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And he was forged by God, and he became the First Spark. And she was forged by him, and she became the Second.

 

Day 65 The Movie

 

Rated ARRRRG for mild piratery

 

... Anyway, did my usual song and dance last night for great justice.

 

First, on eyebo vs noneyebo, wasn't much of a difference. That's a good thing! Now I can train and experiment in eyebo without worrying about differing so much in conditions that my results can't be repeated without it. The state in which theta puts me is nice and relaxed. I'm beginning to enjoy it.

 

And last night's training was pretty fun. I get a lot of random images thrown at me, but I take it as a training field; random image is thrown, i catch it and manipulate it until the next one comes. Turn lemons into lemonade, right? Still can't form 'em on my own too effectively yet, but I'm getting... Better.

 

Yes... Better.

 

Speaking of which, apparently Ms. Sparkle Pants over here is the mistress of eye static. After I struggle for hours to form some or another basic shape, she butts her muzzle in and goes "oh, well while you're doing that, I'm going to form a hoof." Next thing I know, a big hoof flashes across my vision! Then, to add insult to injury, a miniature, fuzzy and colorless version of her walks into the static.

 

She's sitting here giggling like it's funny, but that shit's not cool. Why is she better at this than I am?

 

Blegh. So we played with her little model-self for a while. Gotta adjust the proportions on it, give some definition, color, texture and, well, a lot of other stuff. Nonetheless, it's an excellent place to start, and I couldn't be more proud with Twilight's progress. At some point I forgot I was looking for her to surprise me. It happens so often that it's mundane, like when dealing with any other person.

 

Well, more practice tonight. One of these days I'll be able to form a cool, complex image. Well, consciously form one anyway. Until then I'll just have to lean on Twilight. S'cool. Having someone to lean on is one of the reasons I created her in the first place.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Eh, oh hay! This place is back!

 

Looks like I lost a couple of posts in the server crash. I wonder if they were important. Hmm...

 

I can never remember what I post here. What day is it, anyway?

 

Ah, day 72.

 

Well that sucks. I'd have rather had a more... Robust account of my imposition training, but I suppose a general track of my progress will suffice. Also, there was supposed to be a bi-weekly review on Tuesday. I guess I'll just move it to tomorrow; will be a good opportunity to restore what was lost and add more.

 

So I haven't quite snapped yet, to my disappointment. Even a bit of crazy on my brow would be acceptable! No? No schizophrenic tendencies? No vivid, visual hallucinations? Oh well...

 

Twilight has a smell now. I get it every now and again. Pretty clear, too.

 

How can I describe it? It's like being in a flower shop with a sweet aftertaste.

 

Imposing it is coming along pretty well. Guess my big nose is useful for something after all. Hue! Sometimes I'll get it while we're being layabouts, like a tickle in the back of my nose. Tis nice. Much better than my room's usual, man cave smells.

 

Anyway, that was a lot of writing, and I have stuff to do, so I'll cut it here and say more tomorrow.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ol' McSparky had a tup. E-I-E-I-O.

 

Ho, there! And a happy hue to ya. We've been at this for 84 days now. Can ya believe it?

 

Sorry, we've been around, but we haven't been around. You know those feels? Mmm, let's talk about imposition.

 

It's starting to come together now, but I'm still mostly in blind experiment mode. My experiences have been many, varied and at times seem inconsistent, but I'll try to describe them.

 

The static isn't what I first thought it was. Or maybe a better way to put it is to express its being more than I thought it was. When I stare at it in my hypnagogic state it shifts and swirls, and now it solidifies by my will. But I do not will it as one would, say, a thought away or an image to mind; it emerges like things do in lucid dreams, by the expectation of their presence instead of direct intervention. So when I desired a floating Mario face like at the beginning of Super Mario 64, I first said to myself that I could see it, then waited to see it in my vision while already seeing it in my vision.

 

I know it's confusing, but I have to try to get this down in a sensible way. By waiting for sight while seeing I mean you have to expect it to appear in the static while straining your eyes to see it. There's an analogous situation in imposition training generally: You have to look at the space around you (that is adjust your depth and path of sight) as though you can see your tulpa even before you can actually see your tulpa. So you force the sight of them at the same time as you act like you're seeing them.

 

I hope that clarifies what I'm getting at with seeing things in the static.

 

Next, using the static feels like dreaming. This part is really shaky with respect to my descriptive abilities, but try to bear with me as I convey what I've been through. I've been throwing the images I can form back and forth and having them dance to my whim. Remarkably, I can form things that I would have a hard time otherwise visualizing, just by expecting them to appear.

 

Speaking of which, and on a note about faces, it's easy to form them, but hard to form recognizable ones. The latter is doable, but you really gotta focus on what you want to see. Or, at least, I have to at this point with the relatively little experience that I have.

 

Anyway, the things I form have the same... qualities about them that dreams do. Perhaps it is because I'm so close to sleep when I practice, but the quality persists in the blots, blurs, distortions and glitches in my vision I've been getting during the day since beginning this training. I don't want to call them ephemeral because it suggests some lack of vivacity, but they're like... Ugh, they're like dreams! I don't know!

 

This crap is hard to describe, so I must not know it well enough yet. Anyway, we're still chugging away at it. I could swear there was more to say, but you know how that goes.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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If you'd told me 89 days ago that this is where I would be in 89 days... I would have believed you.

 

But you didn't have to tell me because I lived it. Hoorah!

 

So Wednesday is Twilight's three month... iversary. That's a thing, right? Well, neither of us is up in arms about it. We look to tomorrow and see... Ugh, work, classes, tests, essays, etc. No cause to celebrate here, unless by "celebrate" you mean "hit those books!"

 

Oh. That's apparently what Twi means by "celebrate."

 

Harumph.

 

Anyswitch, while we are still engaged in the oh-so-engaging work of imposition, I figured I should pop in and say something about something. So far I've only been talking about visual imposition because, c'mon, we all know what the most important sense to impose is.

 

That's right. Taste.

 

But touch imposition is pretty far up there too, so I'll go on about it for a bit.

 

As can be expected, it goes in and out, but at least I can summon the memory of an object or person/pony's feel at will. But, to be honest, this isn't the most interesting type of imposition. Come to think of it, I don't know if I can call what I'm about to talk about imposition. Maybe it's just a holdover from going bananas.

 

But you've seen me talk about it before: Uber empathy imposition. I haven't bothered much with talking about it since I first mentioned it (then again, that's true for a lot of topics) because, again, whether or not it's imposition is up for debate (and even if it is a type of imposition, is this really what we're aiming for? I think not).

 

It strikes me as... An odd but useful route to go, knowing what it feels like to be in your tup's body. First, if you've reached the point where you feel yourself in this position, you might note the three dimensional feels you'll feel, if you don't already feel em. You know how them feels feel?

 

No, seriously, it's difficult to describe (like that's new), but i'll do my best. Before, and even at times these days, it felt like Twilight was a 2D cutout of herself interacting with me in meatspace. I'd impose her walking beside or behind me and be met with the distinct feeling of a piece of paper dragging itself across the cement.

 

I don't have that problem so much anymore. Instead, it feels like a fully 3D, imaginary limb dragging itself around meatspace.

 

Now this is one of those competencies that I mastered without thinking about it, but it occurs to me that this could be a problem for those of us going from 2D to 3D when we do our mancing. It's not even that your tup's model has to change or anything; you just have to feel them in 3D, even if they still look like a character from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" to you.

 

Or not. Maybe I'm the only one who had that problem. Whatever the case, it's been mentioned here for the sake of the logs, and now maybe someone will find it useful.

 

Just don't ask me to help you feel like you're in your tupper. Ugh, even the phrasing seems off.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Suuuup, y'all. It's day... 109! Woo doggie! When did we pass the 100 days mark?

 

My evens!

 

I can't!

 

Well anyway, we're still alive n' going strong. Damnit, it feels like Twilight is parroting me; I'm hearing her voice say what I wanna say before I say it.

 

They're laughing... they find this funny.

 

Ugh.

 

We're still going strong on imposition training, and with the method mentioned before. But I seem to like to fall asleep during active forcing now. Oh god, it's possession training all over again. So... We do a lot of dream forcing now. This is... Well... It happened, so I won't complain about it.

 

And my visual glitches have increased out the ass. Feels like I'm straight dreaming things while awake now from time to time. I take these as good signs.

 

Er, well... I take them as signs anyway. Of something. I don't know what.

 

But my failures at visual imposition aside, we're advancing like a slug through molasses. Y'know, we'll get there. Eventually. I felt her peck me on the lips the other day while I was trying to get to sleep. Was nice.

 

But that's not what I wanna talk about today. Nope, today we're going back to basics: Voice.

 

I wasn't sure what to make of the different kinds of voices your tupper might use in the beginning because of the subjectivity of the process n' blah, blah, blah. Kinda hard to talk about feeling as though voices are coming from different parts of your head and still make sense, y'know. But now that we're focused on imposition, and specifically audio imposition, I feel I can at least lay a little cable in that direction. I mean, y'know, not systematically, but just a lil' tidbit about what we've been through.

 

So when we first started, Twilight's voice was soft and came from the center left of my head, with pressures n' all that. It's still the one we use to communicate most frequently, and after getting her voice down, it's become reliable and sturdy. This, I'm sure, is just an imagined voice. Yes it's self-directed, but it's otherwise like any other voice I would imagine, including the one I use to think to myself. Like my intuition, as it were. It's also the only voice I've ever gotten tulpish from, where it'll be garbled but I understand its intent.

 

Next is the dream voice. This is the one we use while, well, dreaming. And increasingly while hypnagogic too. Come to think of it, it's the only voice we use during the latter too, so I guess I'll call it the dream and hypnagogia voice? Eh, screw it.

 

It seems to come from deep in my skull, but closer to the right side. I can't really pin it down. Also, it seems to have a certain... Buzz to it, to describe the sensation. I recognize the feeling from my dreams, so I'll call it Dream Buzz or something stupid like that. This is an interesting voice to say the least. Unlike the first, it tends to be rather in-your-face. When Twilight uses it, I'm often startled. I mean, not startled like frightened, but... Well... You know when you're just about to fall asleep, but you don't wanna fall asleep, so you kinda jerk back? It feels like that, but without the sleep. I mean, of course I'm half sleep when we practice with this voice, but that's not the reason I jerk. It's literally the voice itself that causes me to jerk. At least while hypnagogic; doesn't seem to bother me in dreams.

 

And I said jerk too many times there...

 

Anyway, that shit's bananas, right? But that's not all! Er, well, it's not the only difference. For the first voice, it feels like I can, as it were, cut it off if I need to. Well, more like muzzle it, really. The thought she wants to convey comes regardless, but I can at least shut her up.

 

That's a no go on the dream voice though. I really can't do anything about it. Probably why she likes it. But this voice seems closer to what FAQ_Man originally described. I mean, I can't be sure, but the feel of it, the strength of it... There's no doubt there that it's not coming from me.

 

Finally, there's the imposed voice. At this point, we can only do it in bursts when the right... mental conditions are present (read: when stoned), but it's like the dream voice, but my ears kinda... vibrate? I wanted to say ring, but there's no ringing sound. It just feels like someone is whispering in my ear, and I hear Twilight as though she was on the other end of the phone and her receiver got wet: It's quiet, but it doesn't sound like she's whispering, but like her voice is far away. Oh, and there's no sleep-jerk with this voice. Which is fanfuckingtastic.

 

So, phew! That was a lot to say, but at least my head quieted down while I was typing it. I think they're in awe of my prose. Ladies?

 

They just shook their heads. Too cocky? Neeeeeeh.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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  • 1 month later...

Day 141

 

Running low on food. Sarge says we'll have more to eat after we take the hill. Just one more time over the top. Sarge says he'll lead the charge.

 

...

 

We took the hill. We're still running low on food, but Sarge was right about having more to eat. He won't need it.

 

... I dunno. I'm bored. The Twilicorn says "good job".

 

Hello again, all. We've surfaced for the hell of it. Been bobbing around out of sight. You know how it is.

 

But, hmm, what should I say? So much has happened since the last update that I'll probably end up not saying much at all. Whatever. We're going strong.

 

Ugh. I'm feeling extra flippant right now. Maybe I should do this another day? No, no. I'm here now, and my work schedule this weekend is do or die, so it's now or never!

 

I mean, not really, but I'll do it now anyway.

 

So did I ever tell you the story of how imposition is ass? I think you can piece it together from this PR. Aw, dudes (and tups), imposition is... is...

 

Well, on the one hand, I understand how easy it is to imagine a tup in physical space: you just get a sense of depth and presence, then imagine a form with that depth and presence. Yeah, creates a "layered" effect where you're looking at your tup "past" or "through" your visual layer.

 

S'just visualizing with your eyes open. Boatload of meh. I've been able to do that crap since I was in kindergarten and learned that teachers would leave me alone if just shut my yap and started daydreaming.

 

But that can't really be all these imposition guides mean, can it? What, do that until your tup becomes opaque or the two layers "blend" a bit, as it were? Blegh.

 

Well, anyway, our methods aren't quite that, but we'll keep experimenting until we find something significant. In the end, might end up imposing by the above method by default because of how much time we spend together. That is, all of it. We spend all of our time together.

 

Every day.

 

For four months and 20 days.

 

And still no imposition.

 

Yeah, this shit takes a long fucking time. How were hour counts ever even conceivable? I'm already thinking of switching off the day counter.

 

Oh well. That aside, the three of us live life. They do pony stuff, I do human stuff. Oh! And it's true, the second one does seem to grow faster. Dash is already about as expressive as Twilight despite being about, oh, half her age at this point. Course, in the long view, 2 months won't be a pin on a porcupine's worth of difference, so it's not too surprising.

 

And I guess it should be common sense that this would be so, but it tickles me purple how different their personalities are, and how different they are when relating to me and each other. And you haven't lol'd until you've listened to two ponies go from arguing about politics and economics to whether they'd rather watch Chowder or Regular Show.

 

But ok... That's enough gushing. I apologize.

 

So I'm off to find a hammer big enough to give me a concussion. Might cause some hallucinations before I black out and die.

 

I'm kidding. Really.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Afternoon, everypone. And a happy Sunday to the faithful, and a happy day-before-Monday to the agnostic. It's day 150, so pop the streamers, bitches!

 

Such a pretty number. And divisible by three to boot? Sex.

 

Well, let's cut to the chase. While crashing on a friend's couch last night, I realized what should have been obvious before: A difference between active imposition and passive imposition. It is this. When I'm actively imposing, Twilight's entire body is the object of my imagination. That is, I'm indifferent to the angle at which I view her and to what body parts should be visible, etc. I can, as it were, look through her and form and solidify whatever part of her body I need, to serve in training visual imposition and whatnot. When, on the other hand, I am passively imposing, physical space imposes it's rules, or at least this should be the object: to see Twilight as though actually looking at her, instead of seeing her as though I were a graphic designer focused on a nebulous detail in a convenient vacuum with easy rotation and whatnot.

 

Oh, but if only it were that easy. The challenge for me now is to master passive imposition, so I can use my nasty, squishy physical eyes instead of my beautiful imagination. Well, insofar as that happens. Y'know, things get all blendy and it's just... it's just all bad.

 

Er, what I mean to say is this: I have a tendency to, when observing Twilight in meatspace, be aware of her entire form instead of just the angle or side I should be viewing, were I using my eyes. I mean, we've spent so much damn time on her form that I can't help but wanna admire the whole thing... But it's simply not conducive to visual imposition. An analogy for this predicament is the difference between seeing things from third person in your wonderland vs seeing them in first person; in both cases the trick isn't so much clarity of sight but understanding what should be seen and not seen. Fun times all around!

 

So that's what we'll be working on for a while, along with all the other stuff we usually do, as previously noted in this log. So until next time, fellow mancers,

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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Heyo, folks. It's day 155 and I can't sleep, so here's an update, I guess.

 

Took some molly for the first time last night. Well, I guess it counts as last night; like I said, I haven't slept. Not tired either. Hm.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to report that I haven't noticed any effect on forcing as a result of this particular drug. Everything just feels smooth, if I can lay some synesthesia on ya. Like everything I perceived before was grainy, but someone turned the filter on. Same with tups; they're more smooth at the moment.

 

Heh. That makes no sense.

 

Oh, and I told one of my closest friends about them. He's a PhD candidate in neurology and he didn't seem to think I was too far gone. Was more fascinated than anything; asked me questions about how I interact with them, spoke to me about the dissociation constitutive of identity, and danced around the sex question a bit. Looking back, I could have said, and wish I did say, a lot more, but it's still awkward for me to talk about it with people. I'm sure he'll have more questions later, anyway.

 

Oh, and the realization I pointed out in the last post has changed my thoughts about imposition more than I thought it would. They feel more vivid now, though I'm hesitant to say whether or not that's related. Anyway, and what may seem counter intuitive, I haven't been worrying about the "vision" part of visualization recently. Instead I just keep track of where everything is on them and the image just kinda... appears. So, you know, Twilight might be laying beside me and turn her head or flip over, and instead of worrying about seeing that, I just keep track of its happening and doing that produces the image. Kinda cool, I'd say, and... strange?

 

The other night, for instance, I was hanging my feet off the edge of my bed and was just peripherally aware that Twilight's tail was swishing nearby. Next thing I know, and without thinking about it, I'm tangling my toes in her tail hair and playing around with it as though it were there. I was spooped, but stuff like that is happening more and more lately. Idk, guys, I think I'm getting close to a developed stage of imposition.

 

Well, I hope I'm getting close anyway.

 

But I could probably go on, but I've gotta shake off this euphoria and get some water AND get to sleep at some point. Ugh.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey, guys! It's day 166. Quick update.

 

Not much more to say about imposition at the moment, but it's a lot less frustrating since the above realizations. It feels like I should be able to see them, touch them, etc, and at times it seems like I do, but rationally I know I can't, so I don't. This gap... Must bridge.

 

But I just wanted to note something interesting as of late. Where as, in the mystical before-times, I could predict what they were going to say before they said it in their imagined voices, or at least that they were going to say something, now their voices come out of nowhere.

 

Um, it's just consistent. The dream voice is becoming the imagined voice n' vice versa.

 

Yesterday I argued with Twilight about using the "Meta" method to force her. She was vehemently opposed to it, and got super ticked off at me when I tried to do chakra meditation instead of just doing the "clear your mind" thing. It may not sound like much, but that was a big blow; first time I've experienced the anti-superstition I programmed into her at full force. And I mean she is passionately opposed to it. I can feel it.

 

So awesome.

 

Dash is less resistant, but she doesn't like it either. So fine, we won't pretend to throw around energy and whatnot. Sigh. Could have been fun.

 

Well, keep forcing guys. At this point, it's hard for me to articulate how much things have changed since we began imposition training. I don't think I could ever do our relationship justice in a mere blog... pr, thing. It's not just seeing them, and it's not just presence. It's like reality itself bends for them...

 

That sounded stupid. Ignore it. I'mma go meditate.

 

Later days~

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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  • 4 years later...

It's been a while.

 

We're still alive. I don't recognize anyone anymore, and I expect the converse is true, too. Oh well.

 

Keep forcing. Don't let anyone tell you what is or isn't possible. Think of the craziest thing you can accomplish together. Now aim higher than that.

 

You'll make it. Tulpas age far better than people.

 

Good luck.

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.

-Zecora

 

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

 

And, please, call me Sparks.

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