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KM & RD


KruegerMeister

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(edited)

7/17/14: RD used a post-hypnotic suggestion to keep me from moving my injured finger, so that it would heal properly. She said that the safe haven I made for her was similar to a memory palace. I offered to explain tulpas to someone from the MLP tulpa thread. Rainbow Dash was really vocal ( 🙂 ) when I introduced her to the guy. I think I may have parroted her first or second sentences. When I thought about her bringing up a certain person as an example of unrealistic expectations about tulpas, I told her that was mean, and she said, "You're the one thinking it!" When we chatted after that, I think I parroted a lot. Her voice was different. I asked her if I was thinking about the Ted-style fantasy sequences too much, and that's why that stuff happened, and she said that she needed some time alone. She consoled me when I wondered if I'd done something wrong.

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(edited)

7/18/14: RD appeared at the foot of my bed. She said that Tibetan monks came up with the word "tulpamancing", not people on the Internet. I said "I bet you're wrong," and she wagered five bucks. I asked what she could possibly do with money, and she reminded me that there was a food cart in our wonderland.

We talked about worldbuilding, and she said that working on that may have somehow gotten in the way of tulpa stuff/caused yesterday's voice/vocality problems. I accidentally stared at her plot/flank when she flew in front of me. She glared at me over this, and I said that it wasn't my fault FiM's animation team drew her the way they did.

Months ago, I decided to include her in one of my stories, as an amalgam of her Changeling, Alicorn, and Nina-Alexander forms ("The Uncopyrightable"). During dinner today, I started thinking of her Changeling form as a precursor to her Shou form (both came about due to having something--first Deception Is Magic, then Fullmetal Alchemist--stuck in my head), and her Alicorn form (which was a mix of herself and Nightmare Moon) as a precursor to The Uncopyrightable. Logically, the stuff around 1/18/14 is a precursor to the problems that occurred yesterday, which means that they're temporary. I figured that, since RD has so far only possessed my left hand, the bandages or stitches or something act as a sort of "dampener". After the bandages were removed, RD hovered/spread her wings.

 

While walking down to the basement, I saw her spontaneously combust into Lanky!RD and come at me with a kitchen knife. The Lanky!RD attack occurred in the kitchen (in my mind's eye). The entire thing was similar to the scene from Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare where Maggie Burroughs hallucinates John Doe cluing her in to the film's twist (I'm unable to find a link to that scene). I told RD that the “attack” was disconcerting, and she said, "Whatever, let's just watch Hellraiser." She blamed the above crankiness on FiM!Rainbow Dash's love of flying (re: bandages->spread wings). I hugged her upon realizing that her "temporary leave" around 1/18/14 WASN'T a precursor to yesterday's problems. She squirmed, trying to escape the sappiness. To prevent movement of my injured finger, I used self-hypnosis/imposition to apply a mental splint. When I noticed that my bandaged hand had pretty much been stuck making the sign of the cross, RD joked about me...being Jesus, or something. I told her that that was probably not an okay joke. She pointed out my hypocrisy when I, rereading the MLP tulpa forum to get an idea of when her "temporary leave" occurred (because I'm too lazy to reread my PR log), laughed at the idea of someone counting how many "stupid questions" they ask. She laughed at my having misspelled "occurred" for the millionth time. She said that the attitude that brought that on is just a phase.

 

[i...didn't really say that.]

 

You said it in Tulpish (communicating though images, thoughts, or other not-mindvoice things).

 

When I sort-of-desperately searched for my antibiotics, RD jokingly compared me to ApplePills (from the "Elements of Insanity" Garry's Mod series of Youtube videos). I noticed an odd coincidence: FiM!Rainbow Dash places a lot of value on her wings, and RD's former Chimera and Lanky forms were all wingless. I thought about telling my New Ager friend about the "precursor" stuff (the friend had told me that she often has premonitions), but then I realized that I'd have to reveal Rainbow Dash to her; RD implied that my friend would understand, being into New Age stuff. I saw a small eye floater while talking to RD before bed.

Edited by KruegerMeister
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(edited)

7/19/14: I asked a doctor about the eye floater, and he said it wasn't anything to worry about. RD said "told you so", even though she never actually told me so. She said she told me in Tulpish, and I called her bluff. When I read about the Venom Symbiote (from Spider-Man) she made a funny face featuring lots of fangs and a really long tongue. I thought about whether I should log EVERYthing we did today, at the risk of including details that, while providing context to the things I write, could be used to find out my personal info. RD said that I should play it safe in Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy's voices. When I asked why she didn't use Twilight's voice, she got a bit mad/annoyed about the hypnosis file.

 

I once talked to a stranger online, hiding this from my parents. When I thought about how my parents would see similarities between that, and my hidden life as a Tulpamancer, I wondered if it would be better to risk them assuming things when they eventually find out, or come clean sooner and risk being sent to the loony bin. RD said that they'd never know. I said that "never" is an absolute, and those are rarely correct/accurate.

Edited by KruegerMeister
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7/20/14: RD and I talked about how, if alters have a host personality's best interests in mind, repressing a memory seems counterintuitive (you can't get past a trauma you can't remember). I thought about how great it'll be when my stitches come out, and saw RD in my mind's eye. At first, she unfurled her wings as a normal, Flash-animated Pegasus, but then she unfurled her wings as a lanky, Flash-animated, close-to-human-sized Alicorn. She told me that the shrinking of our wonderland was likely due to my subconscious realizing that there were very few inhabitants for such a large place. I brought up the food service servitors manning/ponying Sugarcube Corner and the foodcart, and RD questioned why there was a foodcart right outside a bakery. On a whim, I tried to astral project. I saw a hallucinatory version of myself connected to my body by a cord. I drew this version of me back into my physical body. I asked RD if she thought astral projecting was a bad idea (as in "demon attacks, cutting the silver cord"), and she replied by saying that it was purely psychological.

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I don't know about repressing memories. I was clinically depressed for around eight years. Now, I like to think that I'm over it. I live a pretty functional life, hold a job, relate well with people and all. But I think I still have those issues -- there are certain things that I'll get very upset if I think about. The difference is that these days, I don't spend all day thinking about them. I've learned that thinking about them is painful, so I just don't do it.

 

I don't know if that's a good thing, but makes life much more enjoyable.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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It sounds like she's quite independant and you're very good at visualization. Astral projection is something I tried when I was younger, but never had much success with. I don't think it's dangerous -- at least that's what I've always been told -- but for me, it was very difficult, up until I started living in a commune. You sound like you're pretty much there though. I say go ahead and give it a try.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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(edited)

Does it have any real-world applications (such as inspiration for art, music, etc.)? What's a commune?


7/21/14: I read that one of the signs of being in love is that you overlook your beloved's flaws. I asked RD if she had any negative traits, and she said that she can't interact with the physical world. I brought up possession, and she reminded me that we can only do that with my left arm. I planned to start a debate with my friend today (with the goal of dispelling my friend's misconceptions about Furries). After imagining RD possessing me and starting the debate for me, several times, I started the debate myself. She consoled me when I broke down after realizing that I was ill-prepared for the debate. Fortunately, my friend said she was open to hearing me out.


7/22/14: I thought about dedicating a book to RD, giving her the alias "Rebecca Thorne". She asked if "Thorne" referred to my childhood imaginary friend, and I said that it referred to Atticus Thorn from the "Haunted Mansion" video game. She asked what the fact that he's the game's villain says about her. I said that he was just a villain I thought was cool.

Edited by KruegerMeister
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Definitely as inspiration, potentially for other things too. Some people say they use it for healing or for obtaining information.

 

A commune is a small community where everybody works together. We had about 150 to 200 people, and I worked in the kitchen, cooking and serving food for everyone. Other people worked in maintenance or gardening, or actually making money for us. I think it had that effect on me though because we did group meditation and stuff like that so often. It was pretty much an everyday occurrence.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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(edited)

7/23/14: I asked RD if she wanted to do the Walter Mitty Routine in the film "Coherence". She said that the sets were too small, though she briefly appeared in the blurry background of one scene.

While Googling "in love with tulpa" I wondered if there was a difference between (lewd)

us having sex in our wonderland and me fantasizing about her

. She said that there wasn't. When I read "they kinda make the tulpa love him in a way or another, by subconsciously thinking of it" on a page on tulpa.info, I freaked about brainwashing, and RD calmed me down. When I almost eavesdropped on my friends, RD said "Haters gonna hate, Pet." The nickname's how I knew she was being serious (she calls me "Pet", I call her "Dashie"). When I thought I heard one of my friends being emotional, RD said that I was just hearing things. She reminded me that she hated the nickname "Dashie", and I said that that's why I use it in the aforementioned context (it's sort of like when an angry parent calls their child by their full name, only with the connotation of "I'm trying to get my point across to you" instead of "you're in trouble").

Edited by KruegerMeister
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