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Concerned about my Tulpa!


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So let me explain, I researched Tulpas heavily in months past before trying to create one, Spinnerette. A cat like creature with a sweet temperament and a mild manner. I followed all the rules and things were going well, we were progressing quickly.

Then my life took a turn, went six ways to Hell in a hand basket. Creating a Tulpa wasn't a priority anymore, we lost touch.

Now I'm back in the game but Spinnerette just isn't there anymore, we don't jive, I'm not the same person I was. Time to try again right?

My new Tulpa came to me quite by accident. I was sitting in the back of my fathers truck, he was driving too fast for the snowy conditions (I recently ran my car off the road in a suicide attempt so I get a bit jumpy every time the vehicle fishtails) headphones on, eyes screwed shut, I felt a hand cover mine, (there but not really there) I look up and see him in my minds eye, hear his voice in my head.

"Breathe."

I recognize him from my own imagination Sebastian Moran.

I know he's not there, I see him in the same way I saw Spin, and my beloved imaginary friend Thevin as a child. I'm shocked only because I don't normally have my imagination spring things on my so vividly without my assistance.

I calm down though, I focus on him and the terrifying ride ends.

After that I decided to create a new Tulpa, based off the character Sebastian Moran as read about in fanfictions from BBC Sherlock.

 

I know you aren't supposed to, I worry about him having an identity crisis. Remind him constantly that he's not actually him. Already details about him have changed, he's American, grew up in Michigan.

That's the other thing that has me concerned. He has memories. Spin never had memories. He had favorite colors and music albums but he didn't have memories of people or places.

I asked Sebastian why he didn't have an English accent when I talked to him. His reply was simple, "Because I grew up in Michigan, went to Yale, studied Business Administration before joining the Marines."

I fumbled out that he didn't do any of those things.

"No not really but in my own mind I did. Those things made me who I am. I accept that they didn't really happen but that doesn't make them any less real for me."

 

Anyway, growing number of concerns here. I don't really want to write him off and start again. We already have such a strong bond. He's my acting body guard keeping me company when I'm surrounded by people that make me want to off my self because I have no other way out. He doesn't really come across as being dangerous in anyway, hasn't said or done anything, besides threatening me bodily harm if I picked up his smoking habit.

Enough rambling now.

Sebastian Moran

Form: Human

Age: 37

Literal Birthday: March 1st, 2014

Working On: Vocality

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I followed all the rules and things were going well' date=' we were progressing quickly.[/quote']

 

There’s honestly no “rules” to abide to, just people offering their experiential learning to help newcomers not make the mistakes they’ve made. Sure, there may be underlying concepts that may become prevalent when there’s patterns and trends (i.e. head pressures), but I felt this should be stated based on your situation here. Because it seems this is a case of the host worrying if they’re following what’s really “pragmatic” when it’s really subjective in my opinion.

 

I look up and see him in my minds eye, hear his voice in my head.

"Breathe."

 

Glad to know that things are going fine, that definitely sounds like an intense situation.

 

I know you aren't supposed to' date=' I worry about him having an identity crisis.[/quote']

 

I don’t know who gave you that kind of idea that you’re not “supposed to,” especially when there’s mixed views on this. Some see having a base form (from someone else) as nothing too serious, especially if the host and tulpa are willing to know that deviation is always there at their disposal. Others may declare that a base form is just fine because it doesn’t validate the totality of all the thought-form really is. There’s one tulpa I know that takes on a pony form, and she’s not really having any kind of identity crisis (correct me if I’m wrong Nobillis).

 

An identity crisis, based on the anecdotes from worst case to best case scenarios, seems to only become an issue if the host, or even if the tulpa has militant strives to be consistent with whomever they’re basing themselves from. To be honest, the thought-forms I have seem perfectly relaxed with using the base form they’ve been in for years now.

 

That's the other thing that has me concerned. He has memories. Spin never had memories. He had favorite colors and music albums but he didn't have memories of people or places.

I asked Sebastian why he didn't have an English accent when I talked to him. His reply was simple, "Because I grew up in Michigan, went to Yale, studied Business Administration before joining the Marines."

I fumbled out that he didn't do any of those things.

"No not really but in my own mind I did. Those things made me who I am. I accept that they didn't really happen but that doesn't make them any less real for me."

 

Honestly, you should be grateful to have a thought-form that’s competent enough to be aware of their origins (or what they felt was the case), even if it took fabrication of memories to contribute to their existence.

 

Anyway' date=' growing number of concerns here.[/quote']

 

You don’t have to write him off, and if Spin isn’t someone you can commit to, don’t put yourself into a guilt trip just because you couldn’t get that same “vibe” off of them. I’ve had thought-forms, dreaming state and waking life in the past, who I gave up on. There’s two that I’ve done my best to have unwavering acknowledgement of despite of the ones that came before, in between, and after them.

 

With the set of circumstances you were in with your new thought-form, it doesn’t seem they’re going to go crazy just like that, especially when they’ve grown to accept their origins, and help you out anyway they can. Most of what really seems to be your concern is the preconceptions that’s built in this community and others where everyone will have their own personal dispositions on morality, ethics, philosophies, and such into this. This is an experience that’s going on within your perception of your reality, and trying to abide to people’s ideologies without formulating your own is just going to cause internal conflict with yourself. You're the one that will have to decide what you want to do with your existence, and the same for your companion there.

 

Whoever tells you what to do when it comes to interacting with your tulpa, you should take their suggestions loosely; everyone is on a progressive learning curve of building rapport with their tulpas, and their own "pragmatic" ways to live. You don’t seem to be in a crazy situation right now other than fixating on the guilt to the point where it may lead to self-hatred.

 

He doesn't really come across as being dangerous in anyway' date=' hasn't said or done anything, besides threatening me bodily harm if I picked up his smoking habit.[/quote']

 

It may sound dark and cynical, but he’s just being considerate of your safety. Sure, he may have come off as rash and earnest, but speaking from experience, don’t take that for granted. If you really ended up smoking, it would be whatever substances affecting you, not psychosomatic experiences he stated he would threaten you with.

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Thank you so much Linkzelda for your thorough reply.

 

Most of the guides that I studied and conversations I have been involved in led me to believe that basing a Tulpa off a fictional character was bad, letting them have memories even more so. All of this would lead to them having some sort of existential break down when they realized they weren't that person and those memories weren't real.

 

Seb certainly doesn't seem like the sort to have a crisis. He's very grounded. Suggested I get on a forum and discuss the matter and alleviate my doubts. The last thing he wants is to be a worry.

 

He is very aware of what he is. Honestly I'm astounded by how quickly he just sprung into existance. Spin took work, weeks of focus before I could 'see' him and 'hear' his voice rather then my own. Bastian's voice on the other hand is distinctly not my own right from the get go with no effort at all. What's more I'm not having to put any effort into puppeting Seb like I did with Spin I bring up a topic and he just responds fluidly.

 

If it wasn't so cool I think I'd be scared and intimidated.

 

Well I guess I'll run with him then. Other peoples opinions be damned. Seb assures me he can handle it so I'll trust him. Thanks for the support.

 

Also, he was joking about the bodily harm I think. It's his nasty habit and he was just making sure I didn't get the idea to try it because he did. Just becasue he smokes doesn't mean I have to sort of deal, same as black decaf coffee in the mornings, doesn't expect me to drink that poison either.

:)

Sebastian Moran

Form: Human

Age: 37

Literal Birthday: March 1st, 2014

Working On: Vocality

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Most of the guides that I studied and conversations I have been involved in led me to believe that basing a Tulpa off a fictional character was bad' date=' letting them have memories even more so[/quote']

 

The community has a long way to go to absolve themselves from that naiveté, but we’re doing our best.

 

All of this would lead to them having some sort of existential break down when they realized they weren't that person and those memories weren't real.

 

Yeah, existential crisis can turn into a shitstorm (I know it did for me), but the moment they know it’s a crisis of thinking rather than a crisis that would be psychotic, it helps with shifts in paradigms and what have you.

 

Suggested I get on a forum and discuss the matter and alleviate my doubts. The last thing he wants is to be a worry.

 

I had a feeling Seb was like that. I imagined him as this stern, but respective individual that puts in a few sardonic quips every now and then.

 

Spin took work' date=' weeks of focus before I could 'see' him and 'hear' his voice rather then my own. Bastian's voice on the other hand is distinctly not my own right from the get go with no effort at all.[/quote']

 

Yeah, I’ve seen this case in other threads where tulpas seem to come in situations where things feel hopeless, and they intervene to resolve the matter similar to a dues ex machina. Maybe it could be that the hard work you put in the past allowed you to augment your overall cognition to make things easier, but don’t take my word for it. Though with the personal development involved into tulpa creation, maybe that could be the case.

 

What's more I'm not having to put any effort into puppeting Seb like I did with Spin I bring up a topic and he just responds fluidly.

 

Yeah, it feels nice when breakthroughs start streaming in huh? And all those doubts one may have had before become non-existent. The potential grows exponentially, and it can often become scary of what you and your friend are capable of doing (in a good way of course). It’s the same mind-boggling moment I had with Eva and Ada, as I’m sure others have experienced as well.

 

Seb assures me he can handle it so I'll trust him. Thanks for the support.

 

No problem at all, and never be intimidated to help Seb out if he needs it. He sounds like the kind of thought-form that wants to deal with his problems before others come in to intervene. But I'm sure he knows when he'll need help from you though in the future.

 

Also' date=' he was joking about the bodily harm I think. It's his nasty habit and he was just making sure I didn't get the idea to try it because he did. Just becasue he smokes doesn't mean I have to sort of deal, same as black decaf coffee in the mornings, doesn't expect me to drink that poison either.[/quote']

 

Ah gotcha! Thanks for the clarification there, I had a strong feeling he was just joking around.

 

Other peoples opinions be damned.

 

As long as you’re not sending yourself in a spiraling descent towards self-sabotage, you’ll be fine. Tell Seb that I wish him the best in finding meaning in his existence.

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Thank you so much Linkzelda for your thorough reply.

 

Most of the guides that I studied and conversations I have been involved in led me to believe that basing a Tulpa off a fictional character was bad, letting them have memories even more so. All of this would lead to them having some sort of existential break down when they realized they weren't that person and those memories weren't real.

 

Seb certainly doesn't seem like the sort to have a crisis. He's very grounded. Suggested I get on a forum and discuss the matter and alleviate my doubts. The last thing he wants is to be a worry.

 

He is very aware of what he is. Honestly I'm astounded by how quickly he just sprung into existance. Spin took work, weeks of focus before I could 'see' him and 'hear' his voice rather then my own. Bastian's voice on the other hand is distinctly not my own right from the get go with no effort at all. What's more I'm not having to put any effort into puppeting Seb like I did with Spin I bring up a topic and he just responds fluidly.

 

If it wasn't so cool I think I'd be scared and intimidated.

 

Well I guess I'll run with him then. Other peoples opinions be damned. Seb assures me he can handle it so I'll trust him. Thanks for the support.

 

Also, he was joking about the bodily harm I think. It's his nasty habit and he was just making sure I didn't get the idea to try it because he did. Just becasue he smokes doesn't mean I have to sort of deal, same as black decaf coffee in the mornings, doesn't expect me to drink that poison either.

:)

 

Though it is assumed to be an issue to have a Tulpa based off of an existing character, I've seen Tulpamancers create Tulpae like that without an issue, as long as they are given the choice to deviate as they desire. All Tulpa are different, they don't all respond the same way to a situation.

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