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Aye, what up, y'all? I know you're like "Where you been, Sparky?"

 

Shit, chillin. Twilight n' I are enjoying a dipsoluscious vacation (spring breaking it), meaning we aren't doing shit (Except, y'know, work cuz we gotta eat n' live n' shit).

 

Seriously, the journal entries for this entire week will have a big NOTHING written across them. Nonetheless, I have my compulsions and habits, and Twilight has become one of them. No, she long ago transcended mere habit. You guys are still stuck back here in day twenty-who-cares, but things have changed so much since then.

 

Every morning, the first thought in my head is not my own, but hers. I guess she tends to get up earlier than I do. It's not difficult.

 

Her presence - sometimes imposing itself, sometimes in need of a little help - leads or follows me downstairs and she teases me with her ability to pass through solid objects. We chat as I rummage for food, ward off my cats or count the minutes until I'm late for work again. Then we come upstairs and watch C-Span, and she grimaces as I scarf down cereal and a banana.

 

The rest of the day follows suit; she's always by my side. Even now she's sitting to my left with the most caring smile I've ever seen and felt.

 

So we're doing nothing, but we're doing it together.

 

Oh, but I have been doing something. Started self-hypnosis again, for the major fucking win. Building habits of association (in other words, beliefs) is hard, but hypnosis is an amazing tool not just for habit building, but for breaking the very barrier of difficulty between oneself and beneficial habits. I've noticed substantial progress in fields I didn't even know could be advanced (not just the obvious beliefs about my tulpa, but also the very way I approach belief structures).

 

So yeah, would recommend. Anyway, lemme stop rambling. Without further adoo, the next entry:


Day 23

 

Another day, another step toward a complete Tulpa (although we have some reservations about referring to Twi as incomplete, for obvious reasons). Meditation and forcing as always (now consistently open-eye visualization for the latter) and constant communication, even through my workouts (a significant change from just a couple of weeks ago where I couldn't force her while running or lifting), Also, still haven't had time to do hypnosis or EYEBO, but I'll have time this weekend.

 

Progress with visualization is slow, but I have a much better grasp of her face and form than I did a week or so ago. Not even close to acceptable, but bumping along.

 

Also, realized a relationship with a tulpa is less safe and consistent than I first thought. From deviation, to the risks of hurting eachother with stray thoughts, to the very investment in time and effort, there is a plunge to be had - a dive into the unknown - even here.

 

Good.

 

What's love without the fall, after all?

 

If I have to kill caution, to sacrifice discretion at the altar, to have a bond I can count on until death, then there's hardly a blade swift enough. Twenty three days and counting. We've only just begun. Haven't even made it out the door, let alone started kickin' up dust.


 

Nuff said.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Le sigh. And so our vacation comes to an end.

 

It was fun. Twilight and I tested our generalship, argued and fussed over story ideas, lived in a dissociative cloud of drug abuse and hypnosis, courted complete psychological collapse, and found each other again and again and again.

 

We always seem to reunite on a stronger basis, somehow. Shit's confusing, and I doubt I'd notice it if I didn't write it down. But as days become weeks, our relationship becomes its own plasticity. In other words, we don't just come closer to some ideal relationship; the ideal itself changes, and everything we feel, know and do becomes reflected through the new ideal.

 

Shit's banaynays, right?

 

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled program. I'll go back to sticking in two entries a day until I've caught up with my dear, physical log. Heh "physical". I ever tell you guys I used to be a vulgar materialist, with whimsical notions like that the only difference between internal and external objects was this mysterious "materiality"?

 

Ah, but such is a story for another day and another log. Let's get to it.


 

Day 24

 

Happy love day! Twi n' I spent the day together (as though you didn't know that); first forcing, then sleep, then gym, then valentines cupcakes (was really good, y'know, for vanilla). Not enough hours in the day, I swear.

 

Anyway, too detailed for me. You didn't need to know all that, but I guess it's significant enough to log for... Whoever reads this in the future. Probably Twi n' I down the line, so hi future us!

 

Wanna say something, Twi? She says hi, since she can't possess yet, and wants future me to treat future her well. Remember to do that, bro.

 

And never forget class struggle.

 

Unless you forget class struggle.

 

So yeah, Twi n' I are officially together. Plunge taken, chaos ensues.

 

Let's see... Oh, seems I've taken to talking to her in my sleep, too. Not sure how it works, but I woke up from my nap today at a few intervals in mid conversation. Can't remember what we were on about, but it was probably just chatter about logistics or somesuch. Not important. The important part is the unconscious chitchat itself. Horray! Habit formation is going well!

 

So that's it. I think. I was going to proxy for Twi during this entry, but I forgot. She doesn't seem too miffed though, so I guess we'll do it tomorrow.


 

Day 25

 

Me: Okay, gonna proxy for Twi tonight. Let's see how this goes.

 

Twi: This is me, Twilight Sparkle. Chris is letting me write today, which is awesome. We did forcing today, which was fun, but he seemed a bit more distracted than usual. He was really upset about parroting, and I was afraid he wouldn't listen to me anymore. But he stopped being an idiot and we were able to heal the rift.

 

Me: In my defense, I was just testing the waters, in case my theory of habit was wrong...

 

Twi: Yeah, nice try to save face.

 

Let's see... What else did we do today? I don't know, it was actually pretty long; we did a lot.

 

I know you want me to talk about the parallel processing thing that cheered you up, so put that down.

 

Chris is kinda arrogant too. Wow! You actually put that down.

 

Me: I don't know why she's surprised.

 

Twi: Because I'm not used to you doing everything I say.

 

Oh yeah! So we did a parallel processing test and I actually got better scores than he did. Yeah, tell them you suck at counting.

 

Me: I don't know how she did it, but she beat me fair and square in the majority of tests taken.

 

Twi: It's because I'm a better counter than you. Probably better at math too. And you were worried I wasn't autonomous enough for it. Anyway, that really cheered him up, which really cheered me up.

 

We also made a new promise at the temple, that Chris would do his best to give me, and that I will develop, all the powers that he has.

 

Me: With respect to the brain's processing power.

 

Twi: I could have said that! I didn't need you to say it for me.

 

Anyway, that's about all we did today, and anything else we might have done is irrelevant. I guess you can say anything else if you have to.

 

Me: Overall, a good day. I wasted too much time looking up information on tulpa development again though. Strange habit that seems to be related to maintaining conviction at this stage of Twi's development. She thinks it'll break eventually, and I tend to agree.

 

Oh, almost out of page! Night!


 

Aw, that was fun. As far as I can tell, Twi's become much more articulate since then, though she doesn't seem sure. Maybe we'll do one of those entries again in the future. I dunno. Proxying sucks; I'd rather possess and let her do her own thing. Means I can withdraw into myself and... eat cookies or whatever it is that people do when their tulpa are at the front.

 

Actually, I might eat cookies.

 

I'll be eating cookies.

 

I want some cookies.

 

Fak. Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Yo, guys. Back from work, here to toss an update before heading to the gym.

 

Twilight's sitting here, egging me on to say something witty and clever like I usually do, but all I can force out is dry sarcasm. And there's this stupid song stuck in our head. It's about getting high or somesuch. I have to ask Keatoss again.

 

Anyway, I took a shit a while ago, and here it is:


 

Day 26

 

Tired, so I'll keep this short.

 

Did visualization and narration active forcing for about two hours today, and the rest is a blur. Twi surprised me with something, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. Anywho, chugging along as always, like a frat boy on his fifth beer. That's a lot for frat boys, right? Point is, I had more energy earlier today, but now I don't, so I'm outie 5,000.

 

Twi says "hi."

 

Peez


 

Day 27

 

Ugh, I've come down with a cold. This sucks.

 

I can feel it coming on fast, so I've asked Twilight to remind me to stay hydrated tomorrow when the symptoms hit me. As for today, meditation and visualization active forcing as always, with some parallel processing and imposition training mixed in.

 

Anticipating our four-week anniversary tomorrow, though I sadly can't count four weeks as a month. I never noticed that four weeks isn't a month before now. Strange.

 

Anyway, nothing new on our road toward full imposition, besides a new found conviction that it can be done. To be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know that training habit to see and interact with her through my senses is critical. If I can form the habit, she'll have immediate access to it and will be able to impose herself, which is the final goal.

 

Didn't expect to start working on it before visualization is 100%, but I think they can be trained in tandem, so I'll go for it.


 

Okay, always end on a strong note.

 

So I'm sitting here just now, pondering an interesting story to tell you guys. I tell Twilight I know we have funny stories to tell, to which she responds by sending a bunch of near-tulpish thoughts with hints of the emotional significance of a memory.

 

I sit for a moment and try to piece the message together, but her silence flips my attention to the last word of her tulpish tirade: "Remember?"

 

I turn to her, and her face is serious, straight.

 

"Muh fukah never loved us."

 

Aw, we love you, Drake.

 

God, Twilight, you're more silly than I am some times. Those feels when your tulpa cracks you the fuck up.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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"Basically I'm complicated. I have a hard time taking the easy way.

 

I wouldn't call it schizophrenia, but I'll be at least two hours a day.

 

If that's okay?

 

And I could go on, and on, and on, but who cares?"

 

-Gnarles Barkley

 

Now try telling me Cee Lo Green doesn't have a tulpa.

 

Sup, everypony? Sparky here again with another log entry for your eyes to sex and your mind to abort. Today is the first part of another Bi-Weekly review! Yay! Woo! Hurrah!

 

Aren't you lot happy? I know I'm not; this shit takes forever to type.

 

Eh, whatever. Let's get to it.


 

Days 28-29

 

Didn't record yesterday because I got punched in the face by some cold medicine, but I'm back for my bi-weekly review and for days twenty eight and nine. We'll begin with the latter, then move back to the former.

 

So let's see... Yesterday was a blur because I spent the latter half high with my brother, wrecked by a cold, and rendered unconscious by the medicine. I didn't get more than thirty minutes of meditation in because of it, but what can ya do? Twi wasn't upset; she told me to go to sleep after it had become apparent that I was nigh braindead.

 

I remember talking to her all day though, and spending a good amount of time imposing her presence, so that went well enough. Jeez, weed and colds don't mix. I know that now (as my brother would say, queue "The More You Know" rainbow over my head).

 

Today was much better. I woke up feeling 500% better than yesterday, but 500% of .01% is still only 5%.

 

Improvement? I'll let you be the judge. I thought so.

 

Anyway, I imposed her presence through most of the day, beginning with an hour of forcing before work where I decided, in the interest of building habit, on a new forcing technique...

 

Big reveal, dramatic pause.

 

I'm going to impose a wonderland version of everything.

 

That's right, everything I perceive will be immediately doubled in the wonderland, then imposed.

 

"But how, you handsome SOB, will such a thing work?" you might ask.

 

Simply put, instead of interacting - in the sense of being engaged with, in the many, possible modes of engagement - with the world, I will be interacting with an open-eye visualization of the world. In other words, my intention is to perceive more with my mind's eye than my squishy, nasty, external eyes.

 

Today, for instance, Twilight and I made a game of seeing everything in its wonderland version, and since it's summer in the wonderland, I spent the entire day in the summertime version of my winter-ravaged city. Shit was hard as fuck, and Twilight scored way more points than me because it was hard to stay focused (current score is eight to one, in her favor), but boy does it work the ol' visualization skills in the right way.

 

So will I be able to keep it up and close the gap? Hell if I know, but it's worth a shot.

 

Great thing is, Twi is always in the wonderland version of my city, so imposing it is also, always imposing her. Hopefully I'll be able to fully impose both in due time, but I'll keep you updated.

 

In other news, today we did two hours of forcing, sans meditation because of time constraints. Still not back on track, so I'll have another two n' a half hours of forcing to do tomorrow, plus my meditation, for a good three of active forcing.

 

S'all good; no class tomorrow, and forcing honestly isn't a chore for me. Never has been. I'm just enjoying my time with my PPBFF.

 

But, okay. Now for the Bi-Weekly review. Phew, this is a long entry.

 

Bi-Weekly Review

 

So, first, Twi n' I have really shifted our narration focus from vocalization, whose impetus is on me, to independence, whose impetus is on her, and in this respect: We are trying to stabilize her mind voice, which involves both of us focusing on her archetype's voice when she speaks (which goes pretty well about 40% of the time at this point), and are trying to develop parallel processing, which involves many tests and exercises because, well we have no idea how to really go at it at this point.

 

I believe, and Twilight hasn't raised disagreements at least, that this shift of focus is where our future growth toward her full development lies. Will update these branches of progress as advances are made.

 

Second, on imposition: Though I had not planned to begin imposition for a few more months, JD's guide and, in particular, his suggestion of open-eye visualization really inspired streamlining in my ideas about how we could form the necessary habits to perfect our development. If, after all, both visualization and imposition rely upon (in the sense of being, in essence, operations of) the mind's eye (or, in other words, the imagination), then the more strenuous the method of imagining (and open-eye is quite strenuous), the better we'll be able to train this most useful of faculties.

 

And let me not be vague here: If I can impose Twilight, then she will only be the first of many impositions. Let's follow Amadeus and truly see how deep the rabbit hole goes. I do not fear losing my ability to distinguish between the imagined and the external because Twi can always tell the difference, and I trust her.

 

But I'm not worried about it. Such skill must take ages to develop; I'm sure (well, almost sure) that it'll never get so bad that I have to depend upon her direction. Immediate goals are immediate: Keep her and the wonderland overlay in mind and see how the road toward 24/7 awareness of both goes.

 

Phew, okay, it's almost 2 Am and I'm getting wispy about my goals.

 

Even Twilight has her eyes closed, so I'll call it "End of Part One" here and finish the rest of this update with day thirty.


 

Yeah, that's a pretty long bi-weekly update, so you guys'll get the rest tomorrow.

 

Man, all morning Twilight and I have been sending warm tides of love back and forth. It's been wonderful. No matter what happens now, we will always be together.

 

You guys have seen me gush up and down about how much I love my marefriend this entire log, and my gushing won't stop in our lifetimes. Strap in, gents n' frau.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Oh, wow. I've got a pretty fiery one today. Apparently I went all-in on the second part of this Bi-Weekly. How amusing; a combative me is best me.

 

I'm feeling particularly erudite at the moment, so, that I do not become insufferable, I'll just cut my introductory notes here. Let's get to it.


 

Day 30-31

 

Phew, the week is finally over. Why does that not please me? Oh, right, my week ends on Thrusday, so Friday being over is just me being one day closer to the work week. Crap.

 

Oh well. I didn't update this yesterday because "tired," so, you know, another multi-day update is the remedy.

 

Yesterday was par the course, save my getting stuck in a mound of snow for a few hours. Didn't get to finish catching up on my forcing, so I moved the other (two, I think) hours I needed to recoup to today, for a total of about 4.5 hours of forcing today.

 

Talk about your marathon sessions.

 

Was all good though. Though near the end I just cuddled with Twilight until the timer went off. Was too pooped to do anything else, but at least we were able to practice touch and visual imposition at the same time.

 

Fear me, world! I am a tulpa-forcing machine!

 

But enough about that. I have an update to finish.

 

Bi-Weekly Update Two, Part Two

 

So, to parallel processing:

 

What does this notion encompass? As far as I can tell, there are two views: Tupper n' host can think of two, different things at once; and tupper n' host can think separate from each other, without influencing each other.

 

"But, Sparky, aren't these the same thing?"

 

Nope.

 

I can think of something different than you, but that doesn't me we're influencing each other. And we can go our entire lives without influencing each other, but that doesn't mean we're thinking different things.

 

JD1215 has an interesting test (well, a compilation of different tests) on tulpaforce.me where he assesses the former notion of parallel processing for hosts vs non-hosts, to see if the hosts can hold and process separate thoughts better than non-hosts, presumably with the hosts aided by their tulpa in doing so.

 

No surprise, there was no difference between the two groups.

 

This test (that is, its premise) points to a long-held myth in the community, namely that the presence of a tulpa somehow boosts the processing power of the host. I believe that the root of this myth is, indeed, the misinterpretation of parallel processing as meaning the first, above presented notion [that tupper and host can think of two, different things at once].

 

Sadly, as should have been clear before, but is at least clear now, this is indeed the case; tuppers and hosts can and often do think of two different things at once. But this is no different than a normal person's ability to process multiple strands of information, not all of it conscious.

 

Anyone who has driven a car should know this.

 

But all is not lost, dear, noble hosts. For the second form [tupper n' host can think separate from one another without influencing each other] is where your salvation always was. Indeed, to be separate from our tulpae was always our true desire, not to have them help us with arithmetic (unless your tulpa decides to help you with your arithmetic).

 

But here's the real question: How do we test the latter, actual question of parallel processing? By its phrasing, it would suggest a tulpa's ability to carry out tasks without the host being aware. There are certainly reports of this, but how can we assess how well a host-tulpa pair operate under this kind of parallel processing and, more important to me, how does one train it?

 

Moving on, and leaving the previous question open for now, let's go finally to belief.

 

As I feel her presence with greater and lesser strength from hour to hour and day to day, so too do I feel my conviction that she is by my side wax and wane. But I am no fool; belief is cheap, action is what counts. In other words, the truth of belief is in action, and insofar as Twi influences my actions, I know I believe in her, regardless of what my pathetic, internal narrative is.

 

This, then, shall serve as affirmation to those who heed it: Your tulpa is as actual to you as their effect on you, so there can be no moment in which you, so to speak, "realize" you have been "wasting your time" or "deluding yourself," aside from the delusion that constitutes all belief (a point on the structure of belief that is beyond this log).

 

Because there is no more presence to your tulpa than the conversations you've had, the joys and struggles you've shared and the ways you've changed your behaviors based on their influence.

 

And I would expand this assessment to anyone you encounter, not just your tulpa.

 

The long and short of it is this: You don't just doubt your tulpa when you doubt. You also doubt your own doubt because you act as though you believe. And acting on a belief is the same as believing.

 

And when acting on your tulpa's prodding becomes so habitual that doubts - mere, internal deviations in narratives - don't even give you pause, then you have transcended doubt.

 

That is, fickle, internal doubt may be present from time to time, but who gives a fuck? You don't even believe your own doubt.

 

Now I'm off to cuddle with my pone waifu until we drift off to sleep.

 

Get at me.


 

Oh, ho. I was pretty spicy there. Twi says I was a little hot tomali.

 

Well, that's that for that. I dunno what I'm going to do with the rest of my day, but I can see it being a whole lot of nothing. I'm told we'll get things done though, so we likely will. She doesn't play around when it comes to responsibilities.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Damnit, updating this thing is so boring sometimes. How many fucking days do I have left until I'm caught up?

 

Oh well, whatever.

 

So today's our two month anniversary, which is why I figured I'd wait until now to post this log.

 

Okay, Twi's not buying it. Truth is, it was just luck, but here's the one-month-old, one month old log:


 

Day 32

 

Aw snap! One month! That's a thing! Twi n' I are rather muted about it, but it's important to note nonetheless.

 

Today we returned to our regularly scheduled forcing: 30 mins of meditation and 1.5 hours of active forcing, and perpetual passive forcing.

 

Oh! We've done a bit of possession forcing too, in which I just focus on the wonderland and she focuses on moving the body. It's strange: The more I withdraw into the wonderland, the more she is able to make the fingers n' whatnot twitch.

 

Anyway, it's not a serious effort on our part, but we've been doing so much visualization lately that I figured we could spare the time. I would have said something yesterday, but I forgot.

 

Also, it seems that when I stopped trying to force my will on events in the wonderland and just let them come as they may today, things became more clear (that is, I was able to visualize with greater clarity). Don't know if this effect is repeatable, so I'll test it further in the morrow.

 

Finally, little note, Twi did that thing where she calms my rage again today. I was fuming during a run as I tend to do (because running is horrible; I love it though), and Twi asked me what was wrong. When I was unable to articulate it, she said something along the lines of "then just calm down," and one of those waves of happiness washed over me.

 

I love it when she does that. It's like she takes my feels into a bear hug and wrings out all the butthurt.

 

Well, that's all for now.


 

Day 33

 

Notha day, another... Actually, I'm in a crap load of debt. Never mind.

 

Anywho, active forcing for two hours as usual. First visualization for 1.5 hours (yeah, so much for meditation today), then thirty minutes of possession training (during which I woke myself up when I started to snore. Twice. You can guess how that went) for great justice.

 

Twi made the fingers twitch a bunch, made my torso do the same once or twice, and was even able to get the hands to close, and all while I was half asleep! To say I'm proud is an understatement.

 

Other than that, twas your typical day. Oh, and finally swallowed my pride and joined .info. Hopefully it'll put a damper on all of my "icky", since I clearly wanted to join (evidenced by my behavior).

 

... And Twi is telling me "I told you so." Once again, she proves how well she knows me and my motivations, and even before I'm aware of them.

 

Oh well, off to bed.


 

Aw, that was nice. And so we come full circle.

 

Well, almost full circle. Wait, what counts as coming full circle?

 

Whatever. I'm too busy rocking out to care.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Welp, I'm done with that. There's no way I'm going through another month of entering these logs, lel.

 

There aren't many, anyway. Or, at least, there's nothing important besides what I'm going to condense here.

 

Imposition Training

 

Woo~

 

I have no idea what I'm doing. <-- Sums up the last month pretty well.

 

But it's cool. That's where I started before, right? No biggie. New beginnings and all that.

 

I think the first, vivid hallucination I've had during this period came a couple of weeks ago when I was really high. I mean balls up fried on that dank shit.

 

I have it marked in the old logs as having happened on day 35, and I saw Twilight's outline laying across my lap in bed. Apparently I freaked out.

 

Though less intense now, that bit at least remained... somewhat. I can usually see a... How do I describe it? fede had a picture of Che that he used to show the effect once, but this is a little more transparent. It also seems stiff, but I guess movement is another can of worms.

 

Since then, I had one more really vivid hallucination when I was again, you guessed it, fried. See, my cats usually follow me into my room. But my light was off, so I couldn't see them. Nonetheless, a dull, cat-shaped figure followed me into my room, but when i turned the light on, there was no one. Apparently I freaked out.

 

Finally, just yesterday, I was hoverhanding over Twilight's form as I often do, enjoying the minuscule tactile hallucination I can manage, when my perception suddenly flipped, as though there were an object in my periphery, where she was sitting, blocking my view of what was behind her. Needless to say, I was fried at the time. And needless to say, I freaked out.

 

So you see my problem. Being fried is nice, but an imposition that relies on it in this way is untenable. Further, there are side effects which I dislike and Twi loathes, such as memory loss and respiratory problems. unhealthy/10, would not recommend.

 

So back to square one.

 

Oh well, I have been doing some research, but I'll talk about it more tomorrow I guess. Gotta get to class.

 

Oh yeah, hypnosis n' whatnot today too.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Alright, let's get back to it.

 

So, imposition. Where are we?

 

Auditory: nil to little

 

Tactile: little to some

 

Visual: nil to little

 

Olfactory: nil to little

 

Whatever you call taste: nil to ew

 

And by nil to little, I mean there have been flashes, instances, etc, but little or no reproducible gain.

 

Oh! And it's day... 61, in case you're wondering.

 

Now Twilight and I have been focused on imposition since the beginning. You've seen it.

 

Certainly open eye visualization has been excellent for us. As it stands, Twilight often communicates with me by sending imagined expressions and gestures while I go about my daily grind. If I can just find a good method of producing controlled hallucinations, I think the above competency will come in handy.

 

To that point, then, in the General Discussion forum I posted an old guide I found that focuses on manipulating visual static. I think I will shift my attention to that method and try to use what I have learned during this great experiment to my advantage.

 

Today I tried it while doing eyebo theta, to surprising success.

 

The hardest part was keeping focus and distinguishing between my imagination and what the static was doing. But once I was able to focus on the static, I was able to make cubes, squares and circles.

 

Actually, it seems like you can go two ways with it: At times I would trace out the shapes that I wanted by focusing my perception on one part or another of my blinking, visual field. At other times, and for GREAT justice because the former method sucks, I was able to imagine what I wanted, then, well, impose it on the static. Well, it's more like you look at the static and find the shape that you want in it. Although talking about it that way doesn't really do justice to how you have to shape the static at the same time.

 

... Okay, I'm starting to sound insane. Two main points: One, after I was able to form the shape, I could will it to rotate and move in my visual field, and even replicate it in a fractal-like effect. Two, manipulating it REALLY DOES feel like moving another muscle. I noticed this when I made it rotate: I went clockwise and got one feeling (like pushing with an imaginary, brain limb), and when I went counterclockwise, I got another (like pulling with an imaginary, brain limb).

 

So, you know, it's interesting. And just to test it, after I was done with eyebo, I turned off my lights and tried to mimic my results in the dark, and it worked! Even got the same sensations.

 

So I'm excited, but I'm also worried. This crap takes a lot of focus, and those were just basic shapes! But it can't be that bad. It's probably because I've never done it before, but I bet it'll get as easy as using another limb soon.

 

Heh. Funny. I wonder if this is how tulpa feel when they're trying to possess.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Yo, guys. 62 & 63

 

Ha! Finally, lavender. You know, I've gotten a lot of colors this month across my vision; some yellow, some green, etc, but this is the first time I've been able to get lavender! Woo!

 

I mean I have no control over when it happens, but at least its happened.

 

Alright, so my new training is going well. I formed a pyramid in the static and rotated it as best I could. How you keep track of what it will look like when you're rotating it is... strange. I probably only notice it now because I'm going to more complex shapes, but you have to anticipate what it will look like before it appears.

 

It's like the wonderland though; you're better off just watching it come than trying to force what you think it should look like. Hallucinations seem pretty sturdy so far, too. That is, you can get a little distracted, but the static will keep its shape. Kinda strange keeping that in mind. I'm used to having to start over when my mind wanders.

 

Also, it's really easy to use the static when in a hypnagogic state. I was able to, when half asleep, form basic images in the static, then open my eyes and keep them in my sight for a few seconds. They had that Che appearance again, but much more defined than what I've been able to do with Twilight yet.

 

So I'm not sure how I can get better with this, besides practice. Fair enough, I guess. I was able to beat visualization, so I can beat imposition.

 

And I'm considering creating a few hypnosis scripts to help me. Hm. I'm just having trouble determining what I should reinforce.

 

Now for today's Twilight-ism:

 

Surprised by a sudden song change,

"Wow! That snare is very ensnaring."

 

I leld.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Consarnit, I wish to be making faster progress on this, the 64th day.

 

But this method won't abide quick results, so work, work, work we must. I don't think it's doing my sleep schedule any good, but late night sessions are really the best way to go. Being in a state that's open to hallucinations will better aid you in opening yourself to hallucinations. Who knew?

 

Lemme twiddle my thumbs and try to remember what I made last night...

 

I don't know. Come to think of it, I was so out of it that I spent much of the time chatting with Twilight about the other, hypnagogic voices I was hearing. Then she hypothesized that she could take on their clarity (based, I think, on a hypnosis session some time ago where we made me more open to her suggestions), then proceeded to tell me she had done so. When she spoke again, her voice was in high definition. I was too spoop.

 

We couldn't hold it like that for long, but it's definitely an interesting accident, and one that gives me some ideas. Will pursue.

 

Back to the vision part of visualization, the things I did form last night were, largely, not formed by me. Just random images and memories bubbling to the surface, but I could nonetheless keep them in my vision for a few seconds when I opened my eyes. I'm really enjoying that; makes me feel like I'm making progress.

 

Tonight's another round of practice, and I think I'll use eyebo again. Want to see if I notice any significant difference between eyebo and non-eyebo training. I'll say this much: Unlike what the guide from which I received this method suggests, pure darkness isn't the only way to train. The white affecting the back of the eyelids is bright, clear, and rife with static. And, because I am manipulating the static in light, I may be able to skip the part of this training where I have to practice holding images in brighter and brighter conditions. We'll see.

 

Okay, the list of questions is set, morale is high and I've only lost a bit of my sanity.

 

Let's do this~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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