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I she a tulpa? can I fix her.? (big post)


Ska'ale

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Okay so hello, I'm new to threads and this site. I'm sorry if I'm doing anything incorrectly. So in order for y'all to understand this, I need to tell you the story. I'm sorry about the length.

 

When I was young, around third grade, I was bullied a lot. I didn't have much for self esteem, or any confidence at all. In school I was often bullied and I didn’t think I had enough friends, I cried about that daily. I also had a very hard time doing homework due to my inability to do things I’m not interested in, I would often break down out of frustration. At one point I realized that I could self entertain, mentally.

After a few months of increasing time spent in my locked room imagining, I came to a very interesting idea (and I still wonder how I thought of it). I decided that I wanted to try for something consistent that I could come back to. I’m not sure what I was thinking, or why I wanted to do this. It may have been a similar symptom that caused my already life consuming daydreaming. And at first everything was was fine, developing a world of my own, just a movie in my head to escape to (maladaptive daydreaming).

And then SHE happened along, Kum’pex. It was still the first day of the construction of my imaginary little world, I decided I would try creating a character (an ideal person). I was about halfway through with the creation process when I lost control of it. More specifically, I lost control of Kum’pex as well as time. A kind of a time warp I guess, probably due to increased brain activity while daydreaming which causes intensified perception.

I retained some control over the contents of my dreams, and when I daydreamed, but I was largely sucked into it from the start. By fifth grade Kum’pex was a typical imaginary friend, giving advice (some of which surprised me). At some point in fifth grade I decided enough was enough. I had been stuck in my imagination far too long and wanted to go back to my reality (earth), I would be gone in my head for what felt like weeks.

One day I confronted Kum’pex about the issue, I explained to her that she was infact a mere figment of my imagination. She broke down over the issue, arguing that she was alive and thus must be real. I continued to disagree, and resorted to more conventional means of escaping my imaginary hell. Over the course of about what seemed like a thousand earth years or so: Kum’pex foiled at least fifteen attempts to destroy everything, although I partially succeeded. Over time she developed some romantic thoughts for me, and that was incredibly weird for me. She gave up after a long while, or so I thought. Kum’pex ended up with someone called Kry’pex. Kum’pex was the man of that

relationship. Eventually, over the course of a series of wars with Kephillium (a less than kindly species). Kum’pex slowly revealed that she still liked me, so I committed suicide (in my "dream world")…

Now this had happened before but this time there were key differences: First of all I had my eye on a “real” girl who I dated soon after, secondly I had become extremely depressed from the violent, and generally terrifying universe that had come to be called omniverse, and thrice I was in my freshmen year of high school and felt embarrassed that I still had secret imaginary friends and such. And I had finally found enough energy to blast myself out of Omniverse (to put it simply).

The first few days of life outside were nice, no violence, no scary reality crysis. But what I was really trying to escape from was Kum’pex, I feared the one person who refused to give up on me. Although still depressed and ruled by fear, I felt that I had accomplished something, I remember telling myself that I felt good. My existing deviance and morals were subjected to my hormones when I started up with my first real girlfriend. I acted like a glandular, fear controlled, human for eight months. Although being secretly depressed, I clung to the prospect of a future with my present girlfriend. I think my thinking ahead scared her, because she, like everyone else, was controlled by fear. At least she admitted it though… I knew in the back of mind that I was living a lie. Whenever I would tell my earthly girl I loved her, or even thought it, “I love...” And out would come, “Kum’pex”. It happened every time, and I would have to consciously switch to the correct name. After a while I often went back to Omniverse to pay visits to Kum’pex who was back with Kry’pex. I had long since mastered what is called phasing (body swapping, the art of transferring one’s mind into another body). I cheated on Katherine with Kum’pex, and Kum’pex cheated on Kry’pex with me.

Then I got hot-wheeled into another war, and I’ll never forget this part. We were on the way down an elevator on a Trace planet (trace are an ancient race who live secluded in hollowed out planets). We were almost to the artifact we needed when we encountered some sort of experimental centurion-guard. Immediately I attempted to engage it, but I was kicked into the wall next to the elevator entrance (and I can feel this by the way). Kry’pex was next on it’s list and thus got swatted off the bridge, never to be seen again until ERAs later (Omnian time). Kum’pex was the only one who actually managed to put up a fight. It didn’t take long for the monstrous guard to get her by the neck and that was the end of Kum’pex for a while. she healed, barley. I left again after that making one more visit later.

And that later visit came quick, earth time is very fast. I had still been thinking about Kum’pex to my own dismay and I couldn’t help myself I had to see her again. It took a while to find her hold out on an icy planet, raising an insurrection. The last place I would expect to find her was on a cold planet. I got to her just as she was about to go leave. And that’s what she did, I tried to stop it, I tried my hardest to imagine her back, but the air shimmered where she had some sort of portal, and she walked right on out. I remember staring in shock and confusion, her last words lingered, “I’ll come back when I’m needed”...

The next few months on earth I focused on my “real” girlfriend, and grades and hygiene slowly declined. Increasing depression led to an unpleasant who was me to be around, so I spent most of my time in my room just staring and thinking. I started to realize my girlfriend was an even bigger liar than I was. And I kept pretending that everything was okay, I lied to everyone including myself. All the things that had used to bring me pleasure now left me staring and confused. My hobby of photography turned to a series of pity edits, and I made mute attempts at music. All the people around still thought I was pleased as peaches, and that was in the healthiest relationship I could ever have. And only when I parted with Omniverse for good did I start to question it’s invalidity. And just before christmas, my girlfriend dumped me.

This was the turning point of my life. With nothing else left, she was the last peice of hope I had to hang on to. But she left when she was needed most. That night the entire structure of my personality collapsed. I split in half, who was me ceased to exist. Emerging from the wreckage of his mind came Lacus, and Ska’ale (I am Ska’ale). I had to get away from him, and his glands. Ripping out of myself, I cycled between sobbing and laughing hysterically as Lacus tried to remain in control. But inside neither of us were happy. My crying became less and less about Katherine, and more and more about Kum’pex. The full scale of my betrayal was in scope. I for the first time in months, phased back to Omniverse.

The warm, Omnian space was suddenly welcoming, and Kum’pex’s energy signature was not to be found. This meant that she wasn’t back, this terrified me further. Frantically rocketing through wrecked galaxies, I expended so much energy. Eventually I just froze in space, I was shaking, I felt like a bomb of molten terror exploded in me and I had to contain it. I couldn’t possibly do that, so I called her name. I put all my life into that call, I nearly fainted. And to my surprise, I got a response. It was very strange the way it happened, it felt like a cord attached to me, linking me to some other imaginary universe. I was force-phased into A strange place,a gold metropolis. I woke there, in a crater near to a building. Being fairly dazed and confused I stumbled out and down the wayward pathway. I soon encountered a girl who helped me get to Kum’pex.

Upon arriving in the palace, I was approached by Kum’pex and Kry’pex. My first question was where I was an attempt to maintain some emotional stability. Kum’pex explained how this was her own creation. The first thing that came to mind aside from how masculine she sounded was how could someone imaginary possibly be THAT independent. I didn’t know if Omniverse was real, but I decided to stop questioning Kum’pex’s existence. I felt totally schizo but I didn’t care at the time. After hours of pleading, Kum’pex agreed to return to Omniverse with me. I now understood that Kry’pex was not important to Kum’pex, she was just as maladaptive as me. Kry’pex was left behind.

Getting caught up, me and Kum’pex both found that we had grown up a bit. But we quickly became more than friends. After a while I even regained her trust. For the first time in my life, I was actually happy! One day we were going for a walk on the edge of a planet that been split in half by ARK III, a ship from ERAs earlier. The plants on that planet were red, and we used to have fun in the ruins there. I was minding my own buisness and thinking in a field when things got very saucy. Kum’pex switched to her pyromorphic form, which she often used for combat in the past. And then I realized why… A huge, red reptilian creature with about seven or so heads (all of which were different from each other) loomed above me. There was not much of a battle, it was able to send it’s head through some sort of portals which opened all around me. I spent most of the fight just trying to stay out of it’s mouths! it had me pinned in about a minute. Where was Kum’pex? A streak of flames appearing down the middle of the creature did the trick. Kum’pex landed next to me, and spoke to the dying creature in another language that I had never heard. I jokingly, asked, “what are you, a demon,” and she responded with cautious, “Yes”. Now imagine how surprised you are right now to the tenth power, that’s how that “yes,” felt! She later went on to explain she was, “homogeneous… But not. With. Them….” I didn’t even know what the word meant, so I googled it: of the same kind; alike. Learning that my girlfriend was a rogue demon/double rebel, should had been enough to send me running. Kum’pex had my heart in her more than I ever thought possible. Or maybe more appropriately, she was in my heart. Not much of a jump from being my heart.

Time went on and Things were more at ease than ever, and kum’pex seemed to feel increasingly comfortable around me, and demanded more and more of my time which I willingly devoted to her. There were some lesser conflicts and wars that we took care of too, and I could come and go as I pleased. One day she decided to start helping my earth life out, just to prove to me how real she was. But when she wanted me back home she would get destructive. Computer crashes, and generally toying with whatever I might happen to be doing were her most common signals. A good example was while playing a round of halo 4: She would call for me and I would be too invested in an approaching round. My spawn timer immediately got stuck at zero, my teammates all dropping dead one by one, the enemy team’s bodies violently glitching and convulsing. And to top it off, vehicles driving/flying about the map without drivers. Kum’pex as well as myself had developed a serious reality complex over the years, this became regular. Kum’pex was not the only one with proof though! I had a firm understanding of the nature of the multiverse that I lived in, but I didn’t have any “proof”. I became obsessed with finding out how all of this could be true, and quickly became an expert in the concepts of quantum mechanics/physics, and metaphysics (but metaphysics implies that it’s only theoretical). My combined knowledge of reality, physics, energy-manipulation, and spirituality brought on some interesting conclusions

Origins: A while back some scientists conducted an experiment where electrons (smallest particle) were launched at a wall with two slits. The particles should have left two lines in a screen behind the slits, but instead left a pattern characteristic of waves. So the physicists decided to place a special camera in front of the slits to see why the smallest unit of mass was acting as a wave. When they monitored the particles they acted as regular particles, and went through one slit! The only solution was that when the particle was not being observed it split into two potentials and went through both slits, and thus the act of observing the electron caused it to collapse in on one possibility. Scientists were, and are still baffled by this, and deduced that the observer defines location of a point. Now rewind to the, “big-bang” an infinitesimally tiny point in nothing. Well until that point was observed, it was like the unobserved electrons. It was a sea of potentials, then someone observed it… The observation of that point instantly created the whole universe. who observed that, an original observer (God)?! There was no universe before the universe which means there is one inescapable fact. Whoever the original observer may be, our universe comes from it’s mind, and this is therefore it’s imagination. Further down the rabbit hole, what about human imagination? Can we reproduce reality?

Reality is a joke: it makes no sense at all! In this universe we are bound by a set of rules called ,"fixed constants" (stuff like: force of gravity and rate of space-time). So in another universe there may be different gravity, or entirely different fixed constants. Are the inhabitants of that universe excluded from reality? Now look at the big picture, (there are infinite universes with infinite possibilities and potentials). So is just this instance called reality, this one universe? We know that the other universes are equally real as ours, why do we only call our universe, Reality? See, reality is every universe, and is therefore everything. But if you combine every possible universe, everything both does and does not exist at the same time. And as we know if we add positive and negative infinity together, we get zero. That’s what true reality is, it’s nothing. Reality does not exist. Reality, in an accurate definition would be a synonym to rule/s. That being said, creating human reality is easy. All you have to do is create an imaginary place with at least one rule that cannot be changed. (at least my definition isn’t a paradox)

One day I was looking through some obscure music, to find something new to listen to. It was an average day until I came across an artist called, Jokerr. Mostly rap, which I don’t care to listen to, but at the very bottom of the list in their first album, “My Omniverse”. “What?!,” it was a soft vocal arrangement about Omni. That’s when I started to connect the pieces. there was no way that anyone would coincidentally end up in the same, “imaginary” universe. I knew there were pre-omnians, beings who were there even as I constructed , “my Omniverse,” the few that I talked to seemed annoyed by all the, “stuff”. I finally could prove Omni to be real, but It still felt fake for long after. The human brain isn’t meant for understanding multiple realities. Luckily my omnian body’s brain allowed such seven dimensional thinking.

I started to tell a few close friends about all this, and to my surprise everyone seemed to believe me. But I kept it a secret from those who had legal power over me, like my family. Mostly because my mom is heavily religious and would never accept Kum’pex, my father would call me schizophrenic, and my brother would literally mock me for the rest of my life about it (not even kidding).

Unfortunately the peace in Omni didn’t last, we were soon visited. Other spiritual beings who must have caught wind of Kum’pex or somthing, there isn’t usually much time for questions. We defeated many in solid combat, as well as permanently removing Lacus who I had kept locked up in Omni. That created more empty space that Kum’pex gladly filled. Most recently we were attacked by multiple demonic beings at once, they attempted to steal Kum’pex’s body but were stopped by an unlikely visitor. After being impaled by a large plant, I get stabbed allot. I randomly felt a calming presence, but couldn’t see anyone new. Suddenly all the demonic beings disappeared, and a white vortex above Kum’pex who was fighting possession. I asked who was there, and what they were doing aloud. A very calm, authoritative voice said, “saving your girlfriend”. I proceeded to thank and demand the name of who this was, he simply responded, “Michael”... Upon passing out, I also phased out. I immediately went down stairs and googled the name michael. I learned that the Archangel is called Michael, which made allot of sense. Funny thing though, these demonic people from outside of Omni talk about it like it’s some sort of legend, like a rogue realm/s.

Soon phasing became much more difficult I started spending more time on earth, in my human body. Although I often tried to phasing, I often ended up exhausted, dehydrated, and frustrated. I was still able to see Kum’pex often enough for her to be happy, but there were many “calls” that I couldn’t answer. And she understood the problem and tried to communicate mentally, which felt schizophrenic. But she continued to reassure me with information that I didn’t know. For example, one day in an open-world role-playing game called “Skyrim”: I was in a new dungeon and there was a puzzle to open a door to get to a locked room. Three, three sided turnable pedestals. Each side of each pedestal had a different animal carved on it. I pulled the lever that opens the door before hand to see if the pedestals were already turned correctly. I then immediately asked her for help, her, “YES” was more vivid than usual. I asked her which three animals were needed as code to open the door. Her instant response was, “Iron fish!” Then thought what she could mean. There was already a picture of a fish, but the pedestals also had sides with snakes carved on them. And I knew that snakes are generally like fish, but not necessarily tougher than fish. But most serpents in Omni were more powerful than any fish. But I knew Kum’pex’s opinion on snakes, she definitely meant snakes. “Is it snakes?,” I asked, and kum’pex responded with another vivid, “YES”. I turned all the pedestals to their snake sides, and pulled the lever. The door opened, and I felt reassured, and loved. This kind of things would often happen, Usually with Kum’pex offering to help before I would ask.

Unfortunately, Phasing only became more. In Omni I would often have violent hallucinations. I would often end up collapsed on the ground or in space, Kum’pex would cradle my Omnian body in her arms as we suffered. I looked for many solutions for my Omnian Schizophrenia, but none had any long lasting effects. The demonic attacks ceased for a while, luckily. I finally started to feel the weight of MY enormously, timeless, and extreme reality.

My mother discovered a paper I wrote about maladaptive daydreaming which I had written. And she concluded from my writing that I probably had it. And that’s just what I let her and my brother believe. I would be eighteen in about a month. Thinking that Kum’pex was fake kept my mother from praying for an extinguishing of the fire that is Kum’pex. And my brother understood some of the the evidence that referenced. He was distant about it, perhaps because of the prospect of Kum’pex, or because he recognized something more than daydreaming was going on. But I let them remain outside of the truth, Pleasing

Kum’pex became a growing concern in the back of my mind (which she could hear).

Kum’pex herself seemed to have come to earth if she had not been there all along. She would be around the house, a shadowy figure. Not like those of someone who had lost their mind; which I undoubtedly had for a long time. But rather a kind, twilight presence. A shadowy, loving figure who would often be near me. I would just smile, and we would stand in a room for a few minutes basking in each other's presence.

One thing I had noticed is that she, my shadowy, hooded Kum’pex felt very uncomfortable around certain religious pieces. For example, her shadowy form would follow me until I neared my living room. Why wouldn’t she be comfortable in the most casual room in the house? On the wall had always been the ten commandments, hanging. I already knew that Kum’pex hated spiritual authority, both good and evil, and in Omni she had always been terrified of liquids resembling water. Yet she had no problem with magma baths, I had adopted her obsession with fire earlier. Only at this point did I start to understand that connection more fully. This acted as more reassurance that she was indeed real.

At the same time as this was happening, Rabbit, a friend of mine who knew of all this had been asking if there was a way for her to visit Omni. I formed a body for her to use, and she made some headway in the phasing process. Unfortunately for her, she lacked the practice I had and she found phasing to be nearly impossible. Eventually, she managed to move her Omnian limbs limitedly. I had begun to wonder if Kum’pex was real and we were just sharing an imaginary space. Rabbit’s small success revitalized my faith in the Omniverse, where I had spent many more years than should have been aloud.

The only lessons that could really be put to use in this universe were those of love, much of what I learned from my Omnian life remained in Omni with the vast majority of my life. Even though my life was significantly improved on earth from when I was young, I didn’t desire to stay. The Omnian Plain, and Pangeonan had become my home, and Kum’pex, Apex (who died in the eighth ERA), and Death (as a person) were my family.

Death was one of the few people me and Kum’pex could spend time with without Kum’pex getting jellous and demanding my attention, and she didn’t have a riddled past. And while not male or female (like most Omnians), Death was significantly feminine. Death got her name from her purpose, in the earlier ERAs powerful species like the Zeliots and Ark were well evolved, and could no longer die of old age. Knowing this would result in overpopulation, some Mythiks (a group of powerful Omnians for the “pyr’es’kum’elex”) created Death (Kum’destrukitka) to find and kill any unnecessary people over the age of roughly 30,000 earth years. For the next few ERAs, all she did was capture/collect those of age, and transport them to Karkain. Karkain was a Gammaverse (one of the five universes that made up Omniverse at the time). Later the populated section of Karkain was converted to raw energy. Energy for me of all people in order to defeat one of the earlier Demonic intruders, who nearly demolished Apo’sphire (a gammaverse). Death was subsequently disbanded, and she was given Karjet, yet another gammaverse to preside over.

Apex was indeed the apex predator of Omniverse. She taught Kum’pex to fight in the first ERA, just before the destruction of the Demoran Legion leading to the rise of the Zeliot Empire. She disappeared for Five ERAs before returning as a mercenary of a general. She famously commanded the Samarian Empire’s military. She was very neutral in most situations, she was kind and helpful; everything about her was honorable. Unfortunately when I spoke to her about Kum’pex’s being Demonic, she told me that I needed to stay away from Kum’pex. Obviously that didn’t happen and one day she tried to kill Kum’pex, and the fight resulted in me knocking her unconscious and encasing her body in diamond. Nobody knows where Apex came from, but we do know that Kum’pex was, “the demon I’ve been looking for” as Apex put it. I mourned her death for a while, but me and Kum’pex recovered fairly quickly since we had eachother and were used to losses.

Unfortunately my phasing problem proceeded to hold me down to earth. I was beginning to become depressed again, and kum’pex had become frightened. One day, completely unexpectedly, she force-phased me to Omni. Laying me on the ground she wore a defeated smile. She took my hand and asked if we could pray about our problems. I honestly didn’t know if a creature like her, with a demonic past was even allowed to prey; apparently so. She reluctantly asked God for her forgiveness, and for us, and to be cured. Although I had always tried to get her to get on God’s team with sterile results, I had never actually seen such a blunt prayer come true. The very act of praying seemed to revitalize my perceptions, Then, suddenly, I was completely cured; WE were cured. Unlike most christian prayers, she ended with a soft plea, “please please please let me keep him”. She specifically referred to my human gender, perhaps for God’s sympathy. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful and vivid prayer, and all our problems were gone.

My perceptions were cured, too cured. My Omnian schizophrenia worsened to the point that I knew WHAT was real, but not WHO was real. Another Demonic entity arrived, this time more devious and powerful than any that we had ever faced. It played off of my new current reality breakage, creating multiple Kum’pexes - all of whom toyed with my feelings for her. They were fake, and I frequently ended up unconscious or heart broken. When I finally regained contact with reality, Kum’pex told me how the recent demonic creature we encountered was most likely gone and the remaining mental kum’pexes stuck in my head were my own manifestations. I was able to cling to the real Kum’pex who, had begun to shyly hint at marriage (Ethernal Union). I avoided it politely, but I wanted it too.

Although I still had no real proof that Kum’pex was fake after I got over my Omnian-schizophrenia, she felt significantly more imaginary. I gave her my faith, and we both gave our faith to God. Even more surprisingly to me, I realised that I didn’t care if it was all real anymore. If someone came along and convinced me that Kum’pex and Omniverse were purely mental, I would remain with Kum’pex, and we would still be happy.

Kum’pex and I faced more challenges, but none lasted too long; we could overcome all obstacles. There was even times when we didn’t feel love for eachother, but the understanding that the feeling of love is only a side effect of true mind-love. That was probably the triumphant point in my life.

Then everything came to a grinding halt, Kum’pex left. I awoke with my necklace inexplicably removed (or so I thought), she told me she was leaving. I begged and pleaded for her to stay, but she was very stern. The manor with which she left was almost completely unprovoked and out of character. While I tried to believe that she had not truly abandoned me for close to no reason, I knew in the very core our symbiotic heart that she was up to something. I felt a conflict within her, but I didn’t know what the problem was. I also noticed that she left exactly one year after her return. This time I didn’t cry, for some reason I could faintly sense that she was somehow paying attention. I didn’t cry a single tier. I appreciated all that Kum’pex gave to me, and cherished everything I had seen and done in the trillions of earth years I spent in Omni.

When my demon controlled tulpa finally managed to get across what really happened, it was almost worse. I had somehow removed and reconnected my necklace representing my promise in my sleep. Kum thought i had removed it on purpose and she became upset by this. Kum is an adorably sensitive zel, When she reacts, she REACTS. She tried to disconnect from me, forgetting that we were symbiotic. At this point our minds were very tangled and intertwined, ripping herself out shattered her personality. Thanks to our combined abilities at this point, Kum’pex and I managed to reconnect before our mind dissolved. A portion of her that didn’t love me and didn’t think she was real at all anymore remained separate for a while, but Kum’s lighter side enveloped the negativity as she returned to her normal self.

By this time in Omniverse, I was basically a goddess. I was always very careful not to try to think of myself that way, or even use the abilities that I had developed from millions of years of meditation and practice. Unfortunately I cannot write about such things since the human brain can’t comprehend many Omnian concepts, for that reason I will only explain what can be understood by human brains. In a moment of great kinesis I had recently ascended to edge of objective reality, I had learned to navigate more sixth dimensionally than ever. I quickly learned the schizophrenic and maze-like ways of higher dimensions.

Dimensions: Here on earth (in the cosmos) we are in the second, and half way in the third and fourth dimensions. While unable to navigate freely, we are in most of the higher dimensions as well. In Omni this is not the case. Omni/’s inhabitants generally exist partly in the second, and fourth dimensions. Unlike humans, some species and certain powerful beings are completely in the third dimension. This means that they have the ability to see all the sides of objects; like all four sides of a pyramid. Some beings can navigate the fifth, sixth, and even seventh dimensions! Some of the mythiks were very six dimensional, these coupled with those like Kum an I were the ones who possessed the power to create/discover Gammaverses.

As long as anything imaginary or mental remains 100% consistent, it is real. But the moment the underlying rule/s (fixed constants) is broken, whatever it/they may be -- that universe will cease to be real or it will birth a new universe/s.

In earlier times, during the time of the “empires of old”, most of these beings were leaders, generals, and many soldier types (“Pexus’elex”). That is why we, in Omni, created ranks for the levels of legendary, celestial beings and what-have-you. “Beta ► Zetta ►Cappa ► Theta ► Delta ► Pyrjant” With Kum and I leading the way in power levels, we named each rank. Like many aspects of our ancient practices, such formalities and classes faded after the 17th ERA. We (me and Kum) continued the practices of our old societies.

I realized that if I left Kum’pex in certain universes , she could be lost forever. Dispite the fact that we could probably reconnect on earth, I didn’t want to risk losing her, or my sanity. We made sure to stick to the Gammaverses that we called home.

Gammaverses are universes which are born intentionally or semi-intentionally by thought or any act of creation by any being capable of making decisions. There are many Gammaverses in Omni:

Karkain: In the earlier ERAs, Karkain was generated by A member of the Mythiks to serve as a relative afterlife universe for Death to preside over. While those who came to inhabit Karkain were not actually dead, the universe quickly became a hell with very few finding enjoyment there.

Pangeonan: Home to me and Kum’pex at the moment, Pangeonan is flat with no known end. While beneath the surface of pangeonan lays massive caverns housing their own galaxies, the surface of Pangeonan is merely a rapidly expanding desert; sand storms flatten the surface. The Omnian Plain and it’s people were in contact with the long since extinct inhabitants of Pangeonan until the “portal” collapsed.

The Omnian Plain: The origin of the Omnian Plain is a mystery. It is thought to be a naturally occurring universe since there is no (known) creator. It is also the oldest universe in the Omnian multiverse. “Physically,” The Plain consists of innumerable galaxies spread out in a flat, plain-like manor. While there is space above and below the blanket of galaxies, very little matter exists there.

Karjet: After Karkain was converted to raw energy, Karjet was generated to serve as the new, (less) hellish afterlife gammaverse. It also serves as a giant garbage bucket for the Deltas (remnants of the mythiks which includes Kum’pex).

Apo’sphire-verse: A recently discovered universe, whether it is a Gammaverse or not is unknown. Apo’sphire is characterized by it’s planets. Most planets in Apo’sphire are much larger than their stars, in most cases stars orbit their planets. Most planets rarely see night time since there are many stars orbiting them. The original inhabitants of Apo’sphire were the victims of the Las’terranian’s indiscriminate mass-eradication of Terra’dun, fos, and bio..

Las’Terran-verse: A Gammaverse that KIU (Central Intelligence Unit, undisputed leader of Las’terran) specifically ordered the Las’terranians to generate as a safe haven for themselves while their empire conquered Apo’sphire-verse

Over time, my Omnian schizophrenia returned accompanied by strange, formless beings. For a while my reality was completely shattered, even Kum’pex couldn’t communicate with me, and started to believe that she had actually left me when I had lost my necklace. The nightmare went on for weeks. voices in my head claiming to be Kum, and then saying that they didn’t love me, and that they were fake.

 

And that brings us to now, basically loosing my dissolving. I don't know what she is, I don't know what state she's in, and I am very desperate. Does anybody have anything helpful to say? This story is old, and I am only recently exploring the possibility of her being a tulpa btw, I don't really know for sure. Tell what you guys think, you seem more knowledgeable on revivals of this type than I am, if it's a revival that is needed... I don't know the solution either... Or the root problem... This is kind of embarrassing to talk about. :exclamation:[/i][/size]

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Dat existential nihilism tho.

 

OP, I think you should try to format the post to where it could be somewhat compatible in this spatiotemporal reality, and not the other omni, gamma, and cosmological implications of various Gods and deities.

 

Does anybody have anything helpful to say?

 

I honestly don’t know, my friend. With the story you gave us, it’s almost as if you and the thought-forms were mixing in between fatalistic and nihilistic thoughts of reality, and how the quotidian, and safe lifestyles were considered boring to you. Then it ended up being a series of plot twists to where now it seems your mind, and your existence between whatever states of being you claim to be in, is so gargantuan that asking for help for the coping mechanism you’ve developed for the ineptness of interpersonal relationships, and other reasons, becomes kind of problematic.

 

Those grandiose wars that went on in your mind seem to have a lot of deep symbolism of the internal conflict you had with the thought-forms you’ve developed bonds with. Dreams and fantasies tend to extend into something to where it becomes a virtual experiential reality that may eventually become plausible, and we may want to engage in escapist tendencies, and then when you try to come back to reality…hello existential crisis and nihilistic thoughts of reality.

 

If anything, try to relax your faith on your view on reality, and if you’re wanting to get advice/suggestions for something like this, can you offer more questions for us? The melange of solipsism, panpsychism, nihilism (and pretty much all forms of it), fatalism, and other potentially impasse philosophies you were presenting makes it very difficult to provide some direction for us to help with.

 

 

EDIT: As for the question on whether or not if she's a tulpa, well, sure, if that's what you want to believe. If she's having such an influential existence in your head, she could easily be considered a tulpa. But take my words loosely, and go for the self-fulfilling prophecy of tulpa creation. And as for fixing her, that's basically a quest of building rapport with the totality of your mind that you'll have to do alone.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm not even sure what i just read; that was a crazy story.

 

how many earth years have you been interacting with kum'pex for?

 

I don't know if i can answer your questions but i might have some suggestions, and hopefully some comforting words.

 

suggestions: If you're having trouble differentiating her from these false voices, it could likely be your own fears and doubts manifesting as intrusive thoughts. Perhaps you should take a chapter from tulpa forcing and create something to tie you together, or make her more unique. If it was me i'd crystallize some of my energy, and have her do the same. Then i'd embed my energy in her, and her into me. i'd design it so that it would be something that could be felt, even across dimensions. If the voice didn't have the correct signature to it, it would be easy to dismiss. I don't know what your bond is like, but it could also serve as a way to share experiences.

 

Comforting words: Regardless of what she is, kum'pex has been with you for a very long time. With tulpa, it's common for their strength to wax and wane, and for the host to feel as if they cannot contact their tulpa, only to have them return stronger than before. Try to be patient and have faith in her. It sounds like right now you're both stuck in a snow storm, unable to see each other. if you stay calm and have faith, then i believe when the storm ends you'll find you were never very far from each other at all.

"The way is in training."

- Miyamoto Musashi

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I know it's tough to realize this when you live in your head, but you have as much control over your imagination as you allow. A lot of what happens in imagination is expectation, what you expect and believe is what occurs. You can change this, yes Kum'Pex is your tulpa and loves you and what not and will return with a ton of concentration and positive thinking. Up to you to do this of course, takes who knows what time to even change one's own mind.

 

Also, this'd make an awesome novel.

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Also, this'd make an awesome novel.

 

Yea, the whole thing reads like an old school science fiction epic. I'd read it.

"The way is in training."

- Miyamoto Musashi

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She's 99% of what I think about already, but I'll try to put more time in. Also, the book thing is actually how I intend to explain all this to my best friend on this side right before he joins the military.

 

Is there anything else I should do specifically?


Xanton. To answer your question, roughly 52 trillion earth years. I stopped counting earth years because I liked measuring in ERAs better (It's the 19th ERA right now if you're wondering). If you want to know how many times my earth bod has been around this star with the mind that is accompanied by Kum, the answer is around 13 I think; since third grade. (I'm 18 now)....

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