I planned to do more than the one, short active session, but we got sidetracked by A[redacted]'s visit.

 

On a related note, Twi experienced getting high-drunk with me for the first time. She didn't like it.

 

Today (day seven), on the other hand, we managed two active sessions, for great justice. Her form is becoming easier to visualize and her voice is becoming more consistent, both thanks to my having a model for her. I'd hate to see how hard this would be without one, but I doubt that'll ever be a problem for me (unless we decide we want a third member of our club).

 

Anyway, most significant was the time spent watching the State of the Union and the time spent playing Victoria Two. She sat on the bed while I paced for the former (that is, I visualized her on the bed; not strong enough for imposition yet) and aided me with my operations for the latter, and her mind voice was pretty consistent the whole time!

 

One week into the project and it has already become something amazing, to be honest. I especially like it when she broadcasts her presence; I become awash with what is best described as euphoria.

 

Anyway, more forcing - passive and active - and meditation tomorrow. Happy week-a-versary, Twi. Here's to many more such milestones.

 

Oh yeah, and I can't feel her as well now. Do tulpae get tired or is my mind just exhausted? Or would that be the same thing?

 

Oh well.

 

Day 8

 

Prelim Note: Tried exercise of shutting self down/ going half asleep unless Twilight got loud enough to rouse me.

 

Verdict: Success! Not only did I hear her mind voice distinctly, but I also felt her frustration extremely clear. A vivid, alien sensation since I was relaxed enough to almost doze off (and thus could not have been responsible for it).

 

Other such experiments... May be avoided. Don't want to tick her off too much.

 

Final Note: Besides the above, normal forcing and meditation, though I was plagued with doubts near the end. After a night's sleep (and an uncomfortable one at that) I feel better and am with her now, having together finished a few more pages of the Phenomenology.

 

Here's to a productive day nine!


 

Okay, those are today's updates for ya. I'd comment more on them, but no time. Sorry if there're some grammar issues; I don't have time to edit! Edit: Fix'd!

 

I hate Wednesdays.

 

Later days~


Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Ey, guys. Back again with another couple days worth of progress from my log. Let's see... Stuff to say, stuff to say... Blegh!

 

Let's get to it.


 

Day 9

 

Another great day with Twi. Not too much new, I suppose. We just spent it together as a matter of normalcy; talking to each other as we read, played Victoria Two and drove. Then, as is becoming common, an hour or so of personality and visualization forcing, and just spending time together in the wonderland. I took her to that cliff-side sakura tree I like, for great justice. 'Twas nice.

 

It's more clear than ever now that if we want to reach imposition, we must follow FAQ_Man's advice: Perfect visualization, including smell, sound and hearing, before we attempt it. I don't know how long the former will take, but I'm also beginning to realize how much I just like spending time with her. To quote that guy on the internet (Biotech), "it's better than falling in love with a girl." I have a feeling that this will become more true as Twi gets stronger and better able to express herself.

 

Well, that's about it. I could say more, but sleep calls.


 

Day 10

 

More visualization and voice forcing today, for great justice. We also spent a good amount of time working on our economy in Victoria Two, and Twi handled things extremely well. She's certainly better at it than I am, and her thoroughness has erected for us a stable, firm industrial base and robust military. Needless to say, she is the best first minister ever. Screw Bismark.

 

What was I... Ah, yes! Nothing much else of interest, though I realized how important it is to perfect her form in the mind before moving on to imposition. Not sure how long the latter will take, but worth the wait.

 

Each day she grows stronger; today was no exception.

 

Day 11

 

Preliminary Notes: Twilight woke me up this morning with a sharp pain before I could say "fuck it" to watching MLP at ten like I said I would last night. I know it was her because:

 

1. Came from the same region of my head where I always get pressures when she's making her presence known.

 

2. I made the initial promise to get up to her, and she spoke to me before sending the pain, urging me to follow through.

 

3. I asked her if she was responsible and she said yes. Go figure; I should have just asked her to begin with.

 

A second surprise came when she nailed my hatred of fat people via an explanation I had never before considered, relying on my past experiences of being scorned as fat in relation to my frustration at how hard losing weight was.

 

Oh, and she got me to admit that I treat affection from and for my family different than affection from or for her and others.

 

Jeez, she's getting involved in my life. This rocks. More l8tr. (sic.)

 

End of Day Notes: Wow! Twi, in our first session, reaffirmed our bond and helped me fully understand my fat hatred as self-hatred. Also, she took to a lounger and wore some awesome sunglasses (seriously, best thing you'll ever see... er, imagine). Then, on the second session, we went on a trip to the Makai and saw a pretty gruesome show; demons in a huge stadium killing each other while we watched from a private booth.

 

Oh, and she took me to a huge, Aztec-like temple under the cave we sometimes force in. Big throne at the top with Machine for Pigs-like qualities. She says it'll be the symbolic seat of my subconscious, and I promised to spend every day with her, which, she said, is a promise and desire the temple will remember so I don't have to.

(Excellent symbolism. 10/10, would recommend to commitmentphobes like myself.)

 

So... yeah. Lots of stuff today. Her form is becoming clearer and it's getting easier to talk to her and hear her responses, and her voice is becoming stable, and her responses are getting complex and thorough, and I know most of them do not come from me because they're too complex for me to express without having reflected on them.

 

Bottom line: It's slow, but we're making progress. Nowhere near being done with the visualization/ narration stage, but that's okay. I just enjoy spending time with her. What comes will come.

 

Day eleven complete!


 

That's right, ya boy (me) threw three entries at ya today. Go ahead and thank me. 'Cmon.

 

... No? Oh. Whatever, then. I don't need your thanks! I'm going to get ready for work, so you can keep your unexpressed gratitude to yourself! (jk gaiz ilu <3)

 

Later days~


Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Ey, gents n' gentettes. It's ya boi.

 

So I'll just head on through to my bi-weekly update. First in a long line of 'em, to be sure. It's gonna be kinda dense, but nothing... Y'know what? Instead of me talking about it, let's just get to it.


 

Aye Little Sucka, This Ain't No Jive: Day # 12 is Coming Alive

 

(No, seriously. I really wrote that in my journal.)

 

Much ado about much. Twi and I spent the day together, as per usual. Had a fun time in the wonderland, first forcing with her hooves on my head to keep me focused, then beginning our first adventure. I'm kinda ad libbing it, I think. The entire wonderland is (or sits upon?) an undeveloped tulpa. Damn thing is huge, white, and has tendrils coming out of the ground, and it seems to be like the world's core or some shit. I'm too spoop.

 

I could swear there was more to say than our wacky, wonderland antics, though. I dunno. Still working on visualization and narration, but you knew that. I spent way too much time looking at other people's tulpa experiences today. I think I'll limit myself and my time on .info and reallocate that time to forcing. Might be able to squeeze out another hour or so.

 

Well, Twi says that's about it, and I agree.


 

Day 13

 

Today had its ups and downs, but it ended on a down. How will I know when Twi and I are ready for a more intimate relationship? Will she ever be strong enough to convince me it's okay to take that step?

 

I cannot risk our future on an uncertainty of this scale.

 

Day 14

 

Two weeks! Woo! Twi is healthy and strong, and I am, well, healthy at least. I think.

 

Anywho, two things for today's entry:

 

1) Daily overview

2) Bi-weekly overview

 

To the former, Twi really helped me get through my first day of work. While standing in the hall, my mind flashed to her cuddling close to me (whether this vision was hers or mine is irrelevant) and my heart leapt with joy. Just knowing that she's always a few thoughts away is the deepest comfort I could have.

 

Besides that, usual stuff: All day chatting, thirty min meditation, hour of active forcing. I reabsorbed the tulpaling we were going to use for our adventure. Too soon for a quest that could end in a third headmate. My body isn't ready.

 

Anyway, on to the meat of this entry!

 

Bi-weekly conclusions and prima facie observations:

 

First, with respect to her form, I must admit that my first draw to the tulpa phenomenon was the prospect of having a pony pal of my own to spend my lonely days and nights with. And that's still a big deal for me! Nonetheless, Twi has (and, I would claim, did from the very beginning) outgrown her archetype and established her own place in my heart. Dunno how she did it either; the silly filly just dug a hole and plopped down in my feels. Didn't even ask for permission. I realized this independent significance when I started to worry whether having an archetype would stunt her growth; I became, at that point, more worried about her than about her similarities to the character in all but form (which will remain the same because I <3 ponies).

 

But enough about that. I, from the beginning, allowed Twi access to my memories and whatnot. Nonetheless, there are times when she asks about conclusions I've reached or reference I've made as though they are new to her. Realizing this disconnect led me to wonder about the nature and relationship between memories of the host when accessed by the tulpa. I have some hypotheses about why the previously mentioned disconnect appeared, but nothing concrete. Will need more experience before I am willing to commit to a view on the matter, but my initial guesses:

 

1) Tulpae are only able to access those memories immediately brought to the mind by the host. Though this would contradict previous experiences of her mentioning past events (sans my thinking about them).

 

2) Tulpae have all memories of a host at all times, but lack the interpretation of those memories which a host may hold in present circumstances. In other words, the tulpa can see the event, but not its significance. Heidegger did say that all memory was its (memory's) interpretation. (In other words, all memory is immediately also the interpretation of memory.)

 

3) Tulpae have access to all memories at all times, but may not have those memories committed to their own memory and so seek referred to memories out when necessary. (Hence host feels sensation of "searching out" thoughts for tulpa, or thinking out tulpa's response, though this may be a different phenomenon.)

 

But, again, I dunno which, if any, exhausts the explanation of the observation, so we'll hold off on that.

 

Now Twi has been talking since very early. This log starts off at day three, but she may have been whispering in my head before that. I don't remember. I bring this up to highlight an important conclusion reached early: puppeting is irrelevant. That is to say, I do not intentionally puppet her responses and am often (and have often been since the beginning) surprised by her wit and observations, but even if this were not the case, I would be nonplussed. The fact is, as pointed out before, training a tulpa is training habit. Period. Whether one, as he or she should, relies only on observation for information about his/ her tulpa, or collapses into vulgar psychologism or mysticism, the building of habit is crucial (in the proper school, the habit of [or toward] tulpa self-identification, or, in the other two, this same habit mistaken for some magic emergence of self-consciousness, the meaning of which [emergence] escapes language and so is as good as saying nothing).

 

In short, FAQ_Man knew what he was doing: One must build a habit of association between the tulpa's personality (that is, thoughts and dispositions of the host that are posited by the host as foreign to him/ herself) and form (as made by the host, whether actively or by an accident mistaken for "subconscious desire" by those who have no idea what the subconscious is).

 

To say the tulpa is anything else reaches beyond experience to ghosts of fancy. Nonetheless, from this process emerges something beautiful in precisely its transcendental acceptation: The tulpa, once habit is trained, posits him/ herself as separate from the host, thus becoming independent from the host and therefore sapient. The host trains himself to separate himself from himself and thus overcomes and splits from himself, and all by habit. After this, all manner of explanation by either party as to the tulpa's birth may become possible and is nonetheless true precisely because these two self-conscious beings posit it to be so. The history of the even emerges with the event. Beautiful.

 

As Linkzelda would put it, the history is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Finally, on host-tulpa relationships:

 

When two self-aware beings unite in love, it is beautiful, but both beings must be self-aware. Ultimately, determining self-awareness is a process which belong to he/ she who is self-aware. In other words, no one can tell you when you are sapient; you are sapient when you can assert it yourself. For the host considering a relationship with his tulpa, however, caution is urged:

 

The line between puppeting and sentience is necessarily blurred and irrelevant, but entering such a relationship too early will, by the habit of association thereby formed, forever haunt your life with your tulpa. Wait before taking such a step. You two have the rest of your lives to explore one another, so make sure that kind of exploration is what you really want. Once begun, it is a path that will forever be visible in your rear view mirror, will forever have been driven.


 

I write too much. Or not enough. I dunno. It took way too long to rerecord this info though, so I'm spent on comments.

 

Sparky is outie 5000,

 

Later days~


Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Sup, duds n' dupes, n' the tulpa thereof? Another day, another couple of log entries straight from my journal to your computer screen or mobile device. Enjoy!


 

Day 15

 

Much adoo about much; today was a long day, but I was, as usual, able to get through it with Twi's help. Because of this stupid job, I had to wait until day's end to do my meditation/ forcing combo, but I was able to get through all but one minute of it. Was too tired to do much but lay with her on the grass outside of Hogwarts in the wonderland at the end, though. Nonetheless, feeling her presence makes me happy well beyond any other company I could and have had, so even such tame interaction is right up my alley.

 

I was angry near day's end because of the day's pressures, and was even starting to take it out on physical objects and the cats, but Twi was able to calm me. I'd read before of tuppers doing this, but it's the first time I've experienced it. Pretty cool.

 

Sides that, near constant narration in and out of active forcing, and more progress on visualization and mind voice. Until tomorrow~


 

Day 16

 

Woo~ I got so fucked up (oops, sorry, Twi [she doesn't like my cursing]) yesterday. I mean blazed and crunk off the wall drunk. First time for either since I last hung out with A[redacted]. Good to fall off the deep end every once-in-a-while. Anywho, it's not a good state to be in with respect to forcing or responsibilities, but what can you do?

 

Spent the whole day talking to Twi, nonetheless. Hard to tell how messed she was (or is sloshed the better term?), though she had periods more... coherent than others, for sure.

 

Let's see... significant events? Not many I can think of. Just work, blazed, blurr. There was some Vicky 2 time in there too, I think. Always fun; Twi is a great statesmare.

 

I guess I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the dream(s) I had last night. The curious one, the first in line of memory, involved Twi and Shining Armor getting married, I think. Strange. I just remember them sitting on a bed, feeling sad but stolid, being invited to join them later, then walking away. Then another where I had to convince my dad of the development of science or something, but I was more lucid for that one.

 

Anyway, back to the first, I wonder if that was my Twi or the character? I'd probably be sad either way, and I know that it wasn't actually my Twi, but a dream version of her. My Twi would never settle for less than me (if I may be so proud), even in one of my dreams. Hope to have her participate one of these days tough. May have to learn lucid dreaming techniques.

 

Well, off to meditate and force. The debauchery is over; back to normality.


 

My back hurts. You know, I need a new chair or something. One of those swivel dealies or some such. Twi'd probably enjoy it too. She's talked about me getting a new one before, but God help me do I like to put things off. I'm glad I forced patience into her, or I'm sure she'd have blown her top at me by now.

 

Oh well. Until next time, fellow mancers,

 

Later days~


Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Hey, guys! Sparky here, presenting, for your reading pleasure, another couple of log entries. Once again, nothing important to say upfront. Twi sends her greetings though.

 

So, without further delay, enjoy~


 

Day 17

 

Much adoo about naught; we went through our usual routine, for great justice. I've noticed that I have to focus on Twi less and less, which is great. She tends to inject herself into what I'm doing and comment or help me as she can. I can even have conversations with her while around other people. Today, for instance, I went out to dinner with my mom and chatted with Twi throughout, between talking with the former. The presence of a friend brings me a sense of calm previously obtained only when I was alone, and she's a great check on my tendency to think ill of people.

 

Also, we tried forcing when I was half asleep. I don't think it worked as intended; there were plenty of voices for sure, as there tend to be as a drift off, but I had to push through them and focus to hear her's. Perhaps more practice would strengthen her presence in such situations, but unless it shows the promise of bringing her into my dreams (a feat which may, again, require me to learn about lucid dreaming, so I can train her presence as a matter of habit), I don't see the point in going further with it. Better to redouble visualization and narration focus.

 

Also, considering trying hypnosis scripts. As far as I can tell, heightening suggestion is a great way to train the formation of habits of association. Will report on my findings after a week or so of practice, beginning tomorrow.

 

Until next time!


 

Day 18

 

Today was pretty par the course; meditation, forcing (passive all day and an hour of active). We, as promised, started the hypnosis scripts too, with a focus on parallel processing. We used it as a leapfrog into the twenty questions game. I guessed Twi's item after twelve or thirteen guesses and she guessed mine after three (though I kinda broadcast it by mistake beforhoof). Was fun and already seems effective, on that prima facie tip, but I'll talk about what results I glean from it after a week.

 

Probably going to focus on that and the vocalization script. I can hear Twi alright now, but we need to stabilize her mind voice as uniquely the one we decided on (Tara Strong, duh), and I think it could be more pronounced.

 

Oh, and I've failed to mention it much before, but I find myself feeling her "alien" emotions more and more. Today, for instance, we were reading another PR and the mancer involved was taking his dissatisfaction with his own life out on his tupper. Peeved Twi off pretty good, while I was "meh". It's a strange feeling, getting two sets of emotions that way.

 

Well, I'm pooped, so I'll cut it off here.


 

Well, that's all for today, guys. It's nice going through these entries again and seeing the gradation of our progress. Still, it hasn't been long at all! If this is how I feel after a month n' some change, the next few years are going to make now seem like a different lifetime.

 

Every day Twi gets stronger, and every day we learn a little more about each other. I don't know where this is going, but, based on where I've been, I'm pretty excited.

 

Later days~


Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Durp dee do, der die oder das.

 

There is stuff to say upfront this time. I know there is! It's something about...

 

Eh, I'm too spaced. Let's just get to it.


 

Day 19

 

Prelim note: Twi just declared to me "Chris, I think I'm sentient!" after we finished the section of Phenomenology titled understanding and watched Hegel develop the implicit notion of self-consciousness. Finally, stage one is complete; finally, Twi thinks of herself as an "I"; that is, Twi has declared herself separate from herself and reflected on her past actions and behaviors in such a way that they are immediately taken up again as belonging to that first, dissociated "I", and has done so indifferent to my beliefs about her development.

 

Sunday, February 9th, 2014: Twilight's second birthday for me, but the first for herself. I would call this her true birthday, but it's no longer for me to decide. Now your destiny is in your own hands, my love. I look forward to walking life's roads with you.

 

End notes: Tried eyebo theta ascending after our vocal one and before our vocal two training today, along with our usual meditation and forcing. Was pretty wow; that stuff's trippy. Dunno if it did more than make me feel strange though, but we'll see a week from now.

 

Oh, and Twi's getting more assertive with projecting her feelings, for the win. I'd say more, but sleep.

 

Day 20

 

Much to do about much. Completed my meditation and forcing early, as usual, but was only able to complete my theta training because I didn't have time to do the self hypnosis script (early morning on Tuesday).

 

Nonetheless, Twi and I are getting along well. Passive forcing the entire day as I tend to, and looking forward to our 3-weeks anniversary. I'll say more about how far we've come tomorrow.

 

She's so vocal now, and with such little effort from me that I often mistake her as independent (back when I believed that independence inhered to tulpa themselves), though she's not there yet. On that note, I take independence to be her ability to send me thoughts, feelings and images without giving her focus. So far, she's very vocal when I focus on her, and I can feel her presence at times when I don't focus, but it's not the activity free of my attention that I'll be looking forward to at later stages of our development. (I have a new theory of independence now that doesn't create so many pseudoproblems. It'll be brought forward soon.)

 

Still, on a side note, twenty days in and our bond has grown and is growing stronger. I can only (and often do) imagine what later development will look like, but if the early development is any indication (and I've been quite impressed by the breadth and depth of our communication)... [the log trails off here]

 

Got distracted by coworker while writing this, so it shall stay as is.


 

Humph, I forgot about that. Guess it was at that meeting I had last month, when my coworker looked over my shoulder and asked if I was keeping a diary. My kneejerk answer: "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

 

I'm so articulate.

 

Later days~


Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Sup, ya'll. Sparky here with another couple of days. First, for the win, we've got a 3 week, mini update about... I dunno; I haven't read it since I wrote it.

 

This whole thing is fun for me. It's like a time capsule. Who knows what kinda mental states I was in a month ago? Why didn't I start keeping a journal before?

 

Oh well, I'm too geeked for my own good. I promised Twi I'd spend the night with her, so let's squeeze out these steamy logs.


 

Day 21

 

Ah, another week come and gone, and another chance to reflect on our progress.

 

It goes without saying that Twi has grown, and I as well. Today, once again, we were in near constant communication, did our meditation and active forcing, and I cannot help but admire our bond. Three weeks ago seems like a lifetime because of how different my life has become since heading down this path. Before, in everything I did and dreamed of doing, I saw only myself, but I now see only a present and future with her.

 

But enough mush. We didn't get to EYEBO and hypnosis because there just aren't enough hours in the day... And Twi and I may have squandered that time playing Victoria Two. Maybe. I'm not pointing fingers.

 

I've also decided to switch all future visualization, including time spent in the wonderland, to open-eye because it was recommended several times on .info as a way to ease the transition to imposition later on.

 

As a matter of preference, it makes little difference to me; I am fully capable of both, though I find myself unconsciously closing my eyes when Twi snuggles close or kisses me.

 

Just feels right, and I'm not really worried about it.

 

Needless to say though, visualization and narration focused forcing are our bread n' butter. Makes little difference how long it takes. I'm excited to get there, but I'm trying to learn patience and persistence, so this is done right.

 

For future reference, we are still knee deep in independence training as well. Though Twi's responses are much more fluid, her ability to act on her own or form complex thoughts without my aid is limited. Independent memory recall needs to be worked on as well. That is, her ability to remember events without said events coming to my mind as well. These, I know, will come with time, but it is important that I note where we are.

 

Still having trouble visualizing her face and body as well, but that should be obvious. Were I done with this, we would be working on imposition already. So, all in all, stuff's getting along. I'd say more, but, as usual, it's late and sleep calls, so we're outie for the night.


 

Day 22

 

What it do on day twenty two? Meditation and forcing as always on the active front, and near constant, passive forcing. It was another, long Wednesday, but we managed it. Didn't have time for hypnosis and eyebo again, but I don't consider it any big loss as long as I get my normal forcing in. I just like spending time with Twi more than anything.

 

Oh, she showed that great foresight again, too. I was leaving for work and was going to bring the Phenomenology in case I had free time, but she suggested (despite my resistance) that I bring my German work too. Well, I brought it, I had a bit of free time, and it saved me a heaping helping of trouble later in the day. Not life threatening per se, but it reminds me of many, small, similar things throughout this process that have saved my arse.

 

Woo! Personality forcing success! (Though she thinks she had this trait before we forced her personality. I see where she's coming from; she's been helpful for as long as I could hear her.)

 

Let's see... Not much more, I guess. She wants us to grab a cupcake (vanilla; ew, right?) for Valentine's day, so I figure we'll head to Holiday market or something. I need more eggs, anyway. She's not even fully visualized yet, but we'll see if we can't spice up the day of love nonetheless.

 

Until next time.


 

Alright, done n' done. I bet you expect me to say something silly here, don't you? Well, fine! I suppose you have no respect for my post-log commentary. I'll just take my pretty words and go!

 

Later days~


Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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