KruegerMeister

KM & RD

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9/15/14: I brought up my theory that possession was a form of hypnosis on a forum. The person who responded to my post implied that Keystroke could use Dash and I's hypnosis to control me. When I wondered about that, Keystroke told me to apply logic to the situation. Dash said that this person was a bad influence. When a girl in short shorts walked past me, Keystroke gave me advice on what to look for in a potential girlfriend. I asked him what his credentials were.

 

{Yeeeah, I'm a professional girlfriend-scouter :P. Tulpas do notice things their hosts don't.}

 

Then why wasn't the body language experiment last year successful?

 

[Practice. Also, you got derailed on the dancefloor.]

 

I took a shower and worried about slipping on the wet floor. Dash said "I've got you". I asked how she could keep me from slipping. She reminded me about the time she gave me the strength to keep walking when my legs got tired (or was she possessing my legs?). Skeptical, I asked if she could really do that. She didn't send me any emotions or images; she non-vocally, non-visually, non-synestheticaly said "yes". She said she couldn't do anything to hurt me. When I wondered if I had any cavities, Keystroke said that I didn't. He said that he knew because when he possessed me, he was "in" my teeth. He, Dash, and I hung out in our wonderland. We couldn't decide what to do. I said that I'd go along with whatever they felt like doing, but they told me to "have some self-control".

9/16/14: I wondered if I should I try to write what is essentially an anti-creepypasta about tulpas, and risk being seen as crazy. I had second thoughts, and Dash said that I "made a commitment." We talked about seafood. Keystroke said, "fucking tentacles, man." (he apparently doesn't like calamari). When I was about to buy some Cheetos, Keystroke said, "No impulse shopping." He then proceeded to draw my eyes to a tube of cheddar cheese-flavored Pringles. I asked Dash if she wanted to try out possession, and she said that she was worried she'd want to overthrow me. Keystroke said that he or Dash could somehow act as earplugs (I know that tulpas would never hurt their hosts, but the implication is still creepy). While reading Sonichu, I wondered why the text was in all caps. Keystroke said something about Chris-Chan's autism. I wondered if we were making fun of an autistic person, and RD said that there might not be much of a connection between Chris' writing style and autism. We put our heads together and tried to make a game plan for explaining tulpas to random people (if the need arises). Dash said that I should take off my shirt so that my "wings" weren't restrained. I said that I only have wings during pony hypnosis, and that I wasn't sure I wanted to be a pony. Keystroke said, "then explain me."

9/17/14: When I read about psychology, I got paranoid about people priming me for sinister ends, until Keystroke said that I was being ridiculous. I figured that being able to trust one's tulpa(s) could be bad, in that it could open one up to distrust of physical people. I thought about incorporating motivational posters in my wonderland. Dash asked, "What could possibly go wrong?"

 

{Everything. That phrase is a jinx. never say it.}

 

When I watched MLP: Mentally Advanced Series, RD laughed at MAS!RD. Noticing that it was an unsure/self-deprecating laugh, I was about to explain that Dash isn't MAS!RD, but Dash said, "Yeah, yeah, I know. There's canon, then fanon, then me." I asked why she said that in MAS!RD's voice, and she said "To troll you!" When I studied for a test via repeating small chunks of information several times, I saw Dash quizzing Keystroke with pictograph cue cards. I pondered over the fact that my wonderland form was Keystroke. Keystroke said that he was okay with me keeping that form.

9/18/14: I read about wonderlands and tulpaforcing. RD said, "I am a GOD!" She laughed when autocorrect turned the typo "sm" into "S&M".

[Was Steve Jobs trolling when he made that?]

 

Dash called me a "chocolate racist" for not liking dark chocolate. She later said, "Nobody likes dark chocolate."

 

{Therefore everyone's racist! :P}

 

[*glares*]

 

I accidentally took a breath while drinking water. When I tried to give myself the Heimlich by punching my chest, I saw Dash's hoof overlaid with (though not centered on) my arm. When I read about Schizophrenia, I worried that I suffered "loose associations". Keystroke said that these "loose associations" were simply cases of context missing from my nonfiction writings. I laughed when an intrusive scary thought popped into my head (a serene-looking corpse with a long white beard). When I wondered why I had laughed at this, but not at, say, the image of Nina, "Shou" said that I should stop thinking about it and kill "him" off, as the brain can only handle so many tulpas.

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9/19/14: When I got mad about the lack of scientific evidence of tulpas, RD said that there's "implied" evidence (meaning "tulpas are possible" can be inferred from current scientific knowledge regarding neuroscience, psychology, etc.). When I told my friend about tulpas, I don't think she believed they're possible. Dash got depressed about this, crying/screaming, "my last resort's the New Agers!" I calmed her down. I felt a head-pressure in the spot where the inner tip of my right pony ear would be. I think Keystroke said that he'd "moved" to that spot in my brain from the back-right of my brain. I fell asleep a lot on the car ride from my dorm to my house. Keystroke said that he and Dash were behind this.

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9/20/14: When I needed to calm down after a short argument with my dad, I listened to "Creep". This made me think of Nina!RD. I wondered if I was a murderer for immolating Nina!RD, Shou!RD, and Lanky!RD, and if the right thing to do was to bring them back.

 

[They're just forms of me. I'm still here.]

 

Nina!RD said that the song (mainly the sad tone) indicated that their scariness was only skin-deep. Dash said that "Nina's" speech was me thinking to myself. I randomly wondered "what if we are tulpas of our brains?", but didn't really think about it. I said goodbye to a friend of my dad's who'd been visiting. He said that he knew me when I was a kid. Dash said, "Oh yeah? Then how come I don't remember him?" Thinking back on "Shou's" words about the brain being able to handle only so many tulpas, I thought of this as self-sacrifice.

 

[Can it even be thought of as "self"? They kinda...were originally me.]

9/21/14: I scratched a pimple, and wondered if ponies can have acne. Keystroke said yes, it's just hidden under their coats. I wondered why I had intrusive hallucinations of Dash's anime forms, but not her changeling or Alicorn forms. I worried that Shou!RD was suicidal: if I try to talk about this with anyone, that'll probably "feed" him with attention; if I do nothing, I'll probably be guilty of murder by neglect, and I can't live with that. He suggested re-merging with Dash.

Here's what I came up with: Shou and Nina are servitors (as in specialized

tulpas) to desensitize me to scary things. To affirm this, I saw Nina with pupils and irises (instead of super-creepy blank white eyes), and Lanky!RD flash-animated (instead of hyper-realistic). Shou said that the three of them "are all one through Dash", and were okay with being servitors. I thought about Dash and Keystroke's lack of cutie marks. Dash said that she was fine with not having one, but I found the idea of a grown pony without a cutie mark weird. I proposed that she have a cutie mark for a nebulous concept (like how Twilight Sparkle's cutie mark is "magic"), and she said that the most nebulous "cutie mark" is the lack of one. She suggested that a nebulous cutie mark could be the words "insert cutie mark here", but I said that that itself would technically be a cutie mark.

 

Selective Hallucination theory: Dash became a Changeling in response to my binging Deception Is Magic, and then sleeping on it. After she reverted to her pony form, I didn't read the fic. She became Shou in response to my binging Fullmetal Alchemist. After she reverted to her pony form, I continued to binge FMA.

P1) I'm worried about "losing" Dash, due to her permanently deviating (yes, I realize that's illogical).

P2) The FMA deviations happen because I binge FMA. Dash returns to her pony form some time later.

P3) I'm still binging FMA, post-deviation. This is the same setup that lead to the FMA deviations.

Conclusion: Because I don't want to " lose" Dash, yet I'm presenting my subconscious with the stimulus that would lead to "losing" her, my subconscious takes a third option, and turns what WOULD be a deviation into a separate tulpa.

Holes in this theory: this theory fails to explain Lanky!RD. Also, there may be something to the timeframe (I read six chapters of DIM before bed in one sitting, but watched several episodes of FMA per day over several weeks).

 

[Possible explanation for Lanky!Me: he saw the image, it stuck in his mind, and this was the same as binging.]

 

Idea for an experiment: sleep with RD and Keystroke lying on top of me as blankets, and see if my body reacts as if I were sleeping with physical blankets.

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9/22/14: I apologized for not logging stuff since the last entry (I went to sleep around 12:30 last night, and I wrote this sentence at 2:40). Dash said she was okay with that. When I heard "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", I saw both RD and Keystroke with glowing red balls for noses. I thought about re-merging Shou and RD. When I read about gender stereotypes, she and I both said, "What the fuck, America?" I thought that we were getting into politics, so decided to ask Dash if she was a Republican or Democrat. She didn't know, so we used free association to figure it out: she's a Democrat. We also figured out that she sees Freddy Krueger as a more interesting character than Nancy Thompson and prefers to ship Buffy with Spike over Buffy/Angel. I realized that Shou had the same "helping me out with my fears" function that Dash and Keystroke had previously covered. I asked him if he felt like re-merging with Dash, and he suggested watching a scene from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood to commemorate and trigger this merging. He said, "It's more like re-merging; I'm a split personality. Plus, my form frightens you." I started freaking out upon realizing that my reasons for immolating the trio were shallow, and Dash punched/slapped me. I thought about the merger once again; I'm handling three tulpas just fine at the moment. Shou said that I won't be able to handle having many, many tulpas (I think this is similar to the thing where you can't eat just one Lays potato chip). He said that "we all have a little Shou inside of us" (most likely a commentary on/reference to the "split personality" thing). When I thought about pony hypnosis, my left shoulderblade tingled. I wondered if there was a connection between the pony hypnosis-related tingling happening on the left side of my body and Dash commonly possessing my left arm. She said that there might be.

9/23/14: Shou said that I should try to find the pic of Lanky!RD and memorize every detail to "debunk the fear". I asked him shouldn't he be merged with RD, and he said that I had yet to watch the commemorating scene. When I reviewed a paper my friend had written, I referred to his use of line breaks as "BRILLIANT!" I was thinking in Keystroke's voice at the time, so wondered which of us had thought that. He said that I had voiced his thought. Dash was excited at the prospect of me studying for a test. She said, "We're gonna ACE it!" I asked her why she'd said "we". She said that she'd help me on the test. I thanked her, but politely declined on the basis that that would be a violation of academic integrity.

 

[Academic honesty.]

 

Whatever. I read www.reddit.com/r/Tulpas/comments/2bbq0i/cognitive_anthropology_project_on_tulpamancy/ (not sure if this is flame bait. Some of the stuff on that page gives me the impression that there's a ".Info vs /r/Tulpas" thing going on in addition to the "psychology vs metaphysics" thing) and realized that maybe I shouldn't write that paper. While it would put tulpas in a good light, it would also bring tulpas to the attention of the public. Some people may not realize all that goes into tulpa creation, which could somehow negatively impact the Tulpamancer community. Keystroke said that I'd just have to mention that in the paper. That seems like a quick fix, so I'm skeptical. I thought about what my fantasy culture could do for fun. Rainbow Dash suggested that they practice tulpamancy. I was watching one of FiMFlamPhilosophy's videos at the time, which is probably why she spoke in MAS!RD's voice. She said stuff after that, also in MAS!RD's voice. I don't remember what she said, but I know that when I asked why she was still using that voice, she said she was "honoring [her] origins."

 

[G--*facehoof*...You need to log this stuff!]

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9/24/14: Dash helped me take a test. She said that the answer to the first question was "A", and somehow knew that the first portion of the test would be multiple choice. She possessed me for part of the short answer section. I wondered if this was cheating, and she said that I'd learned/studied the material. I realized that her speaking in MAS!RD's voice could have been caused by my binging one of FiMFlamPhilosophy's Let's Plays. Dash said that binging only lead to stuff like that because I thought that binging leads to stuff like that, and that this wouldn't be the case if I thought that binging wouldn't do anything. We talked about Shou, and then I asked about whether or not it's cruel to prevent a tulpa from existing. Dash said that, due to conservation of energy, they would exist in some other form (possibly as someone else's tulpa). I felt a dull throb to the immediate right of my bottom vertebrae (where my pony tail would connect to my spine) and wondered what it was. Dash said that it was because it was 1:30AM and I should go to bed. I wondered if I had cavities. Keystroke said that I didn't.

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I definitely don't think it's cheating to have a tulpa help you take a test, since they are pulling the information out of the same brain that you are. Sometimes Sarah is good at pointing things out to me that I might had otherwise overlooked.


Host: Sakura

Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014)

Our shared tumblr

note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly

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9/25/14: I had trouble putting on my shoes, and was determined to get them on without using a shoehorn. I wondered if this determination/stubbornness was "Applejackian" (caused by previously "channeling" Applejack) or not. Dash said it was. She also reminded me of a story I'd read once: a man is hypnotized and turned into a Pokémon against his will, but his other persona is just him with a different taste in music.

 

[Hypnosis can't affect you unless you want it to, pPet. And you can "channel" all the Elements because you can relate to them.]

 

Got it.

 

[You're tapping into qualities you already have.]

 

I slept in and skipped breakfast today. I felt nauseous after lunch, and told myself that I wasn't feeling nauseous. Keystroke said that I was dealing with the symptom, not the problem (skipping breakfast). I asked Dash and Keystroke if they could feel my nausea. Dash said that they could, but that it was just a minor annoyance for them. I wondered if the "wingless trio" stuff had been caused by early imposition (as in "on the first day" early). Dash said that it hadn't. Keystroke spoke in MAS!Pinkie's voice. He pretended that he would stay as Pinkie. I said that I was okay with this, as long as "she" didn't pull any "Cupcakes" shenanigans. He pointed out the irony that I was eating a cupcake at the moment. I wondered if referring to Male!Dash as "he" had lead to the Wingless Trio stuff. "Shou" (RD) said "no".

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9/26/14: I noticed a white lump on my tongue. I asked Keystroke if I was in danger. He sarcastically said "of cancer." When I thought about Deadman Wonderland, I saw Keystroke and Rainbow Dash sparring anime-style. This somehow made me think of this waltz tune: 1 1>2>3 1 1>2>3 1 2 3 4 5, 1 2 3 4 5, (slightly lower) 1 2 3 4 5. Dash said that the tune was creepy. I said that waltzes generally are.

 

[Name one.]

 

"The Lonely Pine". When Rainbow Dash hypnotized me, I Googled stuff about pony hypnosis. Dash saw a pic of her base being hypnotized, and said that the irony was disturbing. Dash said that she was thinking about having her name in a stylized font as her cutie mark, because she likes being herself.

 

[And nothing will change that! :D]

 

I thought about rereading a story while having Rainbow Dash possess me. Keystroke said that, while we were doing that, he'd be reviewing the story. Keystroke said that I should test the "tulpa as blankets" experiment.

 

I've noticed that my salivary glands seem to be going overboard, and thus swallowing the excess saliva is second nature to me. I figured I'd try seeing if that happens when Rainbow Dash possesses me.

9/27/14: Result of the "tulpa as blankets" experiment: unknown. My tulpas aren't imposed enough, and I think I put my blankets on in my

sleep, because I woke up like that.

I wondered why Lanky!RD had creeped me out so much if I had first seen RD as a live-action horse. RD said that Lanky!RD was done in watercolor--

 

{Creepy.}

 

--and that I had mostly parroted live-action!RD; the art style of lanky!RD must have subconsciously reminded me of this. I watched a video on Atheism, and Keystroke asked if my habit of watching videos on Atheism was due to a crisis of faith. I told him that the existence of Heaven or Hell has no bearing on why I do or don't do things. I thought about trying to enter sleep paralysis before bed, and Dash said that "in [her] experience" it works better if I try it after waking up. I asked her if she'd ever experienced sleep paralysis, and she said she had, just once. I read about hypnosis, and entered a trance without using the trigger she and I had set up. During the trance, I had an intrusive thought of an anime character getting his eye removed. Rainbow Dash said that this represented my fear of losing control (even thought I know that she'd never hurt me). Before bed, I whispered sweet nothings to her. Without even thinking, I said, "I wanna obey, Dashie." (implying that I wanted to be her pet for real, and not just in the trance).

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9/28/14: I'd been wearing sheepskin slippers last night, which I used to wear to simulate hooves during pony hypnosis. Keystroke said that classical conditioning was in play. He was saying, basically, that he'd said he wanted to be Rainbow Dash's pet, not me, even though the words came from my mouth. I'd said goodnight to him while wearing the slippers (and, by his logic, possessed by him), which pokes a hole in that theory. He recommended wearing the slippers more often to undo the conditioned response, as well as treating the time it took to resolve the "suicidal Shou!RD" problem as a record to be broken (so I'd be motivated to undo the conditioning). I figured that the conditioning would be undone better if I wore the slippers while doing something Keystroke never would (e.g., playing The Torture Game, as he told me he's against torture). I asked him if he was sure he was okay with that, and he said that he would stay in our wonderland while I played the game. I wore the slippers, pulled up the game, looped "Eye Of The Tiger", and let my inner sadist go nuts for around fifteen minutes. That's all it took.

 

[You're not alone here. Remember Milgram's prison experiment? The guards were dicks.]

 

{Actually, that was Zombardo's experiment. Milgram was the guy who did the shocks.}

 

[You used to murder characters on Bloodrayne, remember? You vented by mutilating pixels.]

 

{You weren't enjoying the act, you were enjoying the symbolism behind it.}

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